All Comments on 'What the F'

Was that??? Did you forget to post the last page or two of the story???

Some of your stories are decent, a few suck, and some are good. This one had the ability to be great but your explanation for "Friday's" of her training to be a Croupier is nonsensical. Not to mention the million holes you left in the story. Why did she stink and need surgery??? What about the parents or Bobby??? Is she going to take that stupid job as a Croupier and never end up seeing her husband anymore??? She would work nights and most weekends and he would work days.

I don't know if following you as an author on Literotica is going to be worth it if you write more stories like this. One of your major problems is none of your characters are likeable. Usually your main characters are smart, educated, and have some problem solving and fighting skills but yet they have serious anger issues that make them unable to deal with the smallest red flags and relationship problems before they get out of hand.

If you can fix these and some other minor flaws you have in your stories and writing as well as mix things up a bit, you could really become a very good writer on here.

FTDS

She's fucking around on him.

Ok, I don't like the open-ended ending, I get letting the reader form their own conclusions but its your story, what's yours? Also, as someone else said "What was she in the hospital for?"

Where is the end?

To me, I would divorce her... It doesnt matter she didnt cheat on him, she lied, she make it looks like she was cheating.. meeting his brother alone? To me she was shaggin him.... So, I would have divorce her...

No reasonable husband would believe that story.

Too long before getting to the point. But a good story.

Please finish the story!

WHAT A STUPID FUCKING REASON FOR THE FRIDAY FUCK FEST!! SHE IS A BITCH!! ALL THE OTHER BASTARD FAMILY KNEW ABOUT!!

CLEARLY THEY HAD NO RESPECT FOR THIS HUSBAND!! JUST DIVORCE THE BITCH!!

REALLY ONLY A CUNT WRITER WILL COME UP WITH THIS CRAP

Also, the ending was a strange brake check.

This needs an ending ..one way or another..

DOL

Incredibly confusing. Really needs a sequel to clear everything up.

A well written yarn. I have to admit the abrupt ending threw me. but now smile at the writer's brave decision to let the reader let their own ending come out.

Oh, and for those insecure, bitter "burn everything to the ground" commentators, get your hand the f#*k off it!

Sort of twisted but needs a second part!

The story was developing well - until - we fell on the cliff into the abyss of unfinished left hanging stories that does nothing more than totally pi$$ off and irritate readers - who could be your valuable fan base!!!!!

Instead, we’re left hanging because you never bothered taking the finish session in your lit class!!!!!!!

Sad! Very sad!!!!!

Unfinished story. No explanation for why she was in the hospital and needed a surgery. She showed him the documents for the training course and the casino policies. She made a big mistake not communicating with her husband despite everyone else telling her to do so. The husband made a big mistake leaping to conclusions and not trying to confront her. Her story is too preposterous not to be true. It comes down to risk vs reward. If she is not telling the truth, which ems highly unlikely given the absurdity of her story and that no one would go to the effort to forge documents for four nights of cheating, then he can find her out soon enough later. If she is telling the truth then they probably both need counseling for different reasons, but he has his marriage and his wife. Whether he wants his wife working nights in a casino is a different judgement call altogether. A full story woukd have been nice. Again why no explanation for the surgery?

This would have only been 1 1/2 pages long if she would have simply took him a long that Friday and explained it to him and showed him. But with everyone saying the same thing, " Lorraine will explain everything " what do you think the husband would think. Now why was there no Explanation About her sickness, Or what her husbands Opinion was at the end, Or if she took the damn casino job. I really hate unfinished stories..

Just awful. Terrible premise, unbelievable stupidity everywhere and unexplained plot devices, topped off with an non resolute ending.

She should have just told him from the start.....not doing so caused all this turmoil. The fact everyone knew and wouldn't tell the husband makes them just as bad. He should have just left all these lovers behind and started a new life.

2 stars. So much stupidity brings it down.

Lack of a real ending makes it worse. Finish the damned story!!!

Bill S.

I suspected it would be something stupid. But I kept reading of the of chance i was actually something clever. Alas it wasn't to be.

