Wings

I'm a little confused at the depth of her anger. Perhaps she's frustrated at herself.

"Listen gorgeous."

"Don't fucking gorgeous me. I'm fucking fat like a beached whale. A beached whale with a patchwork face and nggrrrr... I've seen you look at women when we're out."

Jesus, this has gone sideways really quickly.

"Don't even fucking deny it. Elly loves me and would never steal you, so just fucking do this and let me feel..." Then she is crying and fucking hell.

I reach for her to hug her and she just shoves me away.

"Just fucking do it!" She yells and gets in the car. The speed with which she backs out the driveway worries me but not as much as the place she's in emotionally. You can hand me a v12 jag motor and I can put it back together blindfolded but emotions are beyond my capacity to diagnose and repair.

The day dragged. I really couldn't get my head into work. Kaitlyn called me on it and told me to "fuck off home you useless cunt". So around three I left and returned to my empty house and a heart that hurt for my phoenix girl. It wouldn't be wise to call her. She needs some space after a face-ripping like that. So, I drag a lonely beer out to the deck wishing I had a few of its buddies to take with me.

As if on cue, I hear the front door open and our lovely friend Elise calls out, "Anyone home?"

"On the deck, Elly."

"Here." She hands me a beer and I replace my empty one with it. She puts a six pack down on the deck and ruffles my hair. "You need a haircut hippy."

"Ha. Probably. Been..."

"Yeah. Busy and what the fuck is going on with Lara? I had the weirdest most emotional phone call with her."

So, I recap the last two days for her between swigs of beer.

"Well, damn. We are so 'not' fucking. I had my hopes up too." She laughs and kisses me quickly on the lips. "Not when her reasoning is coming from some place that low. Maybe if she still feels that way when she's out of this slump whatever it is. But..."

"I know right. Don't get me wrong. The breeze changes and I bar up. But I feel like she's only offering this because she is afraid that I'll fuck around."

"It is a valid reason. It's why Steve and I came to you."

"Yeah but you guys came to that moment from a place of strength and unity as a couple. This is just Lara's self-esteem at rock bottom."

"And pregnancy hormones. Christ, what a roller coaster."

We share the six pack she's brought and talk about our kids. Her eldest, Sarah is doing well at Uni and Ben is in year eleven now.

"Won't be long until they've all flown the coop. You should probably go shower, mate."

I should, I'm still in my overalls.

"Well anyway. Ben's at a friend's place this evening. Do you want some company for dinner? I could cook?"

"That'd be nice Elly. I'm..."

"Worried. I know mate. I'm just gonna nip up to the Southern Hotel and grab us a few more beers. Do you need anything else while I'm out?"

I shake my head.

"Okay. I'll take Samuel's bed if you don't mind a sleep-over."

I nod and then she smiles and leaves.

I'm wearing just a towel wrapped around my middle and standing in the kitchen wondering what I was actually doing there when Elly returns. She puts another six pack and a bottle of wine on the island bench and comes around it to hug me.

"It'll work out mate. What is it you say? 'It's not always going to be like this.'" I nod and hold her warm body against mine.

"Oh dear." She says. "It has been a while for someone, hasn't it?"

"Shit. Sorry." My erection pushes rudely against her belly.

"Jax." She lifts her face to look seriously at me. "Would it help? Um... Do you want my body?"

"God Elly..." I release her and battle with my own emotions. "How about some pizza. I'll call and we can. I want you. But..."

She nods and we eat pizza, drink beer, watch some Netflix series she's into and chat sparingly. She slept in Samuel's room.

I was thoroughly distracted the next day at work. I even changed the oil in a car that was just there for tyres.

"You need to take a bit of time off boss. When was the last time you took a break?" Mick asked me after laughing at my fuck up.

Shaking my head, I tried to remember.

"Kate, babe?" He called out.

"Yup."

"We got much on this next couple of weeks?"

"Nah, I'm battling to keep the apprentice busy."

"There ya go then, ya mug. Ya sacked. Fuck off for a bit."

"Please boss. Before you try and put spark plugs in that diesel i30." Laughs Toby.

I still hadn't heard from Lara which wasn't abnormal. Whenever she went to visit her folks, she very rarely rang. The next day, Thursday, I spent cleaning up the garage that had pissed her off that morning. Then Friday I did the hedges, edges and lawn. I was just sitting down with a beer when my phone rang.

"That's long enough, you can come find me now if you want, honey."

"Hi gorgeous. I've..."

