Werewoman Joni Ch. 01

"George, say it properly to me..." Joni poked him a little harder this time.

"Okay, would you marry me?" George responded, slipping the ring onto her left hand.

"Yes, and I don't care how long I have to wait. I'll be here for you."

"Love you, Babe!" Tim and Marci applauded. George got comically theatrical and curtsied which earned him another pinch from Joni. Tim held up his hands to his face to feign embarrassment as the kissing began.

"Too bad she's not wearing red-red lipstick and tattoo his face with it!" giggled Marci. "But maybe she'll put a visible hickey on his neck later on today."

"Please don't give her any more ideas," said George rolling his eyes. She already did that last night. George pulled down the collars of his jacket and shirt to display Joni's werewoman mark. "Mark of The Fierce Kentucky (Shut up, George) Werewoman!"

Marci got her a good look. "Sounds like there's an interesting story behind his. Tell me 'bout it later, huh, Joni?" Joni gave her a thumbs up.

Tim winked at Marci. "Let's see how fast she takes control of him!" They all laughed along with the jewelers behind the counter. Marci began hugging Joni as Joni burst into tears. "George will be good to you, Joni," remarked Tim, "but he's laid back like me and you'll need to pull the reigns in on him lest he wander off, shiftless skunk that he is!"

"Thaaaanks, Tim."

Marci looked Joni in the eye. "You expressed concern yesterday about what you'd need to do with that Bobby character from your church. Joni, he's dated you off and on, mostly off, for almost three years now, and he hasn't shown you any commitment and treats you pretty much like dirt. He's got that other gal Pauline who's sweet on him and seems to think she can steal him from you. Tell ya what. Let's take a Polaroid of you with that ring on your finger along with George in his Loki getup. We'll make sure Pauline gets the photo. When she gets it, you won't have to do one blessed thing. The picture will paint a thousand words for you, and you won't have to say a darned thing. That Bobby character has zero ambition, still lives with his parents, works at some "bent crankshaft" body shop and thinks he's on top of the world. Let's get the photo to Pauline and that'll be like throwing a dead fish to Bobby boy. My guess is that George will start taking you to his church soon enough."

"I've already been there a few times, so I'm not a stranger to that environment. But George has got a would-be harem at his church, and this ring will do a lot of talking for me in that setting, too. Poor George will have to put up with the looks of disdain he's gonna get from those 'harem-scare 'ems'. I'll bet his pastor's jaw's gonna drop!" George just rolled his eyes and looked at the sky.

"Those harem girls, as you call them, are all barely-legal groupy types, so no actual threat."

"What? No threat? How 'bout that lithe little Susan in the miniskirt who bent over in the church foyer to show you her nice pastel green bikini underwear when she accidentally-on-purpose dropped her purse and gave you a nice view? She looked back and saw you gawking with your mouth hung open, and she gave you a little smirk. She had her face all painted up with that war-paint foundation on as thick as mudpack. I don't want to give any of those harem groupies any other chances to get your attention. Especially that one! I was standing right behind you, and I saw it, too."

"Well, all I noticed was that she has a little black mole on the inside of her right leg just below her panty line, distracting anomaly..."

Joni's jaw dropped, "Whaaaa? Are you sure you didn't get a better look at some other later time?"

George's hands went up in a surrender gesture. "No, ma'am, no. And I couldn't make out from my vantage point whether it was really a mole or a dingleberry."

"Well, it's a good thing she didn't allow you a longer look. You were about to start drooling!"

"Oh, I was not."

"Yes, you were!"

"Was not."

"Were, too. George," Joni was now pointing her bony index finger in his face, "Are you trying to argue with me?"

Surrender gesture again, "Uh, no, ma'm, not at all, no!"

"Good!" said Joni, poking him in the chest with her forefinger, "'Cuz the only pastel panties you're gonna view from now on, buster, are gonna be those that I'm wearing. You got that, mister?"

"Yes, ma'm, I hear ya loud and clear, and I'm totally cool with that. Now calm down, Joni. I don't want my pretty little raven-haired Valkyrie upset." The fire in her eyes subsided as George took her hands and gently kissed them.

"I see your point, Sugar Babe... Tim, did you find that T-shirt shop that we can get neat Gatlinburg shirts for all our relatives?"

"Yeah, George, two blocks up on the right just before that liquor joint."

