All Comments on 'Young Bride'

A total nonsense! And stupid!

Welcome as a new writer. Your word crafting appeared to be virtually perfect, altho I had some trouble deciphering the quotes which might be in one or both " or behind a dash. Probably 'Loving Wives' is the wrong placement for something that does not appear to offer any extramarital sex and will expose you to a collection of vicious snipers who lurk herein.

Since you call this Chapter 1 it seems that you plan more. I probably won't catch it as I can't be on every day, but will give it a quick look if I do. It is not clear how this might go, but if you take this completely docile creature to some dalliances that might be fun. Keep 'em coming.

The first paragraph told me that the writer does not know proper English language or basic writing precepts.

Nooooooooooooo..... stick to accepted English dialogue procedures! Check out the Literotica "How To" for good, specific and actionable instruction. Readers' brains function a certain way, and nobody has the time or wherewithal to learn your way of conveying dialogue. Your story might be of a gold-standard quality, but I quit reading when I was faced with your dialogue. 2/5.

True, English is not my first language. However, I know the rules that apply in my country ... and it is true that the rules of writing are different in every country. Nevertheless, I would like to know what you think of the content.Thank you for the insightful comment from Odiouser. I admit I had trouble choosing a category. As much as possible there will be further chapters. I think it will happen once a

Loving Wives is not the right placement for this...story(?). MC is not a wife...yet. More of a First Time. That being said...just what the heck was this thing??? Cult Fiction? Child Bride? More like Nonconsent with a sprinkle of BDSM! Please take any future offerings to another category.

Learn how to write dialogue. English uses quotation marks and ONLY quotation marks. Anyone past the age of 10 should know this.

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- Am I sinning? * I ask almost in a whisper.

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NO!

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In English:

"Am I sinning?" I ask almost in a whisper.

This is the literary version of a MAGA cult member. And rest assured that is NOT a compliment.

Not even a great editor could have saved this mess.

Poorly written, speech isn't punctuated with - or *. I gave up pretty quickly.

I couldn't make it past the first paragraph.

Sentence one... I didn't need the clarification that the father's father was the grandfather. Repetative info that seemed almost insulting in being specified.

Sentence two... Your mother took care of some things, but needed approval for other things, from YOUR parent. Isn't your mother your parent?

The third sentence... nope, not even going there.

Story needs more, so scores will wait until more chapters. Some idiot still talking about MAGA while Uncle Squint , and his Socialist Democrats make America into another Venezuela.

Is the Dr. a he or she?

Your story will be enjoyed by only traditional family members. Keep it up your story. I really enjoy this.