What's on Your Mind?

"Yeah well, Mark and Jill are getting a divorce. Damon and Kelly probably are too. It would be definitely if Damon didn't have kids to think about. The only safe couple out of all of us are Steve and Robin, and that's because she left when they started crossing lines. They were even up in the air because Steve hated that Robin didn't try to stop their slutty behavior."

"What about counseling?" Dale said.

"Oh, that has to happen at a minimum if I decide to give her a chance. No doubt about it. Something led her to make this awful decision of going out with her friends knowing that Jill fully planned on picking up a man. She should've been the voice of reason and stopped it, not gone on encouraging it."

They nodded in agreement. I noticed they were also holding hands so tightly it was as if they were afraid to let go. God! I wish Maggie loved me that much.

Dale asked, "What's next, Paul."

"I'm seeing a lawyer on Wednesday. I gave myself a timeline for making a decision after that meeting."

"We really hope it doesn't come down to that, Son. We hate seeing our family being torn apart by this. Don't forget we're collateral damage in your decision. We love you as a son."

"I know. I love you too. I'm sorry you have to go through this."

There really wasn't much to say after that. They made their goodbyes and I made my way into the bottle of Glenfiddich.

******

Tuesday night, I had a knock on the door. Dale was delivering me a letter that Maggie had written. I don't know why she felt she had to write me a letter. I would've taken her call. I just didn't want to be around her.

The letter didn't say anything that she hadn't already said. I got the feeling she just wanted to tell me that she loved me over and over again. As if somehow, it being in writing would be more believable.

I met with the lawyer for no reason other than to see how screwed I would be if we divorce. No proof of adultery, stay at home mom, alimony, child support, shared custody and if the kids went to college I'd be on the hook for child support for 17 years.

The guy actually looked me in the eyes and said, "Find a way to get past it. Nothing actually happened and it's cheaper to keep her."

I decided that I was going to ask her to come home. I had no idea what was going to happen or how it was going to work, but I knew if we could be fixed; it wouldn't happen if we were living apart.

I texted her and told her: "You can come home now, but you have to answer one question: How can I ever trust you again?"

I hoped she could tell me, because I couldn't think of how I could trust her going forward. I knew there was no future for us if there was no trust.

When I put the kids to bed, I still hadn't gotten a response. The kids were pretty upset that she still wasn't home, and I had no convincing answer to give them as to why.

After reading them a story, they cried themselves to sleep. I was getting angrier by the minute, so I called her parents landline. I got no answer. I called her cell and got no answer. I called Dale's cell and I got no answer. I called all 3 numbers and sent a text every 15 minutes for over an hour. It was almost 10 o'clock and I started to worry.

I called Robin and asked her to come watch the kids so I could drive over and see what was going on at that house. I was freaked out because someone should have answered one of the phones at that time of night.

Robin pulled into my driveway and I met her at the door.

"Anything yet, Paul?"

"No, thank you for coming so quickly. I'll let you know what's up as soon as possible."

It took only ten minutes to get to the house and it was quiet. I saw that Maggie's car was in the driveway so I rang the bell and got no answer. I used our key for their house and let myself in. I saw nothing of note anywhere and Dale's car was gone. I looked around some more and still found nothing.

I called Dale's cell again and heard it ringing in their bedroom. Wherever they went, he left his phone.

Katja had a cell, but I didn't know the number, I never needed it. They were always together and always called me from their landline if they called me. We didn't have a landline anymore. We always used our cell phones.

I picked up Dale's cell and thankfully it wasn't locked. I scrolled through and found Katja's cell number. I heard it ringing in the kitchen when I called it, and found it in her purse. Where could they have gone in such a hurry that they didn't grab their cell phones and her purse?

I called Maggie's phone again and heard it ringing in the other bedroom. "Shit!" I said out loud. What the hell was going on?

I needed to use the bathroom and there I saw it on the sink. It was an empty bottle of sleeping pills. I thought the worst and dropped to my knees in tears. 'Why didn't they call me?' I thought as I composed myself and ran out to my car.

