What Makes The World Go Around

"I never came like that before. I flooded your bed."

"Mm, hm. I'm so turned on; I don't think I'll ever go down."

She smiled and stroked my hardness.

"I thought about you while you were using the toy. I pictured your hard cock pumping in and out, making me scream every time your body slammed into mine. I've been doing that at home lately too."

"You never did that before?" I asked.

"No. I was always afraid it would spoil the mood if I thought of your penis inside me, so I thought of you just eating me. Before you, I thought of Bradley Cooper eating me."

I laughed. "You thought about Rocket the Racoon..."

"No, Bradley, dork!"

She kissed me, then kissed her way down my body, stopping at my cock where she gave me one hell of a blowjob.

*****

Another month passed, and everything was going well. We continued to use the toy, she continued to let me use my fingers to penetrate her, and we were no closer to her letting me put my hungry cock inside her tight pussy.

I was having lunch with my son as we discussed his upcoming graduation when he asked, "When are you going to ask Angela to marry you?"

"What makes you think I'm close to doing that?" I asked.

He smiled, "The ring is in the safe in your office."

"What were you doing in there?" I asked.

"I needed my social security number. I know you keep that stuff in the firebox in the safe."

"You could've asked me—and where did you get the code for the safe?"

"Mom's birthday isn't as secure of a code as you think," he grinned.

"Well, I guess I can trust you with the code. I don't have anything to hide from you. Just don't take the cash."

"Okay, Scrooge McDuck, I'll leave your gold coins. Just answer my question."

"It's complicated, Son. I'd ask her to marry me today if there weren't some issues on her end."

"You don't think she'll say yes?" he asked, surprised.

"Honestly, I have no idea how she'll respond."

I didn't have a clue. I knew we were in love, yet there was a distance she kept. I had mentioned moving in together once the boys went to college, but she shot it down.

Her not having gotten over the hump to make love to me weighed heavily on her mind, and she didn't believe I'd last with that issue between us.

I wasn't going anywhere. I was getting regular blowjobs and when it came down to it, I believed I could live with getting them instead of penetrative sex. Hell, before I began seeing her, I was prepared to live the rest of my life without a companion and use my hand for relief. What we had was miles better than that scenario.

*****

"They'll be all right, won't they?" Angela asked as we watched the sunset from my patio. The boys had left for college that day.

"The boys will be more than fine. They're great kids with good heads on their shoulders. We did well with them if I do say so myself."

"I've never been alone before, Rafe. I'm..."

"You don't have to be alone, Angela. We can be together."

She took my hand and said, "It's easy to say, but I know you'll get tired of me eventually."

I groaned.

"Angela, I'm not going anywhere. Wait here a second."

I went into the house and opened my safe.

I was hoping to do it in a more romantic setting, and I was hoping to do it when I had any certainty at all she'd say yes, yet I knew I had to do it at that moment, or I'd lose her then and there. It was as Dan forewarned me, only much later than anyone expected. She was going to push me away.

Her eyes were glistening when I returned. I walked to her side of the table and knelt before her.

"Angela, I know you think I won't be able to be with you because of your issue with sex, but I don't care about that, and I'll prove it."

I held up the ring and asked, "Will you marry me?"

There it was, simple, effective. My heart was beating out of my chest and flop sweat drenched me.

She started crying yet took the ring and gazed at it reverently.

"I want to say yes so badly," she whispered.

She took my hand and turned it over, then she placed the ring inside and closed my fingers around the cold metal.

"I'm so sorry," she said, then ran into the house. I followed, but she grabbed her purse and made it to her car before I could physically stop her.

"Wait!" I shouted as she started the car and backed out. I regretted not pounding on the window or running to the back of the car to prevent her from leaving, but I suppose that'd have been childish anyway. If she didn't want to be with me, why should I get killed trying to force her to stay?

I watched her taillights fade into the dusk and allowed the tear to fall down my cheek.

*****

I stared at my computer screen two days later. The words and numbers made sense, yet at the same time I couldn't understand anything. I was moving on auto pilot and was surprised I hadn't gotten bitched out by my team or my boss. That was until Dan stopped by.

"How are you holding up, Rafe?" He asked.

"I'm not. She won't return my calls or texts and I have no idea what to do about it."

He frowned, "She's a mess, Buddy. She hasn't been able to pull herself together for the last two days. Her son called my wife when she got home the other night. He was going to go after you for hurting her until Angela begged him to leave you alone."

"I never meant to hurt her," I whispered.

"I know and she knows, but the kid doesn't understand."

"No, and I'm sure she can't tell him the whole truth either."

He shook his head.

"Dan, I never thought I'd feel this way again. I can't lose her, Man."

