White Freshman, Black Coeds Ch. 23

Taking the mic from the stand I switched it on like I'd seen people do, then asked G through it if he was sure he had the right guy? I hadn't requested anything, etc. "Yeah, I got the right guy. I seen you last week lip-syncing Rapper's Delight, so I know you know this one! Sing it, playa!"

Becky's friend was almost through her monologue, so I just shrugged like, "Alright..." The music had started midway-through that, and I was super-glad to see that Nia seemed to know this one. And when the white girl said, "Look, she's just so...black!", I dropped in with, "♪I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie!♪" I nailed it, and the crowd went nuts!

You know you've dropped into that song perfectly when 'butts' lands on the first big bass hit. Kandace and Keisha immediately started dancing, but Nia was still standing there dumbfounded. She looked at me, then around at all the women dancing and talking to each other maybe about how crazy this white kid was. Then she joined the girls and I could tell they were definitely talking about me, and then telling me to "go on then!" and "preach it!" and things like that.

After taking in the initial reaction of the room, I started singing the song directly to Nia. At, "♪ I wanna get wit'cha and take your picture♪" I pretended with my free hand that I was holding a camera and snapped the shutter at her. She laughed but got embarrassed and turned away for a minute.

I looked at her hard at, "♪I've seen her dancin', to hell with romancin'. She's sweat, wet—" the girls had already turned around for what was coming next, but Nia was slow to catch on, "—got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette.♪" But then she got in on the act too, and all three girls were shakin' and poppin' their butts at me. As Trey would say, Got dayam!

And then who showed up but Gabby! She ran up to join the girls, who'd worked themselves to be right in front of me. She waved up at me and I blew her a kiss. And just as the first interlude was coming up where there's scratching and someone saying 'LA face with the Oakland booty,' G came up beside me with his own microphone. "How's he doin' y'all?!!!!" The room erupted into cheers and clapping and a lot of pretty brown faces looking at me some kind of way.

As I started back singing with, "♪ I like 'em round and big...," G stepped off the stage right in front of the girls and started dancing at/with them. They were left to right: Gabby, Nia, Candace, and Keisha, so he was facing right between Nia & Candace, but he was mostly looking at Candace. He was a good dancer too, and had a sexy body. If you're into that kind of thing (and I think Candace was).

At, "♪A word to the thick soul sistas..." I sang that out over the crowd, trying to catch the eyes of some of the ladies. Not that I was looking for anyone else, it just seemed fun. And at the end of that stanza where he sings, 'Even white boys got to shout,' I leaned forward to concentrate on Nia and sang, "This white boy got to shout, my baby got back." THAT got a reaction from the ladies in the crowd.

G was still dancing with the girls, moving up and down the line to spread the love, but he lingered at Candace each time he went by. Gabby seemed to be having a great time, and I was glad she knew the song. I didn't see Sean in the crowd, but maybe he'd hung back by the door.

And of course everybody sang along at, "♪My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun!♪" I heard a lot of male voices too, so that was fun. And I noticed a lot more couples on the floor now, mostly with the guys in the back and their girls grinding on them. Candace even turned around quickly to sort-of grind on G, but it wasn't lewd.

I stepped down off the stage to sing two lines exclusively to Nia, all up on her: "♪Cuz your waist is small and your curves are kickin', and I'm thinkin 'bout stickin'!♪" She got embarrassed, but she loved it. Then I got back up on stage. At "red beans and rice didn't miss her" I pointed to Candace, who turned sideways and shook her booty for me.

At the end I had a big surprise for them: when Mix sings, "♪So ladies if the butt is round and you want a triple X throwdown, dial 1-900-MIXALOT♪," I changed it to, "dial 1-900-Mark'sSoHot," enunciating slowly and pointing down at my head to help them get it. Holy F, you'd have thought someone had set off a girl-laughing-and-screaming bomb in the room! Even G almost fell out, coming back up on stage to help me close it out: "♪Little in the middle but she got much back♪" four times.

I said quickly, "We gotta do the whip at the end!" And we did, me to the left and him to the right. The room ERUPTED in applause and cheering and marriage proposals and all kindsa things. Okay, maybe not marriage proposals. I took a cue from Rodney and tried to be humble and bow gracioiusly, but they just kept ON cheering. Nia came up on the stage and kissed me full on the lips, then pulled me back down while I waved to the folks who were still cheering.

