Zee Ch. 01

Zee 01

I mean, this guy, this guy Dan from across the Condo complex courtyard, that guy, he had things so much worse than me. He had so many different attitudes depending on who was around that it confused me how he kept up with it all, but in the end, he always mellowed out and caved in to my pestering requests, not that he could be bought off with a large jug of sun brewed ice tea that I often sun brewed on the hand rail of the very small deck rear deck of my Condo. And the large jug of freshly sun brewed ice tea was the same as a text.

Or he liked to stroll across the courtyard when I was on the rear deck to see what I was wearing up close and personal because that's one of his attitudes. I mean, I don't know all that much about how people interact with one another, so I really don't know if Dan had attitudes or not, so I may have made that part up, but still, this guy Dan, right? LOL, that guy Dan who had absolutely no interest in me.

But I was ready to interact with some other people and he liked freshly brewed sun tea, so he was my guy to get things started.

Oh, and if lanky is a description of some body types, that's not Dan. His arms are bigger than my legs.

[Non lanky stroll across the courtyard]

"What's up, Dan? Do you and your boys want to watch the car race at my place then, hmm?"

"Zee, that's just Darlington crazy! But what I was wondering..."

"Oh, Dan, you were wondering if I would watch over your Condo while you went on a weekend holiday and make me promise to not change out all your teenager style briefs for boxer briefs because you're a man now then, Dan, hmm? I can promise that. And you haven't said anything about my ponytail yet and you've been here for 12 seconds, so?"

[Pretty weak flip flopping of ponytail]

"Oh, um, it looks nice, Zee. Like bushy and bouncy, I guess, but listen, I was wondering if..."

"A ponytail pinned up this high on the back of the head is a symbol, Dan, a symbol that I'm looking for someone to take me out and before you throw up, I know that you're not interested in me, so?"

"Oh, um, that's good and all, I think, but listen, Zee, I was wondering..."

"Dan, yes, if you were wondering if I stepped out on the deck yesterday in a perfectly fitting earthtone bikini with my hair in my new ponytail style, yes, I did that, but it was for only 5 seconds, but my middle and front seem to be very acceptable for wearing a bikini for selfies and yes, from now on, I will keep it behind my closed rear patio door, so?"

[Frowns and crosses arms, but side eye spies the jug of ice tea]

"But I guess you have something else that you were wondering about, Dan, so?"

"Zee, I was wondering if you're moving out of the complex or something? There was a moving cube truck here yesterday afternoon and I was just wonder what was going on, Zee? I'm also wondering about that jug of sun brewed ice tea, but more about if you're leaving the Condo complex, so?"

"LOL, oh no, I have this Condo complex on lock, Dan, just like I have my ponytail skills on lock. That was the beginnings of a roomie moving in with me, so."

"Oh, um, oh, is it a good idea for you take on a roomie then, Zee? I mean, these are modern times and you have a bit of a body, so?"

"Hmm, how much of "a bit of a body" do I have then, Dan, hmm?"

"I mean, I mean, I mean, I'm just saying that nap time could be, um, irresistible or something. I mean, not for me, of course, but for some random modern guy from the roomie wanted want ads, so?"

[Spies ice tea, spies bare legs in shorts, spies ice tea]

I mean, guys, right? They just talk themselves into a corner like all the time.

"Oh, that's actually a valid concern then, Dan, I mean, modern guys, right? They just want to poke something like all the time, right? But not to worry, Dan, my new roomie is a Shelia, so?"

"Wait, wait, wait, your new roomie's name is Shelia then, Zee?"

"LOL, no Dan, a "Shelia" is an affectionate title for a girl born in Australia. Her name is Jasmine and she works for a vacation cruise line, so?"

"Wait, wait, wait, Zee, you, you, you have a Shelia named Jasmine for a roomie and she works at sea then?"

"And I have symbolic ponytail skills, Dan."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's symbolic, so this Shelia, um..."

"Well, 6 weeks at sea and 2 weeks at home and I will be taking care of her Delicates. In a symbolic ponytail, of course."

"Wait, wait, wait, Zee, you, you, you have a Shelia named Jasmine for a roomie and she works at sea and then she comes home here to the complex for a while and you hand wash her Delicates, then, Zee?"

"In a symbolic ponytail, Dan."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you want a date, is she fly then, Zee?"

"Well, she received her bush flying license for the outback down under when she was a teenager, so."

"Wait, wait, wait, Zee, you, you, you have a Shelia named Jasmine for a roomie and she works at sea and then you hand wash her Delicates, in a symbolic ponytail, of course, and then she used to fly the bush of the back country down under then, huh?"