"Good, let's go pay it a visit. They're probably open by now. My little brother wants me to buy him a Ninja sword, but I agree with Mom and Dad; he needs a ninja sword like he needs another hole in his head. I'll just get him one of those little miniature sword racks with 3 mini ninja swords. Oh, yeah, and our moms like the salt-water taffy from the candy shop with the taffy pulling machine in the front window. Joni, make sure I don't get any of that peanut butter taffy. Mom don't like that. Still wanna get your mom a box of hard candies?"

"Yeah, and some root beer barrels."

Tim put his hand up. "Food first! That continental breakfast at the hotel was a joke. My belly gauge is on 'E' for 'empty'." George nodded in agreement and bending over to feign dying from hunger.

"Joni, this is your opportunity to learn that a hungry man is a grumpy man. Let's hit that biscuit and gravy place across the street. When it comes to that kind of grub, we don't even have to ask these guys," Marci said winking to Joni.

As they crossed the street, Tim couldn't resist, "Now she's got The Valkyrie Riiiiing of Poooower!" and then he added a fanfare: "Ta-ta-ta-daaaaa!" That tickled George as he looked down to see Joni wearing a big, wide, shit-eatin' grin. But she clutched George as they walked arm-in-arm across the street to signify to the world that George is her man, nacho (Kentucky for "not your") man, her man. Marci looked back to see the jeweler and his wife still shaking their heads and laughing.

Over breakfast Tim and George scribbled in alterations to the afternoon and evening repertoire to add "Think for Yourself" and one of George's original songs, just in case that Nashville dude shows up for the final performances. Tim would use the refurbished bass since its new strings had a nicer twang to them. Both performances went without a hitch and they finished sooner allowing them to pack away the instruments and most of the wiring and lighting. They'd tackle the scaffolding in the morning when daylight would help in the disassembly and stowage of all gear back into the bus.

In the hotel room, George was quick to ask how Joni's sore pelvic area was healing up. Joni was experiencing continued irritation. George had gotten a regular douche bag at a pharmacy and some iodine solution and some 3% hydrogen peroxide to alternate in treating the soreness. The douche discharge was still a bit bloody, so George declared a moratorium until a doctor could get Joni checked out when they got back to Ohio. "I really didn't mean to injure you, Sugar Babe. I'm worried about you, honey."

George got a hug and a peck on the cheek from Joni. "That's the first time you've called me 'honey', George. I like that. Let's see what the doctor says, but in the meantime, at least I'm not running a fever or anything. So much for the erotic literature what always has a newly ravished gal bouncing back the next day transformed into an instant slut, huh?"

George shook his head and sighed. "Yes, but I'm trying to fulfill an obligation to you preemptively, you know, that 'in sickness and in health' thingee. I'm gonna be here for you, too. Now, let's get some shut-eye. Trip back tomorrow hopefully won't involve delays from snow, ice, stranded cars, you name it.. Oh well, at least the hotel maids won't be greeted with badly soiled sheets on one of the beds and have them wagging their heads and tongues with 'Ommmm, we know whut they wuz doin' last night!'"

"Just hold me and spoon me and kiss me to sleep like last night. Now that we've been together on this trip, going back home to Mom and the siblings will never be the same. I'm always gonna want to be with you."

"I'm surprised you've bitten your lip so far and have not yet confronted me while I was discussing progress on quote 'the house' enquote with Tim on the bus ride down here. I did hear you asking yourself 'House, what house?' Okay, here's the scoop. Last month Tim and I stumbled upon two houses in the same area that the banks had repossessed from an ad in the Dayton 'Journal Herald.' We each bought one dirt cheap, and had been helping each other get them ready for habitation. Tim and Marci already moved into theirs, but you're not supposed to know that yet, okay?" Joni nodded. "The one I bought still needs a new refrigerator, washer and dryer. We ran out of time getting that done before we had to come to Gatlinburg here and do our gigs. My dad and bro' helped, too. Put in new downspouts, redid the roofing, repainted the inside walls, put in shower fixtures in the old-timey bathroom, shower curtains, a new double sink in the kitchen to replace the old single sink, new plumbing fixtures in the kitchen, a new dishwasher, and, oh yeah, new Venetian blinds and some cheap curtains throughout the house. They match, but you probably won't like my dull sense of color scheme: white and brown. But other than that, it's almost ready for a move-in. And we got the deeds already."

"So...why are you telling me all this now?"

