With or Without You

But for now, he would have to put his hurt and humiliated caveman ego in a safety locker somewhere in the back of his mind and throw away the key. They had to rebuild their family bond without continuously looking back to the scene of the crash in their lives.

With his mind made up, Fred continued his conversation.

"I guess that means for now you'll be just doing your notice period at your office," he asked in an engaging tone, sipping his coffee.

"Yes, but I'll be doing it from home. My office people have agreed. They'll be promoting one of my juniors to my place, so the transition should not take long, and I'm looking forward to be relieved at the earliest," she replied with a sad look on her face.

***

REBUILDING

True to her word, Sharon started working out of their home beginning the very next day; at the same time, ensuring all the home matters happened on time. Ms. Morrison was asked to go as she was now taking full charge at home. The children would now come back from school to the smell of their freshly prepared food, and to the presence of their mom in the house.

With the money from her severance pay and bonus, Sharon started a consultancy for interior designing, setting up her office in the room above the garage. She worked online thru the website Fred created. She called her firm "FreSha Interiors," the initials standing for Fred and Sharon. As business picked up, she hired a girl on part time basis to handle her correspondences.

By the time Fred would come home, she would be dressed in some good-looking clothes. Learning from his past mistakes, he made sure to sit with her and specifically talk about her day, how was her consultancy going, and most importantly, he made it a point to compliment her looks, her new hairdo, a new dress that she brought and of course the lovely meals she prepared. All during these "our time" sessions he would hold her hands, touch her face as though removing a speck or even play with her hair.

During their such one-on-one talks, Sharon would keep looking at his face, soaking in every word he said, every compliment he gave her, smiling back happily. He made it a point to ensure the pink roses would always be there by her bedside every night. He had nearly lost her and was determined to hold his family at all costs.

But there were challenges, or specifically two of them.

The first was his libido. The image of his wife coming out of that house had hit him hard where it hurt the most, his erection. At times during their love sessions, those hurtful images would suddenly reappear and his erection would soften. Fred felt ashamed of his performance, but then would proceed to give Sharon's pussy a good licking till she had her orgasm.

However, a solution was there, so every evening before leaving office for home, he would pop a blue pill. This took care of the first challenge.

For some months, things were seemingly normal when he began noticing a change in his wife. She seemed to have lost weight. What's more, he would catch her looking in a strange faraway manner. She would be sitting with the family in a detached manner, and at times the kids had to prompt her to give a reply.

This got Fred worried. Maybe being in the house all day was getting on to her. He began planning impromptu outings for the family so that there was a change for his wife. That seemingly was not having the desired effect, and Sharon would continue to aimlessly look around at times, just staring at him before turning away when she realized he was watching her. She continued to get thinner, her top hanging on her body as though hanging from a clothes hanger.

Then an uncomfortable thought hit him. Had his wife been experiencing something different in bed with her lover? He preferred to kiss his way to her love portal and play with her pussy to make her orgasm before going for penetration. Did she want it in a fast and furious kind of way? He wasn't sure, but was willing to try.

That night he began with furiously kissing his wife on her lips, squeezing and pulling at her breasts and then ramming his phallus inside her pussy without much foreplay. He even began taking her ass every night till one evening as he was ramming his cock inside, she stopped him.

"Love me there first," she said in that far away tone, with her finger pointing towards her pussy. Fred obliged, but the problem persisted.

Fred began feeling the stress. At the same time his boss, with his eyes set on some good fat bonus, was getting impatient with his star performer. Timelines were getting stretched and his trophy wife would not be content with a simple monthly paycheck. Mr. Wheelman called Fred to his office, read him the riot act and meaningfully dropped Sullivan's name in their talk.

Fred didn't care for bonuses anymore. He was fighting a battle to protect his family from the aftermath of his greed for chasing bonuses. He put in his resignation the next month and joined a rival firm. The pay was less, but so was the workload, especially the frequent out of town travels that had affected his family. He felt sorry for Sullivan's family, knowing fully well the carrot and stick policy his ex-boss was going to apply to him.

