Why Won't You Commit?

"I feel a "but" coming on," he stated with that smirk again.

"I admit it. I do want kids. But..."

"Yeah, yeah," he replied. "You don't trust women. Do you know how many women say the same about us men? That we are not to be trusted?"

"I've seen the Lifetime Network," I replied. "Men evil, women good."

"Seriously, Luke," he said. "You have to get past this somehow. It will eat you up."

***

Later that day, I met Brenda and Nile's daughters. They were polite but cautious. After a while, I felt I had overstayed my welcome and bid them good night. Promising Niles I would see him before I flew home, I left and called Celia.

What just happened

"How did it go?" Celia asked as I stood in her apartment and she dressed.

"As expected," I replied. "The wife was polite, but I could tell she wished I had never been born. I guess she is worried who Niles will live his money to."

"And your sisters?"

"One was friendly, the other held back. The friendly one was looking me up and down."

Celia laughed at that.

"You are very handsome, and you look a lot like her dad. Zip me up, please?" she asked, turning her back. No bra! "She was looking at a younger version of the most influential man in her life, her daddy. It's understandable."

"I felt as if I was being appraised," I said as I finished raising her zipper.

The dress was black, mid-thigh, with a low cut back. When Celia turned, she smiled, raising her hands for me to inspect. What was not to like. Years of her being on her feet had toned her legs. Her black pumps made them somehow more defined and sexier. Lord help me, I am a leg man, and I could not stop staring.

"Most men stare at my higher assets," she said, pointing to her amply displayed cleavage.

We were going out to dinner and a Broadway play. I wore a suit and tie, while Celia took the opportunity to dress to impress.

"Celia, would you be offended if I asked how old you are?"

Reaching in her clutch purse, she found her New York State driver's license and passed it to me. She pursed her lips nervously as I saw the date of birth.

December 19, 1979. And this was 2016.

"You are thirty-six," I said in amazement. "You look much younger. How old when you had your son?"

"Fifteen," she said. "I was young and..."

"Celia, you don't have to justify anything to me."

After we went to the play and dinner, we took the train back to Long Island. She had a couple of drinks, and I guess she felt the need to talk. Intrigued by her, I mainly listened.

"I thought I loved Harry, my children's father. But I was too young to know what love and life were supposed to be about. Thinking it was best for our boy, Greg, we married. Harry was a soldier on leave, so he returned to the service. I was going to high school while my parents helped babysit. Then Harry was home on leave, and I got pregnant again.

"When I was finished with high school, the kids and I went to live with Harry on base. It was your typical military married life, Luke. Much separation and loneliness followed by a reacquaintance each time he returned. It kind of worked at first, but not as the years passed.

"He served in the Balkans as a peacekeeper and was later part of the war in Afghanistan and Iraq. Harry was a good man but never rang my bell. Not sexually nor emotionally. I loved him but was not in love with him; never had been. We didn't have that close a relationship. The kids needed their parents, so we both rose to the task. But that was it.

"When he told me that he had affairs, I was not surprised. As a wife, I should have, but I understood. For my part, I had been hit on and tempted but never crossed that line. You could say it was a combination of my upbringing, and I didn't want my children to think less of me.

"I realized that sooner or later, Harry would find someone to fall in love with. And when he did, he would leave. I decided I did not want any more children with him or anyone else. I never thought I would find anyone to love. But Harry told me he no longer held me to marriage exclusivity as he was not adhering to the rule either.

"So, I had my tubes tied as I told you and did some thinking. No longer bound by our vows, all that mattered was not to be discovered by the kids. Until Harry and I got divorced, that is.

"With that out of the way, I proceeded to have mindless and purely erotic sex. I made up for years of sleeping alone. Not every night. I still had two children. But there were other wives in similar situations. Wives who watched my kids if I watched theirs when they went out.

"Most of the sex was either mundane or awful. Only occasionally good. I ran the gambit of lovers: single soldiers who were lonely and horny, men of different races, and even some foreign soldiers visiting the US. I had never experienced life with other men, so I made up for it.