"And Jasmine gets the entire second floor for her privacy because she likes to curl and brush her hair in just her undies while I stay on the lower floor with my fabulous, yet symbolic ponytail, so?"

"Wait, wait, wait, Zee, you, you have a Shelia named Jasmine for a roomie and she works at sea and then you hand wash her Delicates, in a symbolic ponytail, of course, and then she used to fly the bush of the back country down under and she has her privacy to brush and curl her hair while just wearing her undies near the upper floor window then, huh?"

While I stay on the lower floor with my..."

[Side eye spy on the jug of brewing ice tea]

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's symbolic that you're ready to date and you're going to be good in a bed whether you're any good at sex or not, so your "Shelia" then, hmm?"

"Dan, this is getting a little annoying, so let me finish this up for you. "Wait, wait, wait, Zee, you, you, you have a Shelia named Jasmine for a roomie and she works at sea and you hand wash her Delicates, in a symbolic ponytail, of course, and she used to fly the bush of the back country down under then and the bush flying business was a family business, but she moved to the States to attend Costal because who doesn't want to attend college that's minutes from the beach and she also wears quite the cruiser liner uniform too and then when she will be at home, she likes to curl her hair in just her undies possibly near the upper floor window then, huh?" Or something like that. Anyways, of course, I sun brewed the ice tea for you and your boys, but it needs another hour or so and maybe Scotty should pick it up later. And maybe I should mention that I am home alone today with a symbolic ponytail, so?"

"Ugh, Zee, can I not know about all that then?"

"Dan, no, you don't have to know about all that, but you should know to think "red rover, red rover, send Scotty right over" like in an hour or so, so?"

So, when your Condo neighbor plugs his ears with his fingers as he walks away and goes all "la, la, la" and stuff, I mean, that's a good sign, right?

And for a guy who didn't want to know anything, LOL, he turned around for one last "la, la, la", I guess.

"Zee, are you wearing red undies today? Is that the basis of the red rover riddle?"

[Flips symbolic ponytail back and forth. Weak, but it flipped]

"Ask Scotty later, Dan."

"La, la, la, la. And nobody calls Scott, Scotty, so send him a text when the brew is ready."

I mean, guys, right? They want all want to know something until you tell them something.

[Weep]

"Sun Brewed tea ready."

Now, this might be weird for some folks, but it's pretty customary around these parts to stomp your feet on the decking to announce that you are at the back patio door as opposed to knocking, so.

[Stomp, Stomp]

"Oh, Scotty, I wasn't expecting you so soon. Did you trot across the courtyard?"

[Again, with the weak flipping of the symbolic ponytail back and forth]

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but Dan was all "go over red rover" and stuff and then he was all "la, la, la" and then he started to throw out all of his teenage underwear and then he stuck his head in the oven and then I didn't know what to do, so I came over, red rover. And calling me "Scotty" in public needs to have a cap on it, Zee, so?"

[Needs to stop with the weak ass ponytail flipping]

"Sorry, but I seem to be into "affectionate" names and titles these days. Did you want to step inside for a few minutes, Scotty or just grab the jug of ice tea and run, huh?"

[Muffled voices in the background]

"Oh, I mean, it sounds like you have company, Zee, so I should grab the jug of tea and get with it then, right?"

"Scotty, I'm just video calling with my new roomie for a minute. That's just her and her "below deck" co-workers giggling and stuff on the laptop video call, so?"

[Wait, wait, did that ponytail flip work? Or will a guy just follow a bouncing ball? Right to the couch]

"Oh, good day mate, are you the American cowboy who is going to repaint my bedroom then mate, hmm?"

"Oh, oh, I mean, that is what I do for a living and um, good day, um, mate, it's nice to meet you."

"(Giggle) well, is that a "yes" or a "no" then, mate? I mean, what, it's a couple of evenings alone with Zee and some cans of paint and he'll probably grub you. And I'm a Shelia named Jasmine, mate."

"(Grub me)?"

"(Feed you, Scotty)."

[Zit, zit, freeze screen, zit, zit, back]

"(That's what lives in your new Condo complex then, Jasmine)?"

"Oops, you're not on mute, Candice, anyways, Scotty, please respond to Jasmine then."

"I mean, of course, um, I'll need a color scheme and some dinner alone, I mean, be left alone to perform my work, so."

"(Hah, he looks like he could perform alright)."

"Again, not on mute, Candice. So, Jasmine has created a 3D color model on her tablet and a list of colors and stuff for you Scotty, so?"

"(Oh, Chippy is going to go all Skippy soon)!"

[Giggle, giggle]

[Mute]

So, giggling with an Australian accent and giggling with a Minnesota accent basically sound the same then?

