Your Silver Nights and Golden Days Pt. 05

Before reading this story, you should read 'Your Silver Nights and Golden Days Pt. 04'.

The following events occurred in 1992 before the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy was in place in the military. Being an active lesbian was risking your career, especially for an officer.

© 2020-2023 Candy_Kane54

***

"Oh, god," I thought to myself, "I'm not ready for this."

"How bad?" I asked Bonnie, hoping it wasn't too bad.

"They need to do an exploratory scoping," Bonnie said, fighting back the tears. "They think it's pancreatic cancer, but they don't know how bad it is yet. They've scheduled it at Miami Valley Hospital for the day after tomorrow."

"Okay, sweetie, I'm going to take the rest of the day off, and I'll be home as quick as I can." I looked around, ensuring nobody was nearby to hear me, and I said, "I love you. We'll get through this together."

I told my group I had an emergency at home and would be gone for the rest of the day. I informed Susan I'd be out the rest of the day and probably be out on Thursday, and to reschedule my meetings and put me in for leave to cover my absence. I also told her to make sure Alice knew I was gone.

I hurried home, bursting through the front door to find Bonnie lying on the couch, curled up in a ball. I rushed over and sat down, gathering her into my arms as she started sobbing into my chest.

"I love you, Bonnie," I said, holding her as though I was afraid she'd fade away.

Bonnie continued sobbing while I sat there holding her, rocking her back and forth like a baby in my arms. I kept repeating, "I love you," over and over, my mind frantic over the thought that I could lose this woman, the love of my life. I felt my eyes tearing up, but I sternly forced them back. "I have to be strong for Bonnie," I told myself.

We stayed there on the couch for the next hour. Eventually, Bonnie stopped sobbing, and my rocking lulled her to sleep. I stopped rocking but kept holding her tight, not wanting to let go ... to ever let her go. I listened to her breathing, wanting to remember the sound, wanting it to last forever. We would fight this together. I vowed that I would be her rock while we got through this.

Eventually, I heard her breathing change as she woke up. I whispered, "I love you, Bonnie."

"I love you, too, Virginia," she replied. "Thank you for being here for me."

"Always, my love," I answered.

"I'm sorry I lost it there for a while," Bonnie said, sitting up and wiping her eyes. "I feel better now."

"Good," I said. "We'll take this one day at a time and see where it goes."

"One day at a time," Bonnie repeated as she leaned back in to kiss me.

The kiss seemed to last forever as I felt her soft, supple lips on mine. There was no heat in the kiss, just the feeling that we were in this together, no matter the outcome. Eventually, the kiss ended as our lips slowly parted.

"I'm glad you're feeling better. Let me go get out of this uniform, and we'll get some lunch?" I asked.

"Sure," replied Bonnie, leaning in for another kiss.

Our lips met again, molding together as if it was the most natural thing in the world. This time Bonnie pressed in, demanding more. Our passion slowly built as she leaned in even more, practically knocking me off the couch.

We got up off the couch, maintaining our cinch. We stood there for a while, hungrily devouring each other's mouths as our tongues battled for dominance. Eventually, needing air, we separated, gasping for breath. Without needing to say a word, we headed to our bedroom.

Once we got to the bedroom, we hurriedly shed our clothes and got into bed. We lay there, arms wrapped around each other as we continued kissing. I eventually wormed my left hand down between our bodies and cupped Bonnie's mound, cherishing the feel as I pressed against it. Bonnie returned the favor by snaking her right hand down between our bodies and cupping my pussy. The feeling of her hand against my mound reassured me that her love for me was real.

I lifted and bent my left leg enough to slide my left foot behind my right knee, giving Bonnie more access to my pussy. Bonnie did the same with her right leg, so I had more access to her pussy. I worked my middle finger between her lips, gathering her juices to lubricate my finger before penetrating her hole. I worked my finger all the way in until my knuckle nestled between her lips. At the same time, Bonnie was doing the same, working her finger into my pussy. The feel of her finger in my hole was exquisite. The tip of her finger found my g-spot, and a spike of sensation shot to my clit and nipples.

I broke the kiss and softly said, "We are here today. Tomorrow will take care of itself."

"Yes," Bonnie whispered back, leaning in for another kiss.

Our fingers got busy, stimulating each other. I worked my ring finger in with my middle finger while Bonnie followed suit. I started slowly pistoning in and out, making sure the base of my thumb contacted her clit on each down stroke, again Bonnie following suit.

