Was It All Worth It

I turned and they both lunged at me to hug me. We cried into each other's arms for what seemed like an eternity.

"It's not my fault, girls. Why can't you see that what your mother did is the reason we aren't together anymore?"

"We're sorry, Dad," Jill said. "We just thought that you should forgive her. She loves you, it's so obvious."

"Not enough to stay faithful to me, Jill. I'm sorry girls. I'm so sorry."

We hugged some more as Katy watched from the warmth of her car.

"Girls, I need you so much. You'll be off to college soon and I'll miss you. We're wasting so much time."

"We get it, Dad," Jenny said.

"We won't shut you out anymore," Jill added.

"I wish your Grandma would've had a chance to do the same."

"Dad, can we come with you? We haven't seen your new house. Maybe we could get a pizza."

"Of course, tell your mother, and let's go."

***

When I pulled into my driveway I saw Missy's car. I'd forgotten she was coming over.

"Girls, it looks like you're going to meet Missy."

"Is she your girlfriend?" They asked in unison making me laugh.

"Yeah, well, I mean we just started seeing each other."

"Look at him blush, Jenny! It's so cute."

They jumped out of the car and were at Missy's door in a flash. They peppered her with questions and I could see Missy had no idea what was happening.

"Girls, let her be. Move it inside and I'll introduce you all."

They kissed my cheek and bounced inside my garage while I walked over to a shell-shocked Missy.

"Sorry about that," I said as she opened her door.

She smiled brightly and kissed my cheek. "Your daughters?"

"Mm, hm. Come on, let's go get you formally introduced."

"I wish I'd known, honey. I must look a mess."

I laughed and said, "You're fine. They are gonna love you."

"Jenny, Jill? I'd like to introduce you to Missy."

They grouped hugged her.

Jenny, being brash as usual said, "You're super hot!"

Jill jumped in and said, "Way to go, Dad!"

Missy laughed, I was too shocked to say anything.

"Hey, let's do a quick tour of the house and then I need to sort some things out for grandma's services."

"Bill, I'll order some pizzas while you show them around."

"Sounds good, honey. You read my mind."

"Aww!" The girls cooed.

I shook my head as Missy smiled.

***

I decided I'd wait until the next morning to make the calls to spread the word about my mom. I would put an obituary in for Monday's paper and I'd post the service details on Facebook after visiting the funeral home on Sunday.

After dinner, we sat and told Missy stories about my Mom for hours. My girls, not so innocently, put in some embarrassing stories about me for Missy's benefit. It wasn't my fault the pier was wet and I fell in the lake, I swear.

Before I knew it, it was after ten.

"Girls, time got away from me and it's getting late."

They frowned and asked, "Can we spend the night?"

"I don't have beds for the guest rooms yet. I tell you what, I'll pick you up in the morning and we'll go out to breakfast okay? If you're up to it, I could use some help figuring out what to do with grandma's stuff too."

"Sure, Dad. We'll help with whatever you need."

"Thanks. Missy, wanna go for a ride? Or do you have to get home to Mia?"

"She's staying with my parents."

Jill jumped in, "Who's Mia?"

"Mia is my four-year-old daughter."

They both squealed and Jenny said, "Oh my God! I can't wait to meet her!"

Missy laughed at their excitement and said, "Someday soon, I promise."

"Alright, let's head out."

***

"They're wonderful girls," Missy said as we sat on the couch shortly after returning to my house. "I'm glad you were able to get back together with them."

I sighed. "Me too. I just wish it wouldn't have taken my mom's passing away."

She snuggled into my arms and I fell asleep holding her.

When I woke in the morning, she had us covered in a blanket and was still snuggled into me. I missed having that kind of closeness with someone.

I kissed the top of her head and said, "I'm sorry I fell asleep on you."

"Mm," she moaned as she stretched. "It's okay, baby. You had an extremely emotional day."

"Would you like to join me and the girls for breakfast?"

"Only if I can bring Mia. My parents have plans this morning."

"Of course. My daughters will love her."

***

Since we had to get Mia, I asked my daughters to meet us at IHOP. When I walked in holding Mia's hand, my girls rushed to her. In seconds Mia was in their arms being twirled in the air, and then they tickled her and smothered her with kisses.

She was squealing and giggling the entire time, with a huge smile, right up until she shouted, "I gotta pee!"

The girls in unison said, "We'll take her," and bounced off to the bathroom.