Stupid woman, instead of talking to her husband & telling him about what she's doing, says nothing. That allows him, especially when she's wearing sexy short dresses with no bra, to think she's cheating. The "I'll tell you tomorrow" just doesn't work. Then comes the brother & parents, who knew at least something what she's doing but said nothing.

>> The brother should've insisted she tell or he will, especially when thing're turning south. Threaten to bring hubby to the casino. That she wouldn't tell him about that belies & strangles any trust. Then she dares to tell him if he continues thinking what he was, she'll shut up & save her breath? "Well, if you told me in the beginning, we wouldn't be here now, would we?" he asks. I'm not sure how I'd feel for my wife going out dressed, no matter where, like she was- especially without me there.

>> There's her getting sex therapy. She may be embarrassed, but the need to inform her husband is needed, especially when making a bad situation from getting worse. Finally, once again with this author, the fucking story's not finished. Which brings my rating to 2 stars, when added to the less than desirable story. Bob

"If you think this is an elaborate charade to cover I'm fucking around on you, we're done," she says. Despite the fact that she's been out for a month or so without telling her husband what she's doing, dressing almost in short skirts sans bra, leading her husband to think she's cheating. Now that she's finally talking, after damage was done to their marriage, she's almost threatening him? (Yeah, threatening might not be the word.)

Add to that his brother knew & didn't make her tell, & even his parents knew, but all are saying his wife has to be the one to tell. That includes his sister in law, who found out the story but wouldn't tell. And they blame him for thinking wrong?

The story isn't finished. Nothing if they reconciled or divorced. I think there should be a small separation, as her silence, in both the casino job & going to the sex therapist, is warranted. Just maybe for a month or 2 at most.

No communication

No married

The stupid fucker should have told her right then and there that he believed her, and would take her back and love her forever if she never keep any more Secrets from him ever again. but if she ever so much as went back to that casino, or to work there he would kick her ass to the curb, and divorce her the next day ! As I've Been there, done that with my first wife in Las Vegas, when she went to work as a 21 dealer. I lost her that way, the big tips, the Excitement, the work clicks she got in to with other dealer friends. She was just gone and never looked back, left me and our 5 & 6 year old little girls, for me to raise by myself. A year or two later she married one of her pit bosses, but she made all the big bucks that she ever wanted, working at Caesars palace. I on the other hand was happy to have sweet little girl and took them to Asian, and soon after married again. I was stationed at Nellis AFB, when we got divorced

This whole stupid story could have been Straightened out in a minute, if after he saw her all dressed up that day when he came home early. All she had to do was grab a hold of him, and pulled him along to the casino, her for her last day of training, and filled him in the car, on the way there. Stupid wife..

communication is the cornerstone to any relationship. The wife dug her own grave. I take it you left the ending open for us to decide what happened.

he is a total sob

Jesus christ.

Damn, you milked her little secret. This should have been 750 words.

Good grief...... Talk about milking the plot......

You didn't believe me. What you said hurt me so badly. I always felt you trusted me, I trusted you. Why didn't you trust me? Because you lied and kept what you did a secret.

***Thanks for the read.🙄

That's it, what the F, lol stupid moron divorce her she was going to eventually whore herself out at the casino, and what was going on in those therapist sessions

I read to the end, but this was one of your weaker stories. The plot hinges on her having a big secret that everyone seems to know, but only she can tell him. A simple "she's working at the casino" from *anyone* would have made everyone's life better.

You can stretch a plot that hinges on misunderstandings a long way, but this was too far.

Well written but a poor story, especially the ending is bad. If a spouse won't tell the other or is afraid to but yet does what is not said, then the marriage is in trouble and the spouse that did it is a poor person. Really this needs to be pulled and a rewrite done.

Tell the stupid bitch, if she hadn't kept Secrets from him in the first place this wouldn't have happened. And that you believe on 2 ConditionsConditions that are Non negotiable, one you never keep secrets from him again. Two she will Absolutely not work at a casino. She said number one she could do. But why on the casino job. He told her to many of his friends wife had worked a casinos and they all ended up in divorces. Seems all of the wife's loved the easy money, Excitement and the rich men running around at the casinos. So he told he to pick him or the casinos and divorce!!

Weakly done.