Then, quite abruptly, things changed for the better.

Sharon became pregnant. It seemed she had missed taking her pills, and his baby making sperm had struck gold. He pulled his wife close and hugged her, raining kisses on her face. That evening, they celebrated her pregnancy by having a family dinner at one of the best family restaurants.

The pregnancy proved to be an aphrodisiac for Sharon, and she seemingly bloomed overnight. It had a positive impact on the kids, as well, or rather Jane who was ecstatic, while Jason was seemingly preoccupied in other worldly matters, like his new PlayStation.

"I knew you guys were up to something," Jane would say time and again, tenderly eyeing her mother's swelling belly. Once back from school, she would be always be hovering around her mother, who was carrying her second brother. Needless to say, she had already decided that her younger brother's name would be Dave (school gossip coming home from Jason indicated that was the name of their school's star football player and most of the girls of all ages had a big crush on him, including Jane). Her school grades had also improved since she wanted to finish off everything in time, including school work, and then start taking care of her mother and her coming brother.

Nine months later, Dave joined the Miller family, a healthy seven pounder, with his mother's piercing blue eyes and his father's curly brown hair. From day one, it was evident that he was going to be spoiled rotten between the two women in his young life, and he remained spoiled, in a good way.

The coming of Dave was a boon for Fred's family. He became the center point of the family, with the lives of all the other family members revolving around him. Jane tried to be with her brother as much as possible, and would help her mother take care with his daily bathing, cleaning his ears and changing diapers. While Sharon would be busy breastfeeding Dave, Jane began this daily routine of combing her mother's hair and applying moisturizers to her skin. The mother/daughter bonding grew stronger. As far as Jason was concerned, as long as Dave didn't spill milk or do something worse on his PlayStation, he was cool.

A few months later Fred and Sharon were called to the school by Jane's teacher, though they were not informed of the reason for it. The perplexed parents arrived at the school, only to be greeted by a smiling Ms. Rogers, Jane's teacher, who profusely apologized for calling them at a such abrupt notice and then escorted them to the principal's office.

Ms. Collins stared down at them through her big reading glasses before continuing to finish the work she was doing. She shut the file, and once again surveyed them as though looking for some flaws in their attire before starting the conversation.

"Mr. and Mrs. Miller, I am very happy to see we have such dedicated parents as yourself among us," she said in her thundering voice.

Fred and Sharon stared back at the principal, not sure what to say. Their daughter, being a teenager with rather strong feminist views, they had been anticipating some awkward news.

Ms. Collins once again seemingly frowned at them through her big reading glasses before breaking into a smile.

"Ms. Rogers, why don't you take it up from here," she continued.

Ms. Rogers primed up herself before speaking.

"Some days back we were having a class discussion on women empowerment and emancipation. All the students were asked to give some examples from their personal experience. Turn by turn, the students began dishing off something or the they had seen or experienced, and then it was your daughter's turn," Ms. Rogers said triumphantly, as though everything was clear and transparent.

"And," Sharon prompted, leaning forward at the same time.

"Jane stood up and faced the class and said in a very proud voice that her mother was an entrepreneur of a startup company providing affordable solutions for understanding behaviors to help property owners create a functional room within a building, including the shapes of a room's walls, floors, as well as an equally competent homemaker for her young children and her husband, and performs household chores that include housekeeping, meal planning and preparation, shopping assistance, and routine household activities."

Some of what Fred just heard seemingly went over his head, and he looked at Sharon for a confirmation of what Ms. Rose had said.

"Yes, Mr. Miller, the two of you have set a wonderful example for your children, as is evident from what we have heard from Jane. Children observe their parents and consciously or unconsciously, try to follow in their footsteps. We can see that you two have set excellent standards for your children," Ms. Rogers concluded with a happy smile.

