All Comments on 'Welcome Home'

A running monolog of monotonous male hormones. No plot to speak of, no intrigue, no character development, no fun. -- 1☆

Interesting first story!

4

Not really a story, just a sex scene.

Well done and ever man's dream to come home to such a situation.

Great first story 5 stars. More please.

poorly written with toio many spelling errors

Not a story, but just a sex scene. No build up, not enough background on the characters. Was his wife bisexual, is he being set-up for when she invites a guy to their bedroom. Sorry but I couldn't trust her now because of her behavior. Was it their anniversary, his birthday, her birthday? This was just a sex romp and no real story to read.

Hmmm, was there a story here?

One more cheating story, dressed up and destroying monogamy again

A male fantasty sex scene that will not end well for him and "baby" when she wants quid pro quo.

Pleasr pck a tense and stick to it. The constant switching from past to present distracted from an otherwise hot svene..

Realistic sorry

I think you should use bigger paragraphs, in fact, you should write the whole story as just one paragraph. Yeah, that would be cool. One impossible-to-read paragraph, thus sparing them the pain of having to read some kid's wetdream. Does your mommy know you're up? I hope you finished your homework before playing with yourself.

This would probably be better suited in Erotic Couplings or Lesbian

Pretty well written. It follows the descriptors for LW category. I was afraid he was going to find out the other “woman” was Not a woman. Lol!

Thanks for sharing, I hope you try again.

Needed some back story, like what led up to this. Was the wife bi?

An outline of the end of a marriage. Pretty sad and depressing. I bet they loved each other once.

I always like to welcome a new writer and give some possibly constructive encouragement it appear to be needed.

This litttle story has 21 paragraps in it. I counted because these were the longest drawn out paras I have seen in a story. Sorry not to be more helpful, but the stlyle threw me off.

Very sexy dialogue. Thanks!!

Loving Lesbians.

LOTS OF MISSED TAGS!!!!!!! YOU WOULD PROBABLY GET MANY MORE READERS IF YOU POSTED THE APPROPRIATE TAGS!!!!!!! JUST SAYING..........

The slab-sided paragraphs exhaust the reader. Too many different things lumped together in each block of text. Develop your characters and have them interact more with dialogue. There's a good story here, but it needs work.

The hypocrites will love this one because there wasnt another dude fucking the wife, the cum guzzlers will find the dumbest shit to bitch about because it didnt have another dude fucking the wife and the hubby going full on sperm burper.

That said you could tighten up the writing a bit. And tossing the reader into the middle of whatever lifestyle they have does no one any favors.

Wrong category. Should be in Erotic Couplings. Just because a story includes a married couple does not make it a Loving Wives story. This was a nice story about an Erotic Coupling between three people. The story and the plot have nothing to do with being married, adultery, or any thing associated with a Loving Wife. A fine story. Please reconsider the proper category. Thanks for the effort.

It is a shame he didn’t get to cum inside Stacie’s pussy. If Colby had gotten to cum in both pussies i would have given 5 stars.

Didn't work for me at all. Decent, but not great, sex scene. However, there was no depth to the story beyond the sex. Was Rachel and Stacie having an affair? Were they swingers? Was he an over the road driver or just happen to own a truck? 3*

Somehow I missed the story here. Was there a story? There is more to writing an erotic story than describing endless sex acts.

Too much of this stroker scenario (agree it is NOT a story) was narration. It is an efficient but impersonal option. We-The-Readers get the narrator’s summary of any communications that happen! WTR do NOT get to ‘hear’ the characters talking. It reads like a newspaper report on a school-board meeting, and just as entertaining.

3*

Narration, description, poor flow, not fun to read…. The idea was OK, but you are a storyteller, not a rather poor journalist, and readers want a pleasurable read. Odd switches to present tense, accompanied by several typos contributed to the poor flow. First story, 3 stars, so work on the comments and your second will be 4 stars or more…

Sorry, but there simply was no story. Therefor, no approval from me. in fact it sucked badly. LP

Payback can be a real bitch, dumbass.