Zero

"Goodness!"

He put down the bag and walked over.

"Where are your clothes? Are you okay?"

Zero was taken aback. This man did not hesitate.

"I'm okay, I promise. I'm just looking for a place to stay the night and hoped you would help me."

"Why didn't you say so sooner? Follow me, we're almost at my house."

He picked up the bag again and led, Zero close behind.

"Do you want me to carry that for you?" they offered.

"That's sweet, but you don't have to do that. I could use the exercise."

The man had African skin and short gray hair. He was about as tall as Zero and looked to be in his sixties or even his seventies.

Oddly, the love built in Zero's chest like it always did, but not the attraction. They weren't aroused and needy like in their previous encounters. They just felt warm and content.

They got to a little house with a garden and the man quickly herded Zero inside.

"There, now you're away from any prying eyes."

There would never have been any prying eyes, but it didn't seem particularly grateful to point that out in the face of such hospitality.

"My name is Amari. What's yours?"

"Zero."

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you. I wish I could hug you, but I wouldn't want to cross any boundaries."

Zero smiled. "I have no boundaries. Touch me all you want. I want you to hug me, too."

Amari nodded and complied, hugging them warmly.

"If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know."

That was a little weird for Zero to hear. With the people they'd met before then, this would be the time the two would make love, but now the urge to do that was absent. What was going on? If Amari wasn't their next lover, why did their body bring them to him? And why were they so happy anyway?

They chose their words carefully.

"I'm not entirely sure what I need right now. But I've been alone for quite some time and would love to keep someone company for a while."

Amari nodded sagely.

"Say no more."

The remaining day was possibly the happiest time of Zero's life so far. Amari simply went about his day, all the while talking to Zero. He told them stories about his life, a long and eventful 67 years. He met his soulmate when he was a young man, but after over forty years of marriage, she fell ill and died. Zero cried their heart out when Amari told them that, and the man shed a few tears of his own as he comforted them. Now Zero knew why they felt no sexual attraction to Amari. He had already found the love of his life and wouldn't stray from her, even years after she was gone. Zero could never ask for any sexual favors from Amari. Their body knew that.

While cooking dinner, Amari told Zero about the things he had done to occupy his time recently. He gardened, went to church, whittled, and babysat children for his friends and neighbors. He never said as much, but Zero was able to put together that everyone in the small community knew Amari and saw him as a friend. He was the unofficial grandpa of all his neighbors and always willing to lend an ear.

Amari was extremely respectful and courteous to Zero concerning their situation. When he offered to give Zero some clothes they politely declined and Amari accepted that they would just be naked. Zero told him there was no need for him to make another serving of dinner and he didn't bat an eye. He rarely asked Zero any questions, and while Zero was ready to tell him everything, they were happy that things didn't have to get more complicated, at least for now.

Zero was hopelessly in love with Amari in record time. They wanted to live with him forever. They wanted to be part of his family. Perhaps this is where their body had been leading them to this whole time. Was it too much to hope that they could stay with Amari? They'd never have sex, so Amari wouldn't forget Zero. Could they finally have a home?

When night fell, Amari got ready for bed. He woke up early and thus fell asleep early. He offered Zero the guest bedroom and they felt a compulsion.

"If it's not too much trouble...do you think I could sleep in your bed with you?" Immediately they felt bad for asking. That was far too intimate! They were about to apologize when Amari replied.

"If you want to. I've missed sleeping with someone else in my bed."

That night Amari was in his pajamas and held Zero close. His hands were on their stomach and never strayed. It wasn't sexual, it was affectionate and loving.

Amari dozed off and Zero was alone with their thoughts. They didn't mind never having sex again if it meant staying with Amari. They would control their desires somehow. They would make it work.

Then, to their utter horror, the warmth and tingling began in their waist.

No! This can't be possible! They never made love, how could this be happening?

