Your Silver Nights and Golden Days Pt. 05

Later that night, after Bonnie was sound asleep, I got up and went into the living room. I needed to think about how we would go forward from here. Assuming all goes great, Bonnie will survive her cancer. She will lose her pancreas, at least, so she will have to take insulin to regulate her blood sugar for the rest of her life. I thought about how we'd have to pay for her medical expenses because I couldn't claim her as a dependent to get treatment at the base hospital. Thank God we had that medical insurance plan to help alleviate the expenses.

Although I hated thinking about it, I knew we'd have to get a will done so Bonnie's estate would go to her sons in the event of her death. If the worst did happen, I'd have to take the insurance money and set up trusts for Matthew and Mark to go to college. Even though I had no legal standing with them, I would remain involved in their lives as much as possible.

I went in to check on the boys before going back to bed. They were both sleeping the sleep of teenagers, dead to the world. I hated to think about what this was going to do to them. I vowed to be there for them.

Friday at work was a blur ... I essentially sleepwalked through it. Susan saw that I was distracted and made sure nobody bothered me. Alice stopped by to commiserate with me for a bit. I really appreciated her support.

I left a little early to get to the airport to pick up Grace. I waited for her in the concourse, and when she came out of the walkway, I ran up and hugged her, so glad she was there. She hugged me back, reassuring me that she would be there for us no matter what. I went to the baggage pickup with her and helped her get her luggage out and into the car. As we drove home, I updated her on everything that had happened since we last talked.

When I pulled into the driveway, the boys ran out to welcome Grace. Bonnie held back at the door, waiting for Grace to finish hugging and greeting the boys. The boys escorted Grace into the house while I got her luggage out of the car. When I got Grace's bags in the door, the boys had come over to take them to her room. I went to Bonnie and Grace. Bonnie's head was buried into her mom's neck, sobbing. Grace looked at me, and I could see the unshed tears in her eyes. I took them both in my arms, and we stood there for a minute, just holding onto each other.

***

On Monday, Grace and I accompanied Bonnie to the cancer center for her first chemo treatment. It was a busy place with twelve lounge chairs set up for patients to use while getting their IVs. Several IV bags were swapped out during the treatment, so we were there for nearly three hours. By the time we got Bonnie home, she was starting to react to the chemo treatment.

Bonnie tried to eat lunch, but it made her extremely nauseous, and I had to hold her while she puked up everything she had just tried to eat. I took a washcloth and gently wiped her mouth. I got Bonnie some water so she could rinse her mouth clean. She took her nausea pill, and I helped her to bed since she was nearly too weak to walk. She didn't even feel like trying to eat anything for dinner. After a couple of days, she was feeling well enough to keep her food down. By the time her next chemo treatment was scheduled to start, she was just about back to normal.

The second round of chemo didn't go any better. I knew Bonnie hated this, but she'd be better once she got through it. Thank God Grace was there to help out. I had to travel because we were doing a Software Process Evaluation on Martin Marietta in Orlando, FL.

I hated to go, and I was willing to tell Alice that I couldn't go, but Bonnie insisted that I go. She said, "Mom is here to help out, and I'm not going to die anytime soon, although I may feel like it sometimes, so go ... go and do the great job I know you can do."

Before I left, I talked with Grace about having Kathy come out to visit. Grace told me that she was fine and that the boys had enough to deal with without having her relationship with Kathy confusing things. I told her that the boys were okay with my relationship with Bonnie and didn't feel it would be an issue. Grace was stubborn, though, so I didn't argue with her.

With that, I went with the evaluation team to Orlando. The three days there seemed to last forever. My team members noted how distracted I was and wondered out loud why. I wanted to tell them that the woman I loved was undergoing treatment for cancer, but I couldn't. I just informed them that a good friend of mine was sick, and I was worried about her. I threw myself into the evaluation, hardly getting any sleep at all, not that if I did take the time to sleep, I could.

I called every night to talk to Grace about how Bonnie was doing. I spoke to Bonnie when she felt good enough to talk. I told her how much I loved her and wished I could be there for her. She again reassured me that her mom was taking good care of her. After hanging up, I would get so angry at the unfairness of it all. Yes, I knew in my head that this was how it had to be since I had made a commitment that went against the rules. But my heart wanted to argue that if my love had been a man, everyone would be supportive, and I would have been given the slack I needed to get through it.

