All Comments on 'When Winning Isn't Enough'

by PickFiction

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  • 11 Comments
anubeloreanubeloreover 2 years ago

My initial reaction (beware, emotional, knee-jerk):

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Poor Jack. Betrayed and given horns (Google it) before he even proposed to the woman he loves. He even thinks she loves him in return, but she clearly has no intention of confessing her betrayal to him, which means their relationship will be built upon a lie. And with her condition, and his blissful obliviousness to the struggle she has with fidelity in part due to that condition... she's going to rip his heart out. Poor guy deserves better.

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After getting that out:

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And it started out so nice. I hate that. She couldn't have just *almost* had sex with someone other than Jack, but been stopped (conscience, fortuitous phonecall, what have you) no, she had to finish the deed. Yes, maybe that fortuitous phonecall would he unrealistic, but not impossible. And I don't mind some impractical or improbable scenarios in the stories I read to escape a deeply depressing reality.

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But if that "unrealistic" scenario wasn't acceptable, Linda should've immediately confessed to Jack what she'd done. It would have broken his heart, but things like that can be healed. Especially when their are extenuating circumstances, that don't justify the betrayal, but help make it less clearly a coldly uncaring, deliberately selfish decision. And "improperly prescribed drugs" is a hell of a lot better extenuating circumstance than the infinitely common, and infinitely meaningless "I was drunk" especially because the latter circumstance is easily preventable, whilst the first is essentially entirely the physician's responsibility. It doesn't obviate Linda's guilt for betraying Jack, but it doesn't hurt the odds that Jack will be able to forgive, given time. But that's a longer story, I know. Unfortunately, as it is, this story left a taste of ashes in my mouth. And that sucks, because it could have been wonderful.

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Leave this, delete it, it's up to you. For what it's worth, I cannot fault your writing abilities. I just hate the last five pages of the story, and the way the main character behaved. But it was written with skill, absolutely. But ratings aren't just about technical ability, they're about enjoyment of the story. And I didn't enjoy this. Sorry.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

A very thought provoking tale. Well done on a nicely written story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Fantastic writing but how is this a romance? I guess if there are future chapters where jack finds out, they break up, then years later start over maybe it is a romance. But for now it is a very selfish girl putting one over a very trusting guy. No romance at all.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

What a miserable cunt. No happenings needed for her. Fuck, what a nightmare ride.

Chiara23Chiara23over 2 years ago

I liked the story, mostly on how the author treated the stigma of mental illness. I've lived with bipolar disorder most of my life and they really got the depression and how the mania can affect someone. I once tried to buy three cars in a week. That clued me in that I needed extra help and I spent 3 weeks in the psych ward. I was already medicated but excessively so, to the point that the meds were cancelling each other out. Balance is the key.

That said, there should have been. More balance in how Linda accelted responsibility for her actions. She should have come clean about what happened to Jack. You can't move forward if you're hiding yourself back.

OvercriticalOvercriticalover 2 years ago

I'm not one to plead for another chapter, but as I was rounding third and heading for home I began to wonder where this was going. And then on page 9 I found out. The answer was: NOWHERE. We were in the very early stages of a young woman's life and she certainly had many forks in her "road of life" before she settled for a primary direction. I'm not really interested in our author's attempt for another chapter. I'm mostly interested in why the author thinks this is a complete story. I did rate it a 4* because as far as it went it was well done. I could comment on the plot, but I always believe the plot is up to the author and if I don't like it or the characters I can choose to avoid that author again. But this author has some promise and perhaps she'll have something more satisfying next time.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

I really enjoyed the story, but the ending was just flat. This very good story did not deserve what I consider a non ending. Another chapter would help immensely.

SouthernCrossfireSouthernCrossfireover 2 years ago

Guessing something close to what happened with the diagnosis based on her actions, I felt so bad for Linda and what she was going through, but felt worse for Jack about her apparently unintentional betrayal with the guy at the hotel (Bruce?). As the story starting getting close to the end (at nine pages), I expected her to come clean with Jack (particularly since she had a good excuse due to the meds) and face the music before a happily ever after. Instead, I’m disappointed and realize that meds or not, Linda wasn’t the person I thought her to be.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

This was written well, but man, what a dissapointing ending.

Linda is so... Unlikeable, just blatantly cheats on this dude who's been there for her and.. nothing? Mental health issues aren't an excuse to be evil

Dropped from a 5 to a 1

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

I was really into the story and wondering how she would reconcile her infidelity but the ending left me wanting. Well written but I did not like the abrupt halt to the story. 4 stars.

OvercriticalOvercriticalover 1 year ago

This reads like an episode of a longer (if it's possible) story. After all Linda is only a college freshman and has a long way to go before achieving any sort of maturity. If the author is ambitious he/she could stretch this out quite a ways. I don't think Jack would be in the picture if this were extended reasonably into the future. They're just kids now and they both have a lot of growing to do. 4*

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