"Holy sh—crap! Did he DO that or what?" The cheering and clapping almost started all over again. "Man, I'm out of breath. And y'all were dancin' machines!" The noise level ramped up again; G was good at his job. "Whaddya think, should Mark come back next Friday?" Yeah! Woohoo! Heck yeah! Etcetera. All female voices.

"You heard the people, Mark. Encore performance next week?" With encouragement from the crowd I said probably so, and that got even more cheering.

"Okay, anybody wanna follow that?" He looked around, but no one stood up. "I don't blame you, I wouldn't want to either. So let me just put something on....," it was Things That Make You Go Hmmm, real low "and tell you a quick story while we all catch our breath." He's out on the stage now, out of his DJ booth.

"Nia, your man Mark here must think very highly of you, I gotta tell you that." Nia had her arm around me and squeezed me tight. Some girls in the audience awww'd. "Brother comes in here last night, people, asking if he can do a karaoke song tonight for his girl. I'm like, 'Sure, yeah. We do that sometimes.' Oh, if you were here last week then you saw him lip-syncing Rapper's Delight when Rodney was singing it." A few whoo's. "Right? Brother knew every word!

"But when he told me he wanted to do th song? AND he'd never done karaoke before? I was skeptical, I gotta be honest. Now Mark, I'ma call you out a little bit, but I love you, man, know that. Would you stand up please?" Embarrassed as heck, I stood up. "Now, Mark is a handsome guy, right? But when you look at him, do you see, I don't know, maybe Green Day? Or do you see Sir Mixalot?"

Green Day! Lots of those, but no Sir Mixalots. "I know, right? But did he kill that song or WHAT??!!" People started cheering again, and G amped them up, doing that thing with your hands sweeping up where you're trying to get a crowd to cheer more. I bowed again left and right and then sat back down.

"Alright, let's get back into some more spoken word, yeah? Kayla, are you ready, baby? Okay, here ya go," as he handed her the mic.

"Mark, you were incredible!" "Holy ish, that was unbelievable!" "Have you ever sung that before? "How do you even know that song?" All those questions and more came from the girls while I just grinned, waiting for them to question themselves out. They were all looking at me with more admiration than I'd ever seen from them.

"I don't know, I've just always liked that song, and it's on one of my burned CDs a friend from the Boys Home gave me. When Rodney sang that song last week I thought about it and how I'd like to sing it for you guys. Not just Nia like G said, but all you guys. I thought it would be fun, but never imagined it would get a reception like this!" Sean had joined us and we fist-bumped. New cups of wine showed up and I gulped mine down. That's a long, fast song that makes you winded and thirsty.

Keisha asked, "Mark, which one of these ladies do you want to go home with tonight? I'll go let her know you're interested." I told her just this one right here, pulling Nia toward me and kissing her sweaty forehead. Nia said that was a good answer.

Candace added, "She's right though, Mark. You've gotten a lot of the black girls in here interested. And the DJ was right: just looking at you you'd never expect that was inside you." Nia made a motion that I be given an honorary black card, which Keisha seconded. "Seriously though, Mark, I'm really glad we got to know you. You're a very unique person." There was a real tenderness in Candace's eyes.

G came over with a tray of Jager shots for the table, still carrying on about how I'd demolished the song. And I found out I did not like Jägermeister; I didn't know it was licorice-flavored, which I hate. "I'm G, y'all, and if you guys need anything just let me know." He was looking right at Candace when he said that. Was I a little jealous? Sure, but she deserved somebody nice in her life.

Then Rodney came over and introduced himself. "That was your first time? Ever? Man, you nailed that!" I thanked him and said it was just beginner's luck. "No, I don't think so. You knew the words too well. Can't just anybody get up there and do that if they don't really know the words, even though they're on the screen for you. No, you've got a talent, and I look forward to seeing what you do next time." I thanked him and said I loved his renditions last week and tonight.

