Woody 01

Woody 01

So, hey there, I'm Woody and I've had the luxury of transitioning almost hassle free since as far back as I can remember and I love that for me. I mean, I had to insert the word "almost" in that statement, for sure, but for the most part, I've had it pretty easy since I've rarely been bashed or trashed and I'm pretty sure that's not the normal for people like me.

Another luxury I've always had is to be included in all the Reindeer games. I mean, technically, I have a crew and they have always treated me pretty well and maybe I don't sit in first class on my crew's airline flights, but I'm not in the last row either, so, I have little to complain about. And if it sounds like I'm complaining as my story goes on, I mean, drop me a comment on my Chang page and call me out then. But don't you dare say anything if I try to be more of the center of attention outside of my crew! We all have multiple sides of our lives and I deserve things exactly the same you as deserve them, so.

Also, tee he, don't you dare call me out for my failures because we all go through those learning curves too!

Anyways, my dark hair is courtesy of Millie at the Hair Salon and my fashion is courtesy of the day of the week it is and I wear the styles of Denim that I can comfortably wear and I actually wished that I had a spare set of legs because I do well in shorts, but it's a dream to stretch out the thigh seams of a pair of long leg jeans.

So, the reindeer games, right? You know, things like game days, group movie nights, hanging out on the Strip, tee he, in the nerd sections and crew activities like that. And my highlight here is that I might one of the few trans people like me who can actually get into a running car with two or three other guys and not wake up half naked on the banks of the Middleton River the next morning! Which, if you know anything about the dangers of transitioning, that's gold, pure gold.

Anyways, my point is that I have the luxury of side seat or back seat riding with my crew to any of the reindeer games without much fear as opposed to driving by myself and that's another pot of gold.

(And some of the aging Tranny's, who work the Cottonwood Street alley, sleep half naked on the banks of the Middleton River afterwards anyways, so.)

Moving on then, so, hm, boyfriends, right? Meh. I mean, I have my share of outsiders who want what they want from me, but I'm comfortable with things these days, so, no dedicated boyfriends, but I'm as friendly as I can be when the moment feels right, I guess.

Well, I do have, um, well, I did have this one guy, tee he, my 20 paces guy, who, um, well, he started it and I tried to investigate it and here's how that went on one of our movie nights recently when we all went to watch the 20th release of the "I'm not Screaming, You're Screaming" movie franchise.

"That's one ticket for "Scream Once More & I'll Cut You Again" and $5 back in change and your 20 paces crush is here already, Woody, so?"

Like there is any such thing as a 20 paces crush! With the name of Gino because my 20 paces crush's name was Tyler. And our standoff was exactly 10 paces each, but in my favor because I at least twist on the balls of my feet in Tyler's direction when he would check me out, which he did do, like every time, which means he started it, the end.

"And next time, Woody, pick a side of your mouth for your beauty spot dot and stick with it because one time, it's on the left and then the next time it's on the right and guys get confused very easily, so."

Well, that's not my fault because sometimes I use different mirrors in my house everybody knows that no two mirrors reflect back exactly the same, right?

[Blinks blankly a couple of times, but then decides to finally close the 20 paces gap]

"Oh, I mean, hi, because I mean, hey there because I mean, I'm only closing the gap tonight so you can freely state if you have more than three things that you don't like about me because your two eyes say it differently, so, um, hi because, um, I'll start by saying that I toned down my cheeks shading by a factor of three tonight by going from red "flushed" to just flesh "blushed" and now it's your turn, Tyler, so?"

I mean, this is part in the movie when the hero caves in and confesses his true and undying feelings and then the movie ends with a house and a white picket fence in the country side, right? Especially since I had the best lines in the movie script, right, folks?

"For one, you're a Boi boy and for two, I'm not that way and for three, we should widen the gap to 26 paces, 13 paces each and in my favor, Woody, so?"

Well, that was disheartening. But not too unusual for people like me, I suppose. But at least he said my name out loud, right? I mean, even the smallest of wins count. Except for how brutal that was, which is exactly the same as "bye forever" and that's that.

[Scream, stab, run, trip with table, scream, stab, run, scream, stab, slam door on face, run, scream, stab]

Well, I guess all you need is an original script, an eraser and a pencil to keep the franchise going, right?

Anyways, that was one example of my failures, just FYI.

[Weep, incoming apology text from the 20 to 26 paces crush]

"Don't lose my number, Woody!"

[Whoop, hah, an expanding the pace space response!]

