All Comments on 'Why? Ch. 01'

Real potential and very very far from finished.

With little likelyhood it ever will be.

for a first story, good, but you cant end it here.

I don't know if this person is dead, but wow! Your comments about the person being better off dead are sickening.

So what happened? You started it, got people interested and then nothing.

But please finish, the story is well written and holds one's attention. Please finish it.

This story deserves a conclusion.

This looks like a job for FTDS

You posted the awol comment on kellyhockey's trust story, then do the same thing by leaving your story hanging. WTF...

The rest of the chapters ARE significantly shorter. But I don't count anything near 20 of them. Too bad.

Okay, you've got me hooked. But! Mark needs to sign the papers and ruck up, move out, and press on.

Even the skipping got boring. This writer probably realize how pathetic its efforts are. "1*".

Great story. If you are still around, why not post the parts you said were already completed

Melissa is a deaf dumb quad and lover boy is faceless

Thank you for leaving the money in our bank accounts. It came in real handy to pay for the services I bought to take care of you and Miller. I would put your affairs indexed as fast as possible as you will be left a deaf and dumb quadriplegic for the rest of your life. Lover boy will just get his head blown off :). Have a nice 24 hrs of life.

Probably the best story of this type I have read on Lit. I have to hope that the end of this tale is submitted.

We live in hope!!

I've read this again...for the 3rd time. I loved the intrigue, the suspense, the dispair, the betrayal. If the writer is ill then I suggest another seasoned one write chapter 2. Its very sad when a good story is abandoned beyond a writers control.

i pray that you are doing better. hopefully you will finish this some day

THANK YOU

It was good story right up to the end, except, there is NO ENDING! I can't tell you how frustrating it is to read a story only to find out there is no ending to that story. UGH!

eat your hearts out and roll over...Mark is awakened, TK U MLJ LV NV

I think this story is brilliant -- so many layers. When will be be treated to the ending?

Boring story with no direction

I read your Bio and decided that waiting months and not submitting a second chapter may have been due to an injury BUT - you wrote that in March 2012 = since -Nothing!

You could have dictated something to a friend and submitted so, unless you have really deteriorated, I think you are a Jerk!

No whining to us. You appeared to have talent, I guess just no character!

Why?; the title alonee demands an ending. I know cantbuymy can do it.

i have a followup to this but i am still working on it. not the authors style but my own quirky shit. give me a few months to getit to flow right. cant log on - not my computer. cantbuymy

Mark, our hero, is a truly stupid git. He has the opportunity of coming out of it unscathed and financially intact. Just sign the papers and move on. Why would he even want the bitch back? He should count himself lucky and go find someone he can trust who wants him.

I see it's been awhile since you posted but you said that you had other chapters so come on and post them!

4* for the beginning.

But the ending would be appreciated.

This short garb needs to be erased until there is a story. For now its just a blog of shit.

I Nmean I spent all his time reading a great story and it has NO ENFING!! Come on man!! It's not right to stop here. End it please. Or tell me who wrote the ending!!!

Yes, Why, just why the hell haven't you finish the story?

after that nothing......I hope the author is alive and well and having a small block and then to continue. TK U MLJ LV NV

and why and wherefores be damned, TK U MLJ LV NV

This would be a great story for someone to continue...please?

Will this ever get finished

will not change the bottom line. TK U MLJ LV NV

I would try my hand at continuing this engrossing tale, with or without the author's permission. But, I feel daunted by the task.

I hope the author gets well and interested in continuing the best first chapter I've read in LW in a very long time.

was great, as far as it went. However, you started by saying you had a few more chapters ready, yet nothing has appeared. Your basic plot is too open ended to make real sense without something more.

Do you need help with grammar or spelling or word definition? Give your interested readers a hint so we can be of some help to you!

I liked your story, Why?// but you have left us hanging for 9 months, are you ever going finish it????

Not being a Literotica user I must use the anonymous title although it deadens my soul. In all my browsings through Literotica I am constantly amazed at the standard of writing of so many authors. I am eagerly awaiting the next episode of Why, please do not keep me waiting.

