You're an Idiot

He awoke wondering where Theresa "call me Tee" had gone. The warm, soft body he had been cuddling was missing. He couldn't have been asleep long because he could still feel sweat on his face. He squinted an eye open and saw her sitting beside him on the bed, noticing the sheet around her hips, her beautifully straight back and her thick cascade of brunette hair.

"Whuh?" he croaked, still groggy, and she looked down at him.

"You're an idiot," she said quietly. He waited, but she didn't explain.

"An idiot in general, or in particular?"

"I don't know if you're generally an idiot, but you're definitely an idiot in this one particular way," she said.

Puzzled, he waited for an explanation.

"You waited until the third date to maneuver me into bed, and by the way I was thinking of giving you a try after two dates, which is when I decided you had potential. And I'll admit your moves were pretty smooth. At least I've seen worse."

"But then you had to be an idiot and give me three orgasms!"

"That's bad?"

"Of course it's bad! You could have given me one orgasm and I'd have slept totally relaxed like a baby then enjoyed the glow for at least 24 hours. I'd have called my best friend and made her make me tell her the good news. I'd have gone to work tomorrow in a great mood and refused to tell anybody why."

"But you had to be an idiot and keep going after we made out for an hour and you fingered me to a perfectly wonderful climax. When I could almost breathe again you helped me out of my jeans and went kissing down and down and started licking the inside of my thighs until I was squirming. And damnit you watched my face and pulled aside my panties and licked and teased me for 15 minutes before I came again!

"It was your two fingers at the end that did it."

"I was even happier than before! First, I began to think you were a keeper. Second, I thought, 'My B-F-F is not going to believe this!!' Anyway I was a very happy girl."

"And I thought, 'This is still a win even if the night ends with this guy climbing on top and acting like a jackhammer.' "

"Then you said three magic words and I was lost."

"Three magic words?" he asked, racking his memory.

"You said, 'Are you protected?' and I was so amazed I could barely answer 'Yes.' "

"I felt like I should ask," he said.

"Well that makes you a fucking unicorn," she said.

"So that makes me an idiot?"

"No that makes you considerate. You're an idiot because you got on top and didn't need any help finding my vagina. You let me enjoy feeling you slide inside, and you started slow and stayed slow long enough for me to warm up."

"And then 'BANG' you were off to the races and it was sooo hot watching your face and seeing you get excited and go from slow to fast to slow again, making sure you were in the right position to rub my clit. And all the time you were stopping to kiss me and whispering how beautiful and sexy I am!"

"Well you are," he said.

"Then I don't know what you did, but you went faster and faster, with your arms under my knees. Then I was coming and screaming into my hands, and trying to thrash around, but you controlled me with your arms and then YOU came and sounded like a lion roaring. That was incredibly hot!"

He smiled at her.

"The way you tell it, it sounds like a good time."

"It was a GREAT time, but I would have been happy coming once or twice and now I have to take you seriously and I don't know what to tell my best friend."

"What about the truth?"

"If I take you seriously you'll meet her and she'll see you at dinners and game nights. And because girlfriends talk she'll want details and if I tell her you're Dr. Orgasmo she might get sad about her clumsy, insensitive boyfriend. Or she could get jealous and I'll lose her."

"You're getting way out in 'What-If' country my beautiful, sexy, thoughtful friend. What if your B-F-F is happy for you and decides to find a better guy for herself and we all live happily ever after?"

"I guess that's possible," she sighed. "But believe me, there aren't that many guys who can find a clitoris and know what to do with it."

He sat up and wrapped her in his arms and legs from behind.

"Mmm, your skin feels wonderful," he sniffed. "Smells good, too."

"Stop, I'm all sweaty and sticky!" she said, trying to pull away.

"I love you sweaty and sticky," he whispered in her ear, wrapping her in his arms. "You're incredibly hot."

He began kissing the back of her neck while his hands cupped her breasts and she relaxed against him.

"You're still an idiot."

"Probably," and then, "Have you heard about the G-spot?"