Who Killed Jenny Schecter? Ch. 34

On the sixth day they started removing bandages from Shane's head so she no longer looked like The Mummy. Dr. Hopkinson and three techs hooked her up to a maze of wires and sensors, and ran more series of tests. Then they took her down to the CAT scan room and took a couple hours worth of pictures and studies and views. About 4 p.m. Dr. Hopkinson came to the waiting room and sat down next to Carmen and Alice.

"Okay, here's what it looks like. We ran all the tests in the book, and so far we see no signs of any kind of damage, but because we can't see it doesn't mean there isn't some. Nothing is certain in this kind of thing. But that we don't see anything is a pretty good indicator. If we'd seen something, then that would probably be bad, but we've seen nothing, so that's good, but by no means definitive. Does that make sense?"

Carmen and Alice nodded. "But you still don't know how long she'll be in a coma, right?" Alice asked.

"That's right. Could be an hour, a day, a month, a year. I can't tell you. Most comas resolve in two to four weeks, but some can go on longer."

"How much longer?" Alice asked.

"Well, I don't want to scare you, but the record is 19 years. But like I said the other day, the chances seem to be in her favor, and the fact that it's been six days shouldn't discourage you. Keep talking to her. Hospital protocol is to always assume the patient can hear you. I'm convinced she's listening at some level, and it'll do you both good, too. Okay?"

* * *

"Hey, Shane, guess who? Yeah, me, Alice. Look, I gotta say this right off the bat, and I'll tell you later when you're awake, but I just gotta tell you now, too. I am sooooo sorry I ever got you into this, and I feel so bad about it all I hope you can forgive me. You and I have been almost besty friends ever since Harvey's funeral way back when we first met, and God knows, we've been through thick and thin together, what with me and Dana and, you know, me and Laura, and you and Cherie and you and Carmen and you and Paige, and you and Molly, and then all of us with Jenny, and me with Tasha. So, yeah, it's been a tough couple of years for all of us, you know? But no matter what, we're all gonna stick together, right to the bitter end, okay? So don't worry about that. We've all got another half a century to spend with each other.

"And hey, listen, I've got some red hot news for you! This afternoon I've got a job interview at KPSF. Yeah! I'm gonna see about bringing the Alice Pieszecki radio show to San Francisco. I've been interviewed by three or four TV stations since I got out, I'm practically a cable TV star, and somebody at KPSF saw one and called me up. The idea is it's gonna be an afternoon talk show, a couple hours maybe, but maybe not so self-absorbed as my last show, ya know? And the theme is I'm the new girl in town, and kind of a tourist in San Francisco and discovering everything about the region with new eyes, see? And there will be lots of interviews with all sorts of interesting people, gay, straight, bi, trannies, traffic cops, whatever. I mean, the rules are there are no rules. I'll talk about all the usual this and that, whatever crosses my mind. I'll talk about my time in prison, the Bitches in the Big House, Women Behind Bars, wow, what could be hotter than that? Going to prison could be the best career move I ever made! Who would have thought, huh? And I'll talk about Jenny's murder and everything that happened, but there will be lots more that has nothing to do with that. And I'm gonna ask them if I can go on locations and do shows from places around town and the region, like do a show from a vineyard up in Sonoma or Napa, and interview grape pickers and wine makers. All those massive, scary forest fires. And go to the Castro and interview drag queens and all kinds of gays and lezzies. Oh, it'll be cool! I hope they go for it. So I'll let you know soon as I hear anything definite after my interview. 'Kay? And if I get the job, I'm gonna move up here to San Francisco. LA's been a great ride for me, but maybe it's time to find new pastures, ya know? Bette and Tina did, and Carmen did, and now maybe me, too. You ought to think about moving here, too. God knows, you've fucked every lesbian in LA by now, and half the lezzie wannabes and maybes and might-bes. That talent pool's gotta be shrinking for you, yanno? I mean, look, there's a whole great big city, a whole region, chock full of new pussy that's never had the Shane McCutcheon experience. It'll take you five years just to fuck your way through the Castro, never mind the rest of the town.