Bloody ridiculous most of your writing plays on the theme of the wife being innocent but drugged and abused. This story is just another twist on the same I know if my wife did any of this crap her arse would scorch the earth as I kicked her to the curb

Paragraph after paragraph of non-conversation.

A: I'm mad at her for doing X

B: She didn't do X

A: I'm mad at her for doing X

C: She didn't do X

A: I'm mad at her for doing X

How does anyone that stupid survive to adulthood, much less get someone to marry him?

She wears clothing she wouldn't wear for her husband. Strike 1.

She keeps secrets about Friday and Therapy Tuesday?? Strike 2.

Due to her attire she attracts a serial pussy hound and keeps it secret. Strike 3 kicked to the curb!!

An ordinary story about a lying wife, sneaking around with her husband's brother... Then she goes to the hospital for a mystery condition which isn't explained... Which causes her to smell really badly... Maybe, like an advanced case of a VD ... All while a friend covers for her. He should file that paperwork ASAP ... 3 Stars, for making an effort though.

Just wow ! What a dumb ass story . The worst I’ve read. You need to read your stuff out loud before submitting it, then you’d hear how incredibly stupid it sounds. Only a 1-because a zero wasn’t available.

I'm sorry. I can't understand how a woman, a wife, could come to the conclusion that it is better for her husband, their friends and their families to think she is having an affair rather than to think she is trying to spice up her marriage and is getting professional help and counciling to do that.

Then, to have her hide her new job from her husband, knowing that it will reinforce his beliefs that she is out cheating, shows clearly that she thinks very little of her husband as an empathetic, helpful mate.

If my wife thought that poorly of me, she would be history. If my wife put me through weeks/months of pain when immediate explanations could have completely annihilated my anxiety, she would be history. If our friends that enabled her didn't immediately explain what they knew, they would be history.

In short, at any point, through multiple players in this tale, this all could have been avoided without any angst.  Sorry. This was a logical fail.

Well, I mostly believe her, but I would still dump her for putting me through that for no damned reason. Who knows what she might come up with next? OTOH they really deserve each other because they are both so damned stupid. Aren’t we all though, in our own way?

Did you previously write for Three's Company ?

Mostly I thought it was almost amazingly STUPID! Firstly, it was obvious from the very onset that there was another explanation, just because you made your MC such a pig headed moron. Secondly, the wife’s logic was just as dense, and the Big Secret made everyone look utterly foolish. No marks for this.

A story about miscommunication. It certainly promotes open and honest communication.

Unfortunately the story did not seem real, but very contrived!

I read the author's stories because they are really good.

This time I felt cheated by the time I spent on it.

Not one of your best. Nobody said anything to each other that made any sense at all. You had an entire cast of characters who cannot communicate whatsoever. And yet, by some magic, they have relationships.

No. No, they do not. The people in this story do not exist even in an alternative universe and that really hurts the story badly.

Jesus, there is 18mins of life that would've been better spent slamming my nuts in a drwer

First person narrative straight to third person and back coupled to a paper thin plot.

Very badly written. Tenses, grammer, narrative from first to third with some second person thrown in just to add to the overall confusion. Then the premise that she would tell everyone except her husband is ridiculous. That his parents were content to watch his marriage fail rather than tell him the truth simply beggars belief. Her weird illness that needed surgery - yet another cheap plot device. Her getting all horny in her new job... To say nothing of her take it or leave it ultimatum... It would have been nice if you finished it properly so we could find out if he started dating his boss while Lorraine indulged her inner slut at the casino after their divorce.

Calling this story crap is a disservice to crap stories everywhere. This is so bad on every-level that it deserves a -5. As the author, you can take all the negative comments to help you improve or not. Either way it means little to anyone as there's thousands of stories and authors out there so over to you.

The story was told sort of weakly. The female M.C, we are supposed to believe she was doing all this to be a better bed partner? Then she strings him along even though she knows he is thoroughly pissed and totally mistrusts her and then gives him either believe me or leave attitude. Just fuck off and be a slut at the casino eh.....

