Want You to Want Me

"Please sir?" I asked. "You'll fuck me right?" He sighed.

"Someday I'll explain to you that you don't get to bat your eyelashes and say please sir and get everything you want handed to you."

"Ok, looking forward to it." I smiled. "In the meantime... you'll fuck me right? Sir? Please? I need you so bad."

"You're gonna work for it." He said. "Ride me. Make it good." He gestured to his bedside table and I helped myself.

He watched me as I fingered myself, after deftly rolling a condom over his dick with my mouth. He was watching lazily, not saying anything, but he reached out and touched my body as I prepared myself, moaning slightly.

"Mine." He said quietly. I paused and looked at him.

"Yours, sir." He smiled.

"Good boy. Get that pussy nice and wet for me." My cheeks heated up. I guess I prefer hole, because I like being a man, and I don't like being forced to pretend to be something I'm not. But I actually didn't mind Everett saying pussy. It was so delightfully degrading coming from him.

"Oh..." I realised I was having a little tooo much fun playing with myself and embracing my degradation. I blinked my eyes open, and Everett was gazing at me with his steely expression.

"When you're quite finished, pet." He teased. I blushed and knelt over him, lowering myself slowly. His hands drifted up automatically to grip my hips as I lowered myself down. "Slower." He told me. I moaned. He was breaching me, but slowing now was tense and painful, not least on my thighs. He must have noticed that because grunted. "Pet, you really are fucking gorgeous." He said. "Fucking hell, Ihaka. With a body like this I have no idea why you aren't naked all the time."

"I've tried, kept getting fines." I said through gritted teeth. "And you know, scares the children."

"You can move." He said, squeezing my hips. "Just real slow, pet."

"Yes sir." I sighed. I obeyed him, sliding down and moaning as he filled me, and slowly rising again. My legs were on fire.

"That's it pet." He said. Damn. My muscles were gonna ache tomorrow. He kept me moving torturously slow, praising my body- telling me how hot my pecs were when they jiggled, and how pretty my face was when I went all pink like this, and how much he loved my pussy... and I moaned, shaking and slipping into horny stupid mode as he spoke. "Now, ride me, pet." He muttered.

"Thank you sir." I moaned. Well, it wouldn't help my legs. But I rode him, managing it, barely, as he caressed me and managed to keep saying filthy things while I panted. I always feel so damn slutty and exposed when I ride a guy like that. He was eying ne up as my pecs bounced, and my cock jutted out hard, and my muscles tensed up.... Mmmm. I bit the inside of my lip. When you ride a guy you get the right spot every time because you're in control. And I... probably should have been paying less attention to myself.

"What's wrong, pet?" Everett asked gently as I paused and slowed down. I looked at him guiltily and shook my head. "Oooh. I see." He chuckled. "No fucking stamina at all, right pet?"

"Not really, sir." I moaned. "Sorry."

"Keep holding it." He said. "But keep moving, pet." I whined and jiggled up and down, gyrating my hips and trying to get him off the way he was getting me off. But he just felt sooo good. I felt so owned. He wasn't helping me much, but when he did move his hips to thrust it was always... bone shatteringly perfect.

"Oh... sir..." I gasped.

"Hold it." He dug his nails into my waist. I closed my eyes. I'm so bad at this. Ugh, I should really practice holding back. I whimpered and let him move me, his hands basically forcing me up and down now, because my legs were shaking too much.

"Please sir." I sobbed. "I..."

"Oh, pet." He sighed. "You're hopeless. Cum for me boy. That's a good boy." He crooned and I moved my hand to my dick, to catch the cum that he was fucking right out of me. I moaned, and shuddered, giving him a real show of the mind melting orgasm he gave me. I panted as my ass finished flexing around him, and I knelt up a little, and licked the cum off my hand. He stopped me, and pulled my hand towards him, and he met my eye as he popped one of my fingers in his mouth and slowly withdrew it. His eyes twinkled as he released me and let me finish cleaning myself up. His hips were still rolling, and my ass could take more- not that I could be very skilled about it but I would take it.

"Where do you want my load, pet?" He asked, rocking against me.

"My face." I said quickly.

"You want my big load all over your pretty face? Want me to remind you of your place here? What you are to me?"

"Please sir."

"And what are you?" He slipped out and threw the condom away, jerking his dick furiously as I knelt down to eyeline with it.

"A cumrag sir?"