When the evaluation was done late Thursday night, I gathered the team in the hotel lobby. I praised them for the excellent work they had done. Based on the results, Martin Marietta would get a Level 3 rating. This would be the first Level 3 rating we had gotten while we've been doing the evaluations. Everyone wanted to go out and celebrate, but I begged out, saying I had some write-ups to complete tonight before flying out in the morning. While not totally lying to them, I did spend most of the evening talking to Grace and Bonnie. Bonnie told me that she had spoken to Kathy today. I also spoke to Matthew and Mark to let them know I was still there for them. "God," I thought, "I may be losing my lover, but they could be losing their mother. I've got to be there for them, no matter what."

When I returned to Dayton the following day, I popped into the office to update Alice before taking off the rest of the day. Then I did something I hadn't done in eighteen years; I went to church to pray.

I stopped into Mary Help of Christians Catholic Church in Fairborn, just outside the gate of Areas A/C. The first thing I did was light a candle for Bonnie. Then I entered the chapel and kneeled, crossing myself before taking a seat in the pew. I sat there for a minute, taking in the atmosphere, my thoughts returning to the last time I attended a service, my mother's funeral.

I then got on my knees, crossed myself, and lifted up a prayer. I prayed for Grace, asking Mary to remind Jesus what it's like for a mother to lose an offspring. I also put up a prayer for Kathy, praying that she be given the strength to be there for Grace. Then I prayed for Bonnie, asking God to heal her. I asked if someone had to die from the cancer to give it to me. I would gladly bear that burden for her. I then prayed for Matthew and Mark. I asked that they be given the strength to endure what was to come about, to grow from it rather than let it scar them for life. Finally, I prayed for myself. I asked that I be given the strength to get through this and be there for Grace, Bonnie, Matthew, and Mark in their hours of greatest need. I ended with an 'Our Father' stressing the 'thy will be done.'

After leaving the church, I hurried home and ran into the house. Grace was there, and I flew into her arms, thanking her for being there. I then went into the bedroom to see Bonnie. She was sleeping, so I changed and went back out to sit with Grace and talk about how everything was going.

***

We had a subdued celebration for Mark's 14th birthday. We had a cake, and Mark received presents from all of us. Bonnie was still weak from her latest chemo treatment, so we stayed home. Her beautiful hair was starting to fall out, so she had asked me to help her cut it off and donate it to Wigs for Kids.

By the last week of the chemo, Bonnie was feeling even weaker than before. She was sick nearly all the time now, and she was losing weight from being so nauseous that she couldn't keep any food down. The insulin was helping with her blood sugar, but the chemo made her throw up just about every time she tried to eat anything.

Bonnie's doctor insisted on checking her into the hospital while waiting for her follow-up CAT scan. They had her on a glucose drip to help with the weight loss and nausea. He was concerned about her weight loss and that she had reacted so badly to the chemo. Grace and I spelled each other sitting with her at the hospital. I kept Alice updated on what was happening, and she covered for me on the days I had to be at the hospital. Mostly I stayed in the evening so Grace could be home with the boys, and Grace remained during the day while the boys were in school and I was at work.

Bonnie's follow-up CAT scan was scheduled as soon as the doctor felt she was strong enough. Even so, when she went in to get it done, the contrast she had to imbibe nearly killed her. It made her so sick. They did manage to get the CAT scan done before she threw up all over the place.

We waited for the results of the CAT scan. I called Alice to let her know I was staying at the hospital until we heard from the radiologist. After what seemed like forever, the doctor came into Bonnie's room, and I could tell he had unwelcome news before he even said anything.

"Bonnie, we looked at the CAT scan, and I'm afraid that the cancer has not been diminished," he said, not beating around the bush.

"So, all this misery she's gone through with the chemo was for nothing?" I said, glaring at the doctor.

"We had to try," the doctor said.

The doctor then discussed with us the options that we had. Chemo wasn't working, so surgery was off the table. In reality, Bonnie's only options were deciding between dying in the hospital or at home. He then left us so we could discuss it in private.

