All Comments on 'Yearning'

It seemed like a long prelude and short erotic segment. The word snaking was used three times. All in all a good story. It satisfied in the end.

You make a fair point, Anonymous! I’d be hard pressed to disagree. I think it may be the danger of writing a character based on real people. But I enjoyed writing it and am glad to get it out into the world! I’ve got more in the works that will be more traditional fare for this site. Thanks for the feedback!

So far tonight, I have read 5 stories, and yours spoke to me a little more than others. I don't mind 'real-world' endings, just as I don't mind fantasy types. It is a shame that you can't find further help, but I think you do a fine job.You're not alone in the boat of needing an editor, fear not, many of us understand the frustration. Many of us also understand, not all stories will be approved, but you keep writing until something resonates. Sometimes, you just have to roll the dice and see what happens. I liked how your story flowed, your descriptions were nice. I agreed with most of your tags, but I might have added something like one-time experience, or something about your overall theme, which did include summer, but seemed to be about a brief but deep connection. It is true, how brief some of the best memories can be, and often people won't realize that until at a later point in life. I hope this will give you confidence to keep trying. You seem skilled enough to do other stories and I can't speak for other people, but I hope other stories of yours will get approved just so we can see what you come up with. Sometimes you have to give people a chance.

I'm actually very open to other people's work, but that's just me. You did manage to capture my imagination, which is probably the most important thing you can and should expect from your readers. I hope this brightens your day. I am honest, but also fair, and I don't give my opinions without some fore-thought. I think about theme, and how well a story was written, and how it made me feel, and I think you accomplished all that quite nicely, even if you feel you needed further editing help. It is unlikely most people will get any to be honest, but we can all help each other the best we can. Sometimes just finding a group of peers can be far more helpful than someone who only looks at the first page...just saying many of them do, but peers will really invest the time to help out because they are losing nothing except a little time.

I suggest that instead of the willy-nilly use of a thesaurus, you add the use of a dictionary to verify the synonymy every time you venture to a thesaurus. So many examples of incorrect usage makes the flowers in flowery writing die.

Verbosity for the sake of verbosity does not increase the value of a literary work.

Somehow I found real passion coming out in this story. Yes, there may have been a few technical issues, but I enjoyed it very much. A connection to real life is refreshing and a welcome break from what is so often unbelievable.