Was it an Affair?

Her mum held her as the tears flowed easily.

Jonathan said, "Tom, is there anything you wish to say to Harriet?"

I looked at my mum before looking at Harriet. I struggled with what to say, "Harriet, I accept your apology. Throughout today, not once did you try and evade any blame. You took full responsibility even as Jonathan explained the effects of those drugs. I'm sure as you learn more, you'll come to see the only person to blame is Bright. My big concern is that on quite a few occasions it came across you don't feel that you have any worth. That what happened was solely your fault and you're no longer worthy of love, from anyone. You're wrong. You are worth a lot. I do love you but my anger has driven so much. As Jonathan says, today is a small step on a journey. You'll find yourself again."

Jonathan smiled, "What has been good is that each of you has shown how empathetic you are to the other. Both of you wanted to hold the other as they cried but didn't know how; if it would be allowed or make things worse. There are a lot of positiveness there.

"What I wish is to ask a few questions about how you are feeling about the forthcoming trial. By having you hear this, you can support them. No accounts from former witnesses like me can take away their fear.

"Harriet, what is your greatest fear?"

Harriet looked at our mums and me, before looking down, "How when it all comes out; how I didn't stop him repeatedly raping me, they will look at me as a slut, a whore. No one will wish to call me a daughter, a friend."

She began to cry. Moira went and held her tightly. Mum held her as well. Mum spoke softly, "Harriet we love you and know you didn't do this willingly. That bastard is the only one who deserves the pain, we are all going through. No matter what is said, how the defence tries to portray you, know this we all love you. You will always be our daughter. We will walk out of the court with you, holding you and dare any bastard to say something. They will be sorry."

I was crying. Mum came to me, "Tom, you need to let those tears out, let yourself face your fears. Harriet is worth the effort. You did so much to end her torment. Let us help you both." Moira came and held me, "Tom, Harriet always says she's glad you stopped it. She still loves you as deeply as ever. Don't let that bastard win. During the trial, be Tom, focussed on helping Harriet, like you have done since you met her."

Jonathan asked me, "Tom what is your greatest fear?"

I looked around, "That I feel nothing, I lose my anger at him; fail to get across how pitiful he is; how he has hurt so many. I lose focus and make a mistake which his defence exploits."

Mum smiled, "Tom, Alan and Christine have told us that you and your team's work on all the victims is beyond reproach. There is no escape for that bastard. Your fear of allowing him an escape route is because you feel that will fail Harriet and the others. You care so much about Harriet and the others because that is who you are. You'll run rings around his defence."

Jonathan was happy, "Harriet your fear shows Tom was right, you feel you have lost your worth. Tom fears he will fail you. Harriet and Tom, the support from all the people who love you will help you through this. Everything we have covered today exposed the deep love you share. It is too early to say where you'll end up.

"I'll see you both again on Wednesday at 10am."

As we were leaving, I spoke directly to Harriet who was crying on her mother's shoulder, "Harriet, I don't think you're a slut or a whore. You're a victim." She began crying even more. Her mum was smiling. My mum was happy, hugging me.

When I was home, my parents wisely allowed me space but only if I called them if I needed them. I didn't think about work. I focussed on what Harriet had said, "Guilt, Shame, Grief."

Never once had she expressed anything supporting her actions. Her guilt was about the hurt she had caused me. Her shame was about how her actions impacted me and our families. Her grief was because she had killed our marriage, lost my love and our future.

As I ran through her words, I realised what Moira had said about her being depressed. She was taking the whole weight of what happened on her shoulders and it was weighing her down. "Soiled goods!" There was no light for her. She had never once mentioned a future. I had said I didn't see one but I had at least acknowledged I could have one. I shed more tears. The wall Jonathan was wanting to break down was fragmenting. As it did, the pain racked up.

I had my own session with Jonathan the next day and he went through my feelings from the joint one. I couldn't read him. He hypnotised me to let me learn to relax. He hadn't done before because I was too restrained, to focussed on anger.

