All Comments on 'What did She Say?'

That's it? 1 star.

You may want to put in a few more words so that this makes sense to readers who aren't clairvoyant.

Finish the damn story! 750 word is BULLSHIT

ending not a story at all

This needed to be longer to convey anything more than a mistaken identity.

Is there a 2nd paragraph to this?

Sorry, I was confused by the last part!

4

Wanted to at least see the divorce.

Was this a part 1? There's more coming? I ask because this was NOT a story, maybe the beginning of a story, but it read like something someone could pound out in about 20 minutes. Yeah, I read your preface, but this "story" was seriously lacking. 3 stars.

Who the fuck is Tina and why is Lucy yelling at her?

What the fuck is going on?

And the timeline makes no sense. Lucy and hubby met a couple of years ago at the art show Sara put on; but Carlos and Sara were a couple before that and Lucy was under the impression hubby was the ex husband. Why didn’t she say anything then? Why wait until mow, when he was at lunch with a friend?

This is more confusing than entertaining.

I get that this is meant to be a short flash story, but what made this story less enjoyable for me is that I, like Sara's husband, want to know what the fuck Tina was the fuck up to.

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Pasqual

Would have bèn better if she had a video of the soon to be ex-wife screwing around and they were in a at fault state were she would be the one getting screwed over the devorice.

Needs finished!

Needs to be finished. Has the makings of a good story but there is a lot more to tell.

i am sorry...but u have me thoroughly confused..

What does Sara's sister Tine have to do with Sara's affair? Why should he be asking Tine what she's been up to since he's married to Sara and Tina is his sister-in-law? This failed at 750 and 762 only started to flesh out the story. 2stars

Unfinished

I think you forgot who was who.

Sister was Tina Wife was Sara. Why would he want to know what the sister was up too???

WTF, ist & last story i read.

HUH?

So glad you are back. I sincerely hope for more of your longer stories in vein of The rings or Life as a Venn diagram

This is a pretty good story, but who's Tina?

Who the hell is Tina and what the hell this story had promise then fizzled out.,

“His only redeeming feature was that he was dead.” Great line!

As usual, with the majority of 750 word stories it is a monumental failure as a story and overly verbose as a sentence! The 768 words would do well to invite some 'friends' It is also a well-worn trope and a bit of a cliche here in L.W. for the betrayal of a spouse. I see no merit in this shaft of thought the author had as it could have happened to anyone who has read stories here even a non-story writer like this retired engineer.

unfinished?

Dumb

So which one is tina or does he have a girl friend named tina on the side?

Like to see where this goes

Unusual way to find out his wife was cheating but dang it. You stopped when you got to the best part of the story...the fall out.

I have no clue what happened in this story.

Who is Tina?

I am confused by the ending. Are Sarah and Tina twins, or similar enough to be misidentified as each other? Why did Lucy confuse Tina as Sarah? Did Tina claim she was Sarah? Is Sarah having an affair or not? The implication is Tina was with the painter and not Sarah, but that may be wrong.

?????

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Read it several times. Could NOT figure out the end. No clue who Tina was. Or who the “very familiar person” was. Or who that last question was asked by.

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So…1 *.

A 2* cause I have no idea as to the ending here.

Good writing otherwise.

It was a good story, til the non-ending.

1* unfinnished

I usually like your work. I got no sleep last night and just now read this before trying to rest for an hour. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep, or perhaps I’m just obtuse, but I have no idea what I just read. It makes about as much sense as a Midori green grass story. Is the point that her sister Tina knew she was cheating and covered for her? Did you mix up names? That makes no sense to me either, because if I read it correctly you’re saying his wife and this artist are celebrating 30 years of cheating and held a big party at their place in Malta, inviting all their numerous friends. is this your way of saying that yes he’s really truly that completely clueless? Are you trying to show she’s a bigamist? I’m not one of these people that comments saying oh there’s got to be a part two, but for the life of me I don’t understand what the point of any of this was. I would prefer to think it was some sort of screwup on the part of the website and 10% of whatever it is you intended to submit actually made it and the rest was somehow deleted. Did one of us have a stroke? What made you write these words down and submit them like a complete story. Please explain this to me like I’m a five-year-old using only monosyllabic words, because I don’t have a clue what the point of this was.

Keep going. We need the story behind it

Who is Tina, and why would the MC need her to explain?

Grammar, punctuation, and spelling don't upset me as much as mixing up people in stories!

Did I miss the ending?

The premise is s there but it's lacking needs expanding and to make more sense.

I love the concept and the execution, except why Tina at the end? Why not Sara? I fear I'm a bit confused.

Lost me! Who is Tina?

Who's Tina?

