All Comments on 'Whose Fault Was It (Second Half) Ch. 05'

and finished ahead of the HARE. TK U MLJ LV NV

Boringgggggg.

It was a nice ending to the story. It did seem to drag on a bit too much though. I'm sure you'll improve with more stories.

Thanks for the great story!

Sometimes you just gotta know when to quit.

I liked this story and wish Wantabe would continue on with it for another 10 chapters or so. So there how do you like that.If not then take some of the money that you spend on these stories and sue me. Wait! These stories don't cost a dime.They are free.If you don't like it . Don't read it. Move on. You don't have to disrespect the Author by leaving hateful and rude comments....

At least THEY commented in story, whereas your comments was basically a tirade that people other than you are not allowed to have an opinion. If ANYONE is hateful and rude, it's you.

<P>

If you like the story, fine. Say so, and LEAVE IT A THAT!

That was supposed to be "At least THEY commented <B>on</B> story..."

I haven't read anything here that I'd consider an extra chapter. I've read the entire series and reread some of them. I've enjoyed them all and noticed something here. There are far too many times especially in LW stories that we follow the pattern, ie somebody cheats then they either get back together or they don't. Sometimes there's revenge and one of them ends up miserable. But we rarely find out what happens after that. This was truly great. We got a glimpse into their lives long after they made the decision to get back together. Great story. Great job. Loved it all. SS06

Took me three go-rounds to finally finish this story in the order it was written (at least I think I read it in the correct order.)

You've had more than enough attention brought to your intractable stubborness regarding typos, misspellings, grammatical errors, and just plain lazy writing. I'll simply suggest that you GET A FUCKIN' EDITOR!

I think Sarah, Ooops, and Sally (maybe Billy too) were about the only straightforward characters. Pretty much everyone else went out of their way to manifest piss poor communication skills. Vast series of paragraphs had your characters going on and on so as to avoid the simple act of speaking the truth. Can't anyone just give a straight answer to a direct question...anyone?

And of greatest import...

Let me know if you'd like me to continue

me. Enjoy the writing too much.

WABW,

Glad that Mark and Janet got their life straight. Happy endings are best, but. That now leaves us wanting for your next story.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Great imagination, I enjoyed reading your story. It could have read a lot smoother if you would have proof read it. A lot of little mistakes like using the wrong gender pronoun (him instead of her) and typos. Just little things but they hinder the readers enjoyment of your work which is too bad because you really have some talent. Thank you

I just don't believe people can be separate for 10 years and keep the flame burning. What would have happened is that they would have reconciled years earlier(after perhaps 1 year) or never got back together.

Story line clear. I couldn't put it down. But please? Even the most basic text editors like notepad, have a facility to mass correct errors, by using find & replace.

On second thoughts maybe that's how Jeremy became so much "bother"!

I enjoyed reading this series. However, the typos and the 9 1/2 year gap (people move on with there lives) were a little distracting. Nevertheless, the backbone of the story just about makes up for these minor issues.

No story line,no character development, spelling and grammatical errors ! Typical Pomys gutless wimp garbage. One of the worst on this site. Also this shithead writer writes his own self-aggrandizing comments.

I enjoyed the entire series. They both cheated, paid for their sins and ended up back together. Other than a few grammar errors, it was a great series!

whose breasts owed their beauty to the most expensive of BRAZIERS?

hot stuff indeed! You have me in stitches. I have to take a break to stop laughing.

thanks for the (unintended?) pun.

One Kinky Bastard! I Like Him!!! Good Tale. A little drawn out but who cares, except the pencil dicks who complain about grammar and spelling. Getting free entertainment isn't enough for them.

GOOD TALE!!

Just the last part of the story warrants giving the piece high marks.

For crying out loud she tied him to a chair and made him watch. The act of tying him up is a felony. The writer tried to to make them seem better, but it required his characters to go against their personalities and behave in a wholly inconsistent manner. Not that he didn't do a good job of hand rubbing and polishing, but in the end he just has some very shiny turds.

And, I have to say, it was ambitious. WantABWriter, indeed. Perfect monicker. I can tell, from reading your newer stuff, that you have improved.