"I know. I rang work and got Kaitlyn. I'm sorry for worrying you."

"Just..."

"Shh. We can talk when you get down here tomorrow. If you have two weeks off, then you're spending it with me, fuckwit."

"I love you, Lara."

"I know. I spoke to Elly too."

"God..."

"Would you like my body? Nah, how 'bout some pizza." She chortles. "You should get the special bus to drop you down here."

"You sound better."

"I am a little. See you in the morning. Don't you dare drive down tonight. I know you."

"Ha. Bye gorgeous."

"Bye honey."

It was the first night I slept properly since she'd left on Tuesday morning.

"Had an infusion on Thursday." She tells me. "My iron levels were almost non-existent."

We're sitting on the veranda. Samuel is sitting on his Poppy's lap. We can see them down the track a way on the little tractor. He's giggling and trying to mess with the hydraulics. Elaine is getting lunch ready in the kitchen and as I learned years ago, she can hear everything we say out here from there.

"Silly bitch should have rung me. I had the same thing with Emma. Took her straight to the clinic the moment she finally made sense."

Lara's eyes roll like a teenager. "Feeling a heap better already, but don't tell her that. Look, my fingernail is pink again. She only has one. It's on her right thumb. I watch as she pinches it white and it floods quickly back pink.

"Walk with me. I have things to say I don't want the creeper hearing."

"It's not creeping if you know I'm doing it." Her mum laughs.

As usual we walk toward the old windmill.

"So. The cold hands and feet, feeling so run down and tired all the time. The libido... All iron related. The doctor said to allow a week or so for the infusion to kick in. I may need another."

"Lucky you caught it."

"Yeah, can be bad for little Josh's development." We knew we were having a boy.

"And for you. You were miserable."

"I know and the foundation was suffering too."

"Lara. You. You need to think more about you." I stop her and turn her to me. "You think about everyone else first all the time. God look at the business with Elly. I love you, Lara. But let 'me' think about me. I'll let you know when I'm struggling, okay?"

"That was all part of it."

"You're not making sense darling."

"Ooh. That's a new one. 'Gorgeous' and 'darling'." She laughs and pecks my check. "And I know, I'm thinking while I'm talking and it's a bit of a mess. So, sit and shoosh a while, honey."

We're at her upturned tub. And we 'shoosh'. She leans against my shoulder and smiles and watches the sky. Far overhead a light plane drones.

"Don't you miss it?" I ask.

"Yeah. I do."

"So, what's stopping you getting back up there?"

"Rar!" She laughs and growls making a scary face and clawing her hands at me.

"Bullshit. When was the last time you needed me to open a jar or anything? There's nothing wrong with your hands."

"Well, they're a bit fucked up looking still but no, I guess you're right. They aren't stopping me. It's all up here these days." She taps her head. "Broken noggin."

"Fair enough."

"See. You get it. You don't push when you shouldn't, and you do when you should."

"Isn't that how you get babies out?"

"Fuckwit." She laughs. "So, listen, Jax honey."

"All ears, gorgeous."

"Elly and I got another forty-thousand-dollar grant from gaming funds. It will let us hire a full-time admin to do all the office shit. That will let Elly do the stuff I do. You know, putting people with services and... Probably you don't really. Haha. But when little Josh is born, I can start building the counselling side of things. Coaching, counselling; I'll have finished my course by then and there's gonna be travel, Jax. Lots of travel."

"Ok."

"So, I'll be away a lot. I am going to dip into my money from the units and get a new car; something bigger that I can carry gear in as well as little Joshy. Elly can help with Sam. But... Anyway, are you keeping up?"

"Kinda."

"I have to network and identify social resources in remote communities where the vets who need our services live. So, we'll be on the road a bit, me and little Joshy. I can almost imagine him. Are you excited?"

"Ahuh. And it's nice to see you a bit excited."

"I know, I've been so low. I told you the iron is working. God, I even got a little turned on when you kissed me before."

"Jesus, just a 'little'? I'll pick up my kissing game, then."

"Fuckwit. So... Look. I fucked up the whole Elly thing this week because I was emotional, stressed and a bit of a... Well totally a 'big' fuckwit myself. I get so... that my self-esteem is... I worry that you'll stray."

I shake my head.

"I know you won't, honey. I know, Jax. God, you wouldn't even fuck Elly even though you both wanted, just because you were both worried about me. That's why it's perfect. Elly is like family. I love her like... I don't know. Like Emma. Like a sister and a friend. Not like Sammy, Samantha; I'm not attracted to her. I'm not jealous of your old relationship with her and I would really be a lot more comfortable knowing that when I was on the road..."