Well, never mind since I didn't delete his number from my phone. Um, moving on again because what's important is that I'm a member of the crew and another member of my crew, Carl, was due over to pick me up for a trip to the grocery store for game day food because, ahem, I can get into a running car with my guys without fear!

[Knock, knock, the front door opens with gleeful anticipation because it may not have been properly stated above that Woody is a gleeful Trap]

"Ta, da, come on in, oh, oh, Robert, I mean, oh, Robert, it's you instead of Carl then, um, did that sound less then gleeful because I really didn't mean it that way, so, um, come in because I need a moment more to finish getting ready, um, come inside."

Disclaimer, I mean, Tranny "I need a moment more" is exactly the same as real girl time, so.

"Oh, I mean, Woody, am I confused or are we buying groceries from the club, huh?"

"Hush, I just a quick moment to dab this, swipe that and apply my dot, so..."

[Muffled bickering from next door, bicker, bicker, bicker, bicker, bicker, bicker]

"Oh, distract yourself for a moment with the muffled bickering, Robert and I'll just be a jiff."

"I mean, what the hell is that bickering anyways then, Woody, huh? And the word jiff will come up again later, so."

"LOL, oh, it's just the usual, Robert because Mrs. Dexter probably only bought a half of a 12-pack of beer and then probably Mr. Dexter isn't too happy about that, so, one moment more please and thank you."

"Oh, I mean, so, Mrs. Dexter just bought a 6-pack of beer then, huh?"

"That's what I just said, Robert, since six is half of twelve. Anyways, take a peek out of my living room's side window if you want to because that Mrs. Dexter loves to bicker while wearing something totally inappropriate, tee he."

LOL, guys, right? No matter how late we're running for the grocery store, there's always time for a quick peek at a 40 something woman bickering with her lousy hubby over six missing beers as long as she's wearing something less than appropriate!

But on the other hand, right? I mean, a Tranny like me is never "almost" ready to go and we use those few extra peeking moments to our advantage, tee he, you know, for beauty dots and shiny lips. And by the way, duh, I now use the same mirror each and every time to dot my beauty spot on the left side of my mouth! Wait, if I'm looking into a mirror, then my right is my left and vice versus, um, um, it's on the same side every time now and that's all that matters! Sheesh.

"Ta, da! I'm ready to go, Robert!"

And since my brutal "three reasons why" rejection from 20 -- 26 space paces, Tyler, I've gone back to my three shades redder cheeks. Not that I didn't have a couple of days during the week where flesh blush cheeks were the normal, so.

"And does the word jiff have to do with anything, hmm, Robert?"

"Bah, bah, bah, this is not how I remember trips to the grocery store, Woody, but I'm not complaining, although I might be wondering if "jiff" can be our, um, our secret word or something, I mean, um, you know, a code word or something, so, um, huh?"

"I mean, Robert, why would we need a secret code word like "jiff" anyways, hmm? What the hell are you thinking, hmm? And you better come up with like three reasons so that I have time to think about things because I think you're about to cross a crew rule line (gulp), so?"

"Ah-hah! Because for one, you're the one who showed me how I had French kissing all wrong and..."

Well, Robert didn't have French kissing all wrong, I mean, he had like three out of five things right, but he failed to consider that we all have bendable wrists, elbows, knees and hips and body movements go right along with a good kiss, so.

"And for two, technically, I'm on the side left, side, side, side right of the crew and..."

I mean, technically and all, I suppose.

"And for three, Woody, I'm interested in having sex with you three different ways and "jiff" is a good code word for sneaking off somewhere and..."

Hm, mouth, that's one and ugh, smash face down, that's two, ugh, ugh and since the threads on Chang have officially tagged hand jobs as every other month change it up spice sex and nothing more then, um, what's three then, hmm?

"Robert, this is all crazy because for one, my mouth..."

"Aha, aha, aha."

"And for two, I mean, smash face down and all..."

"Aha, aha, aha."

"Um, duct tape & rope..."

[Pouts]

"Um, feet..."

[Pouts]

"I mean, some people like it up against the..."

[Pouts]

"Ooh, um, I mean, tag teaming, two on one is overrated and all..."

"Aha, aha, aha!"

Needless to say, I did not go to the grocery store with Robert, but I did send out a crew group text and clearly announced that Robert needed to be placed on the outside looking in.

Two on one tag teaming, hah! I mean, I didn't mind Jiff, but that's all.

And maybe I spent the non-grocery store time searching Robert's Chang homepage to find his preferred partner who might want me tag teaming naked on my hands and knees, but I swear it, it was only for informational purposes only.

And I came up with three possible candidates. Possible, mind you.

End Woody 01