I think I could write 768 words of questions about what just happened in your 768 word story…

The highlights:

Did you just screw up the names and use Tina (sister…?) at the end instead of Sara?

(And thereby ruin the punchline/confrontation?)

Or was TINA the one having the affair with Carlos?

And you just completely neglected to mention that they were twins or extremely similar looking?

(And thereby ruin the reveal/entire joke?)

And I questioned whether Tina even WAS the sister (until considering the possible intention of it being mistaken identity) because when you stated that Sara (wife) had “gone to negotiate with a promising artist she'd heard about to host an exhibition of her work later this year. Afterwards, I got the impression from Sara that Tina had been a bit of a handful, and she regretted inviting her.”…

It was unclear whether

(1) Tina was the sister and Tina HAD gone and TINA hooked up with Carlos OR…

(2) the sister was unnamed and TINA was the ARTIST in question and Tina the Artist ‘had been quite a handful’ and Sara regretted inviting the unnamed sister BECAUSE Tina the Artist had been so difficult to manage OR

(3) the obvious choice, it was all a big fat lie for Sara to run off with Carlos…

Which brings us back to the first question of why Tina is the name used at the end? And the most likely conclusion that you just screwed it up by swapping names and made a big mess of the whole thing so…

what actually happened in your story?

It’s not ‘cleverly ambiguous’ it’s poorly constructed. The reader asserts the moral right to be confused by the author of this work. And - as always - it’s not a copyright unless you filed your paperwork and paid your fee!

Who the fuck is Tina?

Nice twist! I, Liked it!

Who is Tina?

So who the fuck is Tina and what does she have to do with it?

I give up, who the hell is Tina?

????? Tina? WellI obviously missed a clue.

Who the fuck is Tina?

I really like those stories where the author was trying to be subtle and clever. I've no idea what happened in the last paragraph. I guess I couldn't keep all the women's names straight and who was speaking to whom.

But I'm sure it's a great short story.

This needs a part 2.

WTF ?????????

WTF?

Am I too stupid to get it or does it just make no fucking sense...

Tina?

I’ve reread the story several times and it does not resolve

What the fuck was that? It made no sense, whatsoever. 750 word stories are always crap. You should have written a proper story, then at least we would have known what it was about.

Always good writing but where's the other 2000 words? LOL! It was a powerful start to a story, but it didn't quite have everything wrapped tight enough to be considered a complete work, something I use as a yardstick in handing out 5s. 4*

No resolution, just the beginnings of a story. Like half of a chapter.

WTF? A few years? A 30th anniversary? Tina? Sara?

Um, no score because I believe this was interesting but the ending didn't have enough to tell what happened.

Ok. 4* as it appears like Tina had been impersonating her sister?

It's always great to see an Andyhm story! However, like the MC, I could use an explanation. What exactly is going on at the end? Why is Lucy is shouting at *Tina*? The MC (presumably) angrily wants an explanation from his wife's sister about her behavior - i.e. "what have *you* been up to", not "what has *Sara* been up to"? Apparently TIna had "been a handful" in Malta, but was it really that Tina now knows about the affair - the MC now knows this and is angry that Tina didn't rat out her sister?? I just don't get it.

This isn't long enough to even establish characters. The last sentence made no sense. Why would the sister be put on the spot...She was the excuse and wasn't at the setup event.

Sorry, unless there's a continuation of this story I give it a 3 star. As author specifically said and tagged as a 750 word, the assumption is, this is all of story.

Hopefully another author will continue and conclude this. The story has promise, don't know why author only wrote a tease piece.

What the heck... Lately a lot of aspiring authors just don't finish their submissions.

Am I the only idiot who can't understand these endless stories?

Yes... I used the same phrases I used in the comment of another unfinished text.

And who is Tina, for God's sake?

They should create a good tag: No end.

But as I always write: This is just my opinion.

I did not understand it. It was too vague. Was it the sister who was with Carlo? Not clear. If it was the sister with Carlo then why was she shocked by Lucy's comments??????

Unfinished? Will there be more?

Please finish the story.

Tina who?

Is that all there is if so really sucks for a story

This story doesn’t lend itself to this category without a set up and conclusion. Thanks for trying.

What was that unfinished bit?

I've heard of short stories, but.....?

Is this an April Fools story?

I’m going to wait to score this until you explain who Tina is and finish it. Part 1 was promising, but you missed the 750 cutoff anyway, so give us the rest of the story.

So her sister Tina is in trouble why? Its very unclear, and I reread this a couple times.

I get Sara is a slut banging the shitty artist and Tina is her sister but who asked what Tina was up to? And why did anyone care?

So I'll finish with this

The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

The question is why you would want to be.

