Why Won't You Commit?

When I spent in her lovely mouth, she swallowed and crawled up to lay her head on my chest as I held her.

"Don't say anything, Luke. I don't want you to. But know this. I love you."

I think she fell asleep as I felt nothing but her breathing after that. But I stayed awake until dawn, thinking.

***

Back to reality

I guess that thing my grandfather used to say is true: an empty heart needs filling.

There was no use denying it. I had feelings for Mindy that I could not dismiss so easily. Still, I had reservations and kept my sentiments for her private. As good as things seemed between us, I was still cautious.

I forced myself to go on dates with others. I even had sex with a couple of them as Mindy antidote. Pure fucking a woman can be fun. And it sure was with these two ladies. But it didn't work to get my mind off Mindy. She had gotten into my head and heart. I didn't want to say it to myself, but I knew I loved her.

***

"Dear Luke,

"I know you said you are not exclusive with me, Luke, but I chose who is in my heart and pussy. So, I want you to know I will be exclusive to you so long as you want me. You may hurt me in the process, but I'm a big girl. I'll bounce back.

"Love Mindy.

"Ps. I wrote a note to tell you this because I don't want to put you in a bad position face to face. We can go on as we are and not have to discuss it."

She had left this note on my desk the last time she was there. It took me a week to finally come to terms with it. I wasn't wrong about how modern society shafts men in marriage. Or that women took advantage of the situation in divorce and before. My sister and other lawyers like her were still in the legal system making things worse, and women decided daily to take advantage of our system. But could I judge all women by what some did? Could I ignore my feelings for Mindy?

Yes, I had been cheated on by my first wife. And yes, my sister was a constant reminder of the legal imbalance in marriage between men and women. Not to mention the parade of friends and acquaintances I had seen go through divorce and marriage hell. But not all people were in that mess, and not all women were sharks hunting for their next man to devour. Many were decent and loving, weren't they? Not all marriages failed. Not all wives cheated. And not all women hated men. If that were so, society would have collapsed long ago.

So, a week later, Mindy and I had a date. Dinner at a nice restaurant, an hour away from our town by the beach. And we had plans to go dancing after at a local club. In my pocket was a wedding ring and I planned to propose. I thought near the end of dinner would be nice. I would do the whole get on my knee thing and ask her to marry me.

That night, she looked so beautiful in this slinky grey dress, white high heels, white belt, and purse. She had her hair tossed over one side of her head and wore a gold necklace around her neck. Her lips had dark red lipstick, making them seem fuller, and accented her smile when she did. And those dark almond eyes were looking deep into my heart, tossing fuel to my fire. I figured this was as good a time as any. And I reached into my suit pocket for the box with the ring.

Then I heard a familiar voice. A female voice that I had known all my life. My sister. Looking up to the right, I saw her being seated not far from us. She was dressed in a short black dress, showing off the body she worked so hard to maintain at the gym. She was with this man I did not know, not her husband, not Reggie. For a few seconds, I hoped he was a client.

"Is that your sister?" Mindy asked in a low tone so as not to be heard.

Any hopes that my sister's dinner date was business and platonic faded as Amber reached over to touch his hand in a way no married woman should touch another man. Not in my universe anyway. And the man reciprocated by reaching under the table to touch my sister's thigh.

"Luke," I barely heard Mindy speak.

I guess Mindy saw the shock, disgust, and anger on my face because she reached for my hand grasping my wrist. She managed to stop me just as I was about to stand and go over to my sister's table.

"Luke," she said with the same low tone of voice. "Don't make a scene?"

"Tell me why I shouldn't?" I asked, trying to control my anger.

I should not have been surprised that my sister would cheat on her husband. Not after all the scorn and disdain, she showed for marriage. But it's one thing to hear her go on about how men were suckers. Quite another to see her openly cheating on her husband, Reggie.

"Luke, she and her husband have a family and children. If he finds out, he may divorce her and break up their family."

"Don't you think he has a right to know? To make his own decision?" I retorted.

"Luke, think of your nieces. Those girls need both their parents. I bet this is just a fling. Nothing more. Many women do that."

'Many women do that!' had Mindy, my future wife, just said that? Seriously?