"Harry eventually fell in love with a married wife of a soldier. He spent most of his time with her the last year or so. I never made a fuss. He had one lover by then while I had too many to fault him. Having always liked sex, I found pleasure in variety. Harry needed the closeness and love of a woman besotted with him. I wanted him to be happy. So long as I had the kids and some man occasionally, I was fine. If anything, he had been honest about our status and cut me free of our sham life.

"In 2003, Harry was sent to Iraq to take part in the invasion. While he was there, I packed to return here to be with family. A woman knocked on my door. She told me she loved Harry and wanted me to cut him loose. He is yours, I told her and went home.

"They didn't run off together as she and her husband transferred out of our base. So much for her "love" for Harry. No matter, Harry had other women to run around with. At least he was discreet like most soldiers and spouses were.

"But in war, there are casualties. While on patrol, my husband was killed, and I returned to finish raising the kids by myself. That is pretty much my story. I'm no one special to anyone but my parents and my children."

I can't explain it, but as this beautiful woman told me the short version of her life, I found myself drawn to her in a way I did not expect. The rest of the evening made the attraction stronger. It was not just her beauty or the enthusiastic way she had sex with me. It was something else. Something I would not realize until after I said my goodbyes to Niles.

Celia and I woke up early that morning in my hotel bed and made passionate and desperate love. She woke me with her mouth on my cock, then rode me facing away in the near dawn dark. When I reached for the light, Celia stopped me and fell back on me with her face on my chest. I felt wetness on her cheeks, knowing she had been crying. I let her keep her dignity and pondered what could have made her so emotional. Go ahead, say it. We men can be clueless sometimes. I would hear it again later that day.

"More," she whispered. "I want more. Do me hard, so I hurt when I walk. To remember you after you are gone. Take all of me, Luke."

It was the way she said it that reached deep inside me to the core. It scare me because, for the first time, I came across a woman I did not feel threatened by, a woman I liked immensely.

'Take all of me Luke.'

But I had to go back home to my job and life, while Celia had her life in Long Island. When I came out of the shower, she was gone. On the mirror, she lad left a red lip mark and the note. "Please take care of yourself. Thanks for making me feel special."

***

Niles and I were supposed to do lunch one last time, but one of his patients had a crisis, and he had to go. In light of that, we made plans to stay in touch and meet again. By the way, he held my hand, I knew he meant it. I guess I went soft and let him hug me.

So, there I was with three hours before boarding. It took three seconds before my mind was on Celia again. I tried to rationalize the situation in a sad attempt to deny the woman was more than just beautiful and a good fuck.

I even went as far as to get in the rental and start driving toward the highway. Almost at the entrance ramp, I turned around and headed back to the diner Celia worked at.

She usually parked out back, so I didn't think about looking for her car. Had I done so, I would have known she was not at work. Not seeing her on the floor, I asked for her, only to be approached by another waitress.

"You are that Luke guy, right?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied. "Have you seen Celia?"

"She came in, said she wasn't feeling well and took the day off. What did you do to her?"

"Nothing to make her do that."

"Nothing, my ass. She walked funny. I can tell. You men are such idiots. You have no clue what makes women tick."

"I agree about that," I replied. "I have a feeling I never will."

"Go," she said. "I have to cover some of her tables, and you caused that."

Reaching into my wallet, I pulled three $100 bills and gave them to her.

"One for each of you on duty," I said, staring into her eyes. "Make sure the others get their share."

"Scram!" she said louder than she should have but taking the bills to stuff in her bra.

At the counter, her boss was reaching for her cell, probably to call the cops. But when I walked past her with an apologetic look, she scowled, and I walked out, running to my car.

I was at JFK just after the security check when I got a call. It was Celia.

"Bad time?" she asked.

"No, I have a few minutes until boarding. How are you?"

"You went to the diner looking for me," she said jovially. "Luke that is so sweet."

"You are worth it," I found myself saying.

She was silent for a second or two.

"Luke, I had a fantastic time with you," she finally said before changing to a serious tone. "It's a shame we are living so far apart. Now that you have family in New York, you can look me up next time you are here."

