All Comments on 'What Should I Have Done'

Wait...

What was that?!?

This isn't a conversation. This is you telling us a story. That was a lot of filler to get us to no conclusion.

Very frustrating.

Too many flashbacks in too short a story.

Not cool. If you are going to write a story, finish it.

Rambling, meandering story that is hard to follow

Very confusing and undeveloped story.

Try to be accurate when describing everything. The US Army Southeast Signal School and at that time the MP school. No infantry training was conducted there when I was in Signal Corps training or when I was in the school cadre. The US Army Infantry school was at Ft. Benning not Ft. Gordon.

That's a lot of chaff to get to a few wheat nuggets.

So we have a typical Jody story. A guy has a steady girlfriend through high school that is a year below him. Upon graduation, he joins the service and is away for training. They exchange correspondence the entire time. He gets back and takes her to a dance where another guy moves in and she has way too much familiarity with him. In other words, she was fucking around on him while he was on active duty.

His one an only course of action is to walk away, leave her on the dance floor and never look back. Just coming out of training, he is fit and could probably mop the floor with Jody, but all that would do is get him some jail time. Dorothea isn't worth fighting for because she already displayed her true colors. She is a faithless slut and has broken his trust. There could be no true marriage because she has already demonstrated that she cannot be true.

Needs some editing. It really makes the difference between a 2-3 star and a 4-5 star story.

If you want others to complete your story, at least start out with an interesting proposition or theme. This is so insipid!

Interesting story, well written. What would I have done? When the second dance started, I would have reclaimed my date. If refused by her, then I would have taken my ring back, then left the scene. Fickle women have no place in my life.

With this site it is best to write a complete story,

You have left too much un said. So the fool is stranded on the side lines. What were her intentions and what finally happened?

What dribble

This story really is redundant!

Mess of a story.

Well... It is very simple:

You are not married to her, so you walked to the dance flour and tap him on the shoulder.

when he turns, you say to him "I am not here to cut in, I just need a word with both of you for a few seconds"

Looking at her you say "Good bye and have a miserable life, we are over"

To him you say "Thank you for exposing her to me before things got more involved"

"Sorry for the interruption" You say to both of them as you step back and then you turn around and walk away.

(time to start a new chapter in your life)

Tell him to beat it, this is your woman and you don't share. Otherwise just another sissy wimp cuck story.

First time posting and giving others permission to finish YOUR story because you too damn lazy to finish it yourself, where are the minus scores? WHEN will YOUR conclusion be posted? though you already stated THE END!

Just leave! If she is this disrespectful as a girlfriend after a few months apart just imagine what could happen if she was a wife and he was gone for longer than a few months, which often happens with military families. And she sidestepped the virgin comment....LEAVE!!!

No More! Please stop. If you're going to start a story ..... finish it.

Confusing. There is NO cutting in when going "steady". Disrespectful by both the male and the girlfriend. Will only lead to real cheating down the road, especially if marriage is in the cards.

Nah. Frustrating to read.

The most empowering thing you'll ever learn to do in this life is saying NO.

Feeling confident in saying "no" enables people with setting clear and consistent boundaries in their relationships.

What "they" said! You ARE NOT a seasoned enough writer to pull this off.

What should you have done? You should finish the damn story; whatever game you think you’re setting up with the readers isn’t working. That was a meandering, disjointed, confusing mess. You write well enough so just do it and tell the story. Stop trying to be clever with the plot.

A lot more thought and research should have been done and gone into this, before being put up here. It appears to be the ramblings of a child. Not even worth one star.

fist, get an editor who speaks both english, and what ever your first language is

then learn how liner time works as your story jumped around with no frames of reference to the time shifts

please edit your future works with someone else

Leave.

What you should have done

Was finish the story or let us know it was part 1. That is what you should have done.

Thank you.

Didn’t need to know all the back story.

So-so at the very best. We can only hope the author finds some imaginative way of wrapping this up other than the transparent conclusion that Dot was a slut.

This should have been labeled "chapter 1" as this is obviously not a complete story. The character and plot development is really pretty limited. This reads more like a documentary of what happened than a story to entertain. Not awful, and the premise has some potential, but I can't say that I will be looking for the followup given what I have seen so far.

non eratic is an interesting typo in the tags. That, or you were aware before posting there wasn't anything even slightly 'erotic' about this one, either.

I tried to stay with it, but it has too many bends and sharp changes which robs the syory of clairity and context.

I would have been gone by the third dance she could find her own way home

@kage440, as a recovering reality nazi I have to say, what does it matter to the story what military base, etc.?

... How about finishing your own story yourself, author?

Ain't nothing worth that a forced open-ending. 'Rather read ten more 'February sucks' stories than this... FTDS yourself.

This is a good start. I will be really interested to see where this goes. Don't worry about the FYDS crowd. You want others to have a go writing their version of the ending and have a good setup. Some people lack imagination (like myself for instance) and can't conceive an ending let alone write one. Good on you.

Don't marry her get away and thank her for showing her true color's before marriage and children.

What should I've done?

I get that this is a fiction piece, (possibly a piece of shit.) But if you really need to ask yourself, I nor any real man can help you....

What should you have done?

YOU should have a better editor.

YOU should NOT give permission for others to continue this disjointed rubbish.

YOU should FINISH your own work.

YOU should recind that permission.

YOU should not post more until it not disjointed rubbish.

Who cares?

Looks too much like another wife cheats while husband is deployed story.

Got zero traction with me, but I don't care for stories that start near the end then expect you to wade through the beginning and the middle so that when you get back to the end you started with the end starts to make some sense. By that point who gives a fuck?

\

Oh, and whatever you did or should of done, it doesn't include writing.

First, you should put the story in an appropriate category. As there was no wife, that's not Loving Wives.

Second, as bad as it was, you should finish the story before posting it.

Third, you should find an editor and work with them to improve the story before posting it.

I hate these stories when the so-called author is supposed to do a sequel and it is never done, Bull .crap

WTF. Finish your own damn story.

Please stop writing

This story is yours it's start, it's build up to create suspense, climax and resolution. You should always finish the story then let people give alternative endings. Lost major points for that.

Please just stop writing in general, thanks for wasting my time. Attention seeking

Two stars (dislike) due to a poorly conceived effort. I waded through an uninteresting backstory, to find that the end was just that: "finish." I will have no interest in any sequel or chapter

JPB

Would never allowed the cut in . I’d politely said not tonight

Disappointing.

Learn to spell.

I don‘t understand: what‘s the intented outcoming with this story? Nice to hear about the military but it‘s the relationship which should be your main topic to write about.

This story tells NOTHING.

If you really want to write you should learn how to spell. Reading your stuff on Literotica is a waste of time when there are so many other talented authors who conceive interesting plots and spell correctly.

Ed

First story!

3

You say no way buddy and dance away

DON'T GIVE UP YOUR DAY JOB!!!

11

11

Ok. So her ex wanted to dance with her. That’s about all I got from this story. It was really hard to read....

That's not a story, that's a situation.

I skimmed the back story, so maybe I missed something, but the guy cuts in on a slow dance - okay. They then dance a second fast dance - still okay. The next dance, a slow dance starts, and she doesn't come back? Either leave her there, or go and cut in yourself!

No

Details for nothing but verbage.

Said little with a lot of words and really said nothing that I could give a shit about

Not even sure what I was attempting to read here. 1*.