by ArtemisLover
Hard to see where you're going with this, but it's got potential.
This was great, but you need to edit and cut the paragraphs a bit shorter. Still I thought it was one of the best on the site, at least recently. So keep up the good writing, but edit the damn thing.
EDIT!!! Just in the first 4-5 lines there are words missing from the sentences, not to mention grammar and punctuation. I gave up reading about half way through.