They wanted to get out of bed, run to the guest room, do anything to stop what was going on, but their body betrayed them once again. They couldn't move. They were so comfortable, so warm and happy, even as the threat of it all being taken away loomed over them.

Zero wept silently. Being separated from Wyatt, Corrin, and Gareth was bad enough, but Amari was the nicest person in the world! Or at least Zero's world. They didn't want it to end! They didn't want to be alone again!

The warmth inexorably spread throughout them. It wasn't the intense buzzing of sexual orgasm, it was more like a happy glow, even if Zero didn't want to be happy. They wanted to scream, cry, run away, but they couldn't! Eventually all they could think about was how much they loved Amari, how kind he was, and how wonderful it was to be in his life, even for such a short amount of time.

Zero had no choice but to accept their fate.

"Goodbye, Amari," they whispered into the darkness. "I'll love you forever."

At that moment, a euphoria shot through Zero's body unlike anything they even knew possible. In their mind's eye they saw visions of Wyatt, Corrin, and Gareth, each happy and safe. All of their lovers were okay. None of them would want Zero to be hurting so much on their account. They'd want Zero to be happy.

The bliss lasted for a minute or two before it faded away. Eventually, Amari removed his hands from Zero and rolled over. There was no pushing force, but Zero knew in their heart that Amari had forgotten them.

Zero left the house, tiptoeing even though nobody would hear them. When they were outside they heard something in their head. On previous occasions it felt like their own voice was discovering something, but this time it was unmistakable that someone or something else was speaking to them. A deep, mysterious voice echoed in their mind.

Come to me.

That's exactly what Zero did. They looked at Amari's home one more time and walked in the direction that they hoped would lead them to the answers they had been desperate to find for so long.

*****

Unlike most of their previous journeys, this one was very short. Before the night was over, they had entered a forest, and the trees and grass seemed familiar to Zero, even though they knew they had never been there before. Soon the sun had risen, and when its light was just beginning to illuminate the world around them, they found what they were looking for.

Zero was in the clearing from their vision. The trees were the same, the light was the same, and there were two rocks on the ground just like how they were shown to be in Zero's mind.

Once that fact sank in, the air in the clearing began to shimmer. Something large and bright was materializing in front of them.

What gradually appeared was a gigantic humanoid figure, at least ten feet tall. Its body was translucent and hard to even discern, the edges were fuzzy and wouldn't get any sharper after a point. It was emitting a dim, but somehow still powerful, white glow.

They heard the voice in their mind again.

Hello, Zero. Thank you for coming here.

Zero wasn't scared as much as awestruck.

"Are you...are you God?"

The figure shook a bit, and in their mind Zero could hear a quiet, deep laugh.

Sometimes I wish, but no. I think it's for the best you don't know what exactly I am. I apologize, but I've made my decision on that manner. All you need to know is that you can call me...One.

"Well then, One...who are you? What do you want with me?"

I called you here because I would like to tell you the truth. I am responsible for your rebirth and I wanted to tell you why I did what I did. And after that I wish to ask what you'll choose to do moving forward.

One spread its arms.

Come closer, child. Let me hold you.

Apprehensively, Zero approached, wondering how such an incorporeal being could hold anyone. When Zero was close, One's arm went under them and moved upward. Suddenly Zero was rising up until they were floating high in the air, surrounded by a warmth. They looked at One's face and it was quite literally blank. Even so Zero could feel a sort of tenderness in the being's aura.

Before I tell you anything I would like to apologize for all I've put you through. You've had feelings of hurt, loneliness, and confusion because of your rebirth and because of decisions I've made. I did and still do believe it was all for a reason, but you asked for none of it. For that I can only ask your forgiveness.

Zero was in disbelief. One, this ethereal, powerful being, was apologizing to them, the person it rebirthed?

"I, uh...I mean, you're right I was sad and alone sometimes, but it hasn't been all bad."

You don't have to forgive me, especially not right now, One insisted. But all the same I appreciate that you aren't spiteful to me. At least, not yet.

