Who Needs a Fantasy? Pt. 01

But it wasn't just any gaggle of Jennifers, this one was led by none other than Jennifer Bowers. Jen and Jennie were not with her that night, but her group included four other women who were all a little too drunk for their ages.

It was probably for the best. AJ wasn't as confident as they were hopeful that Lily had been flirting with them and they knew they shouldn't risk their returning friendship in an attempt to rekindle a romance that technically had never started the first time.

The First Sunday of December

Lily

For the first time in a very long time, Lily didn't start her Sunday morning with a long workout. Most people said, "Never miss a Monday," but Lily never missed a Sunday. At least, not usually.

She blamed the alcohol she'd consumed the night before, but she'd finished the precautionary two glasses of water before bed and, while she wasn't feeling super peppy, she didn't feel hungover either. The truth was that she just wanted to enjoy a lazy Sunday morning while the cold rain tapped lightly at her windows.

She finished her breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, and fruit - the exact meal she'd ordered at the diner less than ten hours before - and settled on her couch with a cup of hot tea. She browsed her various streaming services for a familiar favorite and settled on Kissing Jessica Stein. As problematic as that movie was in some ways, Lily still loved it. In particular the scene in the restaurant when Helen ran her hand up Jessica's thigh under the table. It was a brief scene, but it was enough to keep the movie in regular rotation.

When she got to the scene where Helen first expresses interest in sleeping with a woman, Lily thought back to her encounter with Jennifer the night before. What were the chances that Jennifer would walk into that specific diner while she and AJ were there? Jennifer had said that the diner was on the path from where her group of friends had been in Old City to the apartment that two of them shared in Washington Square. Lily was trying to learn the layout of Philadelphia, so she'd needed to look up the two neighborhoods to validate what she said.

Because she didn't trust Jennifer and there was something suspicious about the encounter. AJ had looked the most uncomfortable Lily had seen them since high school. More uncomfortable than they had looked at the reunion when The Jens walked in. It was a look of disappointment, annoyance, and maybe a little fear.

The disappointment made sense because she was positive that AJ was considering kissing her. It was a relatable feeling as Lily had also been disappointed that the meal, and potential kiss, had been interrupted. Same with annoyance - she could absolutely relate to being annoyed to see Jennifer when they'd been having such a great time one-on-one.

But the fear was a mystery. Maybe it was a reflex given Jennifer's bullying in high school. Lily wished she'd stepped in, but she didn't know how to back then. Her own fear of being outed kept her from calling any attention to herself as it related to sexuality.

As Jessica Stein tried to abandon her date with Helen Cooper on screen, Lily found herself scrolling through AJ's profile again. She paused on a picture of them with their dog, the answer to a prompt for a photo of them with the person they were closest with in the world. In true queer fashion, they didn't pick a human but picked a pet instead. He was a chubby white pitbull with brown spots and a huge grin. He had a scar on his belly, which was in the air as AJ pet him in the photo. He looked like a younger dog but AJ looked a few years younger too, so it might have been an old picture.

Some might have called the next picture gratuitous for the effect it had on Lily. Maybe not for everyone, perhaps just a specific demographic of women who were attracted to people who work with their hands. She'd clearly spoken too soon a few nights before when she'd thought AJ hadn't included any thirst traps in their profile.

AJ was wearing a cut-off sleeve shirt with several tattoos on display while laying halfway under a cabinet while they appeared to be fixing a sink. To be fair, AJ was a handyperson and the prompt was for a photo of them at their job, but the picture could have been from a softcore porn where the housewife broke things in her house intentionally so she could seduce the sexy handyperson.

Their shirt was riding up and a sliver of their abs were on display. Lily zoomed in on the photo. Their abdominal muscles weren't defined like the people Lily trained aspired to have, but it was clear that AJ worked physically hard for a living.

They had two hands on a large pipe wrench, which made their biceps and triceps flex hard. Their tan skin had a slight sheen of sweat and their clothes and skin were both just dirty enough to be sexy without being so dirty that they might deter someone from touching them.

