Where the Deer and the Antelope Play

***

Chapter 5

Friday Evening, October 16th

After thanking Livia for a lovely afternoon, I slipped out of the house without trying to steal a kiss, despite my urge to, and went back to Alan's. After a shower and dressing in a fresh set of clothes, we talked for a bit before it was time to head to the Shaggy Buffalo Lodge to do some final decorating for the reception.

"Alan, I saw you and Nessa together and you looked so, well, I don't know, peaceful, together."

He laughed. "Ian, it's called love, buddy, a crazy little thing, when you want to be together and share everything all the time, not just your time together with no clothes on." He must have seen my look. "Oh, believe me, that's an important part of it, too, a very important part, but when you want to be with her no matter what, even when you're mad at each other...well, yeah, that happens sometimes, too. You'll see someday."

"No, not me. It's too late for me, Alan. I'm 40 now, and set in my ways. This crazy little thing called love isn't for me, I just can't handle it, I ain't ready," I said, deliberately cribbing from, but tweaking, the old Queen song to show him I got the reference.

He noticed, of course, and smiled before leaning toward me with a serious look and speaking in a low, serious voice. "Yeah, most of us aren't ready and don't think we can handle it until the right woman comes along and drives us crazy in the right way. Then we find out that, like steel, our heart can be melted down and forged into something new, something better, and with what she brings into the equation, we're both stronger for it."

Alan's a great guy and my best friend, but he's also an engineer, so when he went on and started talking about adding things to the steel to strengthen it, to make it more ductile, and to add corrosion resistance, he started losing me. Fortunately, he noticed and trailed off on some comment about molybdenum, one of those down-table elements I vaguely recalled from chemistry class but never really had to worry about.

"Well, anyway, when the time comes and things are right, Ian," he concluded, "you'll know, whether you're 40, 50, or 90."

"Right," I muttered sarcastically under my breath, only realizing the double meaning after I said it. Maybe something would be right like he meant some day, but I had doubts.

We left for the lodge minutes later, arriving in less time than it takes to get out of most parking garages in the city. He got a laugh out of it when I told him.

"Clean air, less traffic, lower cost of living—what's not to like?"

"Let's see. Ashantie County has what, six or eight people per square mile? With half of them being men, and half of the females being too young or too old, and 75 percent or more of what's left being married, the odds for a single guy like me looking for—"

I almost said pussy but since others might be around, I downplayed it, knowing Alan would understand my meaning, whether he wanted to or not.

"—a date with even a half-decent woman every few days aren't very good. So, you tell me what's not to like."

He nodded. "Point taken, but if you find the right woman, it can be a good life."

"For some, like you and Nessa, probably so," I agreed rather reluctantly.

We were about to go inside the lodge building, which doubled as a community events center, when I saw her standing by a car across the parking lot. Even with her back to us, I knew who it was talking on her phone. Taking a deep breath, I said, "I'll be in shortly, Alan."

He nodded and headed inside, and I went over to her, stopping a respectable distance back and waited until she ended the call and turned toward me.

"Hello, Candy," I breathed, for it was hard pushing out the words. She was even more beautiful than she appeared on my big hi-def TV, even more lovely than I recalled her being long ago.

"Ian," she said, with just a hint of a smile. "It's been a long time."

"Far too long, and you're far more lovely than I remember."

"And you're as much a flatterer as ever, I see."

"It's not flattery if it's true."

She looked down, rather demurely, before looking up with a smile. "Thank you, Ian. It is good to see you again," she said, putting the emphasis on 'is.'

"You, too, Candy. I really missed being your friend for all those years...and, well, I'm, ah, really sorry about what led to it."

"Ian, that's in the past, and it wasn't all your fault anyway. I wanted it as much at the time as you did and I wasn't any more careful than you were. I apologize for blaming you, or at least for giving you all of the blame since I shared in it, and for tossing away our friendship without giving us a chance. I came to regret that soon after we graduated, but by then, with each of us going our own way, it was too late to do anything about it."

"Thanks, Candy. That means a lot to me. You're the only girl, sorry, woman, that I've ever come close to caring about—"

"Liar!" she said laughingly.