"Take me home," Bonnie said, her eyes pleading with me to accede to her wishes. "I want to be home when I die."

I held her hand tight, fighting to hold back my tears as I realized that Bonnie had accepted the fact that she was going to die.

"Of course, my love," I finally said, struggling to keep my voice under control. I talked to the nurse to find out how to get Hospice to visit our house for Bonnie.

Ironically, even though she knew she was dying, just being off the chemo had made her start feeling better. The doctors thought she had two weeks, maybe a month, at most, before the end. We knew it would only be temporary, but Bonnie was out of bed within a week and could do things with the boys and me. She did have to start taking oxycodone for the pain.

We got some news that upset Grace quite a lot. Kathy had been involved in a motorcycle accident and broke her leg in three places. They spent hours on the phone talking to each other, Kathy vainly attempting to reassure Grace that she was okay. I knew Grace wanted to be with Kathy, but Grace knew she needed to be here for Bonnie. I thought Grace would lose it there for a while, but Kathy eventually talked her down. Unfortunately, Kathy would not be able to travel for several weeks, so her coming out here wasn't going to happen.

That Friday, Bonnie wanted to take one last weekend with just the two of us before she started deteriorating. We left the boys with Grace and went to Yellow Springs, one of Bonnie's favorite places. Luckily, the weather would be nicer than usual for this time of year.

We drove to Yellow Springs to stay at a lovely Bed & Breakfast called Morgan House. Once we checked in, we motored over to Clifton Gorge. There were beautiful trails to walk to take in the scenery of the gorge. We took our time, walking hand-in-hand, enjoying each other's company and nature. Bonnie was not very strong, so we had to stop frequently for rest. Whenever we paused, we sat arm-in-arm, Bonnie resting her head on my shoulder. We regularly traded 'I love yous' the whole time. My heart was heavy because I knew this would be the last time we would ever do anything like this. I wanted to cry, but I wasn't going to because I wanted this to be perfect for Bonnie.

We eventually made it back to the car and then back into town. We stopped at a nice restaurant for dinner. We both got salads. Mine was delicious, and I scarfed it down. Bonnie's appetite wasn't that great, and she picked at her salad, not eating very much. We held hands the whole time, not concerned about it since this was a very liberal college town, and being openly gay wasn't a big deal.

After dinner, we retired to our room in the B & B. I could tell she was starting to hurt. When I urged her to take a pain pill, she refused, saying, "Virginia, I want to be able to feel alive tonight. I don't want to feel like I'm totally wrapped in cotton, not able to feel anything. I want you to take me to bed, now, and make mad, passionate love to me. I want to feel loved one last time."

"Are you strong enough?" I asked.

"So what if it kills me? I'm dying anyway," she said, locking eyes with me, daring me to argue with her.

"As you wish, my love," I whispered, pulling her into my arms.

Our lips met, and I put everything I could into the kiss. Our eyes remained locked, Bonnie's eyes black from being dilated. Our lips parted, and our tongues battled for supremacy. We both moaned from our arousal.

Eventually, we broke the kiss and started undressing each other. As I removed Bonnie's blouse and slacks, I noticed how emaciated she looked. I could see every rib, and her hips protruded more than I'd ever seen. I reached around her and unfastened her bra as she did mine. As I pulled the straps off her shoulders, her breasts were revealed, and I was shocked at how they looked. They looked like two deflated balloons. Her dark nipples stood at attention. I palmed her breasts, feeling her hard nipples poking my palms. Bonnie did the same with my breasts, my stiff, aching nipples scoring the palms of her hands.

I then slid my hands down her sides until I came to her panties. I worked my fingers under the waistband and started pushing her panties down over her hips. I continued sliding them down her legs as I squatted to reach down to work them over her ankles and off. My face was even with her pussy, and I could see Bonnie had shaved her mound. She was wet, and her aroma was making me dizzy with desire. I gave her mound a quick peck before standing back up.

Bonnie then moved her hands to my waist, working my panties down over my hips. She slowly squatted as she worked my panties down over my ankles and off as I stepped out of them. Our eyes were locked as she leaned in and gave my mound a quick kiss before standing back up. I had to take her elbow and help her get back up. We then wrapped our arms around each other and kissed once more, our bodies molded together.