I sat frozen, staring at the woman I had been planning to propose to. A sense of sadness and disappointment overcame me. In a few seconds, she tore my heart with her take on the situation. As angry as I was at my sister, I was more disappointed with Mindy.

"I will not make a scene," I replied, staring coldly into her eyes. "You are right about one thing. Maggie and Anna need their parents. So, I will talk to my sister and see what happens."

"Good," she nodded. "I'm glad you see it that way."

I waved to the waitress for our check, and as we waited, I looked back at my sister. Amber and the asshole next to her were still carrying on. She was giggling like a schoolgirl, and he thought he would be getting some later that night: if he had not had some already. My jaw flinched as I turned back to look at the waitress handing her my credit card.

"Hun, I know this must be hard...." Mindy said, holding my hand.

But I pulled it away and sat back, looking at the woman I had almost proposed to. At that instant, I didn't know if I should yell at my sister or thank her. It was not just Amber's behaviour that caused me sadness. Mindy's take on the situation was worse. In one instant, I saw years ahead of being married to a woman who thought what my sister did was nothing but "a fling." That "many women" did that.

I think she knew I was upset by the way she looked back at me. She was probably wondering if I would indeed make a scene or something else. I couldn't wait for the waitress to return with the bill for me to sign. When she did, I wrote in a tip amount that was above what I usually gave. I guess I was subconsciously trying to atone for what I was feeling about to do. When the waitress left, I leaned in closer to Mindy.

"What my sister is doing, and the way you were so quick to dismiss it, is why I refuse to "commit" to any woman," I said, doing finger quotes at commit."

I saw the disappointment and sorrow in her expression. I guess she finally realized what she had done and how I now thought of her. All her efforts to convince me she was the one for me had gone down the drain in a couple of minutes. Her lips trembled as a tear ran down her face, and she shook her head in disbelief. She knew it was over between us, and I knew she knew. I was so disappointed in her. Only my anger at the entire situation kept the pain of misjudging her in check.

I said nothing more to her. Nor did I wait for her to stand. She had lost the privilege of me treating her as someone special. Letting her trail behind me, I walked toward my sister's table.

When I reached it, I coughed to get their attention. Amber and this vaguely familiar man both looked up, irritated at the intrusion.

"What do you want?" he asked with disdain.

But my sister's reaction was priceless, one of pure shock.

"Luke, what are you doing here?"

"I was having dinner with someone," I replied.

"Luke, this is not what it seems."

I just stared back at her with more disappointment than disdain. She had mocked marriage in conversation, but I had hoped she would not crap all over her own.

"Do you know she is married?" I asked him, ignoring Amber for the moment.

"I don't think it is any of your business," he replied, moving to stand.

But Amber grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Easy, Dereck," she said as I made a mental note of his first name. "He is my brother."

"Oh shit," Dereck said, finally understanding the situation.

"You and I," I said to my sister, leaning in closer, "will talk later."

'Before I talk to your husband,' I thought inwardly.

And with that, I walked off. Mindy had been waiting for me by the check-in area. She knew this situation had taken me to the edge and that we were on the brink of trouble at best.

Saying nothing to her, I walked out and headed for my car. In that instant, I didn't care if Mindy got in the car for me to drive her home or not. It was her choice.

"LUKE!" I heard my sister yell out to me. "Please wait."

Stopping, I took a deep breath to calm myself. Mindy took the opportunity to catch up to me and walk to the passenger side of the car. I guess she wanted a ride after all. That was all she would get. Then I turned as Amber called my name again and ran on her heels to catch up to me.

"Luke, please wait," I heard her say before she got close. "You can't tell Reggie anything. It will crush him."

"And you didn't think of that before you hooked up with that asshole in there? What the hell is wrong with you, Amber? How selfish have you become?"

"Look, just promise you won't say anything to Reggie. Please, I beg of you."

"Amber, go home right now. If you have no ride, I will drive you there. We still need to talk, and you need to change your ways. But if you stay here with that asshole, I'm going to your husband as soon as I leave. Your choice."

She looked at me for a few seconds trying to decide what to do. Shithead had not come out. So, she took out her phone and dialled him. I waited until she told him she was leaving and snatched her phone from her.