Soon, we were both gasping for air as we raced to see who could get the other to come first. I could feel my orgasm roaring down on me, and I'm sure Bonnie was feeling the same. We locked eyes, watching each other reach the peak. We both fell over the edge simultaneously, screaming each other's names as we plunged into oblivion.

When we recovered, we cleaned up and got something to eat. I told Bonnie about my being put up for the Lieutenant Colonels board. She was delighted and pulled me in for another passionate kiss. Momentarily, the pall of her condition was gone as she congratulated me. We then decided to call Grace and let her know what was happening. I dialed her number and put the phone on speaker when she answered.

Grace picked up on the second ring and said, "Hello?"

"Grace, it's Bonnie and Virginia. I have you on speaker," I replied.

"What's the occasion?" she asked.

Bonnie spoke up, "Mom, I've been sick, so I went to see a doctor. He ran some tests, and it looks like I have pancreatic cancer."

The silence stretched out for a few seconds while Grace digested the news. She then said, "Oh, sweetie. How bad is it?"

"The doctor didn't know, so they've scheduled an exploratory scoping for Thursday," Bonnie replied. "If it's appropriate, the surgeon will remove the pancreas ..." Bonnie stopped, choking up.

I jumped in, pulling Bonnie into my arms, "Grace, the surgeon is going to put a scope in to see what the situation is. Hopefully, the cancer is confined to the pancreas, and the surgeon can remove it. Then there will be a course of chemo to clean up any cancer left."

"Oh, so there's a chance there is no cancer?" Grace asked.

"I don't think so. The doctor is definite that there is cancer. They just don't know how bad it is yet. The CAT scan showed a tumor, but until they actually look at it, they won't know if it has spread," I finished, turning to kiss Bonnie on the cheek. I could see the tears welling in her eyes, threatening to overwhelm her again.

"Oh, sweetie, If you need me to come there, just let me know. I want to be there if there is anything I can do to help," Grace said.

"Thanks, mom," Bonnie said. "I really hope it won't be necessary."

"I hope so too, sweetie," said Grace, "but I'll be there if needed. How are the boys taking the news?"

"We haven't told them yet. The boys are still in school," I said. "We're going to tell them tonight."

We chatted a little more about lighter topics. I told Grace about my opportunity to be promoted below the zone again. Grace got me to promise to call her Thursday as soon as I found out the result of Bonnie's surgery.

Once I hung up the phone, I turned and took Bonnie in my arms. I held her tight, willing the cancerous tumors to disappear from her body. Bonnie hugged me back just as hard. She buried her head into my shoulder and started softly sobbing. I brought my left hand up to cup the back of her head, and I nuzzled her ear, whispering, "I love you," over and over as we sat there.

Soon, Bonnie stopped sobbing and lifted her head to kiss me. "Thank you for loving me," she said. "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you."

As I basked in her love for me, I thought, "I hope I don't have to find out what I'd do without your love."

When Matthew and Mark got home from school, they were surprised to see me there. Knowing something was up, when Bonnie and I invited them to sit on the couch, Matthew asked, "What's up, Mom, Mom2.0?"

Bonnie and I stood there, an arm around each other. We had decided I would tell them, so I said, "Your mom hasn't been feeling well lately, so she went to see the doctor and had some tests done. It looks like she has cancer."

Matthew and Mark looked devastated, and they jumped up and came over to hug us. I tried to reassure them that we didn't know how bad it was as Bonnie hugged them back, telling them she would be okay. After all the hugs and reassurances were done, we decided to go out for dinner. We ended up going to Olive Garden across from the Dayton Mall. By the time we returned home, the boys were back to their cheerful selves, and we spent the evening watching movies until it was time to turn in.

I spent the next two hours pleasuring Bonnie until she fell into an exhausted sleep. I lay there, my head propped up on my left hand as I watched Bonnie sleep. I teared up as I thought about the past six and a half years of knowing this wonderful woman. I scolded myself for acting as if I was going to lose her, but I couldn't delude myself about her chances. Eventually, sleep found me, but my dreams were not pleasant.

The next day, I called Mary Ann and asked for a time slot to see Alice after I got to my desk. She got me a 10 AM spot, and I was there at 9:55 AM as usual. Promptly at 10 AM, Alice opened her door and motioned for me to come in. We sat and exchanged pleasantries for a moment. Alice congratulated me on being submitted to the Lt. Col. Board before I got to the point of asking to see Alice.