Hope your feeling better, JL. Excellent bait you've dangled, this first installment of Why?. OK, we're hooked. Some of us are flopping wildly, others a little calmer, but we're all on your line. When you can, give us a little slack and throw us another chapter. Great start and thx. RTnTN

Ok so you report your up to chapter 5 so unless your writing with a crayons on colours paper I think its time to get a new editor .

8 months to edit 4 chapters just not on I all so see you have been ill and are sorry to hear that and wish you a speedy recovery but come on how much would it take to click "upload" and give us the next few chapters .

The input and comments might even make you feel a little better

Wishing you a speedy recovery ......

We have just been taken!!!

Absolutely great start and writing style. BUT, leaving the ending as is is totally unacceptable and fully worthy of 1 star!

A good start but like many writers, they paint them self into a corner.No way and no plan..

This story popped up as related to DQS' latest. I think that the author never intended to finish it. It gathered a lot of interest but then nothing.

the fattest cock is smoked, the cornhole is buggered, betrayed!

So far you've written an excellent beginning for a potentially classic tale. I see many twists and turns evolving in the quest to find the answer to 'WHY."

WELL???

isn't a story at all, it's writing that is not going nowhere at all.

but different than the one i posted here a few comments back.

and there are no answers. TK U MLJ LV NV

I do not think that JLRemora wrote this story thus he has no way of ending the story to anyone's satisfaction.

It is clear from his comments that this story was written to evoke comments not to be finished. He can't finish it because it makes no sense.

Update? Thanks

husband buys add space in paper publishes the letter wife wrote with a picture of her in africa with conrad - rich people always have their picutes taken and from the news too - under the banner CONRAD STOLE MY WIFE - with a line about he thinks no one knows where she is and he got her to leave all of her id here - so i am worried if he is going to bury his cheating in africa. that will get attention. copies of add to inquiror and every major newspaper and dont forget the french ones, they think they own africa and love to publish sex stories. then you burn the bitch down when she get home. lets not forget the alienation of affection lawsuit. you can serve that by publication you dont need to personally hand it to him. hey maybe he has buried lots of women in foreign places - especially if he sells them into the white slave business. but getting her back to America and into court - no fucking problem.

just wondering.

is there more?

I hope my fellow statesman is doing well. Godspeed.

I feel like the protagonist-waiting and wondering.

Eager for our author to heal up and get Ch. 02 posted.

Part of what makes this such a compelling story are the apparent contradictions. The letter seems to be saying something in its subtext. I cannot figure it out exactly. Hubby has figured some of it out, and it has lead him to knowing who the other man is, and where his wife is. The rest is unclear to me. I am baffled.

I feel that the set-up is so enticing that the resolution could never do it justice. But, I want to see the author try, nonetheless.

Feel better, JLRemora.

Interesting story, but I thing the character should step through the wife's shadow. I hope the aim of the writer this direction with a newer connection(s).

Wanted to say a lot here but most covered by other commentators.

Super stuff.

A full and speedy recovery Author!

I have to say you have a lot of work to explain the puzzles presented. E.g. how DOES an ordinary housewife meet a billionaire? Do billionaires have lunch in ordinary bar/cafes? Remember 24 hr security teams.

Am I imagining an implied threat in the letter? This passage: "I hope you don't decide to fight this. I know you well enough to know you'll try, but please don't. It'll only delay the inevitable while causing added grief to you, and perhaps the children, too."

"I'll return when we are divorced. However, I won't be seeing you again. I've purposely not mentioned who I'm with, because it would only cause trouble for you if you decide to do something before the divorce."

The truth is the letter disturbs me greatly! The stuff about spouse rather than wife. A red herring?

What kind of love is it that even unconsumated leads to such disregard for children, not to mention loving husband? E.g (on the children): "I would like to stay in touch with them, but that would be their choice. "

A few months sneaking around leads to that? Is she lying about the lack of consumation? Why bother; she must know the grief and pain she is causing and how callous she is behaving anyway.

