All Comments on 'My Nine Monsters Ch. 01'

Especially, the power you've given to the sound of his voice.

(My own alternate direction)

...she comes without ceasing...

He ravishes her, thrusting in and out of her body, mercilessly. Lured by deep, guttural moaning, Thomas peers from behind the mahogany bookcase to find the scholar naked, her legs draped across the wide, wooden armrest. Her pussy is open and wet... heat radiates from her skin, she is drenched in beads of trickling sweat. Her nipples are hard, standing erect from her soft, supple breasts. Thomas' aching cock twitches as he witnesses her writhing helplessly in the chair, wrists bound by an unseen force above her head...

Fabulous start. I'd love a longer chapter. Don't wait long to continue!

A wonderful start. I look forward to seeing where you take it from here.

And for a first submission, it is most promising.

It's a pity you don't tell your reader more about yourself in your biographical notes. It would add some understanding to the story to know a little about the author. Somebody with an imagination like yours shouldn't hide behind anonymity. Please, be brave, update your profile.

L

"But I haven't needed to did into that drawer.." I think you mean "DIG."

"... planes and trains brought my to a darkened carrel.." Brought "ME."

"Now I know that their isn't just one." "THERE" isn't just one.

There are others errors as well.

I don't know about other people, but sloppy, uncaring errors and typos really ruin a story for me:

.....WHAT A STORY!!!

It be hooves ye to take some time to verify the technical quality of your story as much as the content of the story itself.

Who are the other Eight? xD

I didn't realise this only had one, incomplete chapter.

I really like the British, well-written flavour to this - pity there's no more.

You should read Debbie Harkness' works on the subject - she's an academic of some note in the field in real life.

I also work in the edge of the domain in the University of London - the life expectancy of some alchemists was also remarkable.