"Well, it's only a couple of blocks from the restaurant where you work, only a mile or so from the trade school you've been attending, and within 3 miles of where I'm interning at the physics lab when I'm not attending classes."

"George, what are you trying to tell me? Are you toying with me again? Spill the beans, please...Get to the point."

"I want it to be our first home, Joni. There, I've hit you over the head with it. I want you to move in with me, to see what I'm really like, to decide once and for all if I'm all you might have me cracked up to be.

Joni only stared crying and hugging George, no words, just hugs. "Can I take this to be a 'yes', Joni?" She nodded but continued crying.

When she finally caught her breath, Joni asked George plainly, "What if I turn out to be a nogoodnik, an intolerable termagant-bitch? Will you send me packing?"

"Joni, I didn't enter this relationship with any intention of turning back. We both have to make it work. No promises to each other, Joni. When we promise, we need to promise not each other anything, but to promise us, and 'us' will include any children we might have. We make it work. The sex will be nice, even vital, but like right now at this moment, we gotta do a moratorium until you heal up properly. Are you with me on this?"

She nodded. "Hold me and kiss me to sleep like you did last night, George."

"Okay, but try to stop crying. You'll stop up your sinuses and make it hard for you to breathe. I don't want to have to tell you to get up and pick your nose!"

"You bum!" sniffled Joni swatting him as they both laughed. "Now kiss me, you cad!"

George was chuckling as he poured on the sugar plum fairy princess kisses. Joni conked out soon afterwards.

Later that next day as the Asgard bus zipped through the Richmond - Lexington area, Joni told Marci about some nausea. Joni said she's not one to experience motion sickness. Marci felt Joni's neck and forehead. She was running a fever. "George, I think your little lady here might have flu symptoms. Joni, do we need to make a quick pit stop if you have the runs, too?"

"Yeah, think so. Mark," Joni hollered to the drummer whose turn it was to drive. "Can we stop at a Mickie D's?"

"No problem," hollered Mark. "Got one up here at the next exit."

Marci accompanied Joni when they stopped. Good excuse to stop for burgers. Tim got Marci a girl's Happy Meal to get her goat. Sure enough, she glared at him, but she ate the meal. George got Joni one, too, but she told George to eat it 'cuz she couldn't keep anything on her stomach. She accepted the toy, though, and held it up in the air shaking it like a little girl with a new treasure. When Joni weakly announced that she intended to give it to 'our' little girl one day, the whole bus went ape with 'wooo-hooo' and applause.

"Aha! Lookit George's ears, they're turning red! Yiiii-ha!" Marci snorted shaking her finger at George's ears.

George wrapped up Joni with his heavy winter jacket and helped Marci with Joni, taking turns on who got to hold the barf bag. Marci and George both had to gang up on Joni to make her drink water, explaining that she'd experience some really painful dry heaves if she didn't have at least water in her to help expel what was causing her nausea. George fetched a salt tablet out of the first aid kit and crushed it to mix up an isotonic solution on the fly. She'd barf it up, too, but perhaps she'd absorb some of the salt and potassium to keep her from getting any sicker than she was.

The Asgard bus made its first stop at Tim and Marci's new pad to get Joni settled into a warm bed. Marci volunteered to help nurse Joni back to health while the band boys tended to getting the bus unloaded at the mini-storage before getting the guys dropped back off at their respective pads. George made a beeline to tell Joni's mom where Joni was. "We're gonna get her to the doctor early tomorrow morning. She's at Tim and Marci's place now. I'm on my way out there now."

"What's this I hear about you and Tim buying repossessed houses? Looks like your siblings told Joni's little sister about that. Are you about to scoop Joni off her feet and ride into the sunset, O Prince Chaaaahming?" Joni's mom was grinning like the Cheshire Cat and clucking out a knowing little laugh.

George's face reddened sheepishly. "Little kids and their big mouths! Tell you what, why don't I have you hop in my car and we'll drive you out to see Joni. She started puking her guts out before we got through Cincinnati. Then I'll drive you over to the place I'm still getting fixed up."

"You are going to take Joni off my hands, aren't you?" Mrs. Skylar cackled wickedly.

"Yeah, eventually, with your permission. She's wearing an engagement ring now, but let's have Joni show you that. Don't wanna steal her thunder, so act like ya don't know, okay?"

"Sure, I'm a mom, I'm good at faking being surprised!"