Enough of the 750 word shit. I can no longer count the number of potentially good stories that have been ruined by this shit. I'm at the point of not even reading them and just 1* blasting.

Silentsound got it right, Tina is Sara's sister. She has been passing herself off to acquantices as being Sara. Why? We don't know and with such a short story the author doesn't tell us. Perhaps she's married? Maybe she's in love with her brother-in-law and wants to undermine their marrage? On the other hand, anyone who took the time to actually read the stoy rather than skim it would have caught the fact that Tina is Sara's sister and they were both in Malta at the same time. Sara for business, Tina for other reasons.

Who is Tina? Who is the very familiar person?

This story has potential. Please clarify/finish it.

So, to all those who can’t read — Tina is presumably Sara’s sister, who went to Malta with her.

To Andyhm, the ending fails because we don’t know who speaks the last line.

Perhaps you meant something like:

Lucy was shouting at a very familiar person who looked shocked. I hurried over, and Lucy wasn't the one who wanted an explanation, so when she paused to catch her breath, I interjected.

"So, Tina, just what the fuck have you been up to?"

If not, then it really makes no sense, but not much more this way.

Sorry, I generally enjoy your stuff very much, but this is too hard for my old brain to work out. Implication is that maybe Tina has been impersonating Sara, but that doesn’t make sense as all the characters appear to know each other. I mean Lucy knew Sara at the art gallery, so why would she think Tina is Sara? Identical twins (he asks with a groan)?

Otherwise, the meaning of the denouement is hidden by a lack of information.

A little help please.

The author, well, it would be cooler only if you wrote the following instead of the text of the story: "I've come up with a wonderful story..." And that's it, not another word... The rest, they say, reader, please think of something yourself, you're smart...

Tina IS Sara’s sister, confirmed by Sara’s earlier comment to Hubby. Lucy apparently has never been introduced to Lucy, but Lucy MAY have seen her before when Hubby was talking for several hours with Lucy and her Hubby … and/or in Malta but I would bet that she was in a hotel and not at Lucy’s host & hostess home. But sister Tina was NOT staying with Sara, despite Sara’s original planning. What We-The-Readers do NOT know is whether Tina is a cheating wife or is on the uncommitted market. And, if the latter, why she would use her sister’s name? So, it is likely Tina is a cheater, and Hubby (Sara’s) now knows for sure what Sara may have been suspecting … or may have known but didn’t want to out her Sis.

My guess is that the author dashed this off and sent it in. Andyhm knew the LW story he wanted to write but did not wait to review it nor get a beta read. The ‘beta’ would have resulted in one to three more sentences to make this a very clear (and good) LW offering in the mid low 4* range!

It seems that the author, adjusting the story to the format of 750 words, thoughtlessly deleted some very important piece of text in which everything was explained...

Who the fqk is Tina?

750 words doesn't really give you a lot to work with. Writing's good, but the setup is all too familiar, and the short length makes it nigh impossible to distinguish from all the similar stories in the same vein.

Clever, but probably too clever for most of the readers. Sadly I think you need to spell out the plot twist for those who didn’t get it.

As I make this comment, there are 76 comments already displayed….and fully 64 of them basically are saying “WTF?” Including several well regarded other authors on this site.

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A couple commenter “claim” to understand WTF…but they lie.

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Face it….you were too clever by half….and blew this attempt at a flash story right down your leg. If 0 ⭐️‘s we’re a possible score, that’s what I would have rendered.

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Maybe you can repost and fix this mess???

I think everyone has said it where is the rest of the story. This is going to make you a laughing stock make you feel like a complete fool. What on the earth are you thinking not even saddletramp1956 would write a start like this. You start off very good then just left it what did you get board of it or something??. You are a serious great writer but this it’s like you left it mid sentence. Please put it right and don’t even think about writing a chapter 2 do 1 page and hope people will ask for chapter 3 . Please just write chapter 2 and write more than 1 page and make sure it makes sense please. Just because you are a talented writer doesn’t mean you can slack off when you want . You made your mess now tidy it up please before it’s to late .

I have no idea what was going on. the author obviously thinks it is clear but he's wrong.

Evah-Rheddy

Read it three times. Still could not figure out who was who.

Read it a couple times. Still confused...

Call this a story ? I've seen opening disclaimers longer than this . Get a grip .

confusing...

Very disjointed and bit rough to follow. Reread it fix the flow and youll have a great story. With a part 2 comin on deck, if you felt so inclined.

I will try. If Tina was claiming to be Sara a couple years ago at the gallery. Was she covering for Sara then and with whom? The next time Lucy meets them, she believes Tina to be Sara and in love with Carlo. Where was Sara...Ya, I'm confused. Andy, we need some help here.