At our next joint meeting, it was obvious we both had spent a lot of time crying. Jonathan probed Harriet about her feelings during the rapes. She struggled to say she had any. When she had thought about them she couldn't recall details. She only knew she had sex and that it distressed her. Recently some memories of the actual events were coming through. If anything, she said it was total indifference. Her eyes showed her shock at that.

When he asked about my thoughts on her words, I said, " She did not look engaged so unlike what she was when we made love. With us, her whole being was involved and she could cum often. To let you understand, Harriet's nipples expand like missiles when she is aroused. I'm sure she could toss me aside using them when imprinted on me.

"When I caught them, Bright was fucking her. I saw no involvement by her as I would have expected. Her nipples didn't appear even when Davidson played with them. While she does get very wet there was no sign of any vaginal arousal. It appeared she had lubed up. There wasn't one distinguishable sign she enjoyed any of it. She could have been a sex doll for all the pleasure she appeared to get from it.

"I do have one question which may or may not be relevant. When I found the other victims, no rapes went on for more than three months. Do you have any idea why the timeframe was so rigid?"

Jonathan looked thoughtful before speaking, "My hypothesis may change when we know the actual drugs involved but I suspect, with a certain class of drug, six months is the limit before serious side effects may occur. To avoid that, with a large margin for unexpected consequences, the victim's medical history, tolerance, three months would most likely be considered safe."

Jonathan spoke to Harriet, "Have the memories of the rapes made you think again about your three words we talked about on Monday?"

Harriet said quietly, "Not in any positive way. If anything, the fact I was so indifferent meant I must have been happy to allow it so I feel even more guilt."

Jonathan nodded, "I can understand that but I suspect when we can examine your actions with full disclosure we'll be better able to understand the actions of those drugs. Tom, you witnessed it, did you think there was any element of enjoyment for Harriet, that showed she was a willing participant?"

I took a few moments to think about how to phrase this. Harriet was close to tears. "In all honesty, at the actual time, I was so angry my suspicions had been proved correct, I only concentrated on making sure I had the evidence I needed to divorce her and hang them out to dry. At that moment, I had no thoughts about whether or not she was a willing participant. My dreams, the family we had envisaged, all gone as Bright fucked her. The only thought I recall was "Does she feel him?" as he is very small and thin. Maybe that explained why she didn't show any signs of arousal. As I said, she wasn't engaged in any way when compared to when we made love."

Harriet was crying openly as I spoke. What I had said she interpretated that I thought she was willing. I continued.

"It was only as I copied all the video from the three cameras, I actually saw her face closely. There was no expression, no lust, no excitement, no sadness. When I looked more closely especially at her eyes. They were dead. She had no engagement in the act, she was just a receptacle. The only time that changed was when Bright came over her tits. She looked shocked!"

Jonathan spoke softly, "Tom, do you think her being so indifferent means she was happy to be a receptacle?"

I looked at Harriet, she could hardly look at me, "No. I have nothing to base this on other than my own behaviour. If I have to have something done to me, like a filling at the dentist or a medical examination, I try and use my mind to be elsewhere, to ignore if possible what was happening.

"Harriet said shame on Monday because she didn't stop the rapes. I think her indifference was her coping strategy. She doesn't need to feel shame as she also exposed her subconscious made her take me so I could stop the abuse. When she was able to act, she did. How the actions of the drugs manifested themselves we'll find out soon."

Harriet looked shocked at my words. Tears were flowing. I wanted to hold her as I normally would have done but I couldn't, the wounds were still too raw.

Jonathan smiled, he looked happy, "It's a very interesting interpretation. One with a lot of empathy and knowledge of Harriet. I also think it fits the facts as we know them. The human brain is more complex than computers and the more we learn, we realise how little we know of how it works. It decides, often without the conscious knowledge of the person, how it will act to reduce the pain we feel. It will hide it so we cannot find it.

"I have been waiting to know exactly the drug and dosages before I try and hypothesise how these affected Harriet. With that knowledge, how the drug works, I can start to have her recall the events and consciously deal with them. It will be painful Harriet but it will allow you to take steps forward in your life. At the moment, your brain is holding the pain in but in doing so, you have this void. In this void, you've taken all the blame. By exploring and understanding, you can let go of the blame. Bright is solely responsible. He is a skilled, experienced sexual predator. You didn't have the skills to deny him."