"I don't know, Missy. Do you think they'll get along?" I asked with a grin.

She slapped my shoulder playfully and kissed my cheek.

"I hope they will for many years to come," she said.

She was thinking pretty long-term and we had technically only been on one date. It was slightly unnerving, but I was sure I'd get over that feeling.

As we ate, Mia and my daughters chatted non-stop about anything and everything. It was obvious to my eyes that Mia loved to talk and not just about herself. She asked so many questions about my daughters' lives, I think even my girls were surprised.

My daughters were the neighborhood babysitters so dealing with small children was their forte. They knew all of the hot kid's shows and movies and had Mia eating out of the palm of their hands.

They also got along well with Missy. There was no animosity nor any display of anger in my dating her which shocked me. They refused to talk with me for months after my divorce, but as soon as they meet my new girlfriend they were BFFs? I didn't understand that and I'd have to see if I could get some sort of explanation from the girls for it.

***

After making dozens of phone calls, starting the long process of cleaning out my mom's house, and after a visit to the funeral home, I was finally able to sit and relax.

The girls had come back to my house for dinner, while Missy and Mia had gone their separate ways from us after breakfast. Missy thought it would be too emotional for us and wanted to avoid the discomfort of Mia being there questioning everything as we sorted through my mom's house.

"Dad, are you in love with Missy?" Jenny asked out of the blue.

"Um, we've only seen each other a couple of times outside of work. It's a bit early to call it love."

"Okay, Dad," Jill said as if I were an idiot. "Have you seen those old-timey cartoons, where the girls' eyes flutter and they fold their hands next to their cheek as they look at their prince?"

I nodded as I bit into a slice of pizza.

"Well, she practically has hearts floating around her head as she looks at you and bats her eyes," Jill said.

Before I could deny she loved me, they looked at each other, turned to me, and said, "We like her."

I went from being happy to be seeing my daughters, to anger. I dropped my slice onto my plate, wiped my hands, and went to the sink. I was stalling trying to calm down as I leaned on the counter facing away from them.

"Dad?" Jenny asked.

"Girls, how can you break my heart for all this time and now sit there and tell me you like my girlfriend? What did I do to you, to make you think it was okay to shut me out? To ignore me? To tell me to go to hell the first time I see you in ages? What did I do? Do you know how many times I cried after leaving you a message I knew you didn't care about getting?"

"Mom made us."

"What?" I shouted.

Jill answered, "It started when Mom told us if you thought you were losing us too you would get back with her and we could be a family again. We're so sorry,"

I turned around and Jenny jumped up to hug me when she saw the tear on my cheek.

"Daddy, forgive us. After that didn't work, she told us that you abandoned us and weren't going to pay for college because we wanted you to stay with her. She told us the messages you left were just a ploy for you to use in your divorce—to make it look like you were being a good guy for the judge's benefit."

"And you believed that?"

"Dad, how would you react while sitting with her day after day, hearing her defend her one-time mistake against twenty years of love. We believed that you were being unreasonable."

"Was I? Would you allow your boyfriend to cheat on you?"

I got no answer.

"Where is the line drawn?" I asked forcefully.

"One time? Two? Five? Answer me?"

They started crying and we group hugged. Their embrace calmed me immediately and I felt horrible.

"I'm sorry, girls. I've missed you so much."

After they each expressed their love for me, I said, "It's time to get you home. You've got school tomorrow. Don't forget to have mom tell them about the wake and funeral. You'll need time off this week."

We hugged once more and I watched them drive away with a warm heart. I looked to the sky and said, "You didn't have to go to get me the girls back, Mom, but thanks. I'll miss you."

***

Wakes are difficult for me because I always felt uncomfortable sitting in a room with a dead body. My mom's was especially hard. I made my way over to the coffin several times throughout the day and looked at her. She looked peaceful. I was glad she'd be seeing my dad again.

He had died several years before from cancer. He wanted a different kind of service with no wake. He felt like I do that it was strange for people to hang out with a corpse.

Mom had hers all planned out. I guess as one ages, they think about that kind of thing. She even had her coffin picked out. All I had to do was set up the time and day and deal with little details of the room set up and service. I was glad she'd done it.

I was standing in the front of the room talking with one of her friends when Katy and my girls walked in.

My daughters greeted me with warm, tearful hugs and Katy thankfully left me alone.