They looked at One's blank void and wished they could know what it was thinking.

"Why did you rebirth me? Why did you change me so much?"

One pulled them a little closer.

It's a very sad story. Your past life was unfair and traumatic. I erased it from your memory because I didn't want to keep the damage it had done. I'll even make you forget it again after you learn the truth if you wish. Do you really want to hear all the details I can tell you?

Zero thought for a minute before nodding.

You were born a very long time ago. When and where exactly I won't say. But when you were born there were things about you that made you different from the other children. You had sexual and physical characteristics of both male and female. In the present many would know to call you intersex, but at the time, people didn't understand, and what they didn't understand they feared and loathed.

They remembered the terror they felt initially, and still felt to a lesser extent, of people not understanding them and hating them. Were those emotions lingering fears from their past life?

Your mother and father knew that who you were made you a target and did everything they could to protect you. They told you that nothing about you was anything to be ashamed of. They wanted you to know you were no different at your core from the other boys and girls, but that it was for the best you kept some things secret.

However, despite their best efforts to be there for you, your childhood was quite lonely. You didn't leave your house often and had few friends. You weren't miserable, you still had your parents and loved them dearly, but you didn't have access to all the things a child should.

Zero felt themself begin to cry. Innately, they knew everything they were hearing was true, even if they couldn't remember any of it.

Only your parents and a few of their closest confidants knew your secret. They were always very cautious. But things fell apart when you were an adolescent.

Zero felt the warmth intensify under their head and sensed that One was holding it in its hand.

There is no purpose in telling you the details and making you relive your trauma. All I'll tell you is that you were killed because of the things that made you different, and there were no repercussions against the person who ended your life. Your parents were driven out of the community and had to start a new life elsewhere. They never had any more children, afraid something similar would happen.

Zero began to sob.

"What...wh-what happened t-to them?" They choked out.

Your parents? They lived the rest of their lives together. They missed you very much, but were able to keep going.

They smiled shakily.

"G-good. I'm h-happy they didn't s-suffer the same way I d-did."

One of your final regrets was that you couldn't thank them one last time for all they'd done for you. If you had the option, would you still want to do that today?

"Of c-course I would."

One nodded its head.

That's what I thought. There's a reason why these two stones are here.

It gestured to the two rocks in the middle of the clearing.

Your parents' remains are not here, and I won't tell you where they are, but I've placed these here to represent their graves. In a moment I shall leave and you can tell them anything you want to when I'm gone. Take as much time as you need, and when you're done, call out to me and I'll return.

One gingerly put Zero down and vanished in an instant.

Now they were alone in the clearing and looked at the two stones, the last things connecting them to the parents that loved them so much long ago.

Zero cried more before speaking.

"H-hello. It's been a l-long time since I've talked to you, hasn't it?" They felt a desperate chuckle rise out of their chest.

"Things ended b-badly the first time, but n-now I'm alive and well. So you d-don't have to worry about me anymore. I c-can take care of myself now."

Zero fell to their knees.

"I know both of you l-l-loved me very much," they sobbed. "You took care of me a-and protected me and t-treated me like a human. I'm sure I've already s-said this, but I'm g-grateful, and will be grateful for the r-rest of time."

Tears were streaming down their face and they were afraid their mind would break if they continued much longer. It took all the willpower they possessed to force out the last words they wanted to say.

"Th-th-thank you both for e-everything. I love you. G-G-Goodbye, M-Mom and Dad."

Zero fell to the ground face first and bawled with every fiber of their being. It was like all the emotion they had ever suppressed in their past or current life was coming out at once. They were powerless to stop the tears, so they let them flow freely.

The sun was high in the sky by the time their tears had finally dried. Zero felt calmer and knew they had said all they wanted to say. They took a deep breath before speaking again.

"One? May you please come back?"

The instant they were done talking One began its slow fade in again. When it was as much there as it could be it picked up Zero's body and cradled them in its arms.