"—and it really hurt when we weren't friends anymore. And no, I'm not lying, Candy, it was you. Oh, it was probably just a silly crush, but I was so excited to finally have a chance with you when we got together, I wasn't concerned about going too fast or too far. I've lived with that one regret for all these years. What I'm trying—"

"Candy!" said Alan as he, Nessa, Livia, Uncle Horace, and several others came across the lot to join us. "I thought that was you! So glad you could make it!"

Whereas I'd seen her, stopped, and still hadn't touched her, Alan came up and threw his arms around her in a big hug like they were still bosom buddies.

"I'm so glad to be here, Alan!" she said, hugging him back, before switching to hug Nessa. "I'm so happy for you two, too!"

Alan made introductions with Uncle Horace teasing her that there'd be a quiz.

"Not likely," she laughed, "at least not until the end of the evening."

"Deal!" laughed Alan before he added an "Umph" from Nessa giving him an elbow.

"Come on inside and freshen up if you need to, Candy, and pay no attention to these silly Neanderthals," said Nessa, taking her arm and leading her into the building.

Inside the building, the tables were set up. Nessa, Livia, Candy, and a couple of other women started decorating them with tablecloths and centerpieces that Nessa had made while Alan and I put out chairs and Uncle Horace wandered around apparently straightening them to his satisfaction.

My eyes kept glancing over to Candy Rossiter and I wondered how things might have been if we'd actually given it a real try back in college. My life might have been completely different, with hundreds or even thousands of women I might have never known in both the literal and Biblical sense. Assuming it worked out, we'd fallen in love, and married, would it have worked out, just the two of us, forever and ever? Or would it have had a short but explosive run, ending in despair and unhappiness that might have made both our lives miserable in comparison to what we actually had experienced over the years?

Nessa stepped up to Candy and I saw them talking happily and then Livia was there, too, joining in. Nessa was an example of one who'd had a horrible time of it only to find happiness—love, they said—with Alan, giving them both hope for their future together.

Uncle Horace spoke, right beside me, jarring me out of my thoughts. For a man who walked around with that wooden cane with the big brass buffalo head on it, he was surprisingly quiet. The words came out at a whisper. "Which one's caught your eye?"

"I'm sorry?" I replied, thinking to deflect his suspicion. "What do you mean?"

He chuckled. "Ian, for someone who Alan says has so much finesse with women, you appear to be off your game or else the boy's been doing some serious exaggerating. Well, take your time but let me know before the reception tomorrow and I'll be sure to ask the other for the first dance. Wouldn't want to get in the way of true love...or whatever."

I started to deny it, but turned to see the old man was wandering away as stealthily as he'd arrived. I was more careful after that as we finished decorating the hall and prepared to head out to the park at the county reservoir for the rehearsal, being sure to avoid staring at Candy.

Or, at the odd time, I realized, Livia.

***

"Well, that wedding rehearsal went down without a hitch," quipped Uncle Horace to groans from the women but snickers from the guys.

Alan had marked the locations of the aisle and the spots where everyone would be standing the following afternoon. With his engineering background, he'd been sure to arrange the layout so the attendees would have a lovely view of the set and the lake as a backdrop, with no one looking directly into the sun to see what was happening. The weather forecast for Saturday was sunny and mild, so the rental company and florist from Creek City would be setting up the bride and groom's tents, the chairs, the few decorations, and the flowers that morning.

The pastor doing the ceremony ran us through the whole thing, making sure everyone knew where they were supposed to be and what they were supposed to do. Most of us stood around rather impatiently and, turned the way I was, my eyes flicked between Alan and Nessa standing together and Livia just beyond them. I was surprised when she did the same to me, our eyes meeting, and both of us giving a little smile, not so much for any clandestine activity between us but out of happiness for our friends. The three bridesmaids standing beyond her were Nessa's friends from Bettleys Corners and Creek City, and Uncle Horace and Vince and Jeremy, one of Alan's high school classmates and another school friend who still lived in the area, were Alan's groomsmen standing to my side.

When the minister was happy with the result, he wished us all a happy and trouble-free evening and took his leave. The rest of us loaded up and drove out to Nessa's for the rehearsal dinner. Alan and Nessa shared a relatively quick kiss and I watched in disappointment as Candy and Livia both climbed into Nessa's SUV.

