You Can't Do That on TV - Truth Pt. 02

You Still Can't Do That On Television

Season #1 - Episode #8

"Truth & Paranoia"

By

Kelsey Rose

PART 2:

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2.1 BARTH'S BURGERY:

Emily and Becky are seated on one side of the booth, while Nicole and Kelsey are seated opposite from them.

In front of each girl at the table is a "Barth burger", a gross looking hamburger that has bugs crawling out from under the bun. The girls are all wearing black t-shirts with the acronym "T.R.U.T.H." written in white across the fronts and backs.

Nicole: We are here to begin the first meeting of the T.R.U.T.H. club.

Kelsey: And for our first mission?

Emily: Discover the truth behind what's in Barth's burgers!

Nicole: I was actually thinking we could do something else for our first mission...Punish Tiffany and Katie for being liars!

Becky: Sounds good to me hehe!

Emily: Wait. Why is that a mission for the TRUTH club?

Nicole: Because, don't you remember what the letters of this club stand for....

Kelsey: That sounds like a lot of work...

Nicole: "To Rid the Universe of Troublemaking Hypocrites."

Kelsey: And now it just sounds lame...

Becky: Who cares. Let's get some messy revenge!

Emily: For what? They didn't do anything to us.

Nicole: Sure they did Emily. They lied to us.

Emily: They did?

Nicole: Yup. Tiffany failed to tell the truth about stealing my lunch, and Katie keeps telling lies about space aliens stealing her favorite dress.

Becky: And they got us pied and slimed earlier

Kelsey: You did that to yourself.

Becky: Whatever. They're still both liars.

Emily: Hmmm. I guess you're right.

Emily turns her head and yells back into the kitchen.

Emily: Barth, your secrets live to see another day!

Barth (off camera): D'ahhhh-I heard that!

Becky: Alright so what're we doing for this mission?

Nicole: Obviously, we must punish both of the liars!

Nicole then twists and wrings her hands in fiendish glee.

Kelsey: But HOW do we punish them?

Nicole: I've almost got a perfect plan... The final piece is on the tip of my tongue...

Nicole then takes a big bite out of her barth burger, not even thinking about her actions.

Nicole: UGH! And so is what died at the zoo this week! Yuck!

Nicole leans over the side of the booth and starts vomiting. Barth comes out just then with a fresh barf bucket.

Emily: Ok mister, we DEMAND to know the truth!

Barth: What truth?

Kelsey: The truth of what's in our burgers!!! Nicole said it tasted like what died at the Zoo this week, and to be honest, it smells about that bad too!

Barth: Nonsense.

Emily: So what is in the burgers then?

Barth: What died LAST week at the Zoo...

Everyone else at the table all keels over the booth and starts vomitting as we...

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2.2 DINING ROOM:

The camera focuses on Tiffany, "Mom," and "Dad" at the dinner table. They all seem to be eating dinner and sipping drinks.

Mr. Prevert: So what subject did your teacher talk about today, Tiffany?

Tiffany: Today, it was "truth and reality."

Emily is then heard off camera, shouting from (presumably) outside the house.

Emily (still off-camera): Hey, look at that THING UP IN THE SKY!

Mrs. Prevert: Lance, dear, let's all see what this noisy interruption is about.

Tiffany, "Mom," and "Dad" all leave their places at the table and head for the "front door" (exit, stage right). Nicole then scampers into camera view (wearing the black t.r.u.t.h. shirt).

Mr. Prevert: What is it?

Nicole sneakily pours something into Tiffany's glass as we hear a door opening sound effect. Nicole looks up, then quickly exits (exit, stage left). "Dad," "Mom" and Tiffany all return to their places at the table.

Mrs. Prevert: Lance, some people will just over-react to anything.

Mr. Prevert: It really was just a blimp....

Tiffany sips her juice.

Tiffany: Hey, is something funny about this juice? It tastes strange. And my head suddenly feels....

Tiffany then holds her hand to her forehead.

Mr. Prevert: The only thing funny at this table is your mother's cooking!

Mrs. Prevert: Don't encourage your daughter, dear.

Tiffany feels woozy as we...

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2.3 LINK SET:

Kelsey is sitting on the link set with a black pencil skirt and tight white deep v-neck tank top. Emily is next to her wearing dark capri pants and a blue crop cardigan.

Emily: So Kelsey, how'd you like being slimed for the first time on last week's episode?

Kelsey: Ugh. It was horrible. Disgusting. Humiliating. Just the grossest. It was honestly the worst experience of my life.

Emily (sarcastic): Wow, tell us how you truly feel.

Kelsey is too entranced by the horrific memory of being slimed to pick up on the sarcasm.

Kelsey: It was stinky and slimy and sticky and smelly and it got in my clothes and in my underwear and-UGH! SO nasty! Eucgh!

Kelsey shudders as she's listing off the things she hated about being slimed, as even just thinking about it almost makes her vomit.

Emily: Well you do have to admit, you kind of deserved it.