Lastly you cram this into several weeks and she gain so much self awareness sexually that she tells him believe it or not. On top of all the crap you load on us your weal ass unfinished ending Alright_alright_alright3 months ago

Jesus, there is 18 mins of life that would've been better spent slamming my nuts in a drawer copy of a comment say it all:

Absolute rubbish and unfinished.

Scores 1/5

Dump the bitch. If for no other reason, for mistrusting you and doing things behind your back.

Like the twist at the end. Give us a final addition

The most important question when writing a story is to understand your own characters. They need to be consistent with themselves. If you write a story with an agenda and a twist it will fail if the characters are not consistent. The MC in this story does not tolerate disrespect. His sexuality excludes anyone else in the relationship, although he wants his wife more engaged with him. Not for some exhibition at a casino. That is also cheating. He is not that man. The wife blew her marriage up in a few ways this MC cannot accept and share. 1. Not being open and honest with him. 2. Going for help and talking to someone else behind his back. 3. Telling her friends and even his family makes him look foolish and disrespected. 4. Not being immediately open and confessing it all at once, especially on the night he caught her going out. He will never trust her again because of the disrespect. If you end a story without an ending like this, it’s just because you killed the character by trying to go out of character and the story dies. Go and rethink your story and be true to your main character.

A very good idea. The balance between the mc's assumptions and the "rest of the story" is decent. The actuality in the big reveal was plausible enough to work. Engaging and enjoyable. Thank you.

"I have to wait to tell you in person."

No. No, you don't. The author needs to stretch their story out. That is all. I'd be happier if they broke the fourth wall with, "I wish I could tell you. Any sensible person would just tell you right now. But I can't tell you now because the person writing this thinks it builds suspense to keep finding reasons to put it off."

didn't finish the story 2 stars

BULLSHIT!!!

tl,dr: A 1* dog's breakfast of a very poorly written story. Avoid this dog.

Very poorly written and constructed story. Wifey's "explanation" sounds like an elaborate cover story for her fucking around. She got caught, was floundering around for an explanation and concocted this horseshit with her partners in crime (the brother, Betty, and her in-laws). The "training" sounds like thinly disguised entry level stuff for high priced "escorts" (whores). The idea that casinos don't tolerate prostitutes is absurd. High rollers go to casinos not just for the gambling but also for the drinks, the ambiance of "anything goes" and hot women to celebrate when they have had a big night and to console them with a good fuck on a bad night. I have spent many months in Vegas representing a casino chain and have seen the whales with hot women supplied by the casino, just as it provides the finest food and drinks and makes sure some cocaine or other stimulants are available. The girls have their lovely tits hanging out as they giggle and squeal with excitement with their sugar daddy for the night. Wifey in this story was dressed for the role and her story is a shitty explanation for her fucking around.

But even if she had not yet been fucked, she was being groomed for that in the near future. Of course, the casino would have "rules of conduct" because they could not be seen as officially running a brothel. Instead, the girls are recruited by others, frequently, as here, other women, who stress the excitement and fun but at the same time are teaching that the sexier a girl looks, the bigger the "tips." That progresses to showing more cleavage, spending lots of time letting the trick of the moment getting lots of good lucks at her luscious titties, and progressing to lots of raunchy flirting and the touches on her ass, brush touches on her tits and all the rest that shows sexual availability. Again, even if she hasn't fucked anyone yet, she is being groomed for that as soon as she is accepted as one of the "hostesses" (i.e. whores).

But assume for the moment that wifey thought this was legitimate and innocent and a job as a hostess, would loosen her inhibitions. What husband would want his wife on a nightly basis showing off her tits and ass and hanging breathlessly on the arm of a gambler, trying to be very sexy to get bigger tips? Maybe Gordon would love to have her dress in all the sexy outfits when they were out together. He might be proud to show off his sexy wife. But when he isn't there? Not a chance unless he is the kind of guy who gets turned on by the thought of her showing the same kind of attention and sexy dresses for other men; you know, a cuckold. Gordon certainly is not that.