Why the hiding? He's a billionaire - they can hide in plain sight. Africa? A charity? Surely his wife could track him there. On tv. So he is hiding in plain sight anyway. Is he even getting divorced? Is the hiding only from Mark? Conrad didn't change his identity!

How about this line:

"I'll return when we are divorced." Why stay out of the country until the divorce. How would Mark even know? Come to think of it - why tell him she was going overseas anyway? Is Mark a threat in some strange way? Is Melissa trying to tell him something?

I'm not trying to nitpick author! As I said: INTRIGUING!

Nevertheless, the above are just some of the reasons I'd like to know WHY.

To Mark:

If the crap about not sullying it is true then fight the divorce tooth and nail. Leave them in Africa as long as possible. Let them 'sullly' their love. File missing persons. Habeus corpus. Illegal international travel. Media exposure that the 'NOBLE' Conrad is travelling with a married woman.

Irritants only perhaps but still... Take the smallest satisfaction that you weren't just a poodle and rolled over for their sordid 'love'.

Jeeze, and I used to laugh at the commentators who over-analyze. Lol.

You've got me, Author. Highest respect.

M

...and hope you make a complete recovery from what ails you.

The most important thing is for you to get well - never mind what anyone else says!

Best Wishes to yourself and your family.

N

Hoping you are alright and wishing you a speedy recovery from your accident.

look forward to your next chapters when they are done.

JLRemora has left a (new - well a few weeks ago) message on his Author's Home Page.

Look at the "Biography" tab.

Perhaps his editor (if she is a Literotica member) could give us an update?

Or maybe throw us a chapter or two.

Anybody home? Your once a week promise is bullshit. It has been over a month and nothing! You stated that ch4 was at editor, and 5 was almost done. Where is 2 & 3??? I hope all is well, and if it is I would like to kick your ass for not posting in a timely manner as advertised. GRRRRRRR.

So few LW authors have the protagonist involve family and friends in finding out what was going on with the wayward spouse. It makes a disappointing read.

You write a great part 1 and then nothing for a month WTF

you remind me of dqs1 who took a month between postings. i have not even started yours and won't bother if you are posting this infrequently.

Started out as an interesting story and look forward to the next installment. What is taking so long?

Three weeks and still no #2, Why? Since you said that subsequent chapters were already submitted for editing, I wonder . . . Why? I'm tired of looking for more. Too bad. Why . . . not.

You've sucked us in, please don't leave us hanging.

Sometimes a loser is just a loser. This husband is the definition of a true loser just rolls over and dies. Well written. Weak characters

The fuck are you keeping me waiting, great yarn...really enjoyed it...but losing patience..,please advise...stop....are you in Africa!? Isak Dinasen?...stop. Haight Ashbury, Angela Davis? Stop...Tonga, Amelia Earhart? Stop...Electra, Carmen San Diego?

Great start, sure would like to see the next chapter!

Why oh why there has been no Why-02?

You indicated that you had several chapters ready to go. Why have you not published them?

Another hubby in a vacuum story - nobody knows shit about anything. Of course as long as he doesn't sign the divorce papers she can't have sex with Conrad...right. And what's up with his kids giving him grief over her bailing-out of the marriage - that's just not gonna happen(speaking of which - she has no contact with her kids - c'mon man.) So far you have implausible mixed in with absurd all wrapped up in not likely. Are you sure you can write your way out of this?

Oh wait, wait - I get it; she's a secret agent for the government and has been in deep cover for decades. No, no - I know - she's fallen in with a ufo/human trafficking cult...or maybe

Part 2 was going to be posted between Fri and Sun. Great start but Im wondering if this if DQS1 incognito.

Never mind the why what about the when

was a good story but will have forgotten what it was about by the time we get the next bit

I'm looking forward to reading the rest.

Interesting story. But, if already written, why so long between postings?

until I see the subtitle 'The End'.