"Alice, I received some bad news yesterday right after seeing General Fain," I said, easing into what could be a difficult discussion.

"What is it?" Alice asked, a worried look appearing on her face.

"Bonnie and I just found out yesterday that she has pancreatic cancer," I said.

"Oh, that's horrible," Alice said, a concerned look coming over her face.

"They are going to do a scope tomorrow to see how bad it is and hopefully remove her pancreas," I said. "I'm not going to be here tomorrow, so I hope that won't be a problem."

"No, that's fine," Alice said. "Take whatever time you need, as long as it doesn't impact the program. I'll do what I can to cover for you on the days your not here, but if General Fain wants to see you, you'll have to make sure you cover it."

"Thanks, Alice," I said. "You know I won't let you down."

"I know," Alice replied. "I really hope everything goes fine tomorrow. Please call me and let me know how it goes. How are the boys handling it?"

"They're doing okay. We're not hiding anything from the boys. We're going to make sure they're aware of the situation every step of the way," I said.

"Good," Alice said, standing up to end the meeting and walking me to the door. "Good luck," she added as I left the office.

Bonnie felt good enough to go to her classes. She told her instructors about her cancer diagnosis to arrange to do as much as possible from home. All of Bonnie's instructors were sympathetic to what she was facing. They agreed to allow Bonnie to miss class whenever needed. I was glad she still felt positive enough to plan for the future.

Thursday came, and I made sure we were at the hospital at 5:30 AM. We met with the surgery prep nurse who would prepare Bonnie for her surgery. I wasn't legally her family, so I wouldn't normally be allowed to be there. However, Bonnie insisted that I was the only one she had to the prep nurse, explaining that her mother was in Los Angeles.

The prep nurse agreed to let me stay with Bonnie until the surgeon was ready. After a short wait, the surgeon entered and explained what procedure he would perform. He said he would put a scope in to see the extent of the cancer. Scoping was the simple part. He was prepared to remove all or part of the pancreas, depending on what he found. So Bonnie could be in surgery for an hour, or several hours, depending on what he discovered and decided to do.

I sat there holding Bonnie's hand while we talked with the surgeon. He was a relatively young surgeon, and he looked competent to me. He came across as optimistic about how things were going to be. Once the surgeon was done, we stayed in the prep room, the prep nurse fussing around us until the anesthesiologist came in to start the anesthesia. I kissed Bonnie's hand before letting go and getting up to leave. I was going to wait in the lounge until she was done with surgery, then I would be called in to see her in the recovery room.

In a surprisingly short time, the recovery room nurse came out to get me. She led me back to the recovery room and showed me where Bonnie was lying. I sat next to her, waiting for her to wake up from the anesthesia. The nurse handed me a small kidney-shaped tray to catch any vomit if she woke up nauseous from the anesthesia. She told me that once Bonnie was awake and able to sit up, the surgeon would come in and talk to us.

I could see that Bonnie wasn't cut wide open, so I had to assume that the doctor didn't do any surgery. This could be good news or bad news. If it was good news, the cancer was not very advanced, and the prognosis was very good (i.e., survivable). If it was bad news, the cancer was too widespread for surgery, and the prognosis was grave (i.e., she would be in a grave soon).

I prayed that it would be good news.

Bonnie soon started stirring, and I reached over and took her hand. When her eyes fluttered, I motioned to the nurse. I said, "Hey, you."

Bonnie squeezed my hand slightly and said weakly, "Hey, you, too."

"How are you feeling?" I asked. "Are you nauseous?"

"Just groggy," Bonnie muttered.

The nurse must have called the surgeon because he showed up a minute later. He came into the bay with a grim look on his face. I immediately knew it was not good news.

"How bad is it, doc?" I asked, gripping Bonnie's hand harder. Bonnie looked up at the surgeon, her eyes still a little blurry.

"I'm not going to sugar-coat it," he started before grimacing and continuing, "I went in and scoped the area, and the cancer was everywhere. I couldn't do the surgery because it would only make things worse. Right now, the only thing we can do is get you on a chemotherapy regimen immediately. Then, in a couple of months, we'll take another look to see if the cancer has been knocked back enough that I can do the surgery to remove the pancreas."