"You need anything? I can go get you a latte, you know, or whatever you want, if you'll just wake up and drink it. It's been nine days, see, and to tell you the truth, I'm getting a little worried, honey. Yeah. And Carmen. She tries not to show it when she comes and talks to you, she wants to be all bright and cheery, you know how upbeat Carmen is. But seriously, she's worried sick. She tries real hard not to show it, but you know she's still in love with you. Yeah, I know, crazy, huh? She won't talk about it, and she'll never say it out loud, but you know me, I know these things. And you, you always did know people's minds even before they did, so I know you know it, too. I don't know if when she talks to you she's ever told you she still loves you, but I know she does. Yeah. So you need to wake up and have a good long heart-to-heart talk with her. Although you've never had a heart-to-heart talk with anybody ever in your life, so I guess it's a figure of speech. But you know what I mean. If you ever learn how to get in touch with yourself and express your emotions, she'd be a good one for you to start off with, ya know? And hey, I can say this 'cause I'm your best friend, but seriously, sweetheart, fucking up your relationship with Carmen was far and away the biggest fuck-up of your life, and we both know you've had some train wrecks, right? Your married Malibu MILF, and Fire Girl, and Mollie, and god knows, Jenny. But Carmen and you, that one was a 27-car Sunset Express going-off-the-rails and falling-off-the-trestle-into-the-gorge-below train wreck. Maybe you can make it right, I don't know. But if ever something was worth a shot, that was it. And, uh, I'm hesitant to mention it, but I think she's got this thing for Lauren Hancock, too. She's pretty torn between the two of you, so you've got to wake the fuck up and get your ass back in the game, you know? Because, babe, you could lose her again, and this time I think maybe permanently and forever. And hey, I heard something about you and Lauren back in the day. Is that true? Did you and she ever hook up way back when? If so, you never told me, and I'll have to put it up on the chart. And while I'm confessing my sins, I might as well confess one reason I want you and Carmen to get back together is because I'm thinking maybe I'd take a shot at Lauren. I never fucked a cop, and Tasha only became a cop after she and I broke up. So fuzz-fucking is still on my bucket list, and who knows, maybe Lauren and me ... well, let's not talk about it now. "

"'Kay, babe, I gotta run. I've got to go back to Carmen's house and shower and change and get ready for my job interview. Carmen will be here in a few minutes. Love ya, see ya later."

* * *

"Good afternoon, sunshine," Carmen said. "Guess what? You have two surprise visitors. Mystery guests, would you please sign in?"

"Chane? Guess who thees ees? Me, Mercedes, Carmen's mom! And guess who is with me?"

"Hi, Shane, it's me, Patricia. How are you? We've been so worried about you. Carmen's told us everything that's happened, and how you saved her life, and everything. So you hurry up, and get better, okay?"

"That's right, Chane. You been sleeping a long time, now it's time for you to get up. Carmen, could you take your sister and go get a soda or something? I want to talk to Chane."

"Uh, Mom, I'm not--" Carmen protested.

"Uh, can she really--" Patricia tried to ask.

"I want to talk to Chane alone! We came all the way from Los Angeles, I want to talk to her. I have things to say. So if you don't want a soda drink, go to the gift shop or something."

"Uh, okay, right, whatever you say, Mom. Car, let's go get a cup of coffee."

"Thank you. Enjoy. Take your time. I have muy mucho on my mind."

"Oh, sweet Jesus," Carmen murmured as Patricia led her from Shane's room, grateful for once that Shane was still unconscious. She knew Shane was about to get an earful.

"Well, Chane, now we are alone. Let me sit down here. There. Okay, first I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for saving Carmen's life. You know she means the world to me, she has always been my angel, my baby. I don't think I could stand to ever lose her, it would kill me, I think, if anything ever happened to her.

"But next, I want to tell you how angry I was at your wedding when you left her standing at the altar. She was so hurt and so humiliated, and I swore I would strangle you if I ever got my hands on you. Now I know all about your father stealing that money from that rich woman, but that's still no reason to do what you did. You should have come to us and explained everything, and we would still have had the wedding.

