All Comments on 'Z Photo Studio'

Bullshit. You've never lived in Door County. Visited maybe, but never lived there and you sure as hell didn't fuck an 18-year-old black nymph there.

I hope there are additional chapters.

Good start, hopefully there is more.

Anon please..this is a story done in first person. The writer doesn't claim that this is a true story.

"a young female named Jasmine" Are you an incel? Because that's how incels talk. It should read "a young woman" (or lady, gal, anything else that doesn't objectify her). I get it. The guy is objectifying Jasmine (otherwise, you wouldn't have this story), but with the sheer volume of grammatical errors it feels like objectifying her with 'female' was in ignorance and not a conscious choice.

"Sherry could give less of a shit" That tells us it was possible for Sherry to care less than she did. You meant the opposite. "Sherry couldn't give less of a shit."

"It was almost like a curse but my thick white penis was getting hard" What was the almost curse? The penis or the getting hard? Why was it almost a curse? None of that is clear to the reader. If you're just trying to say the guy has a big dick, you could have just said, "My thick, white penis was getting hard." You did bring it up his penis size at least three times, I believe. Message received. Being told over and over again is annoying and brings doubt to the reader's mind.

Three times in two consecutive paragraphs you tell us Jasmine's wearing different clothing on her legs. "white socks and black shoes" "long ebony legs in white stockings" "long black legs clad in white panty hose" Socks, stockings (usually tights, sometimes thigh highs or the Christmas variety), and panty hose are typically (in the US) three different garments. Yes, Wikipedia lumps them all together, but real world usage isn't the same. Calling attention to it three times with three different names is distracting. Which one is she wearing? Consistency matters.

High school is two words.

"I knew I had gone too far when I put my teeth on her clit, and then sucking hard on it directly. 'Woo! That's too much. Go back to that other stuff you were doing. Too much right there.'" He didn't intuit it like the fine lover he thinks he is. He knew because she told him.

Random capitalizations, comma splices galore, dubious use of semicolons... Just about every other sentence has grammatical errors. Punctuation was hit particularly hard. It's not pedantic to call it out when it's so egregious that it affects readability.

The guy comes off like a boring, egocentric jerk in a very unerotic way. Women are only sluts and whores to him. He definitely has that gross "I'm a nice guy, women are just holes" vibe.

The story ended abruptly in the middle of the only sex scene. The readers came here for the sex scene. It wasn't even a rushed ending. It just...stopped. Why did you post it unfinished?

For a story of this length, there was too much back story and too much description of where his studio was located. Most of the long paragraph detailing the location is irrelevant to the plot.

Make it easier for your readers. Run your stories through Word and Grammarly (and don't ignore the errors) before posting if you can't find an editor.

Hey anon who wrote an essay; it's a fantasy story. If want to write a better one go do that. Enough with the negativity. I personally liked it a lot but agree that it ended too abruptly.

Nice story, im assuming there will be a part two because wth lol

It's so bizarre for a commenter to criticize another for having constructive criticism on a story posted publicly to a site that invites ratings and comments, and weirder still to insist to others they should go write their own stories as if that would have any bearing whatsoever on this one. It's childish, immature, and nonsensical, and a weirdly common retort on this site despite none needed.

If we could actually comment on the story and not break down with each other that would be great. I really like the story, but he just leaves it hanging. where is part 2? Does she get fucked? What happens with the man's semen? Will there ever be a threesome with Sherri? Lots of unexplored options here