What's on Your Mind?

"I don't know, Dale. Can I forgive her for intending to cheat on me, and only by my intervention, did it not happen?"

"Paul, you know I love you, but she's my child. I'd like to see you try to forgive her. At least consider it for the kids' sake."

"Dale, you don't even know half of the problems with what she did last night. Even the events leading up to it show she planned it and had no respect for our marriage or our family. I need some time to think about this. You're right about the kids, though. That's top of mind for me.

Would you mind if I swung by so you could help me get her car from the club she was at?"

"Sure son, come on by. Katja would love to see her grandbabies if you want to leave 'em."

"Sounds like a plan."

******

As we drove to the club I told Dale the whole story. He was rightly shocked but still worked on me to forgive her. Just as we were pulling into the parking lot, my phone rang. It was Maggie.

I ignored it and Dale frowned. "You can't hide from her, Son. You have those two little ones and you need to talk it out. You just can't let it fester."

"I know. I'm going to go home and wait for her. Will you keep the kids while we talk over there?"

"Of course. Please hear her out. Maybe you could talk to a priest or a counselor to help you get through it?"

"Sure Dale. One step at a time though."

I sent a text to my wife telling her to meet me at home at 1, and she must answer four questions honestly to start a dialogue.

1. Did they go with the plan of picking up men?

2. Were they planning to go to a motel?

3. Why did she give him her panties?

4. What was her plan going to his car with him?

Some I knew the answer to already. Others I'd already gotten lies from her that night in the moment.

I would be able to tell if she lied to me. Her right eye has a little, almost imperceptible twitch when she's lying. I've always been able to call her out on even small fibs. It's probably why she didn't want to talk about her plans before they left. She knows I know about her nervous tic.

******

Maggie's parents Dale and Katja had a storybook marriage. They were high school sweethearts who married shortly after they graduated.

When Maggie introduced me to her parents, I was taken aback by how her parents acted. They were always touching each other.

Little pecks on the cheek, pats on the butt, holding hands, it was almost nauseating. They always sat next to each other and if there was only one seat, Dale stood as near as possible to wear Katja sat.

When I asked him for his blessing to marry Maggie, we had a long talk about how to maintain a happy marriage over the long term and once the newness wears off.

He explained, "Paul, marriage is never a straight or flat road. You may drive for miles with no turns or potholes, but you'll hit one eventually. The key is to make sure your car can handle it when it comes.

That takes maintenance. If you let little problems slide or you don't do regular tune-ups and oil changes, your car won't last.

If the road is your marriage, then your car is your relationship. You have to work on it all of the time. That doesn't mean don't forget anniversaries or birthdays, that's just part of the deal. It means making time for yourselves to be together. Be affectionate, be caring, do little things that you may not want to do because they are little things, and don't matter anyway when it comes down to it.

If your relationship is maintained properly, you'll have a long, fulfilled marriage."

I relived that conversation and some of the many more we've had over the last few years. I thought we had their kind of love. We're not as touchy-feely, but we put the time in to make sure we keep up on our marriage maintenance, so to speak.

I was always comfortable in the stability of our marriage and certainly assured in her fidelity. It was inconceivable to me, prior to that night, that she could ever betray our marriage. Did I miss warning signs? Was I not doing the little things that I had to do to keep the marriage healthy? That would take some reflection.

******

At 1 o'clock, she came home and walked into the living room looking like hell. She must have just finished crying because her eyes were still red and puffy.

"Paul?" She said.

"Go get cleaned up. I don't want to look at you dressed like a whore," I snapped out.

There was really no reason for making her change. Was it really because I didn't want her to look like that or did I just want more time to think? I looked back at the TV and realized I was watching the DVD the kids had in and always watched. I shook my head when I realized how lost in thought I was if I was watching Frozen 2 and didn't realize it.

She came down a half an hour later freshly showered and wearing a certain pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt. She knew I was a sucker for her butt in those pants, because they've led to a few bouts of adult fun recently. I was half sure she wasn't dressed just for comfort, she wanted to make me think of her sexually.