"And I have something on my conscience I need to explain to you. When I learned that Carmen was lesbiana, I said some awful things, and it estranged me from her for many months. It was my fault. I know now how I had overlooked many things over the years, things that should have been plain as day to a mother. But I am very old school and traditional, you know, and it took me a long time to understand things. And the other thing I wanted to say to you is that I want you to know when Carmen first brought you home as her friend, how much we all liked you, more than liked you, we loved you. That's what I wanted to tell you, that I loved you as a daughter and as my daughter's friend, and how much I enjoyed having you visit and be her friend. And then when she told me you were ... you know, what do you call, partners? Anyway, I was very upset. But when that rich woman called Patricia and told us you were getting married in Canada, I just started weeping. My Carmen, getting married! I had wanted to go to my Carmen's wedding for so long, Chane! I wanted her to be happy and to have the most beautiful wedding, and to walk down the aisle in the most beautiful dress! And when I realized that my Carmen was going to be married without me there, I was heartbroken like you couldn't believe, Chane! And then in the same breath this woman tells us she's going to arrange for us to go to the wedding, Chane, I cried! Yes! I cried. I was so happy, Chane! And that she was going to marry you! Well, I had gotten used to the idea that Carmen was lesbiana. You have no idea, the arguments we had in the house, Patricia and Anna telling me that they'd known for years about Carmen, and that I was being blind. And that there was nothing wrong with being lesbiana. And I came to see she was right. My Patricia and Anna, two very smart girls, and so is my Carmen. And you know what, Chane? I knew right away, if my Carmen was going to marry a woman, Chane, I was so happy it would be you. You were already a part of our family, because I loved you, and Abuela loved you, and Patricia and Anna, they loved you. You fit right in so well! And so when you did that very bad thing that night, and ran away, and left my Carmen there, I was so angry, Chane, but also I was so heartbroken, too, not only because my Carmen was heartbroken, but also because we had all lost you, too, and forever.

"Someday, not today, but someday, maybe I tell you what happened to Carmen right after. How she cried and cried. For weeks she was devastated. She stayed in her room, she didn't do any DJ things she did. She hardly ate, I had to stuff the food into her to keep her alive, she was losing so much weight. Oh, it was so sad. She cried, and I cried for her, too. I did. That's what I have to tell you. How I come to find forgiveness for you, and to tell you ... to tell you ... well, I don't know. Carmen says she will never get back with you that way ever again, but I don't know. Maybe what I want to tell you is it would be okay with me if you two did get back together. I know in her heart she still loves you, even though she says no. And I think maybe you still love her, too. So what I am saying is, if you still want to marry her, and join our family, well, there will always be a place for you. Oh, my. Now I am making myself cry again. Okay, Chane, I'll let you go back to sleep now, although I wish you to hurry and wake up. I've said what I have to say. We love you, Chane. That's all. We love you. Please, get well and wake up, and make my daughter happy."

* * *

"Hey, Shane, me again," Carmen said. "How'd it go with my mom? Never mind, I think I don't want to know. You're still plugged into the machine and it's working, you're still beeping and making sine waves, so means she didn't cut your power cord. I guess we should have made her go through a metal detector before we let her into your room, but I didn't think of it in time. Anyway, there's something else I wanted to tell you about. I got a call from Marybeth this morning, and we've got some good news. They were finally able to locate Shay. He's living in some sort of commune in some small town in Colorado, and guess what? He's the assistant manager of a pot store. How cool is that? That's almost as useful as having a close family member who's a doctor or a lawyer, you know? Anyway, Marybeth was able to talk to him on the phone and tell him what had happened. She says he took it pretty well. She said he was upset his father was dead, and even more upset you were the one who shot him. But Marybeth explained the circumstances, that Gabe had killed Jenny and Max and two other people, had shot Lauren, was going to kill me and tried to kill you, and you saved my life, so, you know, he understood. Marybeth said when she got done telling him everything, he said something like, well, he knew his father had done some pretty bad stuff in his life, so he shouldn't be too surprised. Marybeth gave me his contact information, and he said after you wake up he'll take some time off and come visit you. I asked if he could bring us some store samples or factory seconds, and he just laughed. But he didn't say no, either."

* * *

"Hi, Shane. My name's Daphne, you can call me Daph, and after we get to know each other better, I might even let you call me Daffy, like my friends do. I just came on duty, so I'm gonna be your nurse for the next twelve hours, until the morning shift comes in. I've just read through your chart, and everything is still looking very good, so you can go ahead and wake up any time you want to. In case you're wondering, it's Day 11. It was warm and sunny all day, but late this afternoon some clouds started building up, and they're calling for rain tonight. They tell me you have a partner named Carmen, who is off getting some dinner, and she'll be back shortly. So in the meantime I'm going to take this opportunity to give you a sponge bath, clean you up a bit, and I think you'll feel a lot better afterward, you know? And I'm going to roll you around this way and that, too, to change the bedding and see that you get a little exercise and movement, and I want to check you for bed sores. I've got some lotion for you for that, so you're gonna smell real good, too, in a few minutes. I saw your friend Carmen, you know. She's really pretty, you're so lucky. I don't swing that way, myself, but if I did, wow, that Carmen would do it for me, you know? I see why you're all hot for her. So I'm gonna start giving you that bath now, okay? The water's not too hot. Let's get this gown off of you. Good. Left arm first, okay? Here we go."