Kelsey: (Offended) What?! Why?

Emily: Well it 7 episodes of you always laughing at us whenever we got slimed and you somehow staying clean, you don't think there's an element of comeuppance there?

Kelsey: No I do not. And I also think that even if there was, it still doesn't mean I "deserved" it. NO ONE deserves to have that stuff dumped on them.

Emily: Not even Nicole?

Kelsey: OK I stand corrected, *most* people do not deserve to have that stuff dumped on them. It is SO foul!

Emily: Well at least it was only one time.

Kelsey: Yeah well that's one too many times in my book. That stuff is soooo gross. I can't even believe they dump it on people. It should be illegal!

Emily (Annoyed): Oh come on, what right do you have to complain like this? We've all been getting glopped for an entire season and you got it one time. Literally everyone else has gotten it worse than you, I mean Tiffany practically gets slimed every show!

Kelsey: Yeah, because she's an idiot.

Tiffany (Off-screen): HEY!

Emily: No need to be rude Kelsey.

Kelsey: What? I'm not being rude. If she can't be smart enough to not say I don't know each week, then-

Ugh. Kelsey gets GREEN SLIMED mid-sentence, shrieking as the foul stuff begins pouring down on her.

Kelsey: Ohh no no no-EWWWW!

She lets out a pouty groan as stinky disgusting GREEN SLIME splatters off her head. Emily leans out of the way as the revolting slop pours down on Kelsey, avoiding the bits of messy slop casting off her once beautiful hair as the foul slime crashes down on her. Kelsey's helpless as the awful stuff trashes her, covering her hair, face, and shoulders in gross green muck as she groans and sulks under the smelly downpour. She shudders as it works it's way into her clothes, rivers of slime cascading over her boobs and belly before pooling in her lap all while more of the nasty stuff continues plopping off her head in thick chunks and gross globs. YUCK! Emily cringes as she watches her poor castmate get clobbered with disgusting slime. It looks so gross and sticky and slithery and slimy and lumpy and smelly and stinky and splotchy and just fucking yuck! Getting slimed SUCKS. Kelsey sits frozen in misery, her lips pursed tightly, fists clenched in disgust at her side, her shoulders hunched up in agony as she's endlessly showered in sloppy green gunk. When the smelly downpour finally ends, she spits and then gags, before shaking her body in disgust. No matter how hard she tries, she can't shake off the gross feeling of all of the green slime covering her, no matter how many showers she takes after this, she knows she won't be able to wash away the humiliation of being slimed like this in front of everyone. She feels so stupid and embarrassed. It's mortifying. Not to mention the fact that she knows tons of creeps and perverts (like her) are going to be watching it over and over again while they jack off... Ugh getting slimed is the WORST!! As Kelsey miserably wipes slime from her mouth to whine and complain, she can distinctly hear Tiffany cackling off-stage at her slimy misfortune.

Kelsey: Yuck. (wiping slime from her eyes and looking down at herself) Why me...

Tiffany (Off-screen): Who's the idiot now Kelsey?

Emily pinches her nose at the overwhelming stench from all of the lumpy green gunk on poor Kelsey. She reeks of spoiled milk and fermented cabbage, a truly vile smell from the cursed concoction covering her.

Emily: (Giggling) She's got ya there Kels. (Wafts her hand in front of her face) Phew! You are right about one thing though, that stuff SHOULD be illegal.

Kelsey can only silently take their jabs as she's too grossed out and humiliated to even think of a comeback, nor would one even be possible, as she currently looks like a total loser, covered in gross slime in front of everyone, and has no business making fun of anyone else. She's been degraded and defiled and can only wallow in her slimy misery until the scene ends and she's granted a reprieve from the shame and embarrassment of being displayed in such a state.

The CAMERA pulls in for a super humiliating close up on Kelsey's slimy face, her bratty pout barely recognizable under all of the gross crap dribbling down from her slime-soaked bangs. The stuff rarely looked more gloopy or disgusting than what's just been dumped on her, and she knows it. Getting slimed is so gross. Kelsey groans quietly as a huge squelchy clump of green crap slides from the pile caked onto her hair, slithering down her forehead and nose, before landing with a sickening splash in the pool of gunk in her lap. Her lips curl in revulsion as we...

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2.4 CLASSROOM:

Mr. Schitdler is at the chalk board, where the words "Again, What Is The Truth?" are written at the top. All of the girls are present and in seats. Katie still wears the ufo t-shirt; Everyone else besides Tiffany wear T.R.U.T.H. shirts. Note: Tiffany and Katie are seated at the first two desks. The other four girls (Emily, Becky, Nicole and Kelsey) are seated behind them.

Mr. Schitdler: And today, we continue with the same subject: what is real and TRUE, and what is not? Tiffany, I hope you've studied since yesterday, since you're the next for a pop quiz...So tell me something TRUE.

Tiffany rubs her forehead for a bit, then she replies.

Tiffany: To begin, I know the truth! You are not a real school teacher: You're an actor!

