Zack, Luke & Ben

Before I can catch up with him, the other three assholes are suddenly blocking my path. I smile politely and attempt to move around them, but they don't let me. One of them says, "Ben's gonna be busy for a while. Most of the girls are on that side of the pond and he has a lot of people to meet."

I say nothing. I simply turn around to walk away, but one of them grabs me by the collar of my shirt. "Where're you going there, Zack? Long time no see. This is the perfect opportunity for us to get reacquainted."

"I'm headed home," I say.

"It's early. We have hours of fun ahead of us."

Two of them flank me and hook their arms through mine. They drag me, heels digging into the soft grass, until we're behind the log cabin and clear of most everyone else. Once we've reached our quiet destination, one of them says, "Where's your big strong bodyguard tonight? The one who stuck by you all through school? Did you break up with him?"

"Or trade him in for a newer model?" the third guy says, tossing his empty beer bottle aside.

"Your new guy is easily distracted. He'll be occupied for a while." He nods at his friends and they each retake my arms and bend them behind my back.

I cry out in pain. The guy in front of me reveals that he's holding a baseball bat. He says, "Hey, two guys have their hands all over you. This must be a dream come true for a faggot."

The one on my left laughs, "He's probably already popped a boner."

I struggle against my captors, but to no avail. The master of ceremonies flips the bat to the asshole on my left as he pulls a set of brass knuckles on his right hand. He winds up and slugs an uppercut into my solar plexus. I double over so hard that they drop me to the ground where I curl into the fetal position. My eyes tear up and bile rises in my throat as I cough and gasp for air. My stomach is on fire and I think I might puke.

They all scream at me to get up, threatening to bash my head in if I don't. It takes a minute as I struggle to my hands and knees. Just then, a kick lands right in my stomach again. My eyes are closed, my ears are ringing and the world is spinning. I think I hear my name being yelled. I still can't open my eyes. The voice calling out, "Zack!" is getting closer. It's so familiar, but I can't place it. Then a third blow lands. Another kick. It gets me right in the skull and everything goes dark and silent.

~~

I wake up in the hospital to glaring light and beeping machines. Noah and Julia are there, looking terrified. Noah grips my hand while Julia strokes my hair and kisses my forehead. A tear streaks down my cheek, "I should have listened to you," I croak. "I'm an idiot for going to that party."

Julia shushes me and Noah says, "Don't think about that right now. You're going to be okay. You scared the holy fucking shit out of us, but you're going to be okay. You have a fan club of visitors waiting to see you, but they only allow a couple of people in at a time."

It must be the world's smallest fan club. I think of the hand of acceptance and my five fingers. Two of them are in this room right now and two others are still in Texas. I look right at Noah, "Does Mom know what happened to me?"

He holds my eye and nods. "I called her."

"Did she come?"

His eyes drop to his feet and he shakes his head.

"What did she say?"

"We shouldn't talk about her right--"

"What did she say?" I demand.

Noah sighs and squeezes my hand harder, "Something about the consequences of the choice you've made."

I can see in his eyes and hear in his voice that he hates that woman with a burning passion. And I love him for that.

Julia kisses my head again, "You have a concussion and some bad bruising, but it could have been a lot worse. In a couple weeks, you'll be good as new."

Suddenly I have a flash of fear. I jerk my head too quickly and I see stars. "Is Ben okay?" I ask frantically.

Noah looks confused, "Why wouldn't he be?"

"He was calling my name. He saved me. Did they attack him too?"

Noah says, "Calm down. Don't work yourself up." He runs a hand through his hair, "Ben is fine. He's in the hall waiting to see you, but he isn't the one who was calling your name. I used your phone an hour ago to text him and let him know what was going on. He had no idea. He had just assumed you'd left the party and went home."

I'm relieved that Ben's okay, but who was calling my name? The voice was familiar but the world was spinning and I couldn't place it. I look back up at Noah, "So, it was you. You saved me. How did you know where I was? Are you okay? There were three of them and they had a baseball bat."

"It wasn't me either." He scoots his chair closer, "Luke flew home a day early. He thought the party was tomorrow night and he wanted to get to you tonight. He wanted to talk to you. When he got to our house, no one was home. He checked the bookstore, but you weren't there either. He texted me but I had no information for him. You didn't tell me that the party was moved to Friday. I told Luke that you'd been hanging out with the next door neighbor a lot and suggested he ring their doorbell. He did. Ben's parents mentioned something about a party, but they didn't know the details. That was when Luke remembered that you two have location tracking for each other on your phones. He tracked you down and raced to the park. He fought off those guys, got you to the hospital and called me."