There was a hospital only a couple miles away so I drove like a bat out of hell and left my car running in the emergency room drop off lane. I ran in and gave the lady at the desk all three names to look for, hoping they weren't there.

They had Maggie but she was in the emergency room and they wouldn't give me a condition. I said a silent prayer that she was alive and thankfully they let me in. I hustled down the maze of halls trying to find her room.

I found Maggie in a bed hooked up to machines, but no Dale or Katja. I took the hand that wasn't hooked up to the IV and cried. A few minutes later a nurse came in.

"Are you related to her?"

"She's my wife. Is she gonna be okay?"

"Yes. She had her stomach pumped. She'll sleep for a while but all of her functions are normal now. They got her here in time."

"Thank God."

"I'm glad they found you. Her parents were frantic about it once everything calmed down and they realized that they didn't call you and they didn't have their cell phones. She's going to be moved to a room to be kept overnight soon. You've got some forms to fill out. Insurance and such."

"Okay. Thank you."

Just then my phone rang, it was Robin.

"Paul, she's in the emergency room. You have to..."

"I'm here, Robin. I'm with her."

"How'd you know? Dale says he couldn't call you."

"I found an empty pill bottle and their phones at the house and feared the worse. I rushed over here."

"Paul, it's Dale."

"I'm here with her, Dale."

"I'm sorry son when we found her, we rushed her there in a panic and forgot our phones. All our numbers are in the damn things, we don't even try to remember them anymore. We couldn't figure out how to get ahold of you. Katja was in bad shape and panicking so I couldn't leave her until they told us Maggie was going to be alright. Once Katja settled down, I rushed over here to get you."

"Katja isn't in the room. I'm not sure where she is."

"She was going to the chapel. I'm on my way back. I'll see you soon."

"Paul?" Robin said coming back on the line.

"Robin, can you stay a bit?"

"Of course. I'll spend the night. Don't worry about a thing here."

"Thank you. I owe you."

"Forget it. Keep me posted."

"I will, thank you."

Maggie wasn't going to wake up for a while and it would be a bit before she was moved to a room so I went to check on Katja. I still needed some answers, and I wanted to make sure she was okay.

I found her in the chapel praying. She saw me and ran into my arms. "Oh Paul, I was so scared, she took pills."

"Why? What happened?"

"We don't know. She was in her room all afternoon. A while after dinner I went to get her for some tea, like we do each night, but she was slumped over on her bed. She was barely awake but said something about a stupid mistake and pills. It didn't take long to realize what she did. Dale carried her to the car and we rushed her over here. We didn't think to grab our phones. I didn't even grab my purse."

"Yeah, I saw that. I went to your house when no one was answering or responding to my texts. I couldn't figure out why she didn't call me after I told her to come home."

"You told her to come home?"

"Yeah. We still have a lot of talking to do, but being apart won't help that."

"Why would she do this then? It doesn't make sense. She wanted to go home to you so badly."

"Well, we'll have to wait for her to tell us. C'mon, they'll be moving her to a room soon and Dale's on his way back."

*******

We were with Maggie when Dale got back. Katja had fallen asleep.

"Any change?" He asked.

"No. Just waiting."

"Okay. Oh, here are your keys. I saw your car in the drop off lane. I parked it for you."

"Thanks. I forgot I left it there running."

"Someone must've turned it off for you, it wasn't running. You're lucky it wasn't stolen."

"Wasn't really thinking about that at the time, mister forget his phone at home."

"Yeah, but we're old. We have an excuse."

They got Maggie set up in a room and told us to go home and get some sleep. There was nothing we could do and there was no telling when she'd wake up.

I completed all of the insurance info and signed the necessary forms and headed home.

After filling Robin in with Maggie's status she asked me why she would do it.

"I don't know," I said. "I asked her to come home and... oh shit!"

"What?" Robin asked.

"I told her to come home, but she had to tell me how I could trust her again. Damn, I bet she took it the wrong way. I meant it to be a door opener for a talk, not a door closer if she couldn't come up with an answer. Shit, this is my fault."

"No! Stop that. It's not your fault. She created a horrible situation for herself and has been a wreck for days. It was her choice. You have to be strong now so you can build her back up. She's going to need you now more than ever. You have to have your mind right. Your children need her healthy."