It didn't work.

"Paul?" She said. "Honey, I..."

"Wait," I said. "I asked for you to have answers to four questions ready before we spoke. Can you answer them?"

"Yes."

"Well?"

She sighed and said, "I swear to God, I did not go out with the intention of hooking up with anyone."

I didn't respond as she watched me waiting for her to continue. I was staring intently at her eyes looking for the twitch, but I was distracted for a moment by the little flirty flick of her hair and her biting her lip. Damn, I loved her. She was making it hard on me, and I don't think it was even on purpose. With no kids in the house, I should already have her bent over the sofa.

Even with all of that, it did not escape me that she didn't entirely answer the question. I wanted to know about the group's intention, but I let her continue.

"I was never going to go to a motel with Jill. That was her idea. I swear, I wasn't going to go. I was only going to walk that guy back to his car and then Uber home. I'm sorry I lied about that last night. I don't know why I said that he was giving me a ride. I think I just panicked."

Again she waited and again I said nothing.

"Yes, I gave him my panties. I was drunk and they all dared me to do it. I went to the bathroom alone and took them off. I didn't let him do it and I didn't do it at the table. I swear, he never touched me down there."

I knew that was true because Rick was watching her and would've seen that happen. I still pissed me off that she did it.

"Paul, I swear to God I was not going to get in his car. God, I wish you would've waited to see that before coming out. I know you don't believe me, but it's true. I was going to kiss him goodnight and I know that's bad enough, but I was not going to get in his car."

"Give me your phone."

"Why?"

"Do it!"

"Fine. Here."

I opened her recent calls. I saw calls to all of the other girls and figured that they needed to get their story straight. Then I saw a number for Simon.

"Who is Simon?" I asked.

Her eye twitched but she didn't answer.

"Who is Simon, Maggie."

"The guy from the bar."

"Why did you accept his number?"

"I didn't. He must have put it in when I was in the bathroom."

'Yeah right,' I thought.

"There's one thing that I can't get out of my head. You told him you were in the middle of a divorce. Explain that."

"We wanted them to buy us drinks. We didn't think they would if we were married."

"Buy you drinks? Are you so broke all of a sudden that you can't spend your own money on drinks? There's plenty of money in the bank."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. We were stupid, I get it. I fucked up, but I was never going to cheat on you."

"Well, all of the evidence points to the contrary. You hid your plans. You dressed like a whore. You slapped me and told me I would be lucky if you came home. You told him you were getting a divorce, Jill was trying to set up a motel orgy, and you were walking back to his car with no panties on. Your slut friends got right into the back seat with their guys. Every bit of that shows me that you planned on cheating on me."

She started crying and ran from the room. My anger had already subsided and I was fairly calm. I didn't see any sign that she lied to me. I just couldn't wrap my head around whether her actions were what mattered or her apparent intentions?

I had stopped whatever was really going to happen, so I had no way to know if he could've sweet-talked her into his car or not. In her state of sobriety, they were able to talk her out of her panties, what else could they talk her out of?

Her behavior was a complete shock to me. She never acted slutty before. Sure, she got extra ramped up in bed after a few drinks, but nothing like what she did that night. I was at a complete loss at what to do next. For a 24 hour period beginning with the fight at Damon's house, she was a completely different person.

********

I left the house without checking on her and called Mark. He was back in his house with his daughter after getting the restraining order on Jill.

He invited me over to talk about our problems and I accepted. Misery loves company and all that, right?

I stopped to pick up a couple of six-packs of Two-Hearted Ale and headed on over. This was going to be a rough day.

When he opened the door, I could tell he was upset. He was always upbeat and smiling, but he looked now like he hadn't slept in a week.

"Sammie's down for her nap. C'mon into the family room," he said. He was carrying the wireless baby monitor and I could hear the soft music playing in her room.

"Have you talked to Maggie?" He asked.

"Yeah. She claimed that she wasn't going to get into that asshole's car, but I'm not sure if I believe her. Hell, even if I do believe her, I can't say that he couldn't have sweet-talked her into it. I really have no idea what I'm going to do yet. What happened with Jill?"