This series was entertaining. I liked how you kept up the tension, drama, and even a little mystery over the course of the series. Overall, I liked the pacing, although I felt it dwelled a little long on a few scenes and dealt with other details in a too cursery fashion.

The use of flashbacks, different perspectives, and even dream sequences was ambitious. That said, I thought is was handled less than perfectly, at times it was a little confusing.

You used a pretty intense set of betrayals, and found a credible way back-kind of simple and elegant, in its way.

One final suggestion-you might want to avoid so much alliteration; the use of so many female characters with "J" names was a little confusing and annoying.

Still, I gave it high marks.

But I still think that it was too long.

The story ended about half-way through second-half chapter 3, I think, and then we just kind of stayed for the brother's story which I didn't sign up for. We finally did get back to close the main story, but too much water had boiled off by then and we were left with just a very thick treacle. My teeth are still hurting.

Editors help with syntax, but you need to let the story sit for at least 7 days, and then read it like a reader so you can switch from the "story I want to tell" mindset to the "story I want to read" mindset, and that will enable you to cut the extraneous parts out.

Not worth the time spent reading it.

Could use just a bit more editing assistance. Some words used incorrectly distract from the story somewhat.

However, thanks for the effort and hope you write more.

love how the story turned out. showed all the emotions as if you were there

A whole LOT of words - but you pulled it all together - well

It could stand a bit of trimming - but does not need it especially -

Thank you for your time and effort and for sharing -

Thanks for the offering. The mother in law can't recognize her former son in law, after 9 years? Jill can't recognize her former friend Janet? Mark doesn't recognize Jill, the woman he slept with?

Dialogue was unnecessarily drawn out, and poorly written.

"1*" !!

And they never discussed why they got divorced. That just seemed unnatural. And I would think that they would have needed to resolve or put to bed their differences. But overall it wasn't a bad read.

more than a year ago. My ratings indicate my over-exuberance at the time. I skimmed the last three chapters. Just too much to digest. Author should have stopped after five chapters and finished with a one- or two-paragraph epilogue.

Perhaps a good editor would have convinced you to leave Jeremy and Emma's perverted sex life out of it completely. But you couldn't help yourself and you decided to throw in Emma's perverted Mother? Like a man like Jeremy would accept his Mother-in-law pulling his pants down and beating him? That has to be one of the biggest sidetracks EVER in a story here on Lit. This could have been a good story with a good editor. As it sits, it's an overblown mess.

Thoroughly enjoyed it. Yes the Emma / Jeremy interludes were a little unnecessary. More time on Janet and Mark's reconciliation would have been better but not a major issue.

This one is an all time stinker!

WOW! So bad it isn't even funny..

Meandering pointless side plots. Overdone or useless detail. Unexplained and inappropriate reactions responses and attitudes. Jill is an Old Friend? The woman who precipitated the end of her marriage and the loss of 9 years of her married life? Just didn't make sense.

But on the other hand the story was full of good intentions and ideas. I wish those ideas had been more skillfully developed and presented. You really should keep trying.

Of course SS06 didn't think this was way tooooooo long, just like his stories are way tooo fucking long, to the point of needing to see a doc for verbal diarrhea.

Mark would have divorced her and moved far, far away. This was just horribly done.

Truly enjoyed each chapter.....keep up the good work...pay no attention to the so called critics.

My home fire? You're shitting me, right? Oh, my God... Holy dumb fuck.

Story meandered all over. Often the side trips were irrelevant. The core story could have been solid put it was often lost in the minutia.

Janet and Mark's reconciliation was rushed. They meet, have dinner and are in bed. Everything is forgiven. This should be the much more tentative and better developed as each tries to gauge the feelings of the other.

Then the extended hiding of their relationship from Mark's brother and Janet's mother was nonsense.

While the typos and syntax are often flawed it was never at a level that the reader could not understand the story. I would not down grade my rating because of them.

yarn.

Long time to go on walkabout.

Long story, BUT very enjoyable! I guess I'm an "old softy"! Keep writing!

Last chapter declined. Wandered all over. And yeah we see from Jill's internal thinking about her older rich husband that she is a gold digger and a bitch.