by expertlinguist
This exact story has been published before.
See: Alex the Horny Wedding Crasher by A_Wiles4. I new it sounded familiar.
I think it was also posted under another title.
KB
Congrats
As noted -- published before.
The give-away is the opening:
"I was certainly surprised to see a letter from my ex-stepmother in my mailbox. She had been my father's fourth wife, and like all the rest it failed miserably. He was a fast earning, fast moving sales executive, but his eyes had always wondered a bit faster.
His eyes WONDERED, (emphasis mine)" and you call yourself a linguistic expert. You're your Daddy's ex-spurt, certainly.