"Okay. This is just not what we needed that now. I can't put my marriage back together if I have to put her back together first. You assholes and your girls night out: what do you think of that shit now?"

"We know we were stupid. I'm so sorry you're going through this."

She hugged me and left.

******

I dropped the kids off at pre-school and went to the hospital. I walked in a half-hour before visiting hours. No-one stopped me so I'm not sure if it was okay or not. I didn't care.

She was asleep when I walked into her room. I saw a tray of food was sitting there untouched. I remember that was one of the things I filled in the night before, a breakfast selection.

I figured she hadn't woken up yet and I was glad for that. I wanted her to see me there when she did wake. I hoped it would help her state of mind and take one thing off of it if she knew I was there for her.

I took her hand, leaned over, and kissed her forehead. She stirred but didn't wake, so I slid the big chair closer and sat down. I held her left hand with my right and surfed the news on my phone.

Dale and Katja walked in right at the start of visiting hours. They smiled seeing me and Katja asked, "Has she awoken?"

"I don't think so. I haven't seen a nurse yet and her breakfast wasn't eaten, but that doesn't mean anything."

"How are the kids?"

"I didn't tell them anything. They just went to pre-school as if it's a normal day."

"Good, no need to upset them," Dale agreed.

We talked about nothing for a few minutes before I said, "When she's released, I'm taking her home with me."

"That's best. She needs her stability back. She needs her family, her children. She's obviously lost without you," Katja said.

"I just don't understand why," Dale said. "You told her to come home. Why do this?"

"He told me to come home if I could tell him how to trust me again," Maggie said, now awake.

I squeezed her hand and looked at her with a tear in my eye. Katja and Dale jumped up and came over to the bed on the other side.

"Honey, what would make you do this though?" Dale asked.

"I tried all afternoon and all through dinner and after. I couldn't figure out a way to show him that he could trust me. I just couldn't bear it. If I couldn't go back to him, I couldn't go on without him."

"I never meant it as a condition of your return. I meant it as what we had to work on first, together.

Baby, doing what you did hurts more than what caused our problems in the first place. Your kids need you. I need you. I can't lose you." I said and kissed her cheek."

She started crying and said, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I did this to us. I love you so much. Please forgive me."

The nurse came in and ended any further discussion. The nurse did what nurses do and said, "If all is well on your bloodwork and the doctors don't think you'll try this again, you'll probably get out of here later today. You're a very lucky woman."

"More so than you know," she answered.

Talk was kept casual for the rest of the morning and I left her for a couple of hours when I had to pick the kids up. Her parents and I decided that I would bring the kids to see her. We figured she could use all of the positivity that we could muster for her.

As I was waiting for the elevator, the doors opened and Jill and Kelly were standing there. Robin must have told them what happened.

Jill saw the look on my face and put her hands out, "We just want to visit. We don't want any problems."

"You caused this. This is a direct result of your slut's night out. If you don't get out of here now, I'm going to call the cops and tell them you're harassing us. I'm sure that will look great at your upcoming court hearing trying to get to see your daughter."

"You're an asshole. That restraining order is bullshit and you know it."

"What I know is, you are not the woman you pretend to be. You're a monster for what you threatened Mark with. I saw your texts. You disgust me. If I ever see you around my wife again, I'll do anything I can to hurt your chances in court."

She looked like she was ready to throw a punch when Kelly took her hand and pulled her away. "You don't need this right now," she said. "I told you this was a bad idea."

"Rot in hell. Paul," Jill said as they entered the stairwell.

"You better hope I don't see you there, slut!"

I couldn't believe she would show her face there like nothing happened. Some people just have brass balls, I guess.

******

I picked up the kids, stopped at home, and then took them to the hospital. I saw her parents in the waiting area and they said she was with a doctor, so we had to wait. We all figured it was a mental health evaluation.

I told the kids that mommy was sick, but didn't get specific and they didn't ask. We decided that we'd say she had a bad stomach ache if they asked. It's silly but we hoped they'd buy it. At 5 and 4, who knew what they would ask and believe.