"I'm so sorry, Rafe. We wanted it to work out for you. We still do. I don't know if I should tell you to stay tough, or to let her go."

"I've decided to give her space. I'm not going to grovel. She knows where I stand, the rest is on her."

"Such a damned mess, Rafe. It's just not fair to either of you."

"No, no it's not, but what can I do? I mean, I already threw myself into the fire and asked her to marry me. What more can I do?"

He shook his head, "I don't know."

*****

A month later, I was sitting in my recliner staring at the engagement ring on the table. There had been no contact with her, and I wasn't making any effort to reach out. I gave up.

I struggled with my feelings. I knew that I loved her as much as I loved my departed wife. There wasn't any question about that in my mind nor my heart. I simply couldn't figure out a way to make her want to be with me.

I knew she loved me, and if she could only escape from the mind prison she built we could live happily ever after. She, no, we deserved it.

I wondered if I was making a mistake in not contacting her. Could I have created an insurmountable divide by waiting for her to come for me? I knew she wouldn't look for someone else, I just wanted her to look for me.

I was broken from my thoughts by my front door opening.

"Hey, Old Man," my son said as he walked into the room with Taylor.

"Hi," I said as I rose. "What are you guys doing here? I didn't expect you until Thanksgiving."

"I need your help, Mister Morris."

I pointed to the couch and the boys sat.

"Bobby, go grab some waters for Taylor and yourself."

I watched Bobby leave and said, "What can I do for you, Taylor?"

"It's my mom. She's been messed up since you broke up, I..."

He looked at the coffee table and picked up the ring box.

"Was this for her?" he asked.

"It was. She said no."

A tear fell from his cheek, and he continued, "You know, when she came home that night all upset, I was going to come over here and, well..."

"I know, Taylor. I'm glad you didn't. I'm not sure I could take you."

We laughed and he took a long drink of water.

"I had no idea you proposed," he said.

Bobby said, "I didn't tell him, Dad. I wanted to stay out of it."

I nodded in understanding and said, "What's happened, Taylor? Is your mom okay?"

"She misses you."

"I miss her too, but what can I do? She never returned any of my calls or texts. I can't force her to love me back."

"She does love you, Sir. God! I'd never seen her the way she was while she was dating you. She'd walk around the house singing. Like, with no music on or anything. It was crazy. She was so happy."

"Sounds like love if you ask me," Bobby said with a smile.

"We were in love. It's just that there are some things that your mom can't get over, Taylor. I wish I could tell you what the problem is, but it's personal, you know?"

"Can't you go and talk to her? I'm worried about her. She hasn't been doing anything except working and sleeping. I heard from her one of her friends that she almost lost her job due to skipping work after I left for school."

My heart hurt for the young man that was desperate to help his mother yet didn't know how. I'm sure I was the last resort for him, and I wasn't going to let him down.

"I tell you what, Taylor. Let's go together. Does she know you came into town?"

"No, Sir. We thought it be better if we talked to you first."

"Okay. Let's go."

*****

I left my son and drove Taylor to his home. We knew Angela would likely be home as she didn't work on Saturdays until the evening. I only hoped she didn't get angry with him for asking for my help.

"Mom, are you home?" Taylor shouted after opening the door.

"Taylor!" she shouted from her bedroom. "Why didn't you call..." she stopped when she turned the corner and saw me standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hi, Angela."

It was the first time I'd seen her in over a month. She looked unkempt but still attractive.

"Rafe, what are you doing here?"

"I brought him, Mom," Taylor said as he walked up the stairs.

She didn't take her eyes off me as she met him halfway and pulled him into a hug.

"Why, Taylor? I don't want to..."

"Mom, you're a mess without him. I can see what's been going on, and I know you almost lost your job. I want to get my old mom back."

"Oh, Taylor, I know your intentions were good, but we can't be together."

"Why not, Mom? He won't tell me what happened and it's obvious that he wants to be with you and you with him. What the hell is going on?"

"Sweetie, I can't tell you. It breaks my heart, but I just can't."

"He asked you to marry him, Mom! He loves you."

She started sobbing. "I love him too. I just can't." She ran to her room and Taylor motioned for me to stay.

I grabbed a pop out of the fridge and sat on the couch to wait. It took about a half hour, but Taylor came down first.

"She told me everything, Mr. Morris. I...I...don't know what to do now."

"There's nothing you can do, Taylor. I'm sorry that you had to hear the story. What happened to her was awful, but it gave her you, and she loves you more than anything. Knowing what happened changes nothing between you two."

He nodded, I gave him a side on bro-hug and walked up the stairs.