"We are proud of you both and we will be using your example as a role model for other parents," Ms. Collins added and forwarded an envelope containing a letter of appreciation from the school board.

***

That evening, the Millers partied at their home. The kids were allowed to order whatever they wished, from pizzas to sugar loaded sodas, and the TV hours were extended to well past the normal sleeping hours. They hugged each other, and even put on some music for impromptu dancing. After many months, Fred saw his wife laughing and smiling once again. During the entire celebration, Sharon would glance at her husband time and again with a look of having achieved a milestone in her life. Yes, she had worked hard to make amends for her mistake that had put her family in jeopardy. Their rebuilding had been achieved.

That night the children decided to sleep with their mom in their room. Jane chose to sleep on the side where her baby brother's crib was placed. She was her baby brother's self-appointed mother, and tried to be as close to him as possible all the time. Jason was on the other side of his mother, and that meant Fred was shifted by his family to the living room in front of his TV. He didn't mind that; the kids were happy and Sharon was happy and that was all that mattered.

He poured himself a couple of stiff drinks and thought back on all that had transpired in their lives. Sharon had worked hard, no doubt about that, and he was proud of her achievements, both as a homemaker and a business woman. Funnily though, almost two years earlier, if someone had asked this question, he wasn't sure what his answer would have been. Now, even that image of Sharon walking out of that house in Milwaukee didn't hurt that much.

He could still hear Sharon and the kids talking animatedly. He picked up his mobile and made an online purchase of a ruby ring which Sharon would receive the next day from the jeweler shop through a special courier. Next, he booked a room in Hilton for the two of them. The next night he was going to make love to his woman in a very special manner.

Finally, he sent the hotel booking to his wife on WhatsApp with the message, "We have a date tomorrow, Mrs. Miller."

Yes, their rebuilding had been successfully completed.

***

Time seemed frozen as the two looked at each other. Tears were freely flowing down Sharon's cheeks and she was trembling.

"You have known about my affair, but you never confronted me. I'm sad that you know about it and I'm very sorry for the humiliation I heaped upon you, the pain of betrayal," she continued.

"Believe me when I say that I never intended it to happen. There was nothing in... in him that you don't have. You are the best a woman could dream of."

The time had come for the confrontation that had been staved off at the last moment so many years ago.

"I won't ask you how many times you did it with him or did he have a better fucking capacity than me, but I would like to know why. Was there something lacking in me?" Fred asked in a carefully toned voice, trying his best not to allow his pent-up anger spew out.

Sharon turned to look into his face, vigorously shaking her head.

"No, Fred no, you are not to be blamed. There was never anything you lacked, and I mean that in all sense of the term," she replied back quickly.

"So, you were looking for something new?"

"No, Fred, I could never cheat on you and the kids," she vehemently replied.

"But you did, didn't you?"

"Let me try to tell as I can best reason it, Fred. Please be patient with me," she said appealingly. She seemed to have aged in these last few moments.

"Those were the days we had just started building our home. We had recently purchased our four-bedroom house with a lovely backyard where we built a safe playing area for our children. Prior to seeing this house, we had shortlisted a house that was in a comparatively less-affluent area, and cheaper, too. But you wanted the best for your family, you wanted something that had open space for the little children to run and play around and so we selected this house, which met all our requirements though it was costlier, too.

"Some months later you gifted me that brand new Honda SUV, because you didn't like to see me driving a second-hand car. I was thrilled and proudly drove in it to meet my clients at their office. I was on cloud nine."

"What's all this go to do with your stepping out of our marriage?"

Sharon nodded and continued.

"I realized that we weren't saving much because there were so many instalments getting deducted, the house loan, the car loans for both our cars, home appliance loans. After all these deductions, we were not saving much for our future.

"I watched you working your ass off, taking on more and more work so that the bonuses coming your way could help in paying the loans. There were times when you came home from office just to change into fresh clothes and rush off to catch your flight, without having a proper dinner.