George snickered at that. "I still have to get the finishing touches put on my place, but, yeah, I definitely want to get her moved in eventually once she's over this flu, maybe sooner if I can get the new washer, dryer and 'fridge delivered and installed. I ran out of time before the Gatlinburg trip to get it all done beforehand."

"Hey, Rex!" hollered Joni's mom. "Start bringing out those black plastic bags and get 'em stuffed into George's car."

"Huh? Plastic bags? What's goin' on?" George's eyes were wide with confusion.

"We bagged up most of Joni's stuff, clothes, shoes, et cetera, stuffed animals. I've always joked with Joni that once she found Prince Chaaaahming, we'd throw her a nice 'Good Riddance' party. But we'll do the party later. Let's get he stuff moved into y'all's place. I'm dyin' t'see it, George." Then her mom broke down in tears and wailed, "I'm gonna miss my little girl, George. You're gonna take good care of her, right?"

George hugged Mrs. Skylar. "I'll do my very best, 'Mom.' Joni's already promised to beat me up once a week whether I need it or not just to keep me straight. Let's see if she follows through with that threat. We've both got to get graduated with our degrees before tying the knot, and that'll take some time."

"Degrees? Joni's only going to a trade school to get a diploma for Business Administration."

"As soon as I get my Bachelor's in Engineering, we intend that Joni get a regular degree, too. The devil's in the details. Let me help Rex with the last bags, and we'll go see Joni. Gotta stop at a drug store to pick up some med's for Joni, too. But right now, let's drive up the street and get you properly introduced to my mom and dad. They've seen you at Kroger, but let's make this official. Need to don your robe and crown?"

"Joni's so right, you're a smartass, alright!"

George's dad greeted them as the car got backed into the driveway. "So, what's with all the black trash bags? Are you going to the city dump?" His big wide grin told George what he's suspected all along. Loudmouthed siblings packed the tale home, so it wasn't like Mom and Dad didn't know what was happening.

George did the introductions and the mothers slipped in the back door for a cup of coffee. "Heard Joni's got the flu and she's at Tim and Marci's place. So, Joni's the one, right? And are you sure, son?"

"I wouldn't've put a ring on her finger in Gatlinburg if I weren't convinced she's 'it,' Dad. I've got to get that washer, dryer and 'fridge installed and stock up with food before I bring her over. She's going to a doctor tomorrow. Looks like you and Mom are going to get invited to the 'Good Riddance' party that Joni's mom had always joked about throwing when Joni finally found her a sucker - er, I mean me. As soon as she gets that Associate Degree in Business and Administration, we're going to get her into Sinclair College to start on a regular degree. Kids will come only after that."

Dad nodded in approval. Time to get coffee before Mrs. Skylar sees Joni and the new pad. George would get to watch Joni and his future mother-in-law go ballistic when they both see how George deliberately decorated the kitchen with a plaid tablecloth, mason jar place settings, polka dot and checkered place mats, a loud florescent green kitchen throw rug, and odd mismatched hand towels in the kitchen. Dad and George clued Mrs. Skylar in on what to expect. George would have a video camera in place to catch Joni's reaction - for posterity, y'know.

Mrs. Skylar insisted pharmacy first, then Kroger for victuals (vittles, y'all), then George's Lair. The trash bags were ingloriously plopped onto the dining room floor with a note from Rex affixed: "Here's all your stuff". The construction paper makeshift card from Joni's little sister, unsigned of course, read "I moved the furniture around in the bed room, so THERE" Siblings, siblings... anything to keep the crap stirred up. George was amused. Joni'd have to plot her revenge carefully, but she'd manage. She believed in the old Chinese proverb that revenge is a dish best served cold.

Dad and little bro' showed up next along with a delivery truck from Sears. Ah, the 'fridge, washer and dryer. And they're hauling off the old ones, too. They were all moldy and smelled bad. George wasn't going to attempt to clean that stuff up. Joni deserved better. But George had to add a flourish all his own in the kitchen: a new set of yellow latex gloves laid on the kitchen sink with a sticky note: "Here they are, your new dishpan hands!" He'd be disappointed if he didn't get punched for that, but what the heck. Another sticky note was attached to the bottle of Mr. Clean that simply read: "Ding, Ding, Ding!" (Anyone raised in the '60's knows that if you sing the Mr. Clean jingle, you have to put in that ding-ding-ding at the end, or you'd get corrected for not doing so!) Rex insisted that George replace the regular toilet issue roll with one he'd gotten from Spencer Gifts, this one featured brown spots on each sheet!