All Comments on 'Worth Getting Up For'

Technically your writing is quite impeccable but this is very hard to read without getting bogged down in a zillion adjectives and adverbs. I don't think there's one noun that is not preceeded by two or even three adjectives. It's dizzying. I gave up. Hard edit is needed to pare down and streamline.

loved it

Like your style, better to read slowly

Anon #2 got it perfectly right - I know I use descriptive words *a lot* but I also love enveloping the reader into a scene, or at least I try to, and reading slower and really taking your time is absolutely something I would suggest. I don't write stories for people to rush right through, at least on a first pass, and I really try to create a rhythm and pattern that I hope brings you into the scene even further. I know my overly descriptive writing isn't for everyone, and I know I still have a lot to learn, so Anon #1, I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it, but thank you for reading and giving it a chance in the first place.

A run of the mill lesbian/ incest story. More wordy than I care for tho. Just how HUGE busted are these two? Only thing of interest here to me and I dearly prefer A/B sizes.

1 star

DragonRider55

I understand that’s your style, and you do you. It was still a good story to read however it would be much more enjoyable if it wasn’t harder than reading the government polices (Keep in mind government policies just really state the policy not how to abide by it which makes it REAL a difficult)

I really recommend you look up an article on Sentence Variety. The basics are that there are many - MANY studies that show that humans just can't read long, run on sentences. Especially not run-on after run-on after run-on.

There should really only be one or two commas for every period in your paragraphs. This will create a "flow". A cadence that is easy to digest.

If ever you find yourself hitting that comma key over and over, consider trimming the sentence down. Or maybe moving words around so that your one long sentence becomes two, more easily digestible sentences.

Another thing is your desire to be immersive by using too many words.

There are countless novice writers who make the mistake that "more words = more immersion."

Immersion comes from the quality of the story, and the pace it is told at. Read more books, and REALLY pay attention at how often you get lost in the story. Turning page after page; eager to know what's next. When you reach that state, pay attention to just how sparse the sentences are. How few words the author really needs to bring you into their world.

A story with too little description, indeed, is hard to become lost in. But too much description is tedious to get through. Reading your story begins to feel more like a chore where it should be a joy.

- A random author on literotica

Loved the story. Insanely hot. Would love to read a follow up. Letting them have some proper sex, maybe adding a strap on!

@There_itis Thank you so much! :D I'm so happy you enjoyed reading it <3

Maybe the hottest thing I've ever read. And it was all a dream in the end? I need more!

@Anonymous: :O That is one heck of a compliment! I'm super happy to hear you liked it so much!

The actions described were all in Brecca's mind, yes, but there important part is that these thoughts were there in the first place, and that she found them so enjoyable... And could lay the foundation for these dreams becoming much more real in the future :)

Thank you again for the very kind words and for commenting! :D

Contrary to popular belief, there is in fact more than one writing style. Anon72818 is under the impression that their preferred style of wordcraft is the best and only way to write. One need look no further than The Bard himself to put the lie to that idea. Sure, many people don't like Shakespeare's choice of flowery language, but a great many people LOVE it and have done so for hundreds of years.

Let Anon72818 read their Curious George style of story time with simple words that are easy for people with the attention span of a goldfish to absorb before forgetting them just as quickly. You stick to what YOU like, what I would call literary poetry; evocative and descriptive enough to let the reader swim in your story. Other than the obsession with excessively large breasts, (which as a woman with a C cup married to a woman with a DD I know are more trouble than they're worth) this story was highly erotic. I found myself wondering if Maya has the same kind of dreams.

One criticism: at the end the line "they didn't need one." is easily confusing. I know you're talking about the alarm, but it's unclear. An editor could catch things like this to help add a polish to your wonderfully evocative writing. I hope to see more of this story!

Hello anonymous! Thank you so much for the detailed comment! I absolutely appreciate what you said about my style of writing, I know it can be a bit... much :), but I can't imagine writing differently, I just love sentences and paragraphs that really suck you in, don't let you go, and then counterparting them (when appropriate) with short bursts that then have even greater impact--I'm very happy my overly-descrptive style worked for you, and that you took the time to let me know, that was such a fun comment to read!

Sorry that the last line didn't land, just uh, pretend it's better then it is xD This was originally written as a gift to the artist and creator of Maya and Brecca, so I honestly never really thought about sending it through any kind of editor process-welp! :D

Be sure to check out their artist pages out on the internets, if you haven't already, to see why their chests were written as they were--Who am I to subvert overly-generous genetics!? :D

Thank you again for writing, and I hope you check out my ongoing story, also available here to read, there's a lot more of that same kind of writing there, I can promise that! :)

More! More! More! What about a sequel from Maya's point of view?

@Anonymous, that's actually a pretty great idea!

Ooh, how about making it a trilogy? You could maybe do Maya dreaming about a shower turned steamy ("worth staying up for?"), then a third where the sisters finally realize and act on their feelings in real life ("worth living for?")

(this is, of course, pure greed on my part)

That was pretty good. But I've got a hangup over short one page quickies. Even though I wrote Lisa & Kurt as a one page story, as a general rule they are not satisfying and disappointing. I only gave you a 4/5 because there’s not an option to give you a 4.5.

@ScottishTexan Thank you for taking the time to comment on this short story; this was originally written as a gift, and was meant going in to be a much shorter tale than anything Vicki related... but as mentioned above in other comments, there is still room to expand and explore, and this vignette doesn't have to be the very end of the story! I very much appreciate the high rating and kind words!