Lily didn't realize that she'd started touching herself until a moan escaped her throat. Was she masturbating to a picture of AJ?

She swiped to the next picture to try to take her mind off of how sexy they were, only to find a photo of them hoisting a trophy high in the air in nothing but a sports bra and tight, dirty softball pants. They were drenched from head to toe in either sweat or water from the cooler one of their teammates held next to them, probably both. The photo was the answer to the prompt asking for a photo of their proudest moment. The caption read "Celebrating my only home run ever; a walk-off in the last game of my college softball career."

Lily closed the app again and threw her phone to the other side of the couch. Browsing AJ's profile was doing nothing to ease the ache in her core. She closed her eyes and tried to recall her go-to fantasy - being bent over the arm of a couch while a strong, faceless figure roughly fucked her from behind.

The usually silent stranger groaned, "I want to feel you come" as Lily reached the peak of her orgasm. But the voice was not a stranger's voice, it was a familiar voice.

AJ's voice.

Lily was fucked. And not in the way that had just made her come by her own fingers in just a couple of short minutes. She couldn't pursue anything with AJ without confronting what happened between them in the past and she really didn't want to face what she'd done.

The Second Friday & Saturday of December

AJ

With the first game of the season just a week away, AJ and Keisha had been working hard to get the team ready to face off against The Panthers in a pre-season scrimmage the next day. Slightly out of character for them, AJ had been looking forward to blowing off some steam with a happy hour - or several hours - after practice. They couldn't remember the last time Keisha didn't have to ask them at least twice if they wanted to join her, Toni, and Alicia at The Tavern.

"Where'd you disappear to after the reunion?" Toni asked AJ. "After the restaurant started to close up, we came here to keep the party going. I looked for you to let you know, but you'd already left. Without saying goodbye, I might add."

"Sorry. I went to get ice cream with Lily Duval," AJ replied. "I spent most of the night outside trying to avoid another run-in with The Jens."

"Fuck those bitches," Alicia said as she lifted her glass to cheers with the group, who all cringed at the use of one of their least favorite words. "Sorry, I know y'all hate that word, but when it's accurate, it's accurate. And it's a lot better than what I call them when I'm not in public, that's for sure."

"What did they do this time?" Keisha asked as she swatted Alicia's arm playfully and turned her attention to AJ.

"Nothing out of the ordinary for them, I guess. I left when Jennie started slipping some casual transphobia into the conversation," AJ explained.

"So how is Lily anyway?" Toni asked with a smirk on her face. If AJ didn't know better, they might have thought that Keisha spilled the beans about AJ and Lily's past. "I didn't get a chance to talk to her."

"She's good. Just moved to the King of Prussia area for work." AJ hesitated before adding, "We went to a gay bar in the city last weekend."

"Oh really?" Toni asked with even more suspicion in her voice than her last question. "You know, I always thought you two had a little something going on in high school."

Keisha nearly choked on her drink and gave AJ's secret away. They could either deny that something had happened, which was a terrible idea because they were a terrible liar, or they could admit to enough to satisfy Toni's curiosity. AJ could admit to the crush that they hadn't known was a crush at the time without giving more away.

"You know, I didn't know it at the time, but I think I had a crush on her in high school. I mean, I didn't know I was queer until college, so I don't think I could have really known, but it's probable that I did." Hopefully, that would keep Toni's follow up questions to a minimum.

Alicia raised an eyebrow. "Are you into her now?" she asked.

AJ made their best attempt at appearing to consider it for a moment, even though they knew the answer was a definitive yes. In reality, they were using the long pause to come up with a believable answer that didn't expose the crush that, apparently, never went away. "Well, you've seen her, she is definitely attractive," they laughed. "But I don't really know her anymore so I don't know if I'm interested in her."

It was a bit of a stretch, but it was mostly true. They didn't really know her anymore. Even though they sure did feel like they really knew her last Saturday. Especially after they left the crowded bar to go to the diner. There was a familiar comfortability with Lily. Just like it had all those years ago, her presence alone eased some of the anxiety that plagued AJ every time they found themself in a social situation.