We spent more time on explaining how our emotions were coming out, how we felt and if we had any insights we hadn't had before.

Harriet said sadly, "Since our last session, I've tried to be more positive. Tom said I wasn't a slut, a whore. Those words mean so much to me. I've spent so much time in my mum's arms crying as random thoughts filled my mind. From happy memories with Tom, to Bright. From what Tom has said today, I have hope that we can be friends not mortal enemies. He's shown more understanding than I deserve."

I spoke softly, "Harriet, I have the same random thoughts. My biggest regret was that I allowed my anger to take over. If I had allowed my love to embrace us, we may never have reached this stage. If I had been loving instead of confrontational, what could have happened? My emotions are all over the place."

The discussions continued. Jonathan seemed to know the right phrase as he peeled away, brick by brick our walls, to expose our wounds deeply. We had three sessions a week and one individual one. I've never cried so much. Afterwards I felt my emotions had been wrung through a mangle.

Work was the only thing I could focus fully on. I only worked one and a half days a week. If needed I worked at the weekend. I spent time at the gym. Many times, I spoke for hours with my parents or Alan and Christine. None tried to tell me what to do, just made me work through my own thoughts. There were times, I felt I was so contradictory. They just said, "it will come."

Neither Harriet nor I were in a good place although Jonathan was positive we were making progress. He thought the fact we were still waiting for the trial was hampering us getting further ahead.

The week before the intermediate diet was due, DI Spark asked for a meeting with everyone including Harriet and Jonathan. Moira brought her and was surprised to be invited into the meeting. We met in our secure room.

The Procurator Fiscal Alison Hutcheon opened the meeting. "Bright's diet is on Wednesday. His defence have been viewing the evidence from of all the victims. They have indicated that he will plead guilty to the majority of the charges. The main stumbling block is we are not budging on his assault which caused the miscarriage. The term of the foetus meant it couldn't survive so the more serious offence cannot be placed before the court. We want the result of his actions to be shown. It paints his character very darkly.

"We will accept plea deals to some of the offences as in the scheme of sentencing it will make no difference. It does mean no victim will have to give evidence. We shall give them the opportunity to make a victim statement, in writing or verbally in court prior to sentencing. It may reduce the media frenzy which can follow such cases.

"Once we have confirmation in court of the guilty pleas, we'll make available all the evidence of drugs, dosages, effects and how he coerced his victims so Jonathan and the other counsellors involved can help the victims.

"As regards the others involved, Sneddon and Davidson have indicated from day one they will plead guilty."

Harriet almost collapsed with the relief. Her mum held her tightly. Both were crying.

DI Spark spoke next, "Samantha, when is your next board meeting? We are still processing all the evidence but have more than enough to arrest those members as we delve more into their crimes. When Bright's appearance in court becomes known, they will scatter as they will know the number of crimes he's charged with means their own are known."

Samantha smiled, not a happy one but one with a lot of cruelty, "There is one on Monday morning. The only board member not planning on being there is Johnston as he's undergoing chemotherapy at the Princess Royal hospital. The meeting is scheduled to start at 10am. If you can give me half an hour as I persuade them all to resign."

DI Spark, nodded as he laughed.

David Ralston spoke, "I wish to say thank you to all of you. The defence did try and have our evidence thrown out but you had made everything watertight. When they lost that, they knew they were cooked.

"Harriet, the video Tom obtained of you with Bright, Sneddon and Davidson showed the effect of that drug so well when they conducted their precognition of our expert he knocked aside any potential challenge that you were willing. The chemical compounds of the two drugs he used on you would have overpowered anyone. Both of you were key pieces in destroying this group. I only hope you can move forward in a way which doesn't destroy any future."

The meeting went over the basic points and what we could expect. Bright and co would be remanded in custody for sentencing about three to four weeks later. Ralston said he expected Bright's sentence to be in the high teens if not higher while Sneddon and Davidson would probably be less than ten years.

