All Comments on 'White Freshman, Black Coeds Ch. 03'

Good start but it need's another chapter . He needs to get some head and pussy action for him too and make sure the ladies are clean and fresh before licking begins . In other words , no cum left from their boyfriends . Another thing to think about is the girls could blow him as a thank you and he could cum on their tits . Hot , white cum looks awesome on a black girls tits !

I don't agree with everything that "Sandman_truck" said, but I (myself) somewhat-agree that this installment should not have ended where it did (for readers): it would have been worth waiting a day or 2 to show how far Main Character Mark gets in learning what Candace and Keisha have to teach him about licking/eating them properly (and how gratefully they respond to his efforts before he leaves) before posting this installment.

I think that it also may have been a waste of your time, Author, to write that last sentence ("I'll leave it to the reader to imagine what that process looked like [and its effects]" -- instead of trying of describe what Keisha's breasts looked like when *they* were allowed to move freely -- and either describing Mark's erection or saying something like "you know that my pants then got a lot tighter": directness and concision are things hat readers appreciate, and visual description beats effectively saying (and not briefly) "Reader, it's up to you to see what happened here; I'm taking a pass here".

I like the characters of Candace, Keisha, and Mark -- but I wish that the plot would move more quickly and directly toward whatever you wish to present than you (Author Mark) did in this chapter... -- unless you haven't yet figured out what you want Keisha and Candace to do (in which case, you truly have a problem at this point).

I hope that you (the Author) will figure out what you want your 3 protagonists to do in the remainder of Mark's visit (perhaps more than the women had initially planned, stimulated by their anger, the size of Mark's "equipment", the existing sexual tension , and (I hope) Character Mark being a fast learner (and seeming to be a more generous young man than the boyfriends).

Good Luck.

Ethan ("nycreader" in (where else?) New York City).

Sandman_truck, I appreciate your feedback. But I'm afraid this is a slow burner, almost more of a Romance with sex than Erotic Couplings, but that's where they put it, sorry.

Ethan (nycreader), thank you for your detailed critique, that's the kind of feedback I enjoy. I'm glad you like the characters, as I've tried to make them as real as possible. But like I said above, this will be a slow burner in 2 or 3 page chunks, really almost "a day in the life" kind of thing, but of course skipping the days when there's no action.

But I do have a story arc in mind, and in fact have 9 chapters written. I want to release it serially though, not so much to tease readers or anything, but because I like to revisit and revise chapters that haven't posted yet, based on what the characters get up to in later chapters, if that makes sense. Or to go back and foreshadow something.

Or to incorporate feedback like yours about my "leaving it to the reader's imagination." So with that insight I'll scrub later chapters for that. Literotica has been taking 4 to 7 days to post a chapter, but as soon as the latest one posts I submit the next one to the queue, so that's an insight on the timing if you didn't know.

I should also add for everyone that this story is very personal to me, because Mark is *me* at 18 (minus his orphan status), but really me at 20, inexperienced with women. All the feelings and the way he thinks about women were mine then (and still now). And in college I *was* a pizza deliver driver and did see some of these sorts of things, though without the blatant come-ons. Later in life I developed an appreciation for black women, so this story is me discovering that at 18, but of course embellished with a lot of fantasy elements that would likely never happen in real life.

So apologies to everyone looking for a quick ending, but I'm not really out to just write porn scenes, I need them to fit within the life and maturation of the MC. Every episode will have something erotic, but it'll be at least a dozen chapters before Mark is no longer a virgin. And along the way he'll experience some "real" relationships, maybe some heartbreak, then maybe some revenge sex, and maybe only then will "go wild" and bang everything in sight. Or maybe he won't, it just depends how far away from my own romantic ideals I'll feel like straying at that point.

Best regard,

MarkL

Dear MarkL (Author Mark),

Thank you very much for your kind response to both Sandman_truck's Comment on Chapter 3 and to my earlier Comment on this chapter (primarily concerning this Chapter's ending) ; I appreciate the light that you shed on the origin of this series.

(I have read Chapter 4 and have been somewhat-surprise by how you followed up (and didn't) on Chapter 3 in Chapter 4; I will try to write to you directly concerning that Chapter.

Good Luck with your continuation of this series (but I would note that 10 to 12 chapters before the Main Character has his "First Time" is *very* "slow" (possibly romantic, but "slow") compared to many other stories (many of which -- especially in "Erotic Couplings" -- include penetrative sex in their *only* installment (and/or within the *1st* page), and that perhaps that if you're thinking in terms of 12 or more chapters that you should consider putting the installments of this series in the "Novels and Novellas" or "Interracial Love" category rather than the "Erotic Couplings" category.

Ethan in New York City ("nycreader").

Ethan,

Thanks so much for the rec to move to Interracial Love! I guess I hadn't given that much thought at all when I submitted the first story (I usually search by Tags, not Category), and then just kept posting chapters to EC. Ch. 5 will go to IL, and I've asked the moderators to move the first 4 installments there too.

Because that's what my story really is. Besides a coming-of-age, it's an exploration of WM/BF sex and romance. That category change should attract more like-minded readers, and like you intimated, not put people off by having to read a novella to get to some relatively tame juicy bits.

And per your suggestion I rewrote the ending of Ch. 3, leaving nothing to the reader's imagination as Keisha took her top off, and adding an extra little twist. I like it, but see what you think.

I haven't seen a PM or anything from you about Ch. 4, but I'm curious what I didn't follow up on from 3, or how 4 didn't go the way you thought from 3. I'll just reiterate that Mark is still shy, and hopelessly respectful, so he isn't going to do anything without permission/guidance, thus letting the girls really drive the story.

Take care,

MarkL

I know that there's a lot more to this.series, seeing as how I'm coming in late. However, if any woman or women came to me with this proposition, I would tell them to kick rocks. Any man who would accept this is a weakling, at least in the head😂

@Mocmo: I don't know, maybe it depends on how old and/or experienced you are? I think an 18yo virgin would jump at the chance to be this close to a woman, whatever the boundaries. But thanks for reading.