I think of Luke and my body temperature seems to rise ten degrees. "No offense to the two of you, but can you send him in?"

Noah glances at Julia who says, "Not right now, sweetie."

I frown, "Did he leave?"

Noah shakes his head, "He's in another room. He's being...treated."

I jerk upright and my head spins again. Noah eases me back down. "He's going to be okay. He has a broken arm."

I think of the baseball bat and tears flood my eyes. My protector.

Noah says, "Your best friend is a superhero. He's country-strong. He fought off three attackers, got his arm broken in the process, still managed to pick you up and carry you to his car, getting you to the emergency room faster than any ambulance ever could have. Luke is..."

"Luke is hurt," I finish. "Because of me." I tell my brother, "Please send Ben in here."

~~

Ben rushes to me and gives me an awkward hug, "I'm not hurting you, am I?" he sits in Noah's chair.

He did hurt me, but he means the hug. I shake my head slowly.

"Zack, I'm so sorry. I thought you were right behind me. I promised I'd stick to your side. This is all my fault."

It really isn't though. I tell him, "No. You had no idea what would happen. And you didn't force me to go to the party. That's on me."

"I promise you Zack, I'm done with those guys." He takes my hand in his.

I look at our fingers laced together, "Ben, when you told me that you are pan, was that the truth?"

He looks away, "It might be."

"Uh huh."

"In fairness," he says, "I said 'I think I'm pan'."

Wow. I just won the Idiot of the Year award. "Why do you hug me so much?"

"We're friends."

"Why do you hold my hand? Why did you kiss my head?"

He says nothing.

"Ben, what do you want us to be?"

He smiles, "You're my new best friend."

"Right. So, what's with the mixed signals?"

He sighs, "I'd just moved here and needed a friend. You seemed like a nice guy. When you told me you're gay, I thought maybe you were hoping I was too. So, I left the door open." he trails off. "It seemed harmless at the time."

I let go of his hand, "Ben, you don't have to be someone you're not to be my friend. In this town, if you needed to be queer to be in my life, I'd be living alone in a cave."

A tear rolls down his cheek, "I'm so sorry Zack. I lied to you, I broke my promise and you ended up in the hospital. I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again."

Only some of that is his fault. And we all make mistakes. I tell him, "Since you live next door, that might be tough."

He chuckles.

"Just give me some time."

~~

Up next is Gio. I had him pegged as just a "work" friend, but a work friend is a real friend. And here he is. Our first get together outside of work is taking place in the hospital. I think I prefer the bookstore. I apologize for how I reacted the other day when all he was doing was showing me how much he cared. I tell him that while I recover for a couple weeks, he'll be stuck helping the male customers too. He laughs.

Noah and Julia come back in and sit with me until I fall asleep. When I wake up, my brother is nowhere to be found but I'm not alone. Luke is here. Luke. In person for the first time in weeks. His left arm is in a hard cast from his wrist to just below the shoulder. He's in jeans and a t-shirt rather than a backless hospital gown like me, so he must have been released. The sight of him makes a tingle roll down to my toes. He saved my life.

When he notices my eyes are open, he clambers to my side.

"Noah just stepped out to deal with your discharge. You're getting sprung soon."

Luke is not an "I told you so" kind of a guy, so I say it for him. "You were right. I knew better but I went to that party anyway. I fucked up and you ended up hurt."

He shakes his head, "It was my fault, I--"

"Luke! In what universe is any of this your fault? You have a family who needs you. I should be able to survive two months without my best friend. I failed you. My erratic behavior forced you to abandon your family and rush home weeks early. And your only reward is a broken arm."

He shakes his head, "My reward is that my best friend is alive and will be okay." He shifts in his seat and grimaces in pain.

I touch his good arm, "Let me start over. Thank you for saving my life. I'm sorry I always seem to need rescuing. You cut your trip short because of me, you got hurt because of me... I'm such a fucking mess. I'm a tornado in your life. You should fly back to Texas and--"

He cuts me off, "Zee, I will always... Look, you are not a mess. And you don't always need rescuing. You are the strongest, bravest, most courageous person I know. I'm not talking about meaningless physical strength." He places his right hand on my shin through the blanket. "You 'came out' to a homophobic parent in a homophobic town at the age of fifteen. You said 'fuck you' to anyone who didn't like it. The important people in your life know how fearless you are."