* * *

Carmen knocked on the door jamb just as one of the nurses was leaving Lauren's room. "Hey, Carmen," the nurse said.

"Hey, Bev, how's our patient today?"

"She's doing real good. Sitting up, eating soft food. We pulled a couple tubes out of her, hosed her down, changed her gown—"

"But it still opens in the back, right?" Carmen asked. "So everybody can see that great ass?"

"Oh, bet your bippy, Carmen. It'd be a real shame to cover that tushy up."

"I can hear you, you know," Lauren said from the bed. "I'm still alive, you know."

"See?" Bev said. "Feisty." She turned to Lauren. "I'll be back in a little while with some delicious pills."

"Oh, goody," Lauren said. Bev laughed and left.

"Well, you've perked up in the last 24 hours," Carmen said, sitting in a chair by the bed.

"Only from the neck up. I still feel like shit, got no strength. It's all I can do to turn the TV on and off. And I have to do everything left-handed."

"They say it takes a while. Good thing I didn't bring my Hitachi."

"Maybe next week," Lauren said. "I've been thinking."

"The doctor say that was okay?"

"Fuck you," Lauren said, smiling. "Yes. Thinking is about the only thing I'm allowed to do, besides pee into a bag. They're pretty kinky here. Everybody likes it when I pee and the bag fills up. They get all excited and happy. They measure it and write it down on my chart. Pissed 130 milliliters."

"Different strokes, different folks. I'm not opposed to water sports. So what have you been thinking?"

"That being a cop is a shitty job."

"That a fact? I've heard rumors."

"Yep. It's true. Even being a hot lezzie police detective. It's way over-rated."

"Well, yeah, if you keep getting shot all the time. Didn't they talk about this in cop school?"

"It's called the police academy."

"That'd make a good name for a movie," Carmen said. "Trust me about this. I have a good instinct for movie titles."

"Uh huh."

"I've been thinking about a career change, too," Carmen said, suddenly dropped to a shooter's crouch, her gun hand extended, index finger out and her left hand cupping the bottom of the grip of the imaginary gun. "Freeze, biodegradable algae container!"

"What happened to scumbag?" "Lauren asked. "I'm pretty sure they told us always say 'scumbag.'"

"I know, but that's disgusting. A condom full of man jism. Ewwwwwwwwww. This is California. I'd want to be a new type of ecologically sensitive, smokin' hot dyke detective who doesn't denigrate suspects with icky names."

"I'm sure it's just what San Franciscans have been crying out for," Lauren said. "Fuck foul-mouthed Dirty Harry. Somewhere Clint Eastwood is puking into his hat." She closed her eyes, and Carmen thought maybe she'd gone to sleep. "Car," Lauren said, her voice very low and serious. "I'm not going back."

"To being a cop? I wondered what you'd decide. I'm surprised you thought about it this soon, though."

"Yeah, well, I've had a lot of free time in the last couple days."

"Guess so." Carmen said. "If you did go back, you'd be a hero, you know. Decorated policewoman, shot in the line of duty, awarded a medal for valor. Promotion to Detective Grade Double Oh Seven or whatever it is. The Golden Girl of the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department. Police Chief-in-waiting."

"Fuck that. Hardly a week went by when Marybeth wasn't bitching about management and telling me to stay out on the street. No way I'm going to go that route."

"You're serious about this, aren't you?"

"I am," Lauren said quietly, closing her eyes. "Serious as a gunshot. And anyway, they tell me I'll have a lot of rehab to do. They say my arm will be okay, and probably my hand. I have to do strength exercises. I'd have to re-qualify all my weapons training. Spend time with a shrink so they can make sure I'm not PTSD or anything. Having to prove to everybody I won't fold or run or crack up."

"Well, anybody who thinks that doesn't know you."