- Erotic Couplings
- Yearning
- Page 2
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Click hereInstead of continuing, Charlotte reminded herself this was about her. She slid up his shaft, mouth leaving with a small pop, turned over, and plopped down on the pillows at the head of the bed. She slowly opened her knees in an invitation to Gabe to worship her body. She smiled indolently with a challenge in her eyes. Gabe paused to admire her body, eyes sweeping over her before leaning down to explore her mouth with his, working his way inexorably towards her aching core.
Charlotte muffled a scream, biting her arm when Gabe's tongue finally made contact with her clit. His fingers slipped into her soaked pussy, adding pressure to the movements of his tongue. Charlotte's fingers snaked through his curls of their own volition, intending to hold him exactly where he was, determined to pull him away when the pleasure heightened to just the right side of too much.
Charlotte tumbled over the precipice, her head arched back, body spasming. Slow pulses reverberated around his fingers, and his head rose, grinning and coated in her juices. Gabe positioned himself at her entrance, pausing for permission. Charlotte pulled him into her, needing to feel his fullness within her. She tumbled into pleasure over and over, soaking the sheets beneath them as he surged within her. Their bodies remembered each other, already having explored each other's secrets. Only when she lay limp, whimpering in defeat from overwhelming pleasure did he groan out his own release. Gabe pulled her to his hard chest, and they let exhaustion pull them into sleep's oblivion.
Charlotte's heart ached the next morning when she woke up beside Gabe and carefully slid out of bed, beginning the surreptitious search for her clothes. He began to stir while she dressed, cracking his eyes open and blinking against the bright shaft of sun peeking through the hotel's curtains. Charlotte leaned over and brushed his unruly, golden curls from his face one last time, kissing his forehead.
She retreated out the door, silent tears slipping down her cheeks in both gratitude and grief. A sorrow that she had never experienced even this amount of kindness and consideration at the hands of any of the lovers who came before. Regret that she and Gabe were simply not meant to be. And an acceptance that this experience belonged to the unique humid hum of summer nights outside the flow of time. She was grateful to experience this night with Gabe- that he had shared this gift with her. A gift to aid in kindling hope in a future where the darkness did not consume but instead served only to define the light.
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Thanks again for reading, voting, and commenting. I hope you enjoyed it despite the real-life ending! I have had difficulty finding someone to help me edit my stories. I have many I am working on. If you would have any interest, I'd be very grateful to hear from you in order to improve.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 3 years agoSomehow I found real passion coming out in this story. Yes, there may have been a few technical issues, but I enjoyed it very much. A connection to real life is refreshing and a welcome break from what is so often unbelievable.
cageysea9725over 3 years agoI suggest that instead of the willy-nilly use of a thesaurus, you add the use of a dictionary to verify the synonymy every time you venture to a thesaurus. So many examples of incorrect usage makes the flowers in flowery writing die.
Verbosity for the sake of verbosity does not increase the value of a literary work.
rubricaover 3 years agoSo far tonight, I have read 5 stories, and yours spoke to me a little more than others. I don't mind 'real-world' endings, just as I don't mind fantasy types. It is a shame that you can't find further help, but I think you do a fine job.You're not alone in the boat of needing an editor, fear not, many of us understand the frustration. Many of us also understand, not all stories will be approved, but you keep writing until something resonates. Sometimes, you just have to roll the dice and see what happens. I liked how your story flowed, your descriptions were nice. I agreed with most of your tags, but I might have added something like one-time experience, or something about your overall theme, which did include summer, but seemed to be about a brief but deep connection. It is true, how brief some of the best memories can be, and often people won't realize that until at a later point in life. I hope this will give you confidence to keep trying. You seem skilled enough to do other stories and I can't speak for other people, but I hope other stories of yours will get approved just so we can see what you come up with. Sometimes you have to give people a chance.
I'm actually very open to other people's work, but that's just me. You did manage to capture my imagination, which is probably the most important thing you can and should expect from your readers. I hope this brightens your day. I am honest, but also fair, and I don't give my opinions without some fore-thought. I think about theme, and how well a story was written, and how it made me feel, and I think you accomplished all that quite nicely, even if you feel you needed further editing help. It is unlikely most people will get any to be honest, but we can all help each other the best we can. Sometimes just finding a group of peers can be far more helpful than someone who only looks at the first page...just saying many of them do, but peers will really invest the time to help out because they are losing nothing except a little time.
Driftwood1over 3 years agoAuthorYou make a fair point, Anonymous! I’d be hard pressed to disagree. I think it may be the danger of writing a character based on real people. But I enjoyed writing it and am glad to get it out into the world! I’ve got more in the works that will be more traditional fare for this site. Thanks for the feedback!
Anonymousover 3 years agoIt seemed like a long prelude and short erotic segment. The word snaking was used three times. All in all a good story. It satisfied in the end.
