All Comments on 'What Every Girl Needs'

by mybaby

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  • 15 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

NEVER continue this drivel. You're in the wrong category and most women shy away from a big cock because it HURTS! Stupid story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

This slut isn't married so there is no "wife" here. If you are going to write a "slut" in part 2 make sure everyone knows about her and her friends abd how much they charge per hour.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

I just want to say thank you for not making Steve a big black guy with a huge cock that always drives the white females crazy. Many writers can't write anything else.

Some how I hope Mark finds out what went on between Rachel and Steve. He needs to know about Rachel's desire for a big cock. That could be a problem if they did marry, and he may reconsider having the info. Remember she considered Mark her fiance so doesn't that make her a cheating slut.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

"To be continued."

.

Fatal word to end a story that doesn't have a chapter number in the title to warn it wasn't a complete story. ALWAYS earns a rating of 1.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

great story

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Mark left this morning, found a new girl that wasn't a slut.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago
Get an editor

or at least read through before posting; run-on sentences, missing punctuation, misused words, a mess and hard to read

curly1curly1over 2 years ago

An unmarried woman is not a wife.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

There is no such thing as a "BBC"... There are just men, of different sizes, skin tones and races, all of which vary over a fairly narrow range. Black men are no bigger on average than white or latino men. Just a bunch of racist horse shit, to give this slut an excuse to degrade herself with multiple partners.

GrendelpuppyGrendelpuppyover 2 years ago

This is a prime example of why authors should avoid writing in the First Person Perspective. The data dump on name and family history reads like a submission to PENTHOUSE LETTERS.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Spell check and reread your work.

diusfidusdiusfidusover 2 years ago

Okay so it appears that today is be a rude wanker day on Lit then. Well done all of you for your constructive feedback to the author.

Yes, there were a few things that could stand improvement but the story was good, the description of the smut pretty well written and honestly made me want to fuck her.

You could use an editor that will help with more than grammer etc. Writing first person feels like the easy option but quickly becomes limiting unless you get very creative. What it works best for are the raw emotion and mind trains during the sex and the introspective monologues that come before and after.

I'd love to see a second part. Go for it and ignore the assholes, especially any of the lame assed anon ones.

26thNC26thNCover 2 years ago

Reads more like an anonymous “my wife and I “ comment than a story.

Oatmeal1969Oatmeal1969almost 2 years ago

Thank you for posting this and please continue the story. It could branch off in many ways, romance, cuckolding, voyeurism, swapping, threeways.

Have fun with it and write what you want.

Anonymous
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