All Comments on 'Whose Fault Was It Ch. 02'

and an editor to help you with grammar, spelling, and phrasing. I am enjoying the story, the plot, and the characters. If you could get an editor to help you with all the above and with continuity it would read much better. Please keep it up.

Yes, there were some incorrect words used, and a couple of spelling oopses, but in my view the characters were strong enough, and the plot certainly strong enough to outweigh any grammatical differences.

Cheers and Thanks for Chapter 1

Kilroy.

This story is getting tedious...

numerous people here who would gladly read through your story and edit the misspellings and improper grammar if you didn't have time for it. Even so, when you read your own story you have a tendency to gloss over those because your mind knew what it wanted to say in the first place. It is difficult due to the annoyance of reading something that has this many errors. I don't know how long this story is but if the next chapter has the same glaring deficits then it will be the last of yours I will read.

It is a good story with solid characters. You do a good job of giving background without it breaking the flow of the story. You do need to edit better, but other than once or twice even the typos did not effect the story for me. I think it has a nice, steady pace and am looking forward to the next chapter.

Michael

Except for the spelling errors I enjoyed this story.

PLEASE find an editor! the story is good, though very tedious, and the spelling and grammatical errors make it difficult to read.

for feedback... so here's a little. While it is good to utilize dialogue to tell a story... it is not good when it is unrealistic dialogue. Write it like people talk. You need improvement in presentation and construction. It's not... see Dick run. See Sally run. It's watch Dick and Sally running. There's a lot more but try working on these.

Nice Character development and excellent choice of plots. Yes, all plots come from thousands of years of literature and all have been used many times. The difference is how you use the words and your imagination.

The complaints about errors could be solved with a little editing help.

...please continue, but find an editor!

There are dozens of errors, nearly in every paragraph. Some sentences were severely affected by the typos and errors - and therefore difficult to read. E. g., if a word reads "say" and means "stay", the reader has some difficulties to get the meaning of the sentence - same with: "loins share" instead of "lion's share".

Well done. look Forward to more. Gotta say being tied up is a killer corner to write yourself out of -if trying to save a marriage in a story.

It must be at least okay since I do want to continue reading the story. So, I'll just have to wait and see.

The story surely does have a lot of spelling and usage errors. An editor and / or a good spell checker would help.

But i'm pretty sure the argument of abandonment is incorrect, mark filed for divorce , that is not abandonment.

Looking forward to chapter 03. I like your approach and hope that your outcome will be complete.

The whole Janet NOT telling her own Mother and th court what actually happened is absurd. Its out right laughable.

First imagine your own mother staying with for days and days... taking care of you... feeding you...consoling you... you taking care you... and NOT ever breaking downand telling her what you did?

That is Just not believeable.

and the court thing is equally stupid. Here is WHY...

Mark's sealed envelopes are to be used IF and only if Janet does NOT accept the Divorce settlement AND.... AND... if she still wants to met with mark and try some sort of councliling.

But Marks's statement only says he cheated andn the wife cheated. The lack of any details by Mark as to what his cunt whore wife did .... HURTS marks' case and makes the story looks totally unbelieveable. To the Judge it looks like two fucked up people that NEED marriage counselling.

this is a bad story

if Mark knows how Janet's previous marriage ended...

WABW,

You are a writer. Well written (this is amateur postings for the most part) and spell check doesn't catch it all.

Great conflict, character development and almost enough "left unsaid" mystery. Let a reader guess at what is but not completely clear, the "I wonder if" factor.

IE: does Mark really know how Janet' first marriage ended?

I (we) are waiting, like DQS1 fans for your next chapter!

Very excited that you've decided to write and...

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Isn't that what the "loin's share" is? Some wonderful new malapropisms this chapter. Two of my favorites: The lawyer throwing himself full length in the courtroom ("I abject..." for "object") and the mother considering whether to launch into lengthy clarifications ("every explicative in the book").On that score, you have a ways to go to catch up with that wonderful lady, Ms. Malaprop, but you've got a couple lulus.