Turning back to the girls and Sean, I asked, "Is anything going on this weekend, like a frat party or something?" Nobody knew of anything, and somebody said there weren't even any good movies at the dollar theater (2 screens). Then the girls got to talking about the new Harry Potter movie coming out next weekend, so they spent the next 10 or 20 minutes talking about all that, the books, the movies... I turned to Sean and got to know him a little better. He was pre-Med, but that's really all I remember now. He still seemed like a nice guy though, and I was happy for Gabby; she seemed to be really interested in him.

It was about 12:30 now and people were yawning and acting like it was time to go. Sean and Gabby actually excused themselves first, leaving the four of us there alone. Trey and Kyla never had shown up; I wished they had so they could've seen this new side of me, but maybe next time. Anyway, we bounced and I got the ladies bundled into the minivan. I started the engine and let it warm up a bit before pulling off.

I felt/hoped there was a question in the air, but I didn't want to be the one to voice it first. After all, I'd been thinking of being more monogamous with Nia. But if my two best friends in the whole world asked us to come to their house and likely be intimate with them, it wouldn't be fitting of me to turn them down, would it?

It was Keisha who spoke up first. (I'd had about even money on her or Nia, and maybe 5-to-1 that it would be Candace.) "If you guys wanted to come over we could probably find a movie to watch on HBO." Nia seconded the proposal and we were off, her texting someone, probably Rita to say she'd be out all night. The idea of feeling Candace naked against me again was enticing, and I really didn't even care if we 'did' anything or not.

Candace poured wines (I wished I was old enough to buy some and bring it over, but I gave her a 10 instead), while Keisha looked for a movie. All sitting in the living room, we saw that Collateral with Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx was half-over, which was a shame because I'd heard it was good. That was HBO, and the 'regular' channels didn't offer much else, so she put some music videos on.

"Well now what?" Someone asked.

"Strip UNO!!" Keisha of course. "Mark, drink up, cuz I don't want you winnin' all the hands this time!" We moved to the kitchen table while cards were retrieved and dealt. Candace brought out a bottle of vodka and a jug of orange juice if anybody wanted. I felt like getting drunk that night, I don't know why. I guess because I so much wanted to go to a party with Nia and dance, and party = drinking. I poured some vodka into a red Solo cup and asked Candace if that was enough (I didn't have any experience drinking liquor that wasn't pre-mixed).

But Keisha answered, "No, you need at least twice that much!" So I did, then topped it mostly up with orange juice. It was strong, but tasted alright; not as good as the punch at the two parties though. "Guys, you know what Mark did when we played strip poker?" I told her she didn't need to share that, but she wasn't having it. Plus Nia really wanted to know. "He threw his hands to get a certain outcome. He threw away Aces over tens so he'd lose the hand he went out on!"

Candace looked at me knowingly, but Nia hadn't caught on to the implications yet. "So why would he do that, though? We were just playing to see who won, right?"

Stepping on Keisha, because I thought it would be better coming from me, I said, "No, not to see who won, but to see who was doing who orally. Candace had gone out first, which meant she'd have to 'do' the next person out. There was a 2 out of 3 chance that would be you or Keisha, and I know Candace doesn't like to perform cunnilingus as much as you two do, so being the gentleman I am, I threw the game so I'd be her partner, and—"

"Gentlemanly concern my ass!" (Did you guess that was Keisha? She'd taken some vodka too and was getting boisterous.) "You just wanted Candace's lips on you!" She was right about that, but it really wasn't my motivation. Candace looked at me slyly through all this, while Nia was still a little bit lost.

"Keisha! I'm shocked, shocked I say, that you'd impugn my motivations like that!" Candace laughed and Nia giggled. "I was simply saving this lovely damsel the discomfiture of having to perform an act she didn't enjoy."

"Okay, okay, I take it back. Most of it, anyway. But only because it worked out for me." Nia asked how so, and I preempted Keisha again.

"Oh my sweet little ingénue, you were a goldfish in a pool of sharks. I could tell right away that Keisha knew how to play well, and I'd learned in the Boys Home all the probabilities and how to properly play each hand, which Keisha quickly picked up on. In retrospect I should've played poorly from the beginning and gone out first, because that would've been a win for me however the rest of it turned out. Keisha wasn't going to go out next because she played too well, so that would've paired me with you or Candace, with me as the provider. A win-win either way, I like to think." Nia and Candace grinned at each other.

"But then when Candace started doing poorly I couldn't catch up fast enough to lose, so I had to go out next to save her from the ignominy of performing cunnilingus on one of you."