Mr. Schitdler is taken aback at her breaking the 4th wall like that.

Mr. Schitdler: What? Tiffany, are you feeling well today?

Tiffany: The truth is that this is all a TV show! And I am...THE STAR!

Nicole (mumbles to herself): Psh. Hardly

Tiffany: And Katie wasn't lying about the aliens! They ARE coming for us!

Mr. Schitdler: Alright that's enough! Becky, Kelsey, would you two, well, "escort" Tiffany to the dungeon? She seems to have come down with a bad case of interrupting and misbehaving!

Becky and Kelsey walk over to Tiffany's desk. They each grab an arm, and then drag her offscreen.

Tiffany: It's the truth! It's the ONLY truth! None of this is real!.

Katie turns to Nicole, seated next to her, and whispers.

Katie: What was that all about?

Nicole: I slipped some truth serum in her drink earlier, and I think it's starting to work.

Emily leans over from the other side of Nicole and whispers;

Emily: You really think so? Are you sure she just didn't have an answer and didn't want to get pied so she came up with a clever way to avoid it?

Nicole: I don't know Emily, that seems a little too clever for an idiot like Tiff-

Before she can finish her sentence, smelly horrible GREEN SLIME starts pouring down onto Nicole's head. She groans miserably, slowly tilting her head back as the nasty stuff pours down all over her, letting the viscous slop spill over her face for a brief moment before her head lowers in shame, disappearing under the messy downpour of gross green gunk. Thick chunks pitter patter off her head as the awful stuff continues dumping on her, streams of it cascading down into her clothes and pooling in her lap. Bits of yucky slime splatter off of Nicole's head and land on Emily, who's cringing as she tries to lean out of the way. Kelsey, sitting behind her, gets hit with a few stray globs of slime too. Nicole just pouts and nods slowly, acknowledging her own stupidity as the horrible green crap continues pouring over her. She knows she deserves this, and knows it's extra satisfying for everyone watching because of how much she deserves it. Which makes it all the more humiliating for her. After what feels like forever, the slime finally settles into a trickle and stops, and Nicole is completely covered, having been gunked with a much deserved extra long sliming. Becky can be seen smiling at Nicole's comeuppance, and Tiffany pokes her head in from the doorway to tease her as well.

Tiffany: Who's an idiot now Nicole!

Tiffany is quickly yanked back into the hallway and can be heard laughing as she's dragged away.

Nicole angrily scrapes some thick clumps of slime from her face and flings it at the ground in disgust.

Nicole: Yuck.

Mr. Schitdler: Yuck indeed Nicole, and you can expect a lot more yuck when you join Tiffany in the dungeon for messing my classroom up.

Nicole: Awww come on! That's not fair!

Mr. Schitdler: Not another word. Unless you want to tack on some detention to your punishment.

She doesn't. Nicole silently stands up, completely humiliated, covered in gross slime, and sulks as she exits the classroom. The other girls laughing at her misfortune as she walks by and then we...

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2.5 LOCKER ROOM:

Inside the girl's locker room, a white tile floor, a wooden bench, in the distance a communal shower, and a row of rainbow-colored full-sized lockers.  On the far Stage Left to the far stage right, the colors are Pink, White, Blue, Orange, Red, Brown, Green, Black, Yellow, and Purple.  Spray painted with paint runs and drips across the lockers is the title of the show "You Still Can't Do That On Television". As usual, the girls in this scene are hidden in the lockers. As each girl says something or listens to whomever talks, she or she briefly opens opens her or her locker door.

A moment passes and the Navy-blue locker opens and Becky steps out.

Becky: Hey, Emily?

Emily: Yes, Becky?

Becky: I believe Tiffany has been acting strange lately, saying crazy things no one wants hear!

Emily: What's your point? Tiffany says crazy things all the time! And no one listens, anyway.

Becky: Good point. Sorry I brought it up. Hey, Nicole?

Nicole: Yes, Becky?

Becky: Do you know anything about Tiffany's strange behavior in class? Could it really have been, well, something she ate or drank the other day?

Nicole: She could be acting strange and bizarre because of all of that makeup she wears. You know, it makes HER look like a real space alien!

Katie: They are REAL! Space aliens exist, and they visit us ALL THE TIME!

Nicole: No, those are not space aliens. Those are YOUR RELATIVES coming to visit in space ships.

Becky: But IF her relatives were from outer space, that would make Katie a space alien, too!

Katie: Ha, ha... You all joke now. But just wait: I'll show you all the truth!

Katie angrily slams her locker.

Emily: Why all the noise? What happened?

Becky: Katie said she knew about space aliens coming to visit soon.

Nicole: She must have been talking about HER next family reunion!

Emily: Stephen Spielberg would love to see that!

Katie opens her locker. she is holding a two cream pies...

Katie: That does it!

Emily, Nicole and Becky run away as we

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{COMMERCIAL BREAK #2}

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TO BE CONTINUED...