The answer seemed to satisfy both Alicia and Toni as they changed the subject to Toni's latest issue with her boss at work. But Keisha kept her eyes on AJ and squinted suspiciously at them. One of the reasons AJ and Keisha worked so well together was because Keisha could practically read their mind. She definitely could tell something was up.

Unsurprisingly, Keisha asked AJ about Lily the next day after the scrimmage.

"Nothing is happening," AJ said without looking up from the stats the team manager had compiled for them.

"I know you well enough to know how you're feeling. It's how we get along so well as a coaching team. You're agonizing over something that is not related to basketball or this team." Keisha waited for AJ to look up before finishing. "I can tell. So spill it."

"Okay fine, I'm into her. And I think she's into me but you know I don't have your gift for figuring out people's feelings." AJ gestured vaguely towards Keisha. "You can read people. That's why I keep you around," they said with a smirk.

"Are you going to see her again?" Keisha asked.

"Probably. But we're just friends," AJ responded, looking back down at the stat sheet and underlining some patterns in their star player's shooting attempts.

"Why are you hesitating? You're into her and she's probably into you. You overthink these things too much," Keisha scolded. "If your gut says she likes you, she probably does."

AJ groaned and leaned back in their chair, looking towards the ceiling. "I don't have those gut feelings or whatever. I'm just looking at the facts." They rubbed their face and looked back at Keisha.

"She said that we could be each other's wingpeople," AJ said, holding up one finger to count the facts they'd been analyzing for the last five days.

"She asked about my type so she could fulfill those wing-woman duties." They held up a second finger.

"She has not mentioned our horny teenage makeout at all," they finished, holding up a third finger.

Keisha folded her arms. "None of those seem definitive indications that she's not into you. What do you have to lose?"

AJ didn't have a great answer for Keisha. If things went poorly, the worst that would have happened was that Lily might not have been in AJ's life long-term. But she hadn't been in their life for two decades and they'd survived. Why be afraid of it happening again?

But AJ was afraid. They'd protected themself from rejection very well for the last couple of decades. They didn't take risks; they didn't ask for dates until they were sure that the other person was interested. Their dates sometimes even called them out on it, commenting that they had been trying to drop hints for a while before AJ asked them out. But they didn't want to misread something and feel that pain that had been so constant in their teens.

While they didn't understand their attraction to women until their late teens - and they didn't even know about gender-diverse identities until they were a few years into college - they'd known they were attracted to men, boys at the time, since they hit puberty.

Unfortunately, boys weren't interested in them. They were teased for their appearance throughout middle and high school and they never had a crush that was reciprocated. Until Lily. And they hadn't even understood it at the time.

AJ had to learn to protect themself from risk and that's exactly what they'd done.

Not only was there the risk that their current crush on Lily wouldn't be reciprocated, but also that the eye-opening experience in their car had only meant something to AJ and not to Lily.

"Too much," AJ said after the long delay since Keisha had asked them the question. "More than I'm willing to risk."

Lily

Lily texted AJ late Sunday afternoon to see if they wanted to join her for brunch with the two women they'd met at the mixer the week before. She'd stretched the truth a little when she told AJ that the idea had come from Cammie and Jasmine. Sure, Jasmine had technically been the one to suggest brunch, but Lily had guided her to the topic.

Lily wanted to see AJ but the idea of seeing them alone made it feel like a date and she didn't want to date AJ.

Well, she wanted to date AJ, but she'd convinced herself that it was a bad idea. AJ was the one queer person she really knew in the area and she didn't want to risk that budding friendship. If something started up with AJ, it would be serious. She knew that from what she'd seen on their dating profile. And if it didn't work out, that would probably be the end of her friendship with AJ. Again.

AJ: I'm not used to having a social event on my calendar in consecutive weeks, but sure, I'm in.

