All Comments on 'Zoe Opens Up'

Of course she had to fuck the entire team of "black" guys because the narrative of the day. The bbc myth continues. 2 stories, 3 followers, in case you haven't figured it out yet, that tells you how unsatisfied people are with your lame attempts a writing a story. 1*

Derick, if you plan on continuing writing you need to learn HOW to write. A huge negative for your story was that you wrote it from the Point Of View (POV) of someone observing everything. A narratter. But not from YOUR POV. A person observing CANNOT then write knowing what an individual is thinking and feeling. Only they can do that. You wrote that a POV that included thoughts from the guy, then Zoe. Later you included the 45 year old woman next door. THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. You weren't even at the gangbang so who is this invisible person observing? Sorry, but if you are just starting writing, it would be easier to write from the First Person. (You or the main character) Then you can write about what YOU are thinking and feeling and seeing. But remember, you can't then include what the other person is thinking and feeling unless you have a major switch to their POV. Anyway, keep writing and practicing. Cheers.

Hey Derick, I enjoyed it and got hard. I get the POV comment, your writing is a bit rad, but the story of her degradation and your disgust, not to mention the detail of the fucking, is fine. I like the sweep of your lives, it feels like a story of discovery, of rise and fall, almost grand in scope. So keep writing, please.

I liked it. Felt like I was reading about myself.

hot af