An age-spotted hand clapped my shoulder. "Son, my late friend Delmer had more formal education than I did, so I always took what he said a bit more seriously than a lot of folks around here. One of the things he always said was that 'if you snooze, you lose.' You might wanna remember that when it comes to that girl."

"I think I've heard that before, Uncle Horace."

"Yeah, wouldn't be surprised. Didn't say that he came up with it, just said I remember him sayin' it and I suspect it applies to that girl, whichever one you're lookin' at now."

He climbed in the middle of Alan's truck and I took the door seat. I don't think he stopped yapping with Alan until we pulled in, but it gave me a few minutes to think about what he said. I was disappointed to find myself rather confused.

Dinner was catered by a steakhouse down in Creek City, with the steaks grilled to order on the big grill they pulled behind their catering van. With several spouses and a couple of other friends joining us, Nessa had name placards by the plates for seating and I was surprised to find myself seated next to Livia and across from Candy and Uncle Horace. Dinner was a lively affair, with lots of friendly discussion and laughter. Candy and I got a number of questions about Alan's college days, she fielded more about her Hollywood entertainment program, and I even got a couple on dentistry and why it was so hard to recruit a dentist to practice in the back side of nowhere.

There wasn't an opportunity for private discussion, though, so I waited until after dinner was over to whisper, "Candy, can we talk?"

She smiled and nodded before stepping out back. I was a bit surprised when I noticed Livia's eyes follow me walking away with Candy.

"What's up, Ian?"

"Candy...I, ah, was wondering if, ah, after this is over, we could get together sometime to talk. College was long ago but—"

"Ian, stop, please. You need to know, I'm married. I never did one night stands, and I never cheat."

I was stunned. "I didn't realize...you don't wear a ring. I've watched your show so many times on TV and you've never worn a ring, not once that I've seen."

"TV? Hello? Everything about TV is a fantasy, to try to make viewers think it's a certain way when it's actually a fake veneer that's good enough to look good on camera and to fool them. Young male viewers aren't as willing to invest their time if they know the sexy anchor-babe is married and spending her evenings at home putting kids to bed and happily shtupping her husband silly."

My face was slack, with one revelation after another. "You...you have kids?"

She grinned and nodded. "Two! A boy and a girl. Remember four years ago, our Season 9, the cameraman stopped doing distant shots showing the whole set and spent more time doing closeups of me? That was to conceal pregnancy number 2, little Anya, following a similar situation in the latter part of Season 6 and start of Season 7 for her big brother, Lyle."

"Wow. Congratulations," I said without energy. "I didn' notice...and I never, ever dreamed...."

"Rubin and I made a decision when we married to keep our personal lives out of the press, no matter how much of a hypocrite that makes me, considering my show. I still go by Candice Rossiter on set and on TV and am always made up and in a wig, but most of the time, including all of my legal documents, I'm Mrs. Candice or Candy Delgado, a happily married, working mom."

"Wow," I repeated, still stunned at her revelations. "I'm really surprised, but I'm really happy for you, too."

"Thanks, Ian. I wanted to tell you earlier before we were interrupted, in case you had any ideas. I'm sorry."

"No. Candy, you have nothing to be sorry about. It's me that's sorry—"

"No! You have nothing to be sorry about either. Let's just drop it and be friends."

I couldn't look at her but I shook my head. "I do, Candy. You said it a minute ago, about never doing one night stands. I'm sorry about that, forcing you into it when we were, ahem, together that time. That was my fault and I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"Ian, it takes two to tango and I wanted it as much as you did at the time. I didn't do one night stands and that wasn't one either as far as I was concerned. I liked you, Ian, and had for a while, so when we got there, you didn't force anything; I did it because I wanted to, because I wanted you, and I thought we'd finally connected. After the condom incident the last time—okay, I take it back; yes, you should have been sorry about that—"

She shook her index finger at me reproachfully before smiling. "Anyway, that threw a wrench in the works, and I was pissed as hell at you until my next period started. We just never had a chance to work it out after that. We had exams and then graduation coming up in days, and I realized that we'd be going our separate ways then...well, I stayed ticked for a while and let it drop instead of working to see if there was something more between us. Maybe, if I'd calmed down a bit and talked to you, we might have at least ended up as friends. I'm sorry about that. Think we can try again? Friends? You'll get pictures of my kids in our family Christmas card every year." She was grinning.