He told me about her arrest and the restraining order and that he has an appointment with a lawyer on Tuesday.

"So it's really divorce then?" I said.

"Yeah. Here check this out. These texts helped get the restraining order."

He handed me his phone and showed me a string of texts that Jill sent him after she left the club.

The first one shocked me.

It read: "You piece of shit! Just because you stopped my fun tonight doesn't mean you ever have before. I'll have you eating their cum out of my pussy again, just wait you fuck! I may just have my next better man force you to watch and clean his dick off with your tongue."

"Jesus," I said as I kept scrolling. Most of them were her calling him names and one was her threatening him with taking Sammie and leaving him, but the last one sent at 1 am said: "Get a DNA test, asshole."

I looked at him: he was sad and shook his head. "She left her phone here this morning," he continued. "There are a bunch of texts from a couple other guys, with them exchanging naked pictures and shit.

So yeah, we're done. I sent screenshots of them to my email before she came back with the police escort to get some of her clothes and stuff. She can rot in hell as far as I'm concerned. I'm hoping I can get custody of Sammie, though. I really think Jill's mentally unstable."

"She certainly seemed like it when she was beating on me this morning."

"Sorry about that. I getting out of the shower when you called. I figured we'd get here at the same time so I didn't call you back. I left right away when I saw your message."

"It's alright, brother."

"What are you going to do, Paul?"

"My main priority is the kids. I don't want to be a part-time dad. You at least have a shot at custody, I don't have anything like that. I guess I have to try to decide if I can get past what she did or not. As much as I want to stay with my kids, I don't want to live like roommates with her either."

"Fucking Jill did this to the rest of them, I'm sure of it. She was the driving force for the whole night out thing. Maybe you should lean towards forgiveness. She never did cheat."

"I know. I just don't want to come off like a pussy and let her think she can get away with that shit. What happens next time when I'm not there?"

"Sucks, man."

"Yeah, it sucks."

Just then Sammie woke up so that ended the discussion of our problems for a while. It didn't stop me from drinking though.

Mark stopped after a couple, but what reason did I have to stop? After who knows how many more beers, Mark drove me home.

Maggie's car was in the driveway when we pulled in. I frowned at the thought of dealing with her again as I stumbled out of the car. I said goodbye to Mark as Sammie giggled and called me a silly talker.

I walked through the front door and smelled something cooking. I closed the door and went up to my bedroom wanting to avoid Maggie.

I guess I wasn't quiet enough because she was sitting on the bed when I left the bathroom.

"What is going to happen now, Paul. I'm so sorry for all of this."

I looked at her but had no answer to give her. I said, "I don't know, but I think you should stay with your parents until we figure it out."

She started crying and said, "Don't you love me anymore?"

"If I didn't love you, your ass would be on the curb already. Look, I'm going to take a few days off. I'll get the kids from your folks and take care of them here. I need some more time to think about this.

Take some clothes for them and let them spend the night with you. I'm in no condition to get them."

"Will you have dinner with me? I made you beef stroganoff."

"Making my favorite dinner isn't going to fix us."

"I know. I just wanted to do something nice for you. I love you so much Paul, it's killing me what I've caused. You have to believe me, I was never going to cheat on you."

"I think you should go now. I'll pick the kids up from pre-school tomorrow if you'll drop them off there."

"Alright," she said crying. "I love you so much, please let me come home soon."

She tried to hug me and I backed away. She turned and walked out of the room while I stood there and wondered if I should just let her stay, but I didn't stop her.

********

I woke up the next morning which was Monday and resolved myself to make a decision one way or another by Wednesday. I figured stalling wasn't going to help in any way.

After talking with my boss, I was given the week off. He'd been bugging me to take my stored up vacation time for a while, so he was fine.

I made an appointment with an attorney for the coming Wednesday to see what I was dealing with if I chose the divorce route. I hoped it wasn't as bad as my internet research looked like it would be.