Generally, your characters are becoming more human and believable, but Jeremy Parker, Esq. gives telephone conversations that sound like make him sound like a schizophrenic squirrel/lawyer (same thing? thought experiment - replace nuts with money - See?) on acid. Witness last chapter's, "Why are you being such a bitch?" Nothing in that conversation prompted that statement. We learn later that Mark Parker told his brother nothing to engender such hostility, either. This installment's flip from hostile lawyer to concerned younger brother is just as unbelievable.

After last chapter, I was seriously beginning to think "Bunch of jumbled words", but now I'll say - "keep writing - the practise can only do you good."

elegant.caenorrhabditis

This all revolves around Mark's desire not to discuss the situation and Janet's refusal to tell her story even to her own mother. It's stupid. The reader already knows what happened so all the tension with the other characters trying to figure it out is wasted. <br><br>

The judge is pontificating and it's unrealistic. He knows there is more to the case than he sees but there is no evidence to support his belief. The evidence he does have shows fair treatment. Janet directly refuses to say anything. The 50/50 settlement is exactly what the law proscribes. He really has no reason to drag things out as he does. If the judge really wanted for Mark to be there all he has to do is postpone the hearing to a later date and demand Mark be there. That would be stupid but judges can act stupidly. In the end, Mark would not discuss the issue, Janet would not discuss the issue, a 50/50 no fault split is perfectly legal and the judge would have to approve the divorce. <br><br>

The whole thing seems overblown and artificially dramatic. <br><br>

On top of that the scene keeps shifting without warning. We are in one place with one character speaking and the next paragraph continues on and after a couple sentences we begin to realize the scene has shifted. When that happens put some stars (************) or something to indicate a break. Then the first sentence of the paragraph should CLEARLY lay out the change of scene ex: "Back in Chicago, Mark ....".

If spelling and grammer was such a big deal, why read the damn story. Pick up a novel or read a classic. The content of the story was good. I want to read more. I don't want to see the wife die. I don't want to see the husband's nuts cut off. I don't want them to get back together. I think it is a shame that have to suffer.

What I want is for the readers to claim down and enjoy to story. It's not a bad story.

is a crazy bitch. Probably why he left town. I could never sleep around her again. She needs to accidentally step on a snake. A tragedy. He may have been an asshole, but she is a nut. Her actions show imbalance. The other man moving away makes it easier for payback. What would be the proper punishment for his crime? He is leaving because he was forced to. If the truth comes out, it's going to get nasty. Either way you could still go with the snake....

Hurry with part three. Thanks for sharing.

I'm sure there's a story in her somewhere. Maybe if any of you main characters were worth giving a damn about - they're all acting like spoiled brats

your English teacher for some spelling leasons.

This couple doesn't need to divorce. They need to talk. Please post next chpt soon. Those of you who want to be the spelling, editing, and grammar POLICE---- CHILL. Some of us simply enjoy reading to relax.

Nicely told and I thought well written. Looking forward to where this will go. Thanks again for sharing.

but neither of these characters are particularly nice people. He, of course, should not have cheated on his wife (obiously). But on the other hand she should not have escalated the whole situation by forcing him to watch her screw her coworker. Add on to that the line about her needing to give her lover a blow job to leave. It was unnecissary and pointlessly added fuel to the fire. They are both obviously stupid people (two wrongs DO NOT make a right). On the lighter side of this story, I hope they get back together because I like happy endings. Just call me an old softy.

The wife cheated, and she's miserable, so the story is getting great scores. Never mind that the husband cheated first.

The spelling, the grammar, and the word usage are all on a par with a C+ eighth grade student. This merits a score of 5 from the majority of the reviewers? Pathetic.

Here we are, two chapters into the story and we only have the barest of information. We know How hubby cheated but no real information on why. We know wifey cheated but we really don't know how. Did hubby volutarily allow himself to be tied up? Don't know! We know the neighborhood sllut is still trying to talk to Janet after what a couple months now. Doesn't she get the idea that the reason the couple are divorcing is because of her? Do we know what the husband thinks about his wife cheating? NO. Too many unanswered questions for being this far into the story. You need to tie the loose ends together soon or you will lose readers.

The issue is NOT the cheating you Morons! It was that he was TIED UP ... and FORCED to watch.

She could of Killed him ot tortured him

Yes his cheating was terrible and wrong BUT it was NOT done in front of the wife. and she was NOT tied up

Moreover in addition to being tired up the wife COULD of Killed him or Tortured him. He was completely at her Mercy you fucking idiots !!

