All Comments on 'Water Park Fun Ch. 01'

that was a lovely first time, i hope some people actually have had a lovely first time like that, mine wasnt terrible but i dont remember much, however first time and the whole back story makes this worth a read. thankyou

The story itself is fine, and I don't think that you necessarily need an editor as such, but your spelling at crucial times is atrocious and really breaks up the flow of the narrative. It took more than just a moment to work out that "she shallowed my cock" should have been "she swallowed my cock."

Sweet and simple, I liked it a great deal. I look forward to seeing more from you.

Thank you for pointing out that spelling mistake for me! I didn't have a lot of time to edit and was afraid of what slipped past the first editing. I'm going to be making use of the volunteer editors section for my next story.

I loved how it developed and would like to see another chapter to see if they remain together and have a baby together as he had cum in her. Also a side chapter may have his friend get with the girl who pulled her bikini bottoms off and exact some humiliating revenge for the couple or the couple do the revenge part some-how loads of possibilities.

Putting aside a few glaring spelling errors, this was a nicely developed story. The characters are believable and interesting, there is a good back-story, and there is potential for a series of stories developing from this story-line. Keep up the good work!

For your first story this was excellent. It needs another chapter or two. You have a good base now build on it. Thanks for a good read.

Well done! Looking forward to more.

A great story you gott it right the only way is just stick it up her and shot his cum deep up inside her unprotected pussy

this was great!!

Well done and well fleshed out. Please continue you into a nice a long series.

You got a 5 from me for this story.

But what is "public hair"? Is that the hair the public can see?

Fuck me, what a beautiful tale

Lol that was a typo that I didn't catch before submitting the story. It should have been pubic hair. That is only public hair if it is in a nudist story.

Thank you for the positive feedback and pointing out some of the spelling errors I missed. I am working on the start of another series but will also be adding to this one. For my next stories I will make sure to have them proofread before submission.

You need to do a part 2. Like revealing that you were a virgin

Need a part two

The second story I posted, which is a parallel story, goes along with this one. Vivian is in it. I am going to be working on an actual sequel as well.

Your story is very well developed, characters are well written and fleshed out... My only problem is the ending seems rushed and a bit forced. Stretch it out a bit longer. Make the reader feel as if they're there.

Enjoyed this, thanks for your efforts!

it's what happened later that was the reward--and what a reward it was.

I'd like to add my vote for a second chapter to this erotic story. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I have part 2 written out, just have to edit it.

I loved the interplay of characters, the mutual hesitation, the innocent lust on both sides.

Having known girls like her, and having been a boy like him, there is something not quite right. Little girls who have been bullied as children don't grow into confident young women who can cheekily drive her chosen guy through touch and sex. It takes more than seven years to shake off traumas from formative years. It may happen, just does not match my own experience in life.

taught him how to give her oral sex. with details from her to him. wasn't he a virgin/

A good story. At one point he mentioned that she must be a virgin, but I guess not since there was no hymen for him to break.

Hopefully you will write more about this young couple experimenting in the possibilities in the sex act.

Thanks for sharing.

🔥🔥

@blackknight314 - Re: Missing Hymen.

Girls can break their hymen without having sex before. Accidentally falling over, gymnastics, riding horses or even breaking it themselves whilst masturbating can all tear the hymen so that it's not apparent when engaging in sex for the first time.

I stumbled across this story by accident and decided to give it a shot. I’m so glad I did. This is one of the best stories I’ve read in a long time. I can’t wait to read the other chapters. 5 stars!!

Very nice story with the rescue of her embarrassing situation a nice touch.