"Hey, what are you doing!" she protested before she realized I was looking at her contacts and phone call record.

"Dereck Campbell," I said. "Your fucken high school boyfriend? Seriously Amber!"

No wonder he looked familiar. The long hair was gone, but it had been him for sure. Shamed as she was, Amber did not reply as she looked back at me uncomfortably.

"How long?" I asked.

"Luke... why do you need to know? It's just..."

"Just sex Amber?" I finished her sentence. "Are you going with that? Or more? You know, I'm now wondering if Maggie and Anna are Reggie's. Are they?"

"Of course," she replied indignantly. "I didn't start back up with Dereck until after the girls were born."

But with her lying so much already, I did not trust her response. Right then, I made a mental note to get DNA samples from the girls and Reggie. The kids deserved to know who their father was, and Reggie should not be saddled to finance the upbringing of children that were possibly not his.

"Get in the car, Amber," I said. "I'm taking you home."

When I unlocked the doors, Amber went to the back seats while Mindy moved to sit next to me.

"Sit in the back," I told Mindy.

My soon to be ex-girlfriend stared at me for a few seconds. Then realizing how much she had fucked up, turned to sit in the back with my sister on shame row.

While I drove back, I could hear Mindy crying.

"What's wrong with you two?" Amber asked.

"I failed the test," Mindy replied with a sad, forlorn tone as she tried to stifle a sob and failed.

"Test?" Amber asked. "What test?"

Mindy said nothing and continued sniffling. In the mirror, I could see she was still crying quietly.

"It's none of your business, Amber," I told my sister. "You should worry about your own problems. I want to know one thing. How long have you and this asshole been hooking up?"

I could see in the mirror that she was trying to decide what to tell me. For a lawyer with a courtroom face, she was sure very readable tonight. After all, she had been caught less than thirty minutes before, and she was not firing on all cylinders. If I didn't press her now, she would find a good line of bullshit to give me.

"HOW LONG, AMBER!" I yelled. "For once in your life, tell the truth."

"Alright... alright... two years. Maybe a little longer."

Two years! That would be after she had her girls, if it was true. Or at best after Maggie had been born. Possibly, during the time Anna was conceived and since.

"How often do you hook up?"

"Once a week. Sometimes not."

"For two years!" I say. "Did you even consider the possibilities of you getting caught?"

"I did," she replied, looking out the window. "I just..."

"Let me guess; you thought you could get away with it? That no one would know? That might have worked if you stuck to doing things indoors. But no. You had to take it outside. How often do you go to dinner with him and such?"

"Just the last two months and we go outside the city."

"You are so arrogant, Amber. So much so, you believe you are smarter than everyone else."

She was smart enough to stay quiet from that point on.

"What's the matter, counsellor?" I taunted her. "Have you decided to take the fifth?"

She kept looking out the window, but that snide look she often had seemed gone. 'How the mighty had fallen or decided to shut up and regroup,' I thought.

By then, both women were quiet in their own thoughts and looking out their side windows. Neither wanting to talk, but instead, think of what their lives were about to change to.

***

Reggie

I took both women home, dropping Mindy off first. She gave me a forlorn look before turning to run into her apartment building. It was unlikely we would see each other again, and she knew it.

In a way, she did me a favour. Mindy showed me what she was thinking and how she would react later on if we had married. All she did to get on my good side had been an act. But in the end, she let her guard down and defended what my sister was doing.

In the days to come, she apparently contacted my parents to see if they can intervene on her behalf. I found out when my parents called me to go over. I did, but not before I talked with my brother in law Reggie.

The Australians call having a serious conversation "having a yarn." And what a yarn I had for my brother in law, and he for me. A tale of love and lies. I called him at work and asked if he could take the afternoon off so we could talk. He agreed, and sure enough, at one PM that Wednesday, he was over at my place. I remembered he liked Wendy's Spicey chicken over ChickFillet, so I had his fav food waiting for him. And beer. I figured he would need it, and it was the least I could do.

"Hi Reggie," I said at the door. "Come in."

"Hey Luke," he replied.