"Mr. Morris," he called out making me turn back to him, "in these last few months, you've been the closest thing I've ever had to a father." He smiled sadly, then turned and walked into the kitchen.

What the heck was I supposed do with that? I was in the middle of the largest crisis I'd faced since my wife's death, and I felt just as helpless as I did when she died.

I knocked on her bedroom door and waited for her to invite me in. After a minute, she hadn't said anything, so I opened the door and invited myself in. She was curled into the fetal position facing away from me and crying.

"I'm sorry, Angela," I began, "I don't know what I can do to make it better for you."

She stared at the wall and without looking at me answered, "I never had it better."

I sighed and sat on the bed. It felt so good to touch her again as I rubbed her back.

"Rafe, I..."

"Come on, Angela," I groaned. "Please stop thinking about it. You're killing yourself with indecision. I am not going anywhere you don't send me. I've already committed to you."

"You're all I've thought about since I left you," she whispered.

"Then come back to me."

She sat up and hugged me and I never wanted to let her go. I just held her and let her take what she needed from me.

She whispered, "I wish I never asked you out and put you through all this."

I laughed and pushed her out to arm's length.

"Stop it. You don't mean that, and you know it. You're the best thing that's happened to me since Bobby was born, and I don't regret a moment of our time together."

"I don't know what to do, Rafe. I want to be with you so badly, but I don't think I could ever be the wife you need."

"What gives you the right to decide what kind of wife I need, huh?" I laughed. "Can't I decide for myself what or who will make me happy? Shouldn't I be the one who decides with whom I spend the rest of my life?"

She didn't answer, but she laid her head on my chest and sobbed again.

I stroked my hand through her hair and let her cry it out. I felt awful for her knowing that she thought she was being a martyr on my behalf. I couldn't convince her that I could live with her issue, and it frustrated me to no end. How could I make her see that we could make it for the long haul.

*****

I woke when Taylor's hand gently touched my shoulder.

"Sorry, Sir. I just wanted to let you know I ordered pizza and it's here if you'd like to eat."

"Thank you, Sweetie," Angela smiled. She looked at me and sat up. "I've been up for a while. I didn't want to wake you, but honestly, it felt good to lay in your arms again."

She rolled off the other side of the bed and stepped into the bathroom. I made my way downstairs and found Taylor in the dining room setting out the pizza.

"You know, Mister Morris, after she told me what her issue was, I couldn't believe you'd want to be with her. How can you not..."

"Taylor, it's not really your business, but the simple answer is I love her."

"You still want to marry her?" he asked, annoying me further.

"Desperately," I answered. "I even brought the ring along just in case. It's in my jacket."

He looked behind me, smiled, and filled his plate with pizza. I turned but the doorway was empty.

I teased, "You should save the dishes and just eat out of the box. You know you're going to finish it off."

He shrugged, "I wouldn't want to be uncivilized in front of a guest."

Just then, Angela walked in and sat next to me at the head of the table. I caught a glint of light reflecting on the table and glanced down at her hand.

"Yes," she said, as I looked at her in disbelief.

She wore the ring and tears streaked down her cheek. I glanced at Taylor, who beamed as he shoved another slice in his mouth.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

She nodded with a wide smile, and I almost tackled her out of her seat with a hug.

*****

Epilogue.

It was a year before we got married. She put up delay after delay and almost blew everything when she tried to test me and stopped being intimate with me for a month. I realized what she was doing and called her bluff until she gave in and needed me more than she could take.

She had given up on it, but I convinced her to see another doctor. I was hoping a fresh outlook could find a different technique or pharmaceutical that would help her get over her fears. That took another year after we got married.

The first time we made love was on our fourth Valentine's Day together. She arranged a room out of town, dinner at a Michelin two-starred restaurant, and wore the sexiest body stocking I'd ever seen.

I almost had a heart attack when she rolled me onto my back and lined up on top of my hard cock.

Her tears fell onto my chest as she slowly took me into her body.

"Oh, Rafe. Oh, God! How I love you."

She bottomed out and fell forward onto me, where I hugged her as hard as I could. She felt so silky and tight, as she circled her hips against me, sobbing.

It wasn't an Earth shattering, wall rattling, pounding her into the mattress sexual experience. It didn't even last all that long.

All that mattered to us was the result. We had made love.

After that first time, it was as if a damn had burst. She couldn't get enough and although we're not sure which night it happened; our daughter Kaycee was born prematurely about 7 1/2 months later.

I sat in the family bonding room with my daughter asleep on my chest and my wife cuddled into my shoulder, blissfully happy that Kaycee was healthy and would be going home the next day. One of the nurses peeked their head in the room and asked if we needed anything.

I looked down at my sleeping girls and then back to the nurse, "We're all good."