"I began worrying about your health, your safety. I knew you were doing all this for us, but I didn't like it. I personally felt your boss was making use of your necessity to earn more by sending the tougher projects your way."

Fred looked up sharply on Sharon voicing his boss's actions. That was something he had also figured out, albeit a bit late.

She took a deep breath before continuing.

"That's when I decided to be with you, shoulder to shoulder. The company was expanding and I started taking on more and more out of town assignments. My boss was happy, as I was one of their better marketing executives, but our lives became more hectic.

"Remember, Fred, there were days when you would be returning by the evening flight and I would be leaving by the very next morning flight?"

Fred nodded. He could barely rest for an hour or so after reaching home before driving Sharon to the airport for her flight.

"It was strenuous, it was tiring, but at the end of the month our bank balance had started increasing by a healthy figure."

Sharon remained silent, breathing heavily, then continued.

"This constant struggle to maintain a balance between responsibilities at home and out of town office meetings began to take its toll on me. I would be fatigued and stressed out. At times I thought of cutting down my business trips, but watching you maintaining your hectic schedule made me determined to carry on, because if I faltered, the responsibility would be solely on your shoulders."

"This is where your boyfriend entered in your life?"

Sharon flinched upon hearing that.

"I guess I deserve that," she replied and nodded her head.

"Jim Thornton worked in our client's office in Milwaukee."

Sharon stopped at this point, looking at Fred to gauge his reaction on her mentioning her boyfriend's name.

Frank didn't respond and kept staring ahead.

"We used to interact every time I was there, as he would be invariably representing his company. He was good in his work and also became our self-appointed guide for his city. After meeting, he would take us to snack shops, places with a good discount on their sales and so on. He was witty and charming, too, and could somehow convince me to do some city strolling, as he put it, and then take the flight home. I... I saw no harm in it as I had time to kill."

By then, Sharon had gone white as a sheet. She had truthfully described to Fred the capabilities of another man who had ultimately bedded her.

Frank mentally re-wound the lines his wife had just said and thought... this fella was a good employee and a suave talker... was this all that was need to make his wife bed him?

She gave out an involuntary sob when she saw her husband clench his fist. Her shoulders stooped in shame.

True to his word, Fred did not intervene and waited for Sharon to continue with her story.

"With these regular interactions, I got to know some things about his life. He had a small daughter at home. He had lost his wife in a car accident some years previously, and was bringing up his daughter alone. This made me start thinking about our kids and the ups and downs we were facing in bringing them up together, and here was this guy who was doing it all alone. My sympathy grew for him, and so did some feeling of caring and I would be frequently asking him about his out of office life."

Sharon didn't look at her husband's face as she said those words, knowing very well that he must be hurting, but she had to come clean.

Fred kept staring ahead with a distant look on his face. It hurt, it really hurt when his wife spoke about the feelings she had developed for another man. How could she have done it?

"Another time we visited the carnival. It had been a long time since I had gone to a carnival and I enjoyed myself tremendously. This was followed in another visit by going to a place playing the Charleston Dance. Jim was witty, charming and I began to see these moments as my "me time" when there were no immediate deadlines to be met and my flight was some hours away in the morning," she said with a bowed head.

"It is from here that things went wrong," she continued.

"I could try and defend myself by saying I had one too many drinks or he was a good seducer, but the truth was I never resisted him. I should have known better, but my head was not in its proper place."

"Was he good in bed?"

On hearing this, Sharon began sobbing uncontrollably as the next part was going to be difficult for her.

"After... after we'd had sex, I would ask myself again and again the same question that you have asked me, why? Believe me when I say there was nothing extraordinary about him, or his... umm, his way of doing things or... or his size. I suppose every time a man and woman... umm... do it, it would be different from that happening with another person, but other than that, there was nothing," Sharon said, all the time looking at her hands resting on her lap.