He seemed down and dejected as he sat at my kitchen table. I noticed he had a folder with papers with him. But we ate first and had a beer each.

"Before you go about ratting out your sister Luke, I will save you the grief."

"What? Did she confess?" I asked.

He inhaled and then blew out and smiled.

"I have known about her and Dereck Campbell for some time," he continued. "The two of them have a history before me. Amber got careless some years ago when she got drunk at a party at home. She and the women were gossiping when they thought we men were not listening. But I was suspicious then and had planted listening devices around the house that recorded what went on. I spent many hours going over them.

"In one recording after our daughter was born, she said that she and Dereck Campbell had been seeing each other all along. And that she hooked up with him a week after our honeymoon. Can you believe that?"

"So, she lied to me about it starting later."

"It's why I got these," he said and opened the folder.

Looking at them briefly, I noticed they were DNA tests from a local firm by the University. At first, they were hard to make out, but they said that Reggie was the father down by the bottom.

"Both?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes," he replied.

"So. Why haven't you divorced Amber if you have proof she cheated?" I asked.

He scoffed.

"You know all the reasons," he chuckled. "Have you forgotten all the snickering talks by her about how she and other lawyers burn fathers in divorce proceedings?"

"No, but hell, man. Are you going to let her get away with it without a fight? Why?"

"Because of the poor kids," Reggie replied. "It's not their fault their mother is messed in the head. Sorry Luke, I know she is your sister...."

"There is no love lost between Amber and me," I cut him off. "Amber is a mess."

"But she has the courts and the law on her side. Her being the mother of my kids means that I am trapped."

"Have you and her talked since I dropped her off the other night?"

"She stayed quiet all Saturday," Reggie recounted. "I guess she was planning her defence because I saw her in the study writing notes. Then Sunday, she told me that you caught her with Dereck Campbell and got all high and mighty on her. Then she said to me that if I even thought of divorce, she would take my kids in a custody fight.

"Yes," she had emphasized, "I will take your kids, and you won't even get visitation." So, I'm trapped, Luke. Just like in the court cases she brags about."

"Wow," was all I could manage to say.

"Then she told me that Dereck Campbell had been her one true love. The bastard never asked her to get married, so she told me she settled for me and saw him on the side. That Campbell does more for her in bed and shit like that. I moved my stuff to the spare room and put a lock on it. I can't stand the sight of her."

"Reggie, what are you going to do when the kids get older, and mom is going out with Dereck Fuckin Campbell while you stay home?"

He looked at me with a smile. That puzzled me.

"Luke, for the sake of my daughters and being there for them, I can do thirteen years with her standing on my head."

"Why thirteen years?" I asked.

"That's when my youngest will turn sixteen and can choose who to live with by law. You seem surprised, Luke. You think I haven't explored my avenues?"

"What will you do then?"

"Then I plan to divorce her, and since she makes more than me, when we do divorce, I will get half of all the assets. In some respects, buddy, your sister is working for me."

"Thirteen years!" I shook my head. "That's a long time."

"I won't be alone, my friend," my brother-in-law replied with a bittersweet note. "I have my daughters."

"What about companionship?"

He laughed.

"You won't believe this, but your sister offered me a post-nuptial agreement for an open marriage. My lawyer told me that since she offered it, we are taking it. Thirteen years, is a long dry spell Luke."

Our nervous laughter did not make us feel any better.

"I guess," I replied.

"No guessing," he continued. "No way I'm getting Campbell's sloppy seconds or Amber's pity fucks. Once a woman tells you that she had to go to another man because you are not good enough, there is little to say about sex with her. I may be trapped, but I have my self-respect."

"I see," I replied. "When you need me to, I will tell Maggie and Anna what their mother did. I'll leave it up to you on the when or if."

"I appreciate it," Reggie replied.

We looked at each other for some time, and he nodded to me, knowing I was on his side.

"Luke," he said. "Don't fall into the trap I am in. No matter what pressure your mother puts on you, don't do it. There has to be another way."

"I guess I'm resigned to being a bachelor," I said.

***

I guess I had to know

With that out of the way, I went to visit my parents. My dad stayed quiet and let my mother state Mindy's case.