"What's the prognosis?" I asked, knowing it would be bad but needing it to be said so Bonnie and I could start dealing with it.

A look of sadness came over his face as he said, "It's grave." He went on, "All we can do at this point is try the chemo and see what happens. If we are lucky, the cancer will respond to the chemo. If it responds enough to be able to perform the surgery, then we can schedule it. Once you recover from the surgery, we can start the chemo again to finish knocking back any cancer that is left."

"That's a lot of 'ifs,'" I said.

"It is what it is," the surgeon said. "I'll get the nurse to schedule you for your first chemo treatment as soon as possible." He then turned and left, motioning to the nurse to follow him.

I turned to Bonnie, tears threatening to well up in my eyes. I took her hand into both of mine and said, "We'll fight this together. We are not going to give up without a fight."

Bonnie squeezed my hands back, tears flowing down her cheeks. I leaned in and took her into my arms. I started to rock her as she started sobbing into my shoulder. I felt so helpless at that moment. I was so used to being able to fix things, yet here was something I couldn't fix. All I could do now was whisper into her ear, "I love you. We'll beat this."

We stayed that way for a while until Bonnie got herself back under control. As soon as Bonnie was steady enough to get up and out of bed, I helped her get dressed. The nurse came over with the schedule of her chemo treatments. She had also scheduled us to see a nurse about living with diabetes. Ironically, Bonnie had been feeling bad for the last month or so because her pancreas wasn't producing the insulin she needed and not because of the tumor. Once she saw that nurse, she'd get her prescription for insulin. She would need to be on it for the rest of her life once they removed the pancreas.

Bonnie's first chemo treatment was Monday. She would be coming in to get hooked up to an IV once a week. She would do this for the next eight weeks. The surgeon had also prescribed some anti-nausea pills in case Bonnie had an adverse reaction to the chemo medicine.

We went home, and I helped Bonnie into the bedroom and back into bed. I stayed with her, holding her until she fell back asleep. Once I was sure she would stay asleep, I went to call Grace. She picked up on the third ring and sleepily said, "Hello?"

"Grace, this is Virginia," I started, and then a sob escaped despite my best effort, "We need you ...." I couldn't finish as my throat closed up.

"How soon do you need me there?" Grace asked without hesitation.

I fought for a minute to get my emotions under control and said, "As soon as we can get everything arranged."

"How long do you think you'll need me there?"

"Probably for a couple of months, assuming everything goes well. More, If it doesn't," I finished in a near whisper.

"Whatever it takes," Grace said firmly. "I'll get Kathy to keep an eye on my place while I'm gone. I'll have to get my mail forwarded to you and talk to the apartment manager about how to make my rent payments."

"Okay, I'll work on getting your plane ticket for you and let you know what flight you'll be on," I said. I was relieved that Grace would be a pillar of strength for us to lean on in the coming months. "I'll call you tonight, and we'll finish planning."

"Okay, sweetie," said Grace. "Give my love to Bonnie."

"I will, Grace," I said. "Thank you."

As soon as I hung up, I called Alice's office. When Mary Ann answered the phone, I asked her to put me through to Alice. When Alice got on the line, I told her what had happened.

"I'm so sorry to hear that," Alice said once I had finished. "Of course, you can take the time you need to get her through the chemo treatments. I'm glad her mother will be here to help you out."

"Thanks, Alice," I said. "I really appreciate you being so understanding. I'll make sure you won't regret doing this."

I hung up the phone and sat there, my heart heavy. I then got busy calling the airlines to get Grace's ticket for her trip. I ended up getting her on TWA first thing in the morning. I called her back and told her when her flight was and the airline Grace would be flying so she could pick up her ticket at the counter. She reassured me she had things arranged with Kathy and was already packing. I thanked her again, and she hushed me, saying, "Virginia, I'm her mother. I'd do it no matter what. You don't have to thank me. Tell Bonnie that Kathy sends her love."

By the time the boys got home, Bonnie was up and about. We sat them down and told them what had happened. We explained how Grace was coming tomorrow to help care for things while Bonnie underwent her chemo treatments. We all hugged each other, and I worked hard to cheer them up. By the time dinner was over, they were all ready to sit and watch a movie before going off to do their homework before going to bed. We all sat on the couch, my arms were around Mark and Bonnie, and Bonnie's arms were around Matthew and me while watching the movie.