Yogabot Pt. 06

In spite of myself, I was nervous. I was scared of what it might tell me about myself. I was nervous that I may have been too aggressively submissive (it that a thing?) and maybe drove him to retreat.

On a more practical level, I was nervous that I would get the timing of the video wrong and drop like a rock into trance every time, never knowing what he told me. Part of me wanted that. That part wanted to reinforce it until I lost myself completely. That made me even more worried.

I muted the video until I saw him snap. I didn't even hear it and I started to drop from just seeing it. But it was not as intense and I was able to resist the urge to drop completely.

When I unmuted, he was deepening the trance. Again, I had to keep shaking my head hard to not find myself going back down the stairway into the darkness. Somehow I managed.

What followed was more conversational. He told me that I would have no problem answering without waking -- as if I were talking in my sleep and was lost in a wonderful dream -- and that I would answer honestly, without even thinking about my replies. The replies, he said, would come from deep inside me, below the level of conscious thought, and simply be instinct.

I heard myself on video answer simply and without emotion, as if I were drugged or perhaps just completely dreamy.

"When you told me about last night, you said you slid to your knees. Do you remember that feeling?"

"Yes."

"At that moment, you were feeling very, very submissive, weren't you?"

"Yes."

"You can return to that moment, to that feeling, anytime you like. And I can help you, if you want. I can give you a phrase that I can say that will take you right back. Would you like that?"

"Yes."

"You would really like that, even knowing that I could use it any time I wanted to make you feel completely submissive and surrender yourself to me?"

"Yes."

"Even though you know that you could not resist it?"

"Yes."

"And when you were in that state, the only thing that would matter would be obedience. And it would define you, wouldn't it?"

"Yes."

"You know that you can respond even more intensely. What you felt last night, when you were feeling so very submissive, is really just a small shadow of what you can feel and will feel in the future, when I bring you back to that state. It will be many times more intense and many times more complete. But being in that place may feel wonderful to you. Yet, some people would be nervous about giving that power to another. Are you?"

"No."

"And do you want to give me, and only me, the ability to take you back there whenever I want?"

"Yes."

"And when I say it, you will let it go deep inside you. You will not only surrender as a submissive. But you will surrender anything but submission. When I say this phrase, you will return to the submissive place -- the subspace -- and in that place you will be free from any inhibitions blocking your natural desires regarding submission. That is really what this phrase will do. It will not make you submissive or even more submissive. It will just remove the blocks that keep you from expressing it. In a way, this subspace will free you. It will allow you to let your inner desires out without worry about social convention or whatever other limits you place on yourself. In a way, you have been needing this subspace, haven't you?"

"Yes."

The video held my attention completely. I was enthralled by my reactions and his words. My brain stretched to absorb what he had said. This time, it was not a hypnosis or submissive attention. However, it was just as compelling. My jaw actually dropped when I realized that he had never commanded me to obey him in subspace. He had simply gotten me to agree to drop my reservations and be what I wanted to be all along.

It explained everything. This was always what I had craved. Instinctively, I had known it all along. He did not make me do this. He simply released me from my own hesitation.

A dam of emotions burst inside me as I realized this, releasing a flood of thoughts in my brain. In spite of this, I did not feel confused, but felt a strange sense of peace. This was not only about unbelievable arousal or intense orgasms. It was not even only about Mark, although he was the key to the lock that had held this in place for so long. Really, it was about me. It was about the need to feel safe giving myself completely, without the constraints I had carefully erected to keep myself safe. It was about becoming the person I already was, but had not yet to embrace.

It explained why I had known all this even before watching the video. Mark had released my subconscious desires, but the desires were always mine.

As the thoughts flew like lightning in my mind, connecting various parts of my life that had seemed unconnected, so many things made sense. I had, indeed, been looking for this in every dating relationship I had entered, only to be disappointed by the responses of my lovers. And now, here was Mark, taking, but not demanding, opening the door, without breaking in.

I was wondering why I had never noticed this before when I heard Mark's voice on the video resume.

"I know. It came out last night. And it will come out again when I say Subspace now, Kendra --".

I felt the effect immediately even though I knew he was not in the room.

"-- and when only I say Subspace now, Kendra --"

By the time I heard this I was already on my knees, head bowed, hands behind my back. I was completely aware of everything going on around me, and felt completely in control of myself. I knew he was not in the room. I knew he couldn't see me. It made no difference. I wanted to be on my knees. I wanted to be his completely.

Now, I understood this better. Being this way was like a release. It was as if I could take off a mask and show what was underneath for the first time in my life. What made it even sweeter was that my Owner supported me in this, He gave me permission. He pulled me out of my shell.

I heard his voice speaking on the audio. I paid close attention to each word. I was not entranced, as I was when he had recorded this. Instead, I felt the need to consciously devote myself to each and every instruction, as if I could finally find myself if I could flawlessly follow all his guidance.

Then, a strange thing happened. He was explaining how I could return to the state I was in outside of subspace if I wanted when he said "Return to me, Kendra".

When I heard the "return" trigger, I expected to feel the submissive feelings drain for me and to be more aware of other priorities. It did not happen. I had no desire to get off my knees. I kept my head bowed. I kept my intense focus on his words. My arms stayed clasped behind my back.