"Prettiest cumrag I've ever seen." He moaned as he played with himself. "Oh shit. Take it pet, fuck yeah, oh fuck, take this big fucking load..." I moaned as his hot cum splashed over my face in big thick spurts. I closed my eyes, welcoming it. He moaned and wiped his dick off on my forehead, shaking it out so the last few drops hit me. I moaned and let it sit there for a second, half wanting to leave it to dry, so I could look at my depraved self in the mirror. But I scooped it up and ate it, savouring his taste. He really did taste good. Like, even for cum.

I let my head fall to Everett 's chest and we lay, cradling each other. I guess that was just what we did. So intimate. I wondered why I'd never welcomed this before? Well. I never had a guy like this before. My mind wandered as he stroked my hair.

"What's Dom drop like?" I asked. "Sorry." I winced. "You probably don't..."

"That's okay." He stopped me. "Actually I really like talking things through."

"Oh, sorry." I winced at myself. Because I never asked him much about how he felt. Well. I could ask now. "Um... are you... ok?"

"Oh, yeah. I never drop with you." He sat up a little and I moved to look at him.

"Cos I'm THAT great." I joked.

"Probably because you're not a real sub." He said. I pouted.

"What?! Yes I am!"

"You're submissive." He corrected me. "But come on, you're a demanding little shit."

"I am not!"

"And you argue with me all the time."

"I do not!" I blushed as I had to concede the point. I shook my head. "So... what's it like?" I changed the subject.

"Awful." He sighed. "I just feel... like. Empty and sad. Like a big void in me, that I know I can't fill. Powerless. And I hate myself. I hate that I get off on hurting people."

"But... I like it. Subs like it." He sighed and stroked my back.

"Yeah but it's not rational, is it? The... blackness. You could tell me a thousand times you like it but it still scares me that I like it. I think it's fucked up. I think I'll never meet someone normal who likes me. And if I do I'll fuck it up. I'm scared I'll never have children because I'm scared I'll hit them. I'm scared I'll marry someone who's scared of me, and I'd rather be alone. But I'm scared of being alone, I'm scared of not making enough money to survive. I'm scared everyone will leave me, and I'll end up homeless, alone, unloved." I held him close and kissed his chest.

"Point a.... Doesn't really lead to point q there." I told him. "But I guess you know that's not rational."

"A little rational." He said. "I can't exactly afford to live on my own, and I can't flat forever. And I really do want kids."

"So don't date anyone vanilla." I smiled. "Date a masochist who wants kids."

"I'll keep my eye out." He sighed. "But what if I... do. Hurt my kids I mean."

"You won't." I said. "You're not like that."

"I'm worried it's genetic." He grunted. Oooh. Turning point. I felt very uncomfortable.

"It's probably the opposite." I said slowly. "My parents are great, because they learnt everything not to do from theirs. And they have lots of clases now. It's not like the 50s where she shits out a baby and you don't know what to do so you ignore it for 18 years and kick it out." I squeezed him. "I actually think you'll be a great dad. You're patient and smart, and you listen well, and you adapt to people."

"I can't believe anything you say." He smiled at me. "You hate me." I rolled my eyes.

"I think we're beyond that." He smiled and ran his fingers through my hair.

"What's it like for you?" He asked. "Sub drop. Unless you don't want to talk about it" I shrugged.

"No, I don't get it." I told him. "It's either a great time with great sex and then I feel great, or a shit time with a shit guy and it's not like you drop, it's just shit, but drinking and study distracts me."

"Hmm." He grunted. "Well sorry about the shit guys."

"They come and go." I shrugged. "You get a lot of Doms who just want to throw you round and be a jerk about it. It's par for the course." He frowned and looked at me.

"Don't put up with it." He told me. "They're not worth it."

"It's really fine." I said. "It's just like that. And I'm not worth much, so I take what I can get." His brow furrowed and he sighed deeply.

"You're worth a lot more than 'take what you can get'." He said. "Everyone is. But especially you. You're too hot, for one thing, to take any crap. And for another, you're too smart. And any Dom worth his salt would see how sweet and into it you are. He shouldn't make you feel like shit. You're a treasure." I laughed to hide the horrible melting feelings in my stomach. It was too kind of him. And he should really stop talking because after a lot of unkindness I guess I couldn't separate just being nice to me from falling for him. He yawned and glanced at his phone and winced. "Ugh, It's 3am." He said. "I think you should stay over. But I'll call you an uber if you want."

"Oh I can just walk home." I said quickly. "The walk's good." Everett bit his lip.