"I definitely will, Celia," I responded instinctively. "Maybe you can come to visit me too."

"Sounds interesting. Call me when you get home, so I know you are safe."

I don't know what came over me to ask, and I was more surprised she did not shoot it down outright. Just then, I noticed the tag next to my flight on the big screen change from on schedule to now boarding.

"Hey, Celia. I have to get going. I'll call you."

"Sure. Have a nice flight."

"Thanks. Take care."

"You too. Bye."

***

Someone like you

Through most of the flight back to Florida, my mind was torn between thoughts of Niles and Celia. I was surprised at my feelings toward both.

Niles had presented himself as a decent guy who had a cavalier notion of fidelity and having sex with married women. While he seemed to have stopped cheating and focused on his family, he seemed to understand my concerns when we talked.

And Niles had agreed to my request, so I walked away thinking the guy was not total shit. I mean, he had been a shit when he was fucking a married woman when he had been younger. But time seemed to have tempered him. Would I trust him around my mother again? Fuck no.

Celia. What was it about this woman that had affected me so much? Yes, she was pretty, sexy, and probably the best fuck I ever had. But something about her made me feel... comfortable about her.

Then I thought of what Niles had said. She was safe. Unlike other women, she could not give me children to take away later or hold over my head to control me. That she was gorgeous and fucked like a bunny was a few layers of icing on the cake. How had this woman not been snatched up by some other guy was quite the question?

As soon as I landed, I called her.

"Did you get home safe?" she asked.

"Yeah, look." I didn't know what to say. But I had to say something. "Do you mind if I call you? So we can talk?"

"We're talking now, Luke. And...."

"What?"

"I'm glad you called."

"Hey, Celia..."

"Yes."

I don't know what came over me, but I just had to say it or regret it the rest of my life.

"Look, we have plenty of restaurants for you to work at down here. Why don't you come down for a while."

"You want me to come down there? Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I mean, I have a spare room you can stay at."

"Spare room?"

"OK. I'll take the spare room if you like. You get the main bedroom with the big bathroom."

There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Luke, you are asking me, a woman you had a lot of good sex with, to come down to your place, and we are going to be apart? What? Are you still going to date, other people?"

"No, not at all. I mean, no, I'm not going to date. Look, Celia, I really like you," I found myself mumbling. "I was hoping this, you and I was something we could pursue and see where it goes. I just didn't want you to be obligated to, you know...."

"Luke," she said in a steady but warm voice. "You just asked a woman, a lover, to leave her job and apartment to come live with you in another state and city. In my book, such an invitation is made by a man who wants that woman in his bed. Because by my rules, that is where I will have to be if I come down there. Do you understand?"

"Yes. Yes, I do. And I would love you to be that. The main bedroom and just you and I, it is."

"Are you talking about us being exclusive? I mean, you know I'm older than you and have grown kids, right?"

"You're not that old, and you look younger than me. Plus, your kids are not coming to stay with me. And yes. Exclusive."

"Luke, if you and I stand a chance, we can't bullshit each other. You've seen me when I wake up. I don't look younger like you say."

"Stop it, Celia. I love how you look. OK, you want honest? I'll give you honest. I know we just met, and all we have to go on is the great sex and...."

"Great sex? Luke, from my end, it's spectacular?"

"Correction then. Spectacular sex. But it's more than that. I have this feeling that you are a special woman. One that if I don't ask to be in my life, I will regret it later."

I'm not sure, but I could have sworn I heard a sniffle on the other end of the line and what I thought was a sigh.

"Luke, you're going to make me cry."

"Cry bad or cry good?" I asked apprehensively.

"Good you idiot. Oh you men!"

"So, is that a yes?"

"I can't believe I'm doing this Luke. You have better be serious about this."

"I am. When are you coming down?"

"That sounded good already. Cuming and going down."

We both laughed at that.

"OK Luke Stanton. See, I remember your last name. I have vacation time to spare. I'll take it and book a flight. Text me your address and stuff. I'll get things done on my end and come visit for a couple of weeks. You have that much time to convince me to stay."