The Second Sunday of December

Lily

Going to brunch with AJ, Cammie, and Jasmine was the most fun Lily had in a very long time. Her cheeks ached from laughing and she was glad to have foregone any makeup for the day. It would have been smeared from the tears that rolled down her face when Jasmine involuntarily revealed that she is prone to both snorting and wheezing when she laughed a little too hard. She started and couldn't seem to stop. The rest of the group laughing harder and harder probably didn't help.

AJ excused themself to the bathroom and both Cammie and Jasmine leaned closer to Lily to whisper, "You do know that AJ is in love with you, right?" and "How long have you been in love with AJ?" at the same time.

"Fuck. It's that obvious?" Lily asked.

"Only to people who look at either of your faces," Cammie teased.

"Wait, you know that you're in love with each other?" Jasmine asked.

"In love might be a little extreme. Until a couple of weeks ago, we hadn't seen each other in twenty years. It's kind of hard to love someone for that long without seeing them," Lily said.

"Fair enough," Jasmine relented. "But that means you were in love with them before, right?"

"I guess as much as one can be in high school without actually acting on it," Lily said, omitting the one-time makeout in AJ's car. "But that's not the issue. I know... or at least I think I know... that AJ is into me. The issue is the classic 'what if it doesn't work out and then we're not friends' problem. I didn't know how much I'd missed having them in my life until I came back. I'm not willing to lose them completely again."

Cammie opened her mouth to say something but Jasmine shushed her. AJ was walking back to the table from the bathroom. Cammie whispered, "You can either spend the rest of your life wondering if it could have worked out or you can spend your life making sure it works out."

After brunch Lily and AJ said goodbye to Cammie and Jasmine in front of the restaurant before turning North towards the parking garage.

"Do you want to check out the Christmas Village?" Lily asked. She wasn't ready to go home yet.

AJ looked around. "It's cold," they said, scrunching their face up and tucking their chin into their jacket. "But fine, I'll go."

They browsed the little shops in the Christmas Village and sampled the seasonal treats being offered along the way. Lily tested the waters a little with AJ to get a better feel for where their head might be at regarding their obvious connection.

When AJ was taking a long time to browse a shop and Lily was ready to leave, she rested her chin on their shoulder and pressed her body against their back when she asked if they could get hot chocolate.

When she wanted to show them an ornament she liked, she grabbed their hand and dragged them to the other side of the shop.

And when they stood in front of a wall of brightly colored bottles and debated which hot sauce to buy for their brother, she hooked her arm around their waist and pointed to the Golden Girls themed gift set.

She found any excuse she could to touch them affectionately. And while she seemed to have caught them off guard a couple of times, they had leaned into her touch more times than not. The waters seemed pretty fine from Lily's perspective.

AJ

If AJ had any confidence that they could read social situations accurately, they would have said that Lily was flirting with them. Not subtly, either. She seemed to be finding reasons to touch them more often than she needed to.

"But maybe that's what friends do?" AJ thought as Lily pulled them towards the skate rental booth. Keisha and her friends were sometimes physically affectionate towards each other, so maybe Lily was just being friendly.

After struggling to lace their skates up and requiring help from Lily, AJ challenged Lily to an inconspicuous race around the rink, which she accepted without hesitation. If Lily was flirting, AJ was going to try to flirt back. At least, to the best of their abilities.

One lap turned into two laps, which then turned into three laps before AJ slowed to a casual pace and Lily followed suit. They chatted a little about their plans for Christmas with their families, but they mostly just skated quietly together.

Their hands knocked together a couple of times and by the third time, they thought that Lily might be doing it intentionally. The fourth time they were sure she was trying to take their hand, but they'd panicked and not held on. They knew they had to initiate the fifth bump, but they were still too nervous to look Lily in the eye when they did.

But when Lily took their hand and pulled herself closer to AJ, they finally looked at her. She smiled softly at them and tightened her grip. They skated slowly with their arms entwined and Lily's head resting on AJ's shoulder until their rental time was up.

After skating, they warmed up by a fire pit, sharing a double adirondack chair opposite an older couple sharing funnel cake and a cup of hot chocolate. AJ took a chance and reached for Lily's hand again. This was definitely more than friends being a friendly amount of affectionate with each other. Right?