William is Dead

He simply shrugged. "Maybe I'm just not ready."

"But... it's been so long."

"I know."

"I worry about you."

"Don't. I won't be here forever, will I?"

"I hope not."

The energy in her coursed through her like lightning some days. When she kissed him and touched him, he could feel the power of it. It was almost overwhelming and he could not match it. Other times, she was quiet and would stare out into the world around them, fascinated by the imprints of emotions hanging in the air. Sometimes she even played around with them, running her fingers through the air and mesmerised by how she could see her very essence become part of it.

All things came to an end. It was the only truth he could think of that he had accepted with his entire being.

The day came eventually.

"Will..."

"I know." He felt numb.

She looked at him and smiled sadly. "Are you angry at me?"

"No."

"You sure?"

He nodded.

"You realise this isn't because you're not enough, don't you?" Emily asked, eyes tearing up.

He knew the question came from her guilt.

"Emily, you need to go if you feel you need to go. I know how it's pulling at you."

"It isn't because you're not enough. Being with you here has been a second life in itself," she said in a small, quiet voice.

"I know," said Will. He smiled broadly. "I never had this when I was alive. I loved every moment with you."

Emily returned the smile, and took his hands in her own. She squeezed them and kissed his cheek.

It was curious, thought Will. It was curious how she did not behave or see the world as Luc had done. While she smiled calmly, it wasn't as mindlessly beatific as Luc's had been. And while she certainly felt content and as though she had shed all the darkness she could, she never proselytised it.

She looked to the ceiling and said, "I'm ready."

He thought perhaps she would've waited longer, but she had been patient for a long time. Maybe she'd been waiting for him this entire time and now she knew he was going to take too long, her patience had run out. It still hurt a little.

Y and two Shepherds arrived at the other end of the room. Y stretched out its arm and the rectangular portal appeared, showing the base of the enormous central structure. For a desperate moment, Will felt the urge to tell her where she was going, but it would not come out.

"When you are ready," said Y, tilting its head.

Emily nodded. She looked at Will again and kissed his mouth hard, tears running freely down her face. "I don't want to prolong this," she said. "So, I'm going to go now, Will. I'll see you there on the other side. Soon."

"Soon." He nodded.

"Goodbye, Will."

"Goodbye, Emily."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

He watched her walk to the portal and look at the aliens who stood there. They nodded. She walked through, followed by them and the portal closed.

The numbness dissolved and Will immediately began to cry as he tried to swallow his sadness down. It would not relent. There was nothing left now. He stood there for quite some time, looking at the place where the portal had been, until he could no longer cry and there was just the sadness, hollow and vast, threatening to consume his entire being.

---xxx---

Oblivion

Y appeared by his side.

Will looked at it, too afraid to ask the question.

"It is done," said Y. "She has Ascended."

Will closed his eyes, trying not to think of the pain she must have endured. The world felt empty with that confirmation.

"I hope one day this all stops," he said.

"It will not."

"All things come to an end, Y. All things. You all began differently, and you changed. You think you'll all stay like this forever, but that will change, too."

Y ignored that. "We are curious, William Dormin. Why did you not tell her?"

He was silent for quite some time. The guilt was palpable but at least he could no longer feel the weight of the secret. "I don't know. I wish I had some profound reason to tell you but it comes down to two things, really. I was afraid to, and I didn't want to make her afraid. It's like you said; she had a second lifetime of whatever it is you all gave her, and then just the final few moments of pain. It could've been far worse."

"So, a lie was preferable."

"Yes. It was. It was the only thing I ever kept from her. I think sometimes she knew I was keeping something back, but she never asked."

"And if she had?"

"I wouldn't have said anything. I just wanted to see her happy, not fearful."

Y absorbed those words. Then, it asked, "And you, William Dormin? Will you now submit to the Ritual?"

"Soon. Oblivion would be preferable to this. There's nothing left." He paused. "I want to know something, though," he continued. "Why was she different? Even at the end. She wasn't like the others."

"She still carried one last burden."

"What was that?"

"You."

Will said nothing to that.

"Perhaps there is some comfort to be had in knowing your sacrifice prolongs our world," suggested Y.

"No. Not one bit. But that doesn't matter, does it?"

"No. You are--"

"Lesser. I know."