Still disappointed but having a bit of weight lifted from me, I nodded and gave her a hug. She felt good in my arms, but I put that out of my mind, knowing this was friendship and nothing more. "Yeah, friends again," I agreed. "So, think you can let me see your munchkins now?"

"We better have a seat then," she said, pointing to the bench near the hot tub. Seconds later, she had her phone out bringing up pictures of her children and her husband and we were talking and sharing like the old friends we were.

***

"Ian? Candy? You guys back here?" called Alan. "Ah, there you are. Ian, we're heading out to leave the ladies in peace."

"You guys are doing a bachelor party," guessed Candy, shaking her head. Chuckling, she added, "Don't tell me you found a stripper around here."

"No. Alan didn't want that—fortunately, since I'd have probably had to bring one in from Denver—so we're going back to his house for some beer, some cards, and maybe even some darts. He still has that dartboard that was always on the back of his door when we were in college."

"Oh...wine and girl talk at Nessa's or darts and beer at Alan's? It is tempting, but sorry, Alan, Nessa has the hot tub." Candy grinned, pointing.

"And it's a great hot tub," he agreed. "Enjoy!"

When we walked around front, everyone was saying their goodbyes until the morrow, so Candy and I joined in and did the same. Nessa was practically radiant as she sent us on our way, but Livia was quiet, just wishing me a simple "Good night, Ian" when I approached her.

"Good night, Livia. Hope you ladies have fun."

"You, too," she said, turning away.

Alan and Uncle Horace talked on the way back to town, but I mostly stared out the window into the darkness and up at the countless stars, thinking of Candy and the life she'd described. She was, I was glad to see, very happy with her husband and her family, and she'd admitted that, though she'd had some difficult times along the way, she wouldn't change a thing if she had the opportunity to do it all over again.

"That's the way love is, Ian. You take the good and the bad because you know that the good is going to far outweigh the bad in the end."

"Love?" I'd asked, a bit more derisively than intended. "Too many people claim to have that, but they all too often use it like a crutch, to support them in getting what they want from the other person in the relationship. I'm not into that, Candy. I don't want to pretend like that and I don't like the strings that come along with relationships."

"I thought you might once, with me. Until I pushed you away."

"That was, well, different, in a different time, a different place. That's not any more, you said it yourself. And besides, there's only one Candy Rossiter."

"True, but there are a lot of other women out there, Ian, who would consider themselves blessed if they could love you and be loved by you. If you find the right one, don't push her away like I did you without giving her a chance."

When Alan pulled into Uncle Horace's, he asked, "You sure you don't want to come down for a little while? We can bring you home when you get tired."

"Son, I'm 86 going on 90, I stay tired," he said with a laugh. "You guys have fun."

I was helping the old gentleman out of the truck when he leaned toward me and half-whispered, "Remember what Delmer said."

We waited until he was up the walk and into the house before Alan pulled out of the driveway.

"Ian, what was Uncle Horace saying about Delmer?"

"Just a bit of countrified advice that we have in the city, too."

I think there were all of five or six houses between Horace's home and Alan's so he parked and we went inside. "You and Candy got along okay?"

"Alan, she's married."

"Yeah, I thought you knew."

"No, not a clue. Shocked is an understatement." I didn't say it, but massively disappointed was the other descriptor of choice. "How'd you find out?"

"She spent three days out here when she came out for the interview, staying with Nessa, so they got to be good friends and we heard all of the stories you probably missed out on until tonight. Her husband, Rubin, is a bank executive and a really nice guy. Their son, Lyle, is about six or maybe seven now and he's a handful, and little Anya's the spitting image of her mom. We met them when we were out in LA early this year, and I think that's part of the reason Nessa finally agreed to set a date for the wedding. She knows her biological clock is ticking, and we want to have at least one or maybe two kids before we're done."