Wives Explore Sexuality Online

Online Wives Exploring Their Sexuality

The Sex Lives of Married Women over age 35

in Adult/Sex Chatrooms

While languishing alone during the long COVID-19 Pandemic lockdowns, I spent most of my off-work time reading, writing and for social interaction online in the internet with family, friends and in chatrooms.

After reading the books 'The Art of Intimacy' [Simon & Schuster; April 1, 1987] and 'Mating in Captivity' [Harper; September 5, 2006], I gravitated to Adult/Sex Chatrooms to chat with married women over the age 35. I chose these women because I was curious if after many years of marriage they were experiencing any of the many intimacy and married sex problems described in these books.

Apparently, married sex issues aren't readily discussed with spouses, family or friends. So, some women and men go online to Adult/Sex Chatrooms to chat about them and due to the internet disinhibition effect, they readily share the most intimate details of their lives. Of the innumerable women in Adult/Sex Chatrooms only a few (? 1 in 10 or less) were over 35yo and almost all of them were married (or had been).

After countless chats, I discovered that essentially all married-women-over-35yo-in-Adult/Sex-Chatrooms (a very small and select subset of all women!) experienced many of the intimacy and married sex problems noted in the books I had read. More surprisingly, the vast majority were having or had had sex with men other than their husbands as a result.

Most wives had sex with other men because over time their married ('love-making') sex had become routine, lustless and/or less frequent (and for some, absent). It is known that captive animals tend not to mate and for some marriage was captivity that dampened their libidos.

These wives wanted/needed new, curious, playful and creative sex from which they could be sexually satisfied and learn about themselves, their partner and grow. Yet, after years of closeness and familiarity with their husbands exciting new sexual experiences with them seemed impossible. Yet, exciting new sexual experiences were possible with new sex partners predominately due to the unfamiliarity and strangeness of someone new.

In addition, a significant subset of these wives wanted to be 'used for sex', i.e., submissive during sex. In other words, they got sexual pleasure by being used by the man for his sexual pleasure. Hence, they routinely allowed their new 'Alpha/Dom' partners sex acts that they would not allow their husbands such as anal sex, swallowing and 'rimming'. And some of these wives also allowed activities that their husbands were too conventional to do such as Domination/submission sex and sharing her with other men.

A few wives had sex with other men because their husbands were absent a lot traveling or working and they were not getting enough sex. And some wives had husbands who were inept, 'too small' and/or premature ejaculators that did not sexually satisfy them. Finally, a few wives tried but just could not remain monogamous and a handful of wives never were monogamous.

These wives had boyfriends, regular partners, met strangers for random hookups and frequently, some combination of these. Some had very frequent (weekly and even more often) sex with other men while others had only 'very occasional' sex with other men when 'it just happens.' Some had sex only when they or their husband were traveling for business and others had sex during 'girls night out.'

Almost all of these wives stilled loved their husbands and did not want to leave or lose them. But, due to the oppressive nature of their married sex ennui, their need for sexual excitement was too overwhelming to ignore and/or the opportunities for sexual excitement were too readily available to ignore. Many admitted that they would be 'cheating themselves' if they did not have the sex the wanted/needed and/or would have regrets in their old age if they had failed to have it when younger.

Almost all of the husbands did not know of their wives' sex with other men. Some of these wives wished their husbands knew but believed their husbands could not handle it and/or their marriage would not survive it. Some wives 'caught cheating' were forgiven only to cheat again. On the other hand, a few wives just needed and cherished their secret 'other life'.

Nevertheless, a significant minority of husbands did know because these married couples were 'open', swingers, had threesomes and 'moresomes', attended adult theater/bookstores and more. Not infrequently, they tailored their sexual encounters to meet their sexual exploration desires and fantasies. For example, a common fantasy for one or both was for the wife to have sex with a 'much bigger [penis]' man, i.e., a 'BBC' or 'BWC'.

Curiously, for a significant minority of these married couples it was only the wife who has sex with others. This frequently evolved from swinging, threesomes, etc. when the husband stops participating and wants/lets his wife continue.

Occasionally, since it is not an uncommon sex fantasy, a husband asks his faithful wife to have sex with other men. Compersion, often called the opposite of jealousy, is pleasure associated with one's partner romantic or sexual pleasure with another and the primary reason husbands ask their wives to do it.

Usually shocked by their husband's request, almost all of their wives hesitated. And after various lengths of time (from days to years), many finally agreed and are 'shared' with other men. Ironically, in hindsight almost all these wives admit to regret hesitating.

A husband watching his wife have sex with another man and/or hearing details of his wife's sex date almost always experiences intense physical and mental sexual arousal. The mental arousal is long-lasting resulting in married sex becoming physically exciting again even when their wife was shared just once (and even if just shared in a fantasy). Hence, many husbands repeatedly share their wives since it leads to repeated intense arousal for both. Paradoxically, wife 'sharing' not only improves their married sex but it frequently improves their marital relationship.

Infrequently, due to her married sex ennui, it is the wife's idea to be 'shared'. Many husbands readily agree due to compersion or are subsequently convinced due to other reasons such as recalcitrant erectile dysfunction, micropenis and sexual ineptitude among other reasons.

Yet, some husbands agree because they crave the humiliation experienced when their wives have sex with other men. Hence, many of their wives increase her husband's desired humiliation by enlisting "their Bull's" help. Paradoxically, most humiliated ('submissive cuckold') husbands stop having sex with their wives and her only sex is with 'our Bull'. And almost none would change their arrangements.

Only rarely did a wife report her husband is a wittol or wittold, i.e., a husband who is aware of his wife's unfaithfulness and tolerates it.

A wife 'shared' by her husband for sex with other men is unsurprisingly called a 'shared wife' but she is also commonly called a 'Hot Wife'. Although the wife is technically adulterous, i.e., having voluntary sexual intercourse with a man not her spouse, the husband is technically not a cuckold since his wife is not being unfaithful (especially when she is making his fantasy real).! Nevertheless, many husbands of Hot Wives choose to label themselves Cuckolds or 'Cucks'. Since some Cuckqueans, i.e., wives whose husbands have sex with other women, know and feel compersion sharing their husbands they also technically not Cuckqueans. Since these spouses feel compersion, I suggest a better label for them would be "Comperson'.

Some husbands watch (and even video!) their shared wives having sex with other men and a few even participate. Other shared wives 'date n tell', i.e., have a sex date and on return tell her husband the details of her date. Most shared wives did both.

In summary, online wives over 35yo in Adult/Sex Chatrooms have many married sex issues and most are having or have had sex with other men as a result of them.