As we were gathering to leave, Samantha said, "I must remember to wear my lucky necklace on Monday." We laughed. Twice those two board members had been caught by the necklace adding something to her drink. Bill or Mark had rescued her before she had a chance to drink it.

The next session with Jonathan went better for both of us. Harriet was interested in Samantha's necklace and I told her how I used her jewellery to catch Bright. She was astonished as she'd never seen anything resembling a camera.

She added, "Thank you for caring so much you freed me."

On Monday morning, Alan, Christine, Harriet, her parents, my parents, and I sat and watched the proceedings. No one had said we couldn't.

Samantha brought the meeting to order as her secretary handed out letters to each of the board members. She was tough, "These are your letters of resignation. They explain you are leaving as you understand how your actions over investment into this company over many years has resulted in significant loss of business opportunities. The cost of our competitors winning contracts over us is over £600 million. The cost of replacing everything will come in between £22 to £25 million.

"If you chose not to sign, this information will be made available to our shareholders and I don't think any of you will be re-elected. The knowledge being in the public domain may make your other board positions untenable.

"You'll see the public statement I'll issue, saying that you decided to leave as a major overhaul of the company had been commenced and there are people with more appropriate skills to direct this exciting period in the history of the company."

There were several members who were not happy but Samantha faced them down. One pointed out there was nothing regarding a payoff for them. Samantha just smiled that evil smile as she said, "I'll add you refused that to help pay for the new systems."

There was a lot of very uncultured venom directed at Samantha who stood her ground. Her secretary took a call and said, "Your 10.30 meeting has arrived."

Samantha said firmly, "Sign or in fifteen minutes everything will be with our most important shareholders."

They all signed reluctantly, their other board positions weighing heavily, I suspect. Samantha had the resignations collected and left then. Her parting words left me in stitches, "Have a nice day!"

As she left DI Spark and a dozen Police Officers walked in. Each stood behind the seat of a board member. They were cautioned and arrested on multiple charges of rape. They were handcuffed and taken away.

We decided to go to the pub to celebrate. During it, Harriet and I managed to speak about non-Fawkes stuff for the first time in months. The atmosphere was better than it had been as well. I never realised how the drive to get those bastards had taken a toll on me. I felt such a weight lifted off me. Jonathan and I spent quite some time on that subject at our next meeting the next day. I assume he did the same with Harriet as she must have felt likewise, with no trial to come hopefully.

DI Spark informed us that the twelve board members arrested at the office, plus nine others who had retired appeared in chambers and were remanded. Four were still to be apprehended but the media didn't have the full story yet. Sadly, as this had been ongoing for so long, a number had died so wouldn't face a court.

On the Wednesday, Bright pled guilty to over one hundred and sixty rapes and an assault resulting in a miscarriage. Sneddon and Davidson pled guilty to one rape. It was a relief. Sentence was deferred for the usual reports. All were further remanded in custody.

Jonathan emailed Harriet and me with details of the drugs used along with research papers on how they worked and their effects on the brain. He knew it would take some time for us to comprehend how they worked but hoped we'd have read some of the highlighted material by when we were due to meet up on Friday.

When my parents and I arrived Harriet and hers were already there. All were happy at Bright's plea and the judge's damning words which implied he wouldn't be out of prison for many, many years. Dad speculated some of the judge's words indicated he may never be released. Jonathan smiled seeing us speaking normally. I knew when he spoke softly, inviting our mums to come in with us, the session wasn't going to be easy. I wasn't wrong.

He began lightly enough asking our thoughts on the week's events which elicited positive responses. He began by apologising. He had known the drugs used but couldn't tell us prior to the trial as it could have altered our evidence. He used what he could to steer our sessions when required without exposing this.

He asked if we had managed to read any of the materials he'd sent, we both had. Moira said Harriet had asked her to read it as well as she struggled with comprehending the way the drugs worked. When they had discussed it, Harriet wouldn't see the drug allowed him to control her, she still blamed herself. Even her father cannot breakdown this barrier she's built.