And why the secrecy not only by her but also by Gordon's parents, his brother, and the various well-wishers after the fact. If all of this is innocent and the marriage is blowing up, why are they all refusing to disclose anything and simply saying that wifey has to explain. None of this makes sense, none of it is believable and the story doesn't remedy any of that. 1*

If we assume her story is true then Gordon needs his ass kicked. What a complete asshole. So full of righteous indignation and not listening to anyone. If I was Bobby he would have burnt his bridges with me. If I was his parent he would not be welcome in my house. What a complete prick.

I urge anyone checking in here prior to reading to turn and run poorly written but most of all no finish

One paragraph could have covered the entire story, this was not clever and instead of suspense you induced extreme boredom. 1 star is 1 too many.

Gordon seems to be a complete ass. What are his friends talking about when they say what a good person he is? He seems to make decisions totally on the fly and without needing or wanting to get all the information. Why didn't he simply follow his wife to see where she went and what she did? That would have been so easy. His paranoid personality would have been on display previously at times, so people should have know about it. Sure, the way his wife went about things was also totally stupid. Such a total lack of self-confidence should have been a known quantity to her husband and everyone else. And the way you simply dropped the ending, with no sequel or anything really sucked.

First of all, no casino operates that way.

Any dealer or croupier behaving that way would be immediately fired.

Second, what a load of horseshit... even if her explanation was true, she's a lying bitch and deserves no trust. She should have told him IMMEDIATELY that night instead of going out, that made NO sense, none whatsoever. Nor did her stalling the explanation or everyone else lying to him. His family are all assholes.

He's 100% correct that all those people see him as a soft, weak man who deserves no respect, he should boot them all out of his life. Starting with that head case he married.

What a bunch of awful fucking people.

Horrible story.

I particularly hate stories where the MC is just an asshole. I won't say that the ending was telegraphed, but it was obvious that the wife was going to come off exonerated.

Author had to work WAY too hard to make keeping the secret make sense. It didn't. She was deceptive, too stupid to make babies with and she has baggage that makes her terrible in bed. He should have been gone long ago.

Lists are a cop out said only one person in the history of the world.

I think Gordon's response to her going out dressed to the nines as she never has before for him and would not explain why and could not stay to explain why was a good response. Hell she would not even give head and had to be drunk to let him provide oral to her so yea something was wrong. Calling Billy and his parents were good. She was stupid for not telling him a head of time. Gordon might have over reacted but Lorraine was as guilty.

So, Gordon is an ass because his wife couldn't bring herself to tell him what was going on, before she started with counseling or the casino training? Her failure to tell him. Indicates "her" lack of trust in her husband. The fault does not lie with Gordon. His conclusions were quite logical from the "facts" that he had observed and her evasiveness. And this story sucks the big one by not having a conclusion.

this is what happens when u read too many LW stories here rofl. was a funny read ty

wtf thats it no part 2 no nothing wow ur worse than ur mc. talk about leaving ppl hanging that just plain rude

My first read of your work. My immediate thought is that you disrespect your readers. 3 chapters of some mild suspense with the male M/C running around like the proverbial headless chicken and then no ending, The story title sums up your poor writing effort.

The story itself wasn't bad, but you need an editor big time. Between the spelling mistakes, and the wrong words used in places it really made it hard to read. Part of my thought process was you were using some kind of foreign language to English conversion software (can you say lost in translation?), but it ran thru the whole story. I only say that as I've read a couple of Dutch stories that were converted to English that were easier to read than this story, and I'm not Dutch. The going round and round in circles by Gordon, must have been an attempt at showing his pain, but it was hard to discern that. The no ending will really kill any kind of score. No ending automatically drops my score a full point. This means work on a part 2 soon (post it up), or your rating score will drop faster than a full on flaming cuckold story (like a rock or a Led Zeppelin). This is one of the hardest forums on the site to write a story for, and without an ending it'll sink you quick even if you get the spelling and such fixed. No ending IS a big no no in this forum, unless you have a part 2 ready to go, or an epilogue at the end of the story that got posted. Please note; I can't write for shit, but I do read a lot of stories on this site, and I've read a lot of stories on this site over the last 20 years, so I'm not a newbie.

The story is too inflated. You created the premise and everyone knew where it was going. But then you started to add more and more stuff inconsequential to the story. After reading the first bit I just skimmed the rest because it added nothing to the reading experience.