I realized that his words were the key: I could return, if I wanted. I did not want. I was content to be here, even though he was not even in the room. I smiled gently while I was listening.

He had restated the trigger effects a few times and encouraged me to deepen them. I listened intently.

Then I nearly fell over when he introduced the "good girl" phrase, it would be a sign that I had done well and pleased him. And that this would drive my feelings out, making my body and my emotions respond in whatever way I felt was correct -- whatever way my subconscious instincts told me I should respond.

He repeated it a few times during the session.

"Good girl."

"Good girl."

"Good girl."

And each time I felt the throb of the near orgasm combined with a deep sense of contentment and pride. Even though I knew he was not directly saying it to me, since it was a video, I also knew that I was in the right place. Had he been here, I was convinced he would have been pleased.

He brought me out of trance in the video.. "1....2... 3... 4... 5..." and I hesitantly paused the playback.

I wanted to continue. I knew what was next. He would trigger me into subspace and I would strip topless and touch myself for him. I wanted that, even though I knew he was not here to release me and grant me orgasm. So I would be frustrated and aroused all night.

But my fiendish mind had concocted another diabolical plan to remove any resistance I may have had left.

When I was in college, some of our friends had started a band. Since I have the musical ability of a doorknob, I found another way to help. Being a bit savvy with technical skills, I offered to edit some audio and video for them to put online as advertisement. The band fell apart before even playing its initial concert, but I kept the software I used and the memory of how to use it.

Pulling the laptop over to my kneeling space, I stayed on the floor -- it seemed somehow the right place to be -- and adjusted so that I could decrease the stress on my injured knee. And I started to work at editing the video from the prior night.

I tried hard to avoid getting accidentally tranced by the triggers, and failed several times. But with a bit of work and another glass of wine, I was able to export an audio consisting of almost all the suggestions he had given me under trance. At the beginning of the file and several times later, I added the trance triggers he had used, both his finger snaps and his verbal trigger ("Drop for me Kendra"). And scattered throughout, I put the suggestions. On a whim, I removed all the times he woke me from the trance, so that, hypothetically, I would remain in this state forever after listening. I had done enough reading on my quick, deep dive into hypnosis research to know that I would eventually wake from the trance at some point, but had no real idea about how long that would take.

I have always played mental games with myself. I told myself I wasn't really going to listen to this. And I told myself it would likely not work anyway. Then I told myself maybe I would only listen once, so I would likely be out for a few minutes after it ended but wake naturally then, if it even worked. "Just for fun", I told myself, "I will put it on my phone. I won't use it, but knowing it is there is kind of a mental turn on."

It was late, since I had spend all evening zapped out, either in trance or in subspace. I texted Mark as I was getting ready for bed and told him he was welcome to stop by and stay as long as he'd like. He replied with a picture of a group of his coworkers at a restaurant, saying that it was the obligatory post-project bonding time. But he was looking forward to our date Saturday at six PM. I thought it was cute that he specifically reminded me of the time, and my submissive side made a mental note to be ready exactly then and not a moment later. I thought about texting him a selfie with just my bra-less white t-shirt an underwear covering me, but decided against it.

Instead, I crawled into bed and slowly started to masturbate thinking of my experiences of the last few days and of the audio file now on my phone, ready to take me back there. I teased that I would only listen once before I slept, but I knew that was not true.

I was already aroused. I pulled my fingers out of my panties to my lips and sucked them, the way I had done the night before while I had stared him in the eye. Tasting my own juices had never been a special turn on for me, but with him, everything was different. I knew it would turn him on. I remembered seeing the bulge in his jeans and knowing I had affected him.

I started to get lost in the arousal as my higher faculties shut down. I pulled my fingers back out of my dripping pussy to reach my nightstand and slide my earbuds in. Then started to finger myself again, while I imaging what would happen if I started that file. I knew it would take me down again.

And I knew, from my feverish reading a few days ago, that the more I repeated the trances and instructions, the deeper and stronger they would be. Repetition would hammer them into my subconscious, driving out any left-over resistance. In truth, I suspected there was no left-over resistance. But the idea of listening over and over again, making them lock into my brain like iron, brought me almost to the edge of orgasm. Perhaps, if I did listen a couple more times before our date, I would be truly broken, any shards of the old Kendra gone completely. I told myself that I had no plans of doing that, but "just for fun" I told myself, I would take my phone and queue it up and lay it next to me. It would, I lied to myself, make the orgasm better.

I glanced at my phone. On a whim, after telling myself I was not going to really listen anyway, I tapped repeat with one hand, while my other rubbed my clit.

I laid the phone down on the bed next to me, as I started to crest the wave of a slow, gentle orgasm, imagining what a complete, mindless slut I would become if my hands slipped and I started the playback accidentally. After hours of conditioning, repeating over and over, speaking directly to my core, I would be his puppet. I would likely lose myself completely. I felt like I was walking the edge of danger as I was walking the edge of climax. Even convincing myself that I would not actually start the audio, the sense of risk was somehow arousing.

I felt the orgasm rising. I was teasing it. If I just kept up what I was doing for a few more seconds, I would cum.

I glanced over at the phone.

I tapped "play".

I was gone.