I also sent a group text to the guys to see if anyone did the same thing I did by taking some time off. It turned out all of the guys had taken at least the day off so I suggested that we all get together.

Steve had Robin at home so we all decided to meet there. Robin could watch any kids that weren't in daycare or with their mother.

Steve and Robin made peace when he calmed down. I was glad about that because we knew that she didn't act like a slut, like the other wives did that night. I didn't think she should be punished as much as the others.

Damon had asked Kelly to stay at her parents for a few days and she did. He hadn't made any decisions yet at that point either.

Mark was still moving forward with his divorce plan. The utter disrespect that Jill had shown him was too much to overcome. No one blamed him for that decision. He had proof of her infidelity from her phone.

As we sat around the kitchen table talking, Damon and Steve agreed with Mark that I should try to make it work with Maggie. They all felt that she hadn't done anything yet, but it was undecided whether she would've.

If I were honest with myself, I would've realized that I was already leaning that way. I still planned on seeing the attorney though, just to be thorough.

Damon had a different issue. Kelly was in the backseat with her guy and there's no excuse for that. Even if she wouldn't have screwed the guy, something was sure going to happen.

Damon was just as unsure about what to do as I was. If we didn't have the kids, our wives would already have been on the street along with Jill. We just couldn't make a quick emotional decision like that. Families were at stake.

The more I thought about it, I came to realize the fallout of divorce would be too impactful. The wives may have to get jobs, alimony, and child support would be ridiculous, we would have an additional housing payment and the wives would almost certainly get primary custody.

As bad as I felt about it, Damon had it worse because Kelly went one step farther than Maggie had the chance to. I regretted stopping her that night. I wish I would have let her complete whatever actions she was going to take with that guy. I would at least have more of an idea of what her intentions were, but what kind of man doesn't stop her in that situation?

*******

I picked the kids up from pre-school and they were their usually talkative selves. That made my mood better as the afternoon wore on and I thought less about Maggie.

Around dinner-time Dale called and after some small talk asked, "Paul, how about we bring over a couple of pizzas and see if we can't help you along to a resolution."

"Dale, you and Katja are welcome to come over but I'm not going to see or talk to Maggie today."

"Paul, you can't hide from her."

"I'm not hiding. I simply need time to think about my options and what I'm going to do. If you want to come by and pitch for her side, I have no problem talking with you. Just not Maggie."

"Okay Paul, we will see you in an hour."

If I didn't like her parents so much I would've told him to screw off. Since I was already leaning towards giving her a second chance, I figured I'd talk with them. It wouldn't hurt anything.

We ate pizza and talked about the kids' day until bedtime. It was a tough conversation having to explain to them why their mom wasn't home to tuck them in. Katja being there helped and I was thankful for her.

After putting the kids down and reading their story, it was time for the heavy talk to start.

Katja led saying, "Paul, where do you stand right now? Is there a chance for you two to stay together?"

"There was always a chance. My problem is balancing her intentions with what I know and saw. She maintains that nothing was going to happen with the guy, and that's fine, but she told him she was in the middle of a divorce."

Katja gasped.

"She said it was so he would buy her drinks. We aren't hurting for money. There's no need for men to be buying her drinks. She also gave him her panties."

"Oh my God!" She said.

Dale hung his head. I had told Dale the whole story, I guess he didn't tell her. I don't blame him. It's bad enough he knew what happened.

"Paul, I don't know what to say to that," she said barely audibly.

"I know. It sucks. She said it was because she was dared to do it and was too drunk to make a good decision. Who dares someone to take their underwear off in a bar if you're not trying to get in her pants And who gives them to him if she wasn't going let him? That's not how a wife and mother is supposed to act.

What the hell am I supposed to do knowing all of that? On top of all that, it was planned ahead to be a slut night for at least her friend Jill, and maybe all of them.

We asked them to go to Damon's bar so we knew they would be safe. They said no, that they didn't want us spying on them. Does that sound like it was going to be an innocent night out? Not to me. That's why we had them followed."

"Thank God you did," Dale added.