"You won't regret it Celia."

"I better not. Oh my God! I can't believe I'm doing this!" she replied. "And Luke. I am coming down for the same reason as you. If I don't, I will regret it for the rest of my life."

"I can't wait to see you."

***

The one

The following week went by very, very slowly. I thought of Celia a lot.

Celia had to wait a week to take time off and also to buy tickets she could afford. She refused any money from me. The tickets were round trip because even if she decided to stay, we would have to fly up, rent a u-haul for her things and a trailer to pull her car down here.

We talked a lot, and as we did, I found myself liking her more by the day. But the day she was to arrive, I had not admitted to myself. That is to acknowledge that I was falling in love with her.

On the way to the airport, I had one last moment of rational thinking. If things went well with Celia, she could not give me children. But by this point in life, I was lonely, and the child quest and no trust had been ruining my chances with fertile women. A life with Celia meant someone to share life with. But no kids.

Thinking of my sister's children, I realized that they were probably the only kids in my life from then on. As I parked in the lot, I saw a family go by with a baby in the stroller. And I said goodby to that dream.

***

Celia and I were inseparable for the next two weeks. Having returned from New York in just days, I managed to get another week from my boss. We drove to the keys, swam, ate out, slept in hotels and made love. Sometimes we fucked, but that boat was sailing by the day as we fell deeper and deeper in love.

Yes, we both could feel it and held on to one another as if we were the last two people on earth. Freed of my child fixation, I shed my suspicions of women and let her steal my heart completely. Little did I know that she was in the same boat.

We were both too scared to say it to each other. You know. Those three words that are so special and mean so much. Three words that change lives and bring new beginnings. Words that end the before and begin the after.

So, I planned to tell her that night as we watched the sunset from the beach. Only something happened to upset my plans. We were sunning our bodies on the beach when this woman walked up to us. Ignoring Celia, she leaned close to me as if Celia didn't exist and started chatting me up.

"I've been watching you for a while, baby," she said as if we knew each other. "And you and I can make good music in my room. make me sing?"

Now I have to say. It is not every day that an athletic blond coed in a yellow micro bikini proposition me. I can't speak for you. And she sure looked mighty fine. So much so, that had she done this a month before, I would be all over and in that. You know what I'm sayin, right? Of course, you do.

But this was not last month, and no matter how long her legs were, how bouncy and tights her boobs were, how shiny blond her hair was, or how perfect her blue eyes were, I realized it didn't matter. It was as if she was in a movie or TV show and saying those words to someone else in another universe.

All I could think of was the nerve of her to try and disrespect Celia that way. There was no way she didn't know that the gorgeous brunet and I were together. She knew and was on a female ego trip to snatch another woman's man. The nerve!

"Miss," I replied. "You are blocking my girlfriend's sun. Please move."

Then the blond interloper turned with a snide smirk to look at Celia. Now I have to say, in a white bikini more minuscule than the blond's, Celia looked stunning and hardly intimidated. She raised her sunglasses a touch, and I saw a smirk on her face. Those red lips twisted a bit that I swear made my cock twitch with them.

"Move along, miss," I said. "The better woman has won, and it's not you."

"What!" the blond said in surprise.

From the way she looked, I bet no man in her life had ever turned Barbie down. 'Well, there is a first for everything and everybody,' I thought.

"You heard me," I replied. "Scram. Do the walk of shame and go back to your friends."

Celia giggled, pursing her lips, trying not to laugh.

"Well fuck you both," she said with a spiteful sneer.

"Maybe had you asked nicely, I might have shared him with you," Celia finally spoke. "You know, his dick is to die for. But now you are just going to use your imagination, aren't you?"

The blond scoffed then walked away with a fake smile to her gang, watching to see the outcome.

"Her ass is kind of big, don't you think?" Celia asked out loud. "And loose."

I lost it and giggled.

"The best woman won?" Celia asked me, raising her sunglasses to look at me directly.

"Best woman ever," I replied.