The doctor came to us and asked to talk to me in private. We went into a little office room and he pointedly asked me, "Are you taking her back? She told me about your issues. I'm concerned that she isn't strong enough to handle it if you sent her away again or left her."

"Right now my plan is what it was before this, to bring her home. We can't fix our marriage if she isn't home."

He nodded agreement.

"This situation takes priority though doesn't it? We need to get her mind right before we get us right, don't we?"

"Yes, to a certain point," he answered.

"You have to overlap the treatment of both. If you get her comfortable that your marriage is okay and then it doesn't work out, her depression may get worse. I'm recommending that she starts seeing a therapist on her own and I highly suggest you see one together. You don't have to prioritize one over the other especially with your marital issues being the foundation of her personal issues."

"Can she come home?"

"Yes. I'm recommending release today. She'll have a prescription for some anti-depressants and a referral for a therapist. I suggest seeing the same one together. It will make it easier for her treatment and yours as a couple."

"Okay. Thank you."

*******

We brought her home and surprised her with a big welcome home banner that the kids and I made before we went to the hospital.

Dale and Katja came by after a while and brought all of her stuff home. We ate dinner together with two very excited children happy to have their mother home. She was only gone for less than a week but it seemed like forever.

We once the kids were down and her parents gone, I was straightening up the kitchen when she came up and hugged me from behind. I didn't hear her crying but my shirt was wet from her tears.

"I love you so much, Paul. Please tell me you still love me."

I turned and pulled her into a hug. I said, "I never stopped loving you. I just can't handle what you did to me; to our marriage. You were not acting like a wife and it was all pre-planned. You knew what Jill was going to do and you supported it. You should've stopped her, not joined her."

"Paul, you have to believe me; I was never going to cheat on you. I was never going to break our vows."

I backed away and said, "See? That right there is your problem. You don't see what you did up to the point I stopped you as cheating and breaking our vows. I do.

Where was the respect for me when you avoided me all day Saturday so we couldn't talk. Where was your respect for me when you slapped me and implied you were going home with a man, for calling you out on out your ridiculous dress. Where was your honor for me when you were getting felt up and kissed on the dance floor by a man you told we were getting a divorce. How were you cherishing me by giving some other man your wet panties? Where was your love for me when you walked out to his car drunk out of your mind?"

She sobbed but didn't speak.

"We have a fundamental difference of opinion about how a wife should act. Let alone a mother of two small children."

"I'm sorry, I admit that I didn't act like a good wife and mother. I let Jill get me excited about going out and letting go for a night. She even helped pick out the dress."

"Yeah, that figures. Did you know that Jill was cheating on Mark?"

"I had suspicions. She confirmed it that night at the bar."

"You know she lost her mind on Mark. He had to get a restraining order."

"I've spoken with all of the girls. I'm up to date with them. That restraining order is BS though. She's not a danger to them. You know that."

"No, you're wrong. I was there when she started screaming like a banshee at me when all I was doing was dropping Sammie off. She attacked me. I watched her attack Mark's car and throw brick pavers at it. I was there when she was arrested."

"I didn't know."

"Yeah? Did you know that she sent him harassing texts and threatened to have her lovers restrain him and make him watch? To make him clean their dick with his tongue? I saw them. Jill is a monster that needs help."

"I had no idea. I'm sorry, she made it sound like he was giving her the shaft out of spite."

"No. That divorce is going to get messy. I hope this will be enough to cut her influence out of your life. She caused all of our problems. I wouldn't even let her see you at the hospital."

"I know. She called me. I appreciate that, by the way. I didn't want to see her. Believe it or not, I am upset with her and don't want to be around her. I can't believe that she talked Kelly into going to the motel with them."

"Oh, that's new info."

She sighed and said, "I'm not going to lie for anyone. They were going to warm up their guys with a blowjob in the car. Then they were going to get a room. That's why I wasn't in Jill's SUV with my guy. I wasn't going to do all of that and I certainly wasn't going to a motel."

"I have to tell Damon, you know."

"I know. She's not admitting anything and they are on thin ice. I'm afraid their marriage won't survive."