It was a simple cycle for these beings. Several conversations had shown him by now that humans really were just inferior beings that they were justified in exploiting, as long as they gave them something in return. Will no longer cared about the inferiority they would remind him about. Sometimes there was anger. Sometimes there was resignation. One thing, however, never left. It was pity. Pity for a race of aliens that could not experience the full breadth of life the way human beings could. A race of aliens that, as far as he could tell, had given up the sheer variation and complexity that life could afford them. All for some higher being that watched endlessly.

There were answers he would never get, he knew that now. He could be content with that much. And he would always feel inferior to them because of the sheer power they held over him and his actions.

There was a small seed of satisfaction inside, though. Deep at his core. He could resist their influence and they had no idea why. He could still be himself and resist the pull of oblivion, which meant when he finally left this world, this god-awful, confusing mess of a prison, it would be because he chose to do it.

And as much as they believed they had all the power, they were wrong and would never understand why.

"Well, Y, how are we going to do this? I assume you can force me to go to the Converter any time."

"We would prefer not to. You are still welcome to attempt to become like the others first."

"No. I suppose that's not for me, really. Just imagine, hmm? If I just stayed here forever and forever, until you all decided enough was enough."

"There will always be more of your dead. Even now, we await the arrival of more."

"Is that right?" He wasn't even surprised. He shrugged and sighed. "I've got time to decide when I go, I know this much."

"You ended your life once before. Why is this different?"

"I don't think you'd understand. See, I've realised this. I could tell you it's because of Emily and how happy she made me and how I didn't feel like I did when I was alive. But none of that matters and none of you understand. You understand intellectually, of course. You know that some of my mental states are preferable to others. You understand we all influence one another to feel a certain way. You're all practised at that; very good at manipulation. But you don't understand the power of our emotions and how we actually feel. You can't. It's actually quite pathetic," concluded Will, tilting his head sarcastically. "You might be superior in terms of control, but you're inferior because of how limited you've made yourselves. You gave up so much to be what you are."

Y said nothing. It tilted its head and maybe another time, Will would've wondered what it was thinking, but he was past caring now.

"I think I want some time alone," said Will. "I'll call you when I'm ready. Kindly fuck off."

Y disappeared.

Who knew when it was when he made his decision? Time was liquid. More of the dead arrived, fresh-faced and confused and excited and all manner of things that Will didn't really feel anymore. He barely greeted them.

It hadn't been all bad. He had his memories of Emily, and the good memories of his sisters. He even managed to make holograms of both, all of which made him smile to himself any time he indulged in immersing himself in those times.

One day, enough was enough, because all things came to an end.

He walked outside and looked up at the ever-churning Source.

"I'm ready, you bastard."

And just for a brief moment, smaller than a second, he saw The Source, brighter than ever before, a wholly white core of energy with movements he couldn't understand. It was gone quickly, but it was enough to make him see what the Shepherds did. He did not even care to wonder why The Source had allowed him to see it.

Y appeared and they arrived at the city within a matter of seconds. Will barely took in any of his surroundings, or the sounds from the Shepherds, or even the presence of the Converter.

All he thought of was Emily. It had become such a habit, the ability to immerse himself in those experiences. Everything else felt inconsequential.

Y began to chant their story but as soon as Will realised it was doing so, he zoned out entirely. When the Converter focused on him, Will became aware of where he was again. He looked at it with defiance.

It picked him up, surprisingly gentle and slow. He tried not to think of Emily and all the ones before. The Converter brought him up to its head, for what reason, he didn't know, but they looked at one another for a few beats.

"We have learned much from you, William Dormin," said Y, floating to the side of the Converter's hand. "Is there anything else you wish to tell us?"

The humming almost drowned out its voice.

"I hope when your end comes, you're ready for it," said Will.

There was a stutter in the humming, so pronounced that Will even saw Y's energies blink, just as the others did. The place around darkened for that one moment and to Will, it was glorious.

Y simply floated away and Will felt he had delivered some kind of mortal insult. The Converter lowered him to torso height and Will saw the hollow, ready to trap him. The Converter put him in.

It was dark and dry and he felt its body creeping over his sides and back. And once the searing pain began, he was grateful for it, for it was marked proof of the second chance he had been given. After that, he thought only of Emily. Emily with her smile, and the surge-filled touches, and the comfort, and the vast love with which she had surrounded him.

Then, there was nothing.