She's picking petals from a dandelion thoughtfully. "Don't you see?"

"I think so, but gorgeous, a few days here and there, I hardly even... This last four months I've probably only had a tug twice. It's not a big deal."

"I want it for Elly too. She misses Steve so much and it would just all work out really well for both our families."

"Well, I'll think on it, darling. But what about you? When you're on the road. Does it mean?"

"Oh, fuck no, honey. God, I get all I need at home and I have some toys to travel with. No time for... No inclination either." She fixes me with a really serious stare, "I'm not asking for permission to open our relationship up. I don't want to fuck anyone else and I'll cut your dick off if I find out you've fucked anyone other than Elly. I'm good. I just need this to make my stupid head shut-up with its stupid doubts. And for Elly. I love you both. Do you see?"

"I guess."

"That's all I need. Now... Same rules as with Steve and Elly. This is the last we'll ever talk about it. I don't want it rubbed in my face."

I just nod and shrug.

"Fine then." She smiles. "Oh. And I'm getting tattoos."

"Okay then," I laugh at the sudden switch.

"Some fool told me to frame my scars. So, I spent a few moments talking to a dude in town the other day after the doctors and well, I'm getting a few bits done on my hands first then my legs latter. He's quite excited at doing the art. Aggrandisement he calls it. Taking something broken and artfully exaggerating the trauma and making it pretty. Get it?"

"Not at all gorgeous girl but I'm really happy for you. I'm glad you're embracing them rather than doing riskier..."

"I love you."

I'd answer but she is sitting on my lap and she is pregnant, heavy and it's awkward. But she's kissing me, so I focus on doing my best at that. And breathing. God, she hasn't kissed me like this in...

"See. It's working already..." She pants when we part. "Look." She takes my hand and feeds it under the waist band of her tights, and I find her dripping wet and hot.

"Come with me." She bounces off me and grabs at my erection. "You too, little Jax."

"Little? I might never have hurt anyone with it, but I've not had complaints." I laugh at her teasing.

"Come on hubby. Getting late and Sammy will need organising or Mum will spoil him rotten."

Instead of walking back toward the house as it seemed she'd suggested, she drew me by the hand toward an oddly shaped shed that I've never explored.

"The old tobacco kiln." She smiles back over her shoulder and struggles with the door. "Quickly."

No sooner am I inside with the mischievous Lara than she shuts the door and pounces on me. Well, as 'pouncey' as a heavily pregnant woman can be, she makes her intentions quite obvious.

"Quick Jax. We'll do it properly later. But I need... It's been so long." She says between the first passion filled kisses we've shared in a long time. As we kiss, she pushes her tights down and her fingers fumble at my shorts. When I push them down enough for her to grasp my dick, she smiles and turns to bend forward over a wooden rack, spreading her legs and offering herself to me.

"Come on, honey. I need you." She holds the rack with one hand and the other reaches beneath her to hold herself open invitingly. I slip so slickly in and revel in the reunion of our bodies. I'm just standing there luxuriating the wet warmth of her and she actually starts thrusting on me using the rack to push herself back and forth. Her fingers are busy beneath her. I can feel them brush my balls as she flicks at her clit.

"Hurry up, honey." She hisses. "Almost... Gah fuck."

I must have only been inside her thirty seconds at most and her shudders tip me over and I splash into her. Holding her hips to steady my jelly knees I press my first bucked spurt into her then three or four more before I flop softening from her. She giggles at the sloppy mess that follow me out of her and pulls her tights up quickly.

"Come on, Mum will be wondering where we are." She ducks her head out the door like a naughty kid checking to see if the coast is clear. "Quick, honey."

At least she is smiling. It's the first fun I've seen etched on her pretty face since the beginning of her pregnancy. I pull my shorts up and tuck myself in. God I positively reek of sex. I'm gonna have to-

"Straight to the laundry. Wash your hands and tidy your hair. I'll... Hehe. Just do it." Holding hands we wander quickly back to the house where I do as instructed and she beelines for the bathroom.

Elaine brings us some beers where we sit chatting with Eric on the Veranda.

"Someone's feeling a lot better then." She winks at me. "She always thought she was SO tricky. Show me your hands, Lara Louise."

"What?" Lara scowls and holds her hands out. Her mother turns them palm up and laughs.