"Mate?"

"Oh, sorry, I was just reviewing your 3D model on Zee's tablet. This is pretty cool, but it's certainly all special mixed paint, but sold, if I can have at least two weekends, so?"

"Sold back to you, mate, but I will be home on the third weekend though, so."

I mean, it's not like I set Scotty up or anything, but Jasmine wanted and needed a repaint and all I paint is my nails, so. Also, Scotty and I were on the couch while negotiating with Jasmine anyways.

[Mwah, ummah, oomph, smooch, mwah, arms everywhere, ummah, smooch, oomph, mwah]

"Yep, I'm coming onto you, Scotty. Return the gestures or take the jug of ice tea and go. Either way, it's all cool, so?"

[Mwah, ummah, oomph, smooch, mwah, arms really everywhere, ummah, smooch, squeeze, mwah]

"Whoa, people should do that more often! Anyways, that's about as far as I can come on to you today, Scotty, but I've made it so you know my undies are red rover red and if you want to return the gesture, I mean, we can go that far today then, so?"

[Mwah, ummah, oomph, smooch, mwah, squeeze, ummah, smooch, oomph, squeeze, mwah]

[Oh, buttons are shuffling, zippers are shuffling, lips are shuffling, arms are shuffling and the symbolic ponytail has a mind of its own then]

[Mwah, ummah, oomph, smooch, mwah, squeeze, ummah, smooch, oomph, squeeze, mwah]

"Wow, but I've prepared for this, Scotty."

"Oh, do tell then, Zee, do tell then."

"Oh, I mean, next week maybe, I mean, if you're going to fuck me, can you fuck me smash face down and can I be 100% naked then, Scotty?"

"Wow, you really are coming on to me, Timmie Z, so, yeah, your bed, your rules then."

[Mwah, ummah, oomph, smooch, mwah, squeeze, ummah, smooch, oomph, grip, grip, boing]

"Oh, I guess I didn't think this through very well then, huh, Scotty?"

"Probably not, Zee, but that's a firm grip you have on my paint brush, so?"

[Zit, freeze, zit, unfreeze]

"It's throbbing roomie (giggle, giggle), just lean down and smooch it! Nature will take care of the rest (giggle, giggle). Nice, by the way, like down under coral pink."

"What?!?! Zee, didn't you hang up the video call then?!?!?"

"Well, I mean, I'm all flustered and bothered and I forgot, okay? I mean, they already spied your perfectly acceptable paint brush, so, well, I'll pull my shorts down and kiss it then, okay?"

[And just where did Zee learn to strip like that then, hmm? Oh, yeah, Chang]

[Below deck video call screen shot, screen shot, zoom in on Scotty, screen shot]

"Damn, Jasmine, I'm coming to visit with you at your new Condo for a weekend!"

"Still not on mute, Candice."

"Shut it, Zee, now just pucker up and take care of your boyfriend then. And how many friends does he have, hmm?"

Nah, I wasn't about to hang up the video call just yet, so. I mean, I was too busy dropping my shorts and revealing my red rover red undies, so.

"SOB. He looks better in a thong than I do! Pucker and suck, pucker and suck like a French kiss!"

"Now that's something you can say again, Candice! Anyways, what she said, Scotty????"

"Ahh, your video call, your roomie and her friend, your rules, Zee! All in secret, right?"

[Below deck screen shot, screen shot, screen shot]

"Put your feet up, Scotty (and accidently close my laptop, please)."

[Screen shot, extend legs on coffee table, flip down, close, zit, zit, hang up]

Well, the best things in life don't last long, I suppose. And I'm just guessing that a French kiss on a hard paint brush is one of the best things. But it didn't last too long.

[Kiss, ka-pow, ka-boom, ka-blast, ka-squirt, ka-gulp, ka-ahh]

"I mean, Zee, there was all of the making out and all the hand rubbing and then the girls on screen and then you dropped your shorts and then you were wearing a red rover red thong and then..."

"[Mwah], hush, Scotty, it was actually easy on me for my first time, so?"

"Um, but I still get a chance to be your Condo Complex Boyfriend soon, right?"

"[Mwah] I've been preparing for it, Scotty. Now, take the ice tea jug and go. And stop smiling like that or your buds will know, so."

Yeah, right, guys who have a reason to smile, right? He has his phone in his hand before he stepped off of the small rear deck! LOL, and then he turned around.

"Oops, I guess I forgot the jug of tea and it won't take me two full weekends to paint one bedroom, so?"

[Ponytail flips]

"I kind of figured that, Scotty, but I want a boyfriend for two full weekends, all in secret, of course."

Or there are no secrets ever for short.

End Zee 01