AND I can't help the impression that things are not what they seem to be.

There are cues that lead me to doubt.

But I do agree - over 20 chapters do seem excessive.

How often do you plan to update?

I really can't do anything than sit on the fence, right now.

but the main character comes across as being too needy. The wife's departure seems calculated, cold and designed to cause her the least guilt with no avenue for closure. Why would he want to hold on to a woman like that?

Thanks to everyone for the continued input. Folks have been very constructive with their critique, and I truly appreciate that. For those who don't like the story, I'm sure you'll find other stories more to your liking. Either way, the responses go a long way to motivate me to step up the writing.

At this point, I'm beginning the 5th chapter. I hope to have it finished by the middle of next week. I've passed on the 4th chapter to my editor. Over the phone, her gasping reaction of disbelief to my more timely submission seemed a happy one to me, although her parting comment of "Bite me, asshole!" does have me wondering.

I come away from this chapter as confused as Mark the loving husband. She leaves after announcing that she wants a divorce without explanation. She is described as a person who often ignores her husband while caught up in her thoughts. She is a stay at home mom who has been "happily" married for 22 years to a man who thinks he loves her and told her so in words and deeds all the time. Yet she tells her husband not to look at her like that when he is stunned by the news and talks to him like he is a dolt for not understanding the situation that she admits she hid from him for several months.

He wants to know what happened but doesn't share all of his information with his adult daughters who had talked with her and are also confused. He doesn't check with friends or her family. We don't know how she spent her days. We are told that she insisted on having her own cell phone account and not being on the family plan that she paid herself. This is very weird since she doesn't have her own income. Yet the husband thinks nothing of it. How did she leave him? Did someone take her away? Was she coerrced? Her explanation makes no sense. She tells him that he was a great husband, lover and father and that she loves him. She and her lunch time buddy never had sex and he is going to leave his wife and young children for her. She leaves everything behind including her identification and says she is going overseas.

That when she comes back after the divorce she will never see him again.

Why would he begin his investigation by trying to figure out who the man was rather than figuring out what his wife has been up to? Why did it take him a week to open the envelope she left with his name on it to find out what happened? She is either a selfish bitch who fooled him for 22 years or she is in trouble. Why would he not make a missing persons report and/or contact her lawyer and let him know that until he is satisfied that she is ok he is not signing anything? Its been 6 months if the billionaire wanted her divorced they would have motivated him to sign the papers by assuring him or bribing him to set her free. How does he know that she isn't a prisoner in the African jungle?

Please get this story moving. We don't need irrelevant details like a made up story about picking up flyers and janitors. 20 chapters is too long for Why? Are you DQS under a new name? This is too good to be a first time story! I can't wait for the next chapter.

I think that Melissas main reason for leaving her husband and asking for a divorce is that she does love Conrad Miller. However, I also believe that the reason she loves him is because he is a billionaire who, unlike many billionaires, does not invest all of his monies on Wall Street: rather, he invests in the betterment of lives in third war countries.

Recall that the husband didnt yet sign the divorce papers,

and Melissa has not tried to get him to hurry up and sign. Also, remember that Melissa told her husband that she and her "new man" had not yet had sex and were waiting until after they marry. If you assume that Melissa is truthful here, then why isnt the couple yet married: hasnt it been about a month since Melissa left her husband?

Melissa was a mother and housewife during her marriage. She hadnt done anything special or out of the ordinary. She meets a Billionaire donor at a fund raiser, they become friends, and she see that what he is doing for needy peoples is something she too wishes to do with her life. Then, thanks to some detailed detective work the husband finds a low definition video online which appears to show Conrad Miller speaking to people in a African village, and a women, who might be Melissa, off to the side talking to children.

This guys emotions are all over the dame place . Just like a fucken teen age girl . He is a whinney bitch , yes she left that hurts . But for gods sake pull up your balls and live again .Why Why Why Why ,who fucken knows why a woman does any dame thing . Move on

Interesting and good read. Looking forward to follow.