When we broke the kiss, I picked her up, walked over to the bed, and laid her there. I then crawled onto the bed next to her. I started kissing, licking, and nipping every spot on her body that I knew she loved, starting with her face and working down over her jaw, neck, and collarbone.

As I had my lips firmly on her collarbone, I locked eyes with her and bit down harder than I had ever done before, making her wince as I marked her. I said, "You're mine, forever!" with as much conviction as I could put in it.

"Yes, my love," she said, tears welling in her eyes.

I kept moving down, spending the next twenty minutes worshiping her breasts. I kissed and nibbled all around the tops, sides, and bottoms of her breasts, working in toward her nipples. I again spent time giving her stretch marks the attention they deserved. I finally reached her right nipple and sucked it into my mouth, flicking it with my tongue, sucking and nipping it until it had enlarged as big as it could. Bonnie was moaning, and she put her hands on the back of my head, pushing it into her breast while arching her back to get as much contact as possible. I gently took her nipple between my teeth and pulled my head back, making her breast tent outward until her nipple pulled out from between my teeth, snapping back in place. This elicited a loud gasp and a throaty moan. I then repeated the process with her left nipple, getting the same result from Bonnie's mouth.

I then started trailing my tongue and lips down Bonnie's core to her belly button, causing small tremors and goosebumps. I explored the depths of her belly button with my tongue, causing Bonnie to writhe and giggle. After plundering her divot, I worked further down, licking, kissing, and nipping her all the way down to her thighs. As I did, I honored her stretch marks, the result of bringing two beautiful boys into this world.

I worked my way down her right inner thigh before switching to her left one. I then worked my way up to my ultimate destination. I hovered over her mound, enjoying the aroma of her excitement. The sight of her juices weeping out from between her lips excited me. I leaned in and took the flat of my tongue, and ran it from the bottom of her slit all the way up to her clit, making sure to gather her juices, careful not to waste a drop. I savored the musky taste as Bonnie shuddered from the sensation, her breath hitching. I repeated the action, this time getting a growl from the back of Bonnie's throat.

I suckled her lips, licking and nipping them, working my way up one side and down the other, eliciting moans and gasps as Bonnie's juices copiously flowed. I made sure to catch every drop, knowing that this would be the last time I would ever savor her quim. After several minutes, I locked eyes with Bonnie and plunged my tongue into her hole.

Bonnie gasped and arched her back, thrusting her hips up as her heels dug into my back below my shoulder blades. My nose bumped her clit, which made her moan and jerk from the additional stimulation. I thrust my tongue in and out as fast as I could. On each down stroke, I swirled my tongue around to stimulate all sides of her hole.

I could feel her thighs spasming as she came closer and closer to her reward. Her gasps were getting louder and more ragged as she rolled and thrust her hips, attempting to get more contact with my mouth. Her eyes were black from desire as they begged me to reward her. I redoubled my effort as I slid both hands up to grasp her breasts, crushing them in my grip. She suddenly gasped in a breath and held it as she reached the cliff's edge to throw herself off. Taking my cue, I sucked her clit into my mouth and tongued it like I was doing a trill on a trumpet. This was all Bonnie needed to crash into her orgasm, thrashing and partially stifling her scream of "Virggiiinnnniiiiaaaa" as she fell into the abyss.

I continued sucking and tonguing Bonnie's clit to ease her down as she came down from her orgasm. Wanting her to cum again, I let go of her right breast and brought my left hand down to plunge my middle finger into her hole, tapping her g-spot as my knuckles reached her lips. I then worked in my ring finger and drove them both back in, again making sure to hit her g-spot. The stimulus made Bonnie go off again. She dragged in another ragged breath and fell into another orgasm, screaming my name, louder this time, as she lost control of her spasming body. I continued working my fingers in and out while sucking her clit like a piece of hard candy. Whenever Bonnie started getting her body back under control, I set her off again. I wanted to draw it out as long as I could, knowing this would be her last time enjoying the feeling of being loved.

Finally, Bonnie went limp. I cleaned her up before crawling to lie beside her and taking her in my arms. I rocked back and forth, holding her, telling her I loved her repeatedly until she regained her senses.