Candace got it, and Nia was getting there. "Tell them the rest, Mark."

"Oh alright! You're a hustler, aren't you! It takes one to know one I guess. On that round where I went out a lot hinged on that outcome: would you be with Candace, or me? Because we were each down to our last item of clothing. Did you notice I sat back down at the beginning of that round, to hide my manhood? No? Well did you notice Keisha shaking her breasts especially hard, even playing with them? No either?" Then pulling her toward me I kissed her forehead and said, "Oh my dear child, so naïve to the ways of the world. Keisha was distracting me so I'd lose the round, and I was trying not to distract you, so you'd win the round. That would guarantee I was with Candace, me receiving, while you and Keisha were together, one way or the other."

"Tell her the rest, Mark..."

"You're a mean drunk, Keisha!" I said it good-naturedly, but still. "Alright, so Nia, you didn't really know how to play the game, and Keisha is good at it, so the odds were that she was going to win and you were going to be her prize. And by me throwing that hand I was almost guaranteeing that outcome. And truth told, I wanted to see you doing that to Keisha." Nia blushed, but finally understood all the ramifications she'd been oblivious to before.

"But you can't cheat at Uno, so ha!"

"Oh yes you can..." Keisha. Of course.

"Damnit, Keisha! Do you have to spoil everything?" I was only play mad, but still (again).

"Wait, how can you cheat at Uno?" I didn't want to answer, and Keisha didn't volunteer.

"Well go ahead, blabbermouth, tell 'em how you can cheat to lose at UNO." Me to Keisha.

"So the way you play strip UNO is that you play a round, somebody goes out, and then the others count their cards. The one with the most cards is the 'loser' and gives up a piece of clothing; if it's a tie, then they both or all three do. You keep going like that until someone is out of clothes, then the remaining 3 play it out, etc."

"But I still don't see how you can cheat." My innocent Nia. Candace had gotten it.

"If you don't play right you can lose. Now that would be hard to detect, but say at the end you're still holding cards you could've played, like a Wild or whatever. You could've said you didn't have anything to play, and then have to draw, and no one would know the difference. Unless what, Mark?"

"Unless we checked the remaining cards at the end."

"So that's what we'll do then, and you guys won't be able to cheat me and Candace! Ha!"

"Tell her, Mark." Damnit, Keisha!

"Well you could cheat to win too, and that might be helpful. Like you could palm a card and slip it in your pocket or something. Show her, Keisha."

Keisha looked at me like, how you gonna rat me out like that?, but she did it anyway. Fanning out her 7 cards, she showed them she had a Draw Four. Then she took a drink, collapsed the cards, wrote something on the scorepad, reached down to scratch her leg, etcetera, and when she fanned the cards out again the Draw Four wasn't there.

Nia exclaimed, "What the?!" And Candace looked intrigued.

"Mark, do you want to retrieve the card and show them?" Since I'd seen her drop it between her legs I said I'd be glad to. It took me a bit of (intentional) fumbling, but I finally got it and showed the other girls the Draw Four.

"How did you DO that?? Show us!" So Keisha demonstrated how to palm a card and then discreetly put it somewhere (she wasn't wearing sleeves, so that was out). "Candace, we've been playing with a couple of card sharks! And Mark, how did you know she could do that?"

"An educated guess, partly based on the way she handled the cards during poker." Keisha grinned at me and said she'd have to work on that.

"Keisha, do we have any dice? I think that's the only way Nia and I are going to get a fair game out of you scoundrels." Keisha just smiled a 'busted' smile and went and got four dice and handed us each one. I was pretty lit so I slowed down my drinking. Keisha was as drunk as me if not more, but Candace and Nia just had that warm alcoholic glow about them.

Candace asked, "So what are we playing for this time anyway? Same as last time, or....? I can't think of anything else. Mark, any ideas?"

I'd been thinking the same thing but hadn't thought of anything else. Until she asked that question, then an idea popped into my head. "When Nia and I were with Rita in the hotel I had a thought that we were like Ken and Barbie dolls she was playing with, positioning us just so and having us say and do certain things. So maybe, I don't know, maybe we play for teams, and one team gets to tell the other team what to do, then the other team is in charge, like that."