He releases my shin and grabs my foot, giving it a jiggle, "I already had my plane ticket to come home early before you even told me about that party. Before you told me about how things were progressing with Ben. But, yeah, when you mentioned the party, I bumped up to the earliest flight I could get. I'm only sorry it wasn't early enough to keep you safe."

I scoff, "Is that why you said it was your fault? You think you were too late? Oh my god! You rushed all the way from Texas and saved my life!."

"It is my fault, but that's not why." He blinks hard and clears his throat, "You didn't text me much while I was away."

"Well, I understood why you had to go. Your family needed you. I didn't want to make you feel guilty or anything." I notice he has more freckles than usual from the Texas sun. I refocus on his striking grey eyes. "You still need to tell me how you could possibly think you did anything wrong."

"Because I left without telling you." He lets go of my foot, takes my hand and he squeezes. "Zack, you've spent the last five years living inside of this way too small pocket of rural acceptance. Boldly facing hate and fear. Being you."

I think of the five fingers: Noah, Luke, Julia, Luke's dad and Gio. Is there a sixth finger? Does Ben count? I'll decide that later.

Luke continues, "I wanted to tell you before I left, but I chickened out. I've been chickening out for five years now."

"You're not afraid of anything, Luke."

He shakes his head, "That's you. I'm not afraid dumb things. Assholes, bullies, idiots... You're the one who's not afraid of real things. That's why I'm to blame. If I'd told you what I've been needing to tell you, you would have never gone to that party."

"I'm listening now."

So Luke tells me. He tells me how he never doubted who he was, but he was afraid of so many things. Disappointing his dad, alienating his cousins, his grandmother turning her back on him. And the other kids at school. He had become my bodyguard after I came out. He was afraid he'd be less effective as my protector if he was suddenly as much of a target as I was. And then he had the ridiculous fear that just because he was gay too, he might not necessarily be my type. Maybe I wouldn't be into him.

As if he wasn't the object of my tamped down desires and hasn't been since the day I met him. I tell him, "Luke, you're tall, strong, brave, gorgeous, kind, generous and sweet. But I'm not, not, not, not, not, not and not. The real question is why me?"

He leans in even closer and brushes hair off my forehead. "Your mirror must be broken. As cute and adorable as you are, you are also one fucking hot and sexy man."

My cheeks heat up. His knuckles glide gently down my face and he grips my shoulder.

"And sure you're kind and sweet too, but your strength and bravery are awe inspiring. Who gives a shit about muscles?"

I raise my hand, "Umm... I do!"

He laughs, "And I don't. Emotional strength turns me on and you've been turning me on for five years now." He goes on to tell me that all the time we spend huddled under the blanket in my freezer of a basement is more about cuddling up close to the guy who gives him tingles than about being cold.

I look at his casted and slinged arm, "I can't believe you took on three guys and got hit by a baseball bat. All for me. You could have..." I trail off.

He shakes his head, "No. Nothing was gonna stop me. I was still so far away when I saw that asshole wind up for that first punch. I started screaming your name and charging as fast I could. I was already too late, but I was almost really too late. Zee, you were almost killed last night."

But I wasn't. Luke was there for me like he always has been. I ask him, "You said you already had your plane ticket. So, why did you come home three weeks early?"

"I finally got up the courage to tell my family that... Well... I came out. But more than that, I told them that I'm in love but the other guy, back in Ohio, didn't even know it yet. They basically kicked me out."

"Oh my god! Luke! I'm so sorry!"

"No!" he laughs. "Not like that. In a good way. They insisted that I fly back, run to you and have an epic reuinion full of confessions and tears. My grandma is a romantic. She had a whole movie scene playing out in her mind. That picture I texted you of me and Dad and Grandma... That was taken right after I told them."

"I love that picture. And you did rush into an epic movie scene."

"Right. But it was the wrong movie. The wrong genre. It was missing a few key moments." He leans forward and squeezes my shoulder harder. His steel grey eyes lock on mine and I shiver. "I love you, Zee." And then he kisses me. My real first kiss. And my second, third and fourth. It's a good thing I'm not hooked up to a heart monitor or it might have exploded by now.

