by amepacul
@Phoneix_Luster.
What makes you think you have the right to criticize anyone's writing when yours isn't good?
FYI, instead of saying I've never written anything, Google my username. You'll get a list of sites with my stories, pirated from this site before I took them down. Some of the results even have the stories that you can read, and at least one site has the ratings and scores on it.
It was not his sister blowing him, his sister is a phsyco slut brought a friend over to blow him dry
If this is a hook, fantastic. If it is the summation of your entire intended creation, it's shit. Also, as a person who possesses an expansive vocabulary, consider using less inappropriate words and more that build the story. Less is more in most cases. "incarcerate" in reference to a penis as it is penetrating a vagina is just a weak attempt to appear polished and creative without actually knowing the meaning of such a verb. Even in the vaguest of considerations a penis that is connected to another person can not be confined, imprisoned, or jailed by a vagina. Unless your intent is to convey the illiteracy of the charactor.
Fantastic 'dream'?
Really a pleasure to read and, having done so, have a request. Might you exchange one 'sleeve'? I believe the term is only used twice, but both in one paragraph.
Demonstrably great way to awaken.