"Nicotine stains, smarty pants. That and sending him to the washhouse. I haven't seen that routine in years." She's chuckling at my pretty wife's blushing face.

"Muuuum! Shut up."

"Not a lot of boys mind you. But I've seen a couple though; sitting out here looking a bit like they've been caught shoplifting before. Oh, and that last time Samantha visited. Maybe the old Tobacco kiln is haunted or something, but I swear I heard wailing."

"Oh my fucking god. Do you fucking have to?" Lara is holding her hands over her face in shame.

"What are you women on about?" Eric asks, bouncing young Sam on his knee.

"God Dad, make her shut-up."

"Oh, calm down, woman. Nothing wrong with a little slap and tickle. God didn't give us those bits for decoration. Even your old Mum likes to dally in the dairy now and then."

"Oh sweet baby Jesus, Dad. I've already got ptsd. I don't need new things to tell the shrinks." She covers my ears and says loud enough for people two or three miles away to hear, "Shut up you pair of twits. I don't want him thinking I was a total floozy and my parents are... Gnhhh... Just shut up."

And just like that, my phoenix girl was back from wherever that iron deficiency had taken her. She was herself again.

The two weeks passed in a blur. I felt almost like I was operating in a different time frame by the end of it. A relaxed routine of farm life and family had put me in a place I hadn't been for years. Perhaps I should be scheduling more holidays. God knows, I've got the business in a good place after all these years.

On one of the last days down at Murwillumbah, I was tinkering with the old Commer. Eric had pulled it out of the shed with the tractor and I'd dropped the motor out and strapped it to a pallet to take back to the garage with me. As we were loading it on the ute with the tractor a huffing and puffing penguin of a woman pushed a little motorcycle out of the barn.

The mental picture of Lara trying to ride it had me laughing at her flushed face which immediately had the usual effect.

"Stop laughing and fucking help me, you drongo! Jesus, I married a clown."

It was a little Suzuki with "JR50" written on it. Covered in dust and cobwebs and looking like it had sat unloved for years.

"It was mine." She stomps and glares. "I thought little Sam would like it. I thought! That maybe! You'd be interested in fixing it for him!"

"Okay." She's a bit scary when she gets that voice on. I pick it easily up and Eric helps me tie it on the ute with some ropes. How is it that grandads are always able to magic up lengths of rope from nowhere?

"You should show him the other ones. Girl must have a dozen on them back there somewhere."

"Come on, gorgeous." I reach a hand out questioningly.

"You're still a prick." She tells me and leads me into a hayshed. There are five motocross bikes leaning against the wall like a set of Russian dolls.

"RM 80," She points at the smallest. "CR 80, YZ 125, TT 350, YZ250. The CR and the TT were Emma's."

"That 250 must have-"

Her smile is genuine and wide when she looks up at me and cuts me off, "I embarrassed more than a few of those boys Mum was talking about with it. I only got it when I was seventeen. Still on its first barrel and rings."

"Something tells me we're gonna need a bigger back yard for the boys."

"About that." She hugs into my side. "Come and sit. I've been thinking."

"Uh oh."

Eric has gone on the little tractor, so I help my bride up to sit on the tray of the ute, then sit beside her. "What wild plan have you plotted thoroughly to completion already, my phoenix girl?"

"Ha ha, I may have put a little plotting in place. I haven't drawn up mission plans yet though. Just analysis and intell stage at this point. I want you in on things from the start, honey." She kisses my cheek and continues. "I love your house. It's a nice home. But... I've just never felt like it's ours. It's more yours and I just moved in."

I nod. She has said as much before.

"So, I've had such a lovely couple of weeks with you and little Sammy here. It brought back memories of my own childhood. I'd love to make some of those farm sort of memories for our children. Are you following?"

"Yeah. I've been thinking sort of similarly myself this week. I love the quiet and the animals and..."

She nods at me. "So look. I did pretty well with the sale of the units. I only need a vehicle out of the capital and I'll write that off through my business. I'm pulling a wage from the foundation now. Not a large one, but... I'd like to invest the money from the units into a little farm for us. My payout and the capital paid into the mortgage by the tenants sits at around four hundred and thirty thousand. We won't be able to afford a big place but maybe if we borrow a little?"

I nod and think about the financials.

"You're worrying about the money?" She knows me pretty well. "We don't need to get a big place. Maybe ten acres. We keep the house in town. I know it was your grandparents. But we live there through the week and on the weekends..."