~~

Two Weeks Later:

"I can do things you know. I'm right handed," Luke grins up at me.

We're at my mom's house and I just finished mowing the lawn that hadn't been mowed since I last did it weeks ago. I made Luke sit in a lawn chair and watch me while sipping ice cold lemonade. I've been cleared for normal activities by my doctor and the concussion protocol is officially over. Luke's cast will be on for a few more weeks and I don't let him do anything. Like seriously nothing. I even take off and put on his shoes for him, which I actually enjoy doing and he always enjoys the foot massage that accompanies the taking off part. I've quickly learned all of his favorite spots on his huge size 12 feet.

He also needs lots of help bathing. Like lots of help with sponging, washing, scrubbing, rinsing, stroking...all over. Everywhere. Especially in uninjured and very healthy, responsive places. You get the idea. And I'm very skilled at triggering a response. Usually, all I have to do is look at him and the response begins. But I love using my tools and instruments too. Sponges, loofas, soaps... These days Luke is a very clean boy. I give him lots of baths.

I tell him, "It's a good thing it's your left arm so I can still fairly beat you in bowling once that cast is off."

"Is it really fair though if I've been secretly letting you win all this time?"

I make a face, "You do not."

"But now I've planted the seed of doubt and you'll never know for sure." He grins like a fool before turning serious, "Does your mom appreciate what you do around here? Like, at all? Does she even notice?"

I sigh. "Probably not, but it needs doing so I do it more for Noah than for her."

I'm standing on a kitchen chair trying my best to change a battery in a smoke detector that's been beeping since we got here. But I'm struggling hard. The damn thing won't screw back on. I'm using both hands and my feet wobble on the chair for just one second. Luke rushes to me and wraps his good arm around my waist.

"It was nothing," I say. "I'm fine."

"You can't risk a fall. You're done with concussions."

With my arms raised, Luke takes advantage of my vulnerable position. My shirt has ridden up above my waistband and Luke slides down my body until he is eye to eye with my navel. He hasn't done anything yet, but I'm already giggling in anticipation. "Don't you dare! I can't lower my arms right now and defend myself."

"Defend? Like I would ever-- Hey! I see you're wearing Adidas underwear today." He squeezes me tighter, holding me steady.

My jeans must be sagging. I blush, "All my secrets have been revealed."

He drags his finger across the currently stretched, taught skin of my lower abdomen and my giggles turn to laughter. He pushes my shirt up higher and blows a ridiculous raspberry into my tummy. I'm quickly hardening within my jeans, mere inches from Luke's face.

I almost drop the smoke detector. "Okay, now I really am going to fall."

He winks, "You know you're safe with me."

Of course I am. "I also know that I just finished mowing the lawn. I'm sweaty, smelly and gross right now."

He nuzzles his nose in my belly button and takes in a comically deep breath, "My manly ripe man. Just one of the many ways I love you. I had to watch you strut all around in front of me with the lawn mower and I couldn't do a thing about it. Now, you're at my mercy."

I finally get the damn thing aligned with the treads and it twists into place. His face is still in my navel, but he's kissing now, so I stay where I am and enjoy the attention. Luke has spent time kissing and caressing my stomach every day since I took that brass-knuckled punch in the gut two weeks ago. He continues to kiss and lick my belly and my knees begin to buckle. I entangle my fingers in his hair and he lifts me off the chair with just his one good arm. He carries me into my old room and we collapse onto the bed. We're here right now because my mother isn't. We knew she would be at work.

I'm on my back and he kisses me deeply. His tongue invades my mouth and wrestles my own tongue into submission, causing my cock to stiffen even more in my pants. Luke tastes so good. Over the course of six years of friendship, I tried to not think about what this would feel like. Little did I know that Luke was battling the same thoughts. He tugs one-handed at my shirt and I wiggle out of it. He takes me in with his eyes and defying all logic, his grin tells me he likes what he sees. And so does the steel rod in his pants.

He slides his tongue down my chin and my neck and says, "Yum," as he tastes my skin, salty from sweat. Despite the fact that it's not like a meat locker in here, his attention to my neck gives me goosebumps. His fingers trail from my wrist down my arm. I giggle as he teases my armpit, strums my rib cage, tickles my side and caresses my hip bone. I am now at full erection.