"Uh... no nasty guys hitting on you at bars would be hiding in the bushes would they?" I shuddered. Not beyond the realm of possibility, but very unlikely. But it did make the walk home feel a little less comfortable. I don't like feeling like I had to look over my shoulder.

"Na." I said, trying to sound steady. "I'm ok."

"Ok." He said. "Although I'd feel better if you stayed." I sat up and stretched out. Staying the night wasn't a huuuge thing, was it? And it was 3am, so not much of the night left anyway.

"Where do you make your subs sleep?" I asked. "The floor?"

"I make them sleep in my arms." He said with a smile. "Only you'll probably be too hot for me. It's a big bed though." I smiled and started to rearrange myself, and he got the lamp next to his bed and we settled in, comfortably lying next to each other, barely touching. "Night, Ihaka." He said.

"Night." I yawned. And I fell asleep in seconds.

--

When I woke up I rolled over, seeking his warmth and realised he must have pretty much just got up, because the bed was warm, but he wasn't there. I sighed and hauled myself out of bed, grabbing his dressing gown and heading out to find him, and hopefully coffee.

Only I'm thick. We had the house to ourselves last night so I guess I'd forgotten that wasn't a permanent thing. His flat mate Hayden almost ran into me in the corridor and blinked at me as I blushed red and tied the robe tighter.

"Hey?" He frowned at me. "What are you doing here?"

"Got majorly wasted at Cassie's gig last night." I stammered for the lie. "We came for a nightcap here and I guess I... crashed."

"Oh ok." He shook his head and yawned and we both walked to the kitchen. I hope my face wasn't quite as on fire as it felt like it was. I smiled as we entered the kitchen, where Everett was making eggs. The smile lasted half a second because he had also apparently forgotten he had flatmates and called to me over his shoulder.

"Morning honey. Mind pouring the jug?"

"Which one of us is honey?" Hayden snorted, and Everett turned around, about as red as I felt, and his eyes drifted over us. There was half a second of awkwardness as Hayden laughed and I quickly caught his laughter.

"Presumably me, dickhead." I scowled at Everett. "Thanks for letting me crash after I totalled myself." I quickly informed him. He rolled his eyes at me.

"I didn't have much of a choice." He grunted. "Next time you want to drink your weight in shots can you please consider literally anywhere else?"

"Oh, he's grouchy in the morning." I turned to Hayden with a smile. "Gah, how do you live with it?" Hayden laughed.

"He makes us coffee." He said, pouring the jug and grabbing three mugs. I caught Everett's eye and he looked like he was about to stab something. I sighed and shook my head. Oh well. Three of us this morning I guess. I settled in and Hayden asked me about the gig while I gulped down coffee and thought about my lectures for the day. He didn't seem to want to leave anytime soon and I had a class I needed to get to so I mumbled some thanks for the company and got back into my clothes from last night before heading out. Everett only grunted a goodbye, but that was fair. He texted me almost immediately.

Getting grilled.

So shut your big mouth and don't call me honey in front of your flatmates?

Getting grilled as to why you crashed naked, actually. Put some fucking clothes on before wandering around my flat?

Oop. Sorry.

He never texted back, and I hope he found some magical get out of jail free card, because I was exhausted and I couldn't think of a single reason I'd be naked, actually. Well. Aside from the obvious.

He didn't text all day after that, but we didn't text often, so that wasn't weird. When I got home I immediately went to have a wank and remembered he'd never actually told me I could stop asking. Which I guess meant... I was still asking. I sighed.

Hey?

Hey! Still on for the weekend?

I smiled. I guess I'd had a niggle I hadn't addressed in the back of my head that he'd be mad at me. But it looked like I was off the hook.

Wouldn't miss it

I booked a hotel in Greytown. Meet me at the train station at 5 on Friday.

I felt tingly all over. Oh man. I had to do something about that.

Ok, well, on that note... please sir, I'm so horny... can I please jerk off?

Yes. But thank me after.

Thank you sir.

I thought of him the whole time, and all the amazing plans he had for the weekend, and it was with a real gratefulness in my heart that I texted my thanks when I came.

I went to make a sandwich and grunted at the guys playing x box, and Casper gave me a little look over. I know the look, just checking I was ok. Which I was. I crashed next to him and he glanced at me.

"You tell him how you feel?" He asked. I winced.

"Oh lay off."

"Seriously dude." He said. "Tell him."

"New guy?" Jensen asked.

"Yeah." I said. "Caught feelings. He's taking me away for the weekend."