I'm so sorry, little one.

Zero shook their head.

"Don't apologize. You didn't do anything to affect my past life, and it's because of you I can do what I couldn't the first time." They leaned a little more into One's warmth, knowing they were still sad despite that.

Are you ready to learn about your rebirth? One asked.

"I am."

Okay, child. I saw how your first life ended and knew it wasn't fair. I wanted you to have another life, but simply making you a baby born to another set of parents didn't seem right. You didn't just deserve to live a normal life, you deserved to live the life you already had, except happy and loved by all you met. That's why I waited so long.

Over time, people grew and changed. It's not perfect now by any means, but now is finally a time when who you are isn't just becoming tolerated, but celebrated too. The time and place in which you suffered so much is deleted from you. The words you use and the things you intuitively know are products of the present. It seemed like the right time, but even so, I only have the power to rebirth a person once, so I had to get as much right as I could.

I looked at everything wrong and unfair about your past life and gave you a body that created a life with all the opposite things. You felt ugly and cursed with your body, so I gave you the most beautiful blessing of a body I could manage. You hated how you always had to cover up as much as possible, and now you'll never need clothing again. In your first life you felt like a burden to your parents, like all they did was care for you, but your new body takes care of everything on its own.

Zero felt themself get moved up slightly. One was pulling them closer.

Most of all, you never got to experience sexual intimacy and erotic love. As Zero, that is something you'll always be able to find, and enjoy more than you ever dreamed. Playing the role of a man, a woman, or anything in between, you're able to explore and experiment however you wish, as an adult, without judgment. Your body has even led you to some who would love you in a way that's entirely platonic.

One was right. Wyatt, Corrin, and Gareth were their lovers. Amari was their friend.

Zero felt that warmth in their chest again, the same one they felt when they fell in love, except now they knew they were feeling it purely of their own accord.

"Thank you, One. You've given me so much to appreciate in my new life."

The warmth in the being's aura intensified for a bit before going back to where it was. Zero hoped it meant that One got happy.

Alas, nothing is foolproof. With a body so beautiful, so perfect, you would draw the attention of everyone you came across. Some people still won't understand you, and others could try to use and take advantage of you. So to guard against such things I made a few choices that hurt me, and would go on to hurt you as well.

I made it so only one person, someone who understood you and would love you, could see and hear you at a time. But even that didn't seem right. You'd be in love, but you wouldn't exist to the rest of the world. You would be dependent on them in a way no human could be. That doesn't feel fair to either of you. That's why I made it so you'd bring both of you joy and after that you could move on to someone else. I know that that decision has brought you pain. It meant you had to leave people you were in love with before you were ready. I still don't know if it was the right choice, but it's the choice I made and I can't change that now.

Zero nodded.

Your past life was an odd combination of loneliness and the feeling of always being watched. You felt like you could never let your guard down, not even for a moment. That's why I made it so you could have the time to be free you never had before. You can be outside like you never could. You have the time to figure out what you want, who you are, and what you want to do.

They remembered all those days by themself. Of course, they preferred being with one of their lovers, but when alone they had time to think, to do what they wished.

Lastly I wish to tell you the reason why you began this new life with no knowledge of what your body could do or how it works. It's something else that has brought you negative feelings, but I promise I had you in mind when I did it. Perhaps my biggest sin in all of this is that I did what I did without asking you if you wanted any of it. You never asked to be reborn. You never asked to live a new life. You never asked for anything I've done. Yes, you always wished things could be different, but you had no say in what those differences would be.

The more One spoke, the more it fascinated Zero. It was obviously a powerful being, but it still cared about them in a way that not a lot of people had.

That's why I decided to keep one thing about you the same. Your personality, your heart, the way you think and feel is just like it was in your first life. I'm sure you've felt things you couldn't identify because of that. This was all so that you could get a taste, discover what your new life would be on your own, and then come back to me.