All Comments on 'Women and I'

This is NOT a new story. The story was taken down because one character was underage, so I made the correction and requested them to post it again. Somewhere, somehow they made a mistake and posted it as a new story. And the title is Women and I. I don't know what happened to the title. Will request them to correct the title. Thank you!

You have obviously never been to Kiribati. It is an atoll. There is no local wine. The beaches are strewn with rubbish and there is no tourist attractions.

Alright! Now the 3 women need to fly back home with little extra passengers in their wombs after continually being barebacked & loaded for the rest of the vacation after he refuses to use condoms. That is truly what they all 4 accept & want. He needs to take control of the situation & possess his new harem. More raw fucking & breeding. My suggestion would by to change to new paragraphs when jumping from one location, situation, time frame or action to another. It gets a little confusing if you don't break them apart. I do like it. Keep the chapters cumming. 5☆

"...Mom wearing a one-piece bikini and Allison in a two-piece bikini..."

.

So, is Mom topless (wearing just the panty part) or bottomless (wearing only the bra)? A bikini is pretty much by definition a two-piece bathing suit.

.

Too many commas and run on sentences.

You softened the prose in the beginning but you were describing rape. then "pre-cum", "like an expert" and "like a pro". Allow me to paraphrase: the main character suffers from misogyny, ego issues (call a spade a spade: premature ejaculation), and he looks down on the women with whom he has been intimate (like an expert [sexworker], like a pro [fessional sexworker]) whore and again whore. Nice plot, fair dialog, and yet still could have been a much better read.

Ridiculously written by a ten year old I think!