After she said a prayer, Katy put something into the casket and walked to the back of the room, where she sat alone. I looked to see what she put in there and it was a photo of me and Katy with our arms around my mom. She was holding each of our babies in her arms and had a mile-wide smile across her face.

I picked up the picture, which she had tucked in the side, and placed it reverently next to her hands. It was the first time I cried that day.

Later, the minister wanted to begin the prayer service. Katy hadn't left her spot at the back of the room. She engaged everyone, you can't be married into a family for as long as she was without getting to know people and they all loved her.

The protocol was for the immediate family to sit in the front row of chairs. My girls were to my right and Misty was on my left, but it didn't feel right.

I stood and turned. I saw Katy, still in the back of the room, wiping the tears from her eyes. It felt wrong to me. My mom wouldn't have wanted that. Katy was as much her daughter as she was my wife.

I walked to the back of the room. With everyone seated, waiting for the service to begin, I was noticed and all eyed followed me.

I extended my hand to Katy, "Come to the front. You don't have to hide back here."

She started sobbing and hugged me. She whispered, "Thank you," as she released me.

We walked to the front of the room and my Uncle John gave up his seat for her, which was next to my daughter.

"You're a good man, Bill," Missy whispered after kissing my cheek.

It was the strangest feeling I'd ever had, holding Missy's hand with my ex-wife just feet away. I prayed that I wouldn't regret it and have an issue with them later.

***

As we wrapped up the day, I was saying goodbye to the last remaining visitors when Katy walked up to me. With Missy at my side, I was wondering what Katy would do. I'd hoped she wouldn't start a fight out of respect for my mother.

"Bill, thank you for including me with the family today. It meant more than you could ever know."

"She loved you as a daughter, it was only right. Oh! That reminds me. You can ride in the limousine with us and the girls tomorrow if you'd like."

She grabbed me into a hug and cried. I felt Missy's hand touch my lower back possessively and started to fear a catfight was coming.

"Well," Katy said breaking the hug, "if you don't need anything from me, I'll head home."

I shook my head no and she smiled briefly at Missy. "I'm glad you're here for him. You may not know this, but he was a momma's boy. It's soon going to hit him pretty hard that she's gone."

With that, she turned and left the room.

Missy gave me a side hug and said, "Let's get you home."

***

I dropped my keys onto my valet and walked into the kitchen, thankful the day was over. Missy sat at the table and accepted a cold beer from me.

"I think everything with Katy went better than you expected. You handled it well," she said as I enjoyed my cold Sam Adams.

"Yeah, I'm glad. I really expected her to start something with you."

"Well, I bet the girls helped in that regard. We just have to make it past tomorrow and we'll be fine."

I hoped she was right. I don't know why I had a nagging feeling about Katy not handling interacting with Missy well. I suppose I was just paranoid.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" I asked.

She smiled and took my hand. "You couldn't kick me out of you tried."

We didn't make love but she spooned with me and it was the best night's sleep I had since the divorce.

****

"You're watching me like a hawk. I'm not going to abuse your gift by starting an argument," Katy said as we waited for the prayer to begin.

"I know that," I lied. "It's just uncomfortable for me."

She snorted and asked, "How do you think it feels for me? I'm the pariah here. The whore."

I frowned, "No one thinks that of you. Especially not today."

"I'm truly sorry, Bill. I wish I could make it never have happened. I wish..."

She started crying and hurried off to the bathroom.

"It's hard on all of us, Bill," my mother's friend Jean said patting my shoulder. "Your mom was a great lady and we'll all miss her."

I kissed her cheek and thanked her, glad that Katy had the cover of my mom for her outburst of tears.

After the funeral, we were being seated at my mom's favorite polish restaurant for the luncheon. It was a packed room and Katy looked uncomfortable as she searched for a seat.

I walked over to her once more and led her by the hand to the table where I sat with Missy and my daughters.

"Katy, we're always going to be family, regardless of the divorce. Where we sit you'll always be welcome."

A tear slid down her cheek as she sat and thanked me. I don't know when I got over it, but it felt like I was finally over the hurt she caused.

****

Life went on. The girls went to college and Skype me every week. Missy and I are still together and I'm pretty close to popping the question. Katy and I don't speak often, but we are cordial. She is moving on as well, dating one of the girls' friend's divorced dad. He's a good guy, I hope it works for them.

Some would say I should've forgiven her for a one-time slip, but I just don't have it in me. That may make me a bad guy in some minds but I can live with myself.