You got everyone hooked with your fine start. Lots of characters to delve into from the wife to daughter, billionaire-billionaire wife, sitution etc..

As most posters pointed out "Why" the wife left would not matter in real life (move on with your life she is history)-however it makes a great hook for a story. Kudos for taking this tack and roling the "Why" into a whole tale.

Look forward to your chapters

I am hooked. Great story development. On to Africa for some packback and more...Alienation of Affection against a billionaire giving little African children hope and a clinic...call the National Enquirer we have a story here.

Excellent story plot and am looking forward to more.

Thanks for sharing a great new/Original storyline. Can't wait for following chapters.

Love the story and the Plot. I would probably have signed the Divorce Papers and then Looked her up and messed with her Lover through his Wife.

Something is wrong with the Wife's leaving. Clearly she had it all planned out, as the other man was waiting out front for her and away they went. But wait, what if he had gotten into a big argument, wanted to talk to her about it, what would the other man have done then. But, maybe she had a rental car parked down the street and took the opportunity to drive away, sorry can't remember if she left her drivers license or not? I do remember she left credit cards, rings, etc., did she have a passport?

Another thing that does not ring true is the letter. She takes the time to write a letter telling him what a great guy he was and says she will love him forever, but then takes off with another man who she loves more? This is a very confused woman in my mind, who tells her husband he is almost perfect, but she found someone better. That to my mind is not rational, but nothing says everyone is rational all the time.

I really don't understand why he has not tried to immediately contact the Wife of the billionaire to see what is up. He is a salesman so why is he dithering around?

OK, I am hooked, but lots of questions about how the story is developed thus far. Yes, I am keeping in mind the intro that says it is loosely based on reality.

Absolutely terrific. Well done Keep writing you have something.

It is unclear at this point if daddy long legs needs to be introduced to the spot where Ned Beatty squealed like a pig. It is looking promising though. :)

I like the way you have carved a story that is different from the others. I am almost tired of reading rewrites of the same story by different authors. Way to go!!

To clarify:

In the short story, Janice was the original name of the wife, now known as Melissa. I changed some of the characters names when I wrote their histories. When I began writing the first chapter, I pasted and copied parts of the short story into it. Although, I reread the first chapter several times, proofreading and editing, the difference in the names eluded me. An editor, I'm not --apparently.

JLR,

Great start.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

...but you need to stay on top of the postings and move along rapidly or I will lose interest. I agree with many of the previous comments. Have him sign the papers NOW then find out why she really left him and check on her new love. Make life as difficult for them as he can as fast as he can and quit crying about the cheating bitch. Burn her and her lover NOW!

Having made the above comments, I will now go on to the praise. You write well and I AM hooked. I enjoyed the first chapter and want more soon. I do believe you were a little wordy about somewhat unimportant events but they may have a bearing on later chapters so...besides, it is your story, go for it.

...but without the 'Why?' (and its pursuit) there's no story...!

I take Rehnquist's point about the comparative lack of dialogue, but I thought the solitary ramblings and temporary madness, as portrayed, served well to capture the sheer bewilderment and desperation of finding your love suddenly unrequited and your grief awful lonely, with the pylons of your support system buckling into the quicksand as your wife pisses off and your kids blame you for her split. It doesn't help that the trainee Samaritans watching from the shore aren't really Good enough yet.

Maybe Harry's right, he should have shown his kids the letter, but there's some unnecessary guilt, a gnawing in his gut that he somehow failed her. The narrative seemed to point that way.

As it is, this promising start could lead to a story as convoluted as the major work from another certain author. Mr. Remora has mentioned 20 chapters (with 3 completed) and is from the Deep South - I wondered whether Jacksonville could be included in that galaxy and, if it can be, whether there is a recent predilection for authors thence to write multi-chapter LW stories on the fly. You need intestinal fortitude for that journey sir!

Anyway, I really liked this and I'm looking forward to more.

If this is your first attempt I'm even more impressed. It's well written and I'm hooked!

Thanks