His cheating did NOT threaten her life !!!!

Seriously want to know why Janet is getting railroaded? Mark cheated first with her FRIEND! But he gets to run away like a little bitch while everyone treats Janet like shit.

You got the clue in the last few paragraphs.

He started to call her and he remembered hearing the words 'he just wouldn't leave until I gave him a blowjob'. Add to that, he was tied up, forced to watch and she undoubtedly put on a show, complete with orgasm(s). Finally, a smirk as she untied him. All told, way over the top.

Both of them had been married before and she learned nothing, talk first but no, she did the revenge fuck again.

The writer wishes for us to believe she is devastated. She probably is and so is he, neither one acted properly.

Personally, I would not want my wife to revenge fuck, but if she did, I wouldn't want to watch it and hell that it would be, I would really try to keep the marriage and fidelity together. Why, I would only marry a woman I really loved so, chapter 3?

Only trolls and fags like "size 14 no balls" would consider this slut as anything but "saintly". So for the clucks and wimps - take your medication and quit whining.

Several errors..example: "nun" when "none" was meant. Story jumps around, but maybe this is OK. Not going to be hard on the author (at least the author is writing); but DO NOT rely on a word processor to find mistakes.

Said the moron -- anonymously.

I GAVE A 5, BUT TELL ME WHAT IS THE NIGHT OF APRIL MAY 14TH AND WHAT IS THE LOINS SHARE. TK U MLJ LV NV

Please go to the list and get one.

Didn't he cause this by cheating first. Hers was only a reaction to what he had done. So who is he to behave as if he was the victim.

I have to agree with the other comments about poor editing. It is a shame as the author is exhibiting a real desire to WantABWriter and at the same time showing he (I checked) isn't there yet. In real estate it's location, location, location. In writing it's details, details, details. Good luck.

''As you sow - so shall you reap !!''

What an asshole.

I have read up to the end of this chapter and find your story believable, interesting, and organized. There are some questions on my mind unanswered but I believe answers will become apparent in upcoming chapters.

Another vote for getting an editor before posting more.

Secondly, to get an injunction you have to show something other than one telephone call that was just trying to get some information. Telemarketing is more annoying than that. When you put such things in the story, it really raises hell. It's not believable. I finished this story and the thing I noticed the most was the huge amount of time they remained separated. When that happens, people remarry. The don't get back together. I might have believed it if it had just been a year or two, but not 15. Those two points took a good story and, for me, sucked all the interest out of it.

I fear but so far not too slow

I would enjoy it more if the author would have first found WantABEditor/Proofreader.

Very strange that her two marriages ended in the exact same way. The dialogue was tedious.

You really need some help. This could be a pretty good story but you're killing it with your grammar. Of course, your dialogue isn't helping much.

Liked the very passionate narration and the proceedings of the Judge in deciding the issue and not concluding just on technicalities but allowing Janet to go through the envelops before deciding the case and that too keeping the options still open for 6 months instead of usual 60 day.

She gets Steve fired?

She should be in jail for kidnapping, unlawful restraint and abuse.

She is beyond disgusting and deserves serious repercussions. Steve belongs in jail as well as an accomplice.

This long-winded 'writer' seriously needs to get an editor and stop using THRU.

Only laughable!!!

The story is captivating enough to keep reading, but good god the editing mistakes are killing me. So many missing or misspelled words, missing periods at the end of what should be a sentence. This makes me think English is not this author's first language.

All that aside, the fact that we jump in right after she had forced him to watch some sex act with a guy, was a bit too abrupt. If you picture this as a movie, the opening scene wouldn't make much sense. It isn't much different written.

I will keep going, as the struggle doesn't seem to be over, even though these two seem like oil and water at this point. I will give you credit for keeping my interest, but at this point it's just barely able to cover for the terrible editing.

But she might abject!

The story is plodding at this point, and I agree that the excessive number of typos, homophone errors and general disregard for grammar make this an even tougher read. It would help to let one of the Lit. editors have first crack at future story/chapter drafts.

Hanging in for at least one more chapter...

Well, the first time that she did that to a husband was to hurt him before divorcing his ass. Mark was justified in his belief that divorce was in the cards.