Watching Grandpa

Sometime later, Lydia opened her eyes and knew that they had fallen asleep because the shadows and sunlight had made a new pattern on the far wall.

***

Lydia still hadn't gone back to school three days after the funeral and her father was anxious. He'd asked her that morning, "So you going to drop out and save me the money?"

Lydia had a "fuck you, Dad," that she'd been saving up for years but she swallowed it down. It wasn't that he didn't deserve it for being such an asshole. Jesus, it was his dad that had died and she hadn't yet seen him shed one fucking tear. She was just too sad and too tired to put that much effort into anything. Except for the service, she'd been sleeping mostly. It was almost as if her heart needed to get some rest.

That afternoon, he knocked on her bedroom door and Lydia could tell by the way that he called out, "Lids?" that he was sorry for being a douchebag but it still irritated her that it was all the apology she'd ever get.

"Yeah," she answered and watched him enter. Her father walked with his head down, his shoulders were hunched and he smelled like an ashtray. Maybe he was mourning too, just in a total asshole way.

"The lawyer gave me this," he placed a small brown envelope on her bed. "It's from your grandpa. And it's okay if you stay until next week," her father shrugged, "I know you two were tight."

He had no idea.

Lydia nodded and then looked at the door. It was her silent way of kicking him out of her room. Once she was alone again, she slid her fingernail along the gummy paper and opened the envelope. She smiled when the scent hit her, it smelled like her grandparent's house.

There were the letters and he'd even given her the Polaroids which made Lydia burst out in laughter. Of course he would do that. It was all of the pictures and she quickly cupped her hand over her mouth when she saw the last one of naked Grandpa Jack. My God, she thought with a sigh that carried some longing. She shook her head, he really had known everything all along, hadn't he? There were the little stack of creased and crumpled papers. All of the words and all the love of so many years ago, folded into these scraps and pages.

There was another much crisper piece of paper on top though. This one didn't smell of perfume and Benson & Hedges. It was more like Old Spice and bacon grease. It was the same handwriting though and just unfolding the note sent a shiver down her spine. For a moment, Lydia felt almost as if his fingers were once again laced with hers and they were reading it together. In a flash, she was wrapped up in his arms. They were curled up together in his adjustable bed and they watched the sunshine make light and shadows down the wall as they lazily whiled away the hours, memorizing each and every inch of the other. It was something to remember him by; something she'd never forget.

"Lids,

My god, you are an amazing, beautiful woman. Thank you for this. I'll cherish our time together forever and never forget one minute of you.

I'm giving you the letters because you're the only one who would understand.

Love always,

Jack."