All Comments on 'What Goes Around Comes Around'

This story needs an editor. Maybe it needs an army of editors.

Suggestion #1 (and that's all I'm gonna give)... control the tenses.

Stories almost never work in the present tense. But this started off in the present tense. Then it slipped back and forth between the present and past tense, never deciding on a single one If you want to use the present tense, do so throughout the story.

Better yet, never use the present tense. Ever. Ever??? Yes, ever ever ever.

Get an editor.

Don't stop taking the drugs. Better yet STOP writing. You are pathetic.

work in progress? no shit! really bad stuff.

That will help you. Trust me when I say I know all about errors, I am very good at making them myself.

Just keep right on trying.

MGM

... for a first grader!!

She's a slut, not a loving wife...whoops, oh yeah - she did it because she loves him...huh? This is just a story of a slut gabgbanging with no self respect or bother to consider getting STD's.

She justifies her lust for fucking...what's your excuse?

You have an imagination, listen to your critics, get some literary advice and keep writing...thanks for the effort.

This was like a driveby shooting. You sprayed fucking all over the place hoping something would stick. What are you 12? A trained monkey could write better than this.

I repeat - why?

DIRTY FUCKING SLUT!!!

.

The worst thing that's ever appeared here! (Worse even than some of Sarahh's "writing"!)

Okay, first, have a good idea of who your characters are. I have no idea who or what is the motivation here. Second, do a little plotting. What the hell is going on here? Third, and very important, DON"T MIX TENSES! Your first paragraph is third/past and the next is third/present!

You lost me by the time they got to the fleabag hotel. Don't quit writing, but take a little more time and get an editor. Editor are great. And read some of the better writers here like DQS1, HardDaysNight, Patricia51, RPsuch. JPB - well there are just to many to mention. But read and see how they do things. Don't copy them but get a feel for how they pace and flow their stories.

Good luck on the next installment! :-)

Regards

C

The story seems like its an outline with no depth. If you give more information regarding the characters and the situation, it would be better.

the she gets fucked by more guys and as a write somehoe you find it sexy that he is married to a cum loving aids infested whore. and some how this is sexy, as a writer your a fucking joke.

Just truly awful story. What a revolting human being, with no redeeming characteristics at all.

couldn't find a zero either dear annony!!

no story and no actual characters were used in the making of this story. 1* for the misplacement and deception. Skimmed it so can't comment on the writing but it wasn't compelling at the top of the piece and and I absolutely didn't care at the end. Boring. Trite. Cliche.

Other than that I really have no opinion

just another piece of shit for the trash pile

What a fucked up piece of shit, is this a story your mom told you?

Once again, scores are appropriate to story 's worth.

Bad story

Bad ugly story.

Some peoples trash is other peoples treasure but this was just trash. This is exactly the story I would expect incels that have never touched a woman to write.

Your other story was decent and far different from this one which doesn't have a single redeeming quality. I couldn't even make a recommendation for how to improve it because some woman gang banging countless guys like this doesn't even seem like fantasy material.