"So he has feelings too." He smiled at me. "Nice. Bout time you started dating again." I winced.

"Uh... we're not... dating..." I explained. "And... taking me away actually still doesn't help."

"Tell him before you go away." Casper said firmly.

"And if he dumps me?"

"Better now than when you're away and accidentally spurt out 'I love you' and have to get a taxi home." He grinned. "Dare you, coward." I sighed.

I didn't want to lose him. But it wasn't really fair to crush on him. And if he did find someone in class or whatever who wanted kids and all that... I'd be gutted. But I wouldn't have a leg to stand on because I never told him I wanted that. I mean, not NOW. But I could still see it.

And I really did like him. And I wanted to stay over more, or have him at mine. And I wanted to kiss goodbye when we separated. I only wanted it if he wanted it but I didn't know... I mean he really liked me. Obviously. But I don't know where playing stopped for him and real genuine affection started. I didn't know if he would want that. I'd never asked.

---

"Just the man!" I smiled at him as he approached me in the line for coffee. He smiled and whipped out his wallet, but he was too late. The barista had seen us coming and I was already paying. He punched my shoulder lightly.

"Thanks." He said, begrudgingly.

"I wanted to talk to you." I said as we waited for them. "Let's sit down."

"Sure." He shrugged. We grabbed the coffee and settled into a nearby table.

"How do you feel about me?" I asked. He frowned and looked at me, trying to read my expression. But I wouldn't give it away. I didn't want a calculated answer. I just wanted to know, truly.

"You know how I feel about you." He said slowly. "I think you're sexy, I like making you hot and embarrassed..."

"No, not like that." I chuckled nervously. "Not how do you feel about me in bed. Just how do you... feel about me? Me all over?" He frowned. I don't think I had the ability to clarify though.

"Oh." He said. "Like you as a person?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Oh. Um. You're kind of annoying, and competitive, and whiny when you lose." He shrugged. "Uh, I don't think we'd have much in common, if we weren't sleeping together. But you are a great lay." He winked at me and I laughed, the laughter sounding tinny and fake even to my own ears. A great lay. That's what he really felt about me.

"Oh shoot." I said. "I mistimed. Gotta tute. See ya."

"Oh ok, I'll- " I cut him off, standing up and rushing away, so he wouldn't hear the sound of my big, dumb, slutty heart breaking.

----

Well. I couldn't go to Greytown with him. It took me a few hours to get there in my head, but I did get there. I couldn't go away with him, and if I was honest, I couldn't see him. I'd just be stoking a big unrequited crush, and making myself sad, and overthinking everything. This had no happy ending, no matter what I tried. So. I'd have to call it off. Properly. Tell him why. Just so he knew. So he didn't try again.

I've been thinking all day. I suppose I wasn't sure if the way I felt about you meant anything at all. Sorry not to tell you earlier, but I didn't know earlier. I've been really falling for you, probably because you're so kind. I didn't expect it, or I would have tried harder not to- but it just sort of happened. So, because that's not reciprocated I think it's probably best if we take some space from each other. Like a lot of space. I know you'll find another guy, or girl, or whatever you want and they're probably way more obedient than me, and they'll be great for you. And I'm going away for the weekend alone, and I hope you understand why. And I have to block your number, just to give me that space. I'm sorry for fucking up what we had. You're really special. Thanks for everything.

I read it over ten times, pressed send, blocked his number and borrowed Casper's car and slipped away for the weekend.

----

I returned on Monday to little sympathetic glances from my flatmates, but actually, I was ok. Space was a good idea. Actually I'd done all of that in just the right way. I didn't mean to get feelings, but I managed them before they turned into something I couldn't get through.

"He's back." Jensen nodded at me and widened his eyes at Casper who reached for his phone. I rolled my eyes. Thanks for the warm welcome, ass.

"Didn't miss me too much?" I joked. Casper and Jensen exchanged a look.

"Mmmm, someone might have." Jensen said enigmatically. "Why don't you have a shower? You look fucking beat."

"Good idea, thanks." I smiled and went to dump my stuff.

I sang to myself in the shower, majorly relaxed. I hadn't even SPOKEN to another human for two days. I think the time spent away from boys had done me more good than I expected. I grinned as I headed back into the living room, pulling on a t-shirt.

"Change your shirt, that one has holes." Casper said. I looked down at myself and laughed.

"Ok, fashion police?"

"You have like, three minutes." He said. "